Author Teknoe Posted December 27, 2015 Author Posted December 27, 2015 Yikes!! See why I said not to label things so quickly? Also, never talk about marriage with someone you've known under a week again!! This girl is crazy but a normal one would've left you high n dry in a second! Yup, I know better for next time. Was way too desperate to label things and rush into "securing a marriage/family in the not too distant future" that I didn't think straight. Next time I need to be more nonchalant and aloof. Unfortunately, it seems our society has headed that way where playing it aloof early on is better than laying your cards on the table. Well, it ain't the '60s anymore.
StBreton Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Yikes!! See why I said not to label things so quickly? Also, never talk about marriage with someone you've known under a week again!! This girl is crazy but a normal one would've left you high n dry in a second! Exactly. A normal one would have her amber alerts going off like a tornado was coming. Sorry OP ...but you know this already. You're too needy right now. 1
Author Teknoe Posted December 27, 2015 Author Posted December 27, 2015 Exactly. A normal one would have her amber alerts going off like a tornado was coming. Sorry OP ...but you know this already. You're too needy right now. Well, to clarify, she was the one who brought it up, and I reciprocated. I know better than to be the one to bring it up in the first week. Normally, I would agree if a girl brings up marriage in the first week it's a bad-ish sign but... if she's over 30 and she does it in the context of "I'm dating to be serious, not to just have fun. My goal when I date is to eventually end in marriage." That I don't see a huge issue with. Especially if she's 30+ and her clock is ticking and she wants to start a family. I would never be the first to bring it up, though. That's just relationship suicide. 1
Redhead14 Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Well, to clarify, she was the one who brought it up, and I reciprocated. I know better than to be the one to bring it up in the first week. Normally, I would agree if a girl brings up marriage in the first week it's a bad-ish sign but... if she's over 30 and she does it in the context of "I'm dating to be serious, not to just have fun. My goal when I date is to eventually end in marriage." That I don't see a huge issue with. Especially if she's 30+ and her clock is ticking and she wants to start a family. I would never be the first to bring it up, though. That's just relationship suicide. This is beyond all that -- A normal guy woulda walked a long time ago -- If that is possible in this case ... what's a long time ago in a 5 day period . . .
Rejected Rosebud Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Well, to clarify, she was the one who brought it up, and I reciprocated. I know better than to be the one to bring it up in the first week. Whether you brought it up or not, in your first thread about her you posted something along the lines of "maybe we'll click and get married." BEFORE YOU MET HER. And evidently AFTER she told you that she had a police escort out of her finals. Seriously. It is bothering me that you keep talking about HER and everything SHE is saying and doing. Teknoe YOU are the one who really acted so far out of bounds that I would think you'd have an entire thread about your own behavior. Normally, I would agree if a girl brings up marriage in the first week it's a bad-ish sign but... if she's over 30 and she does it in the context of "I'm dating to be serious, not to just have fun. My goal when I date is to eventually end in marriage." That I don't see a huge issue with. Especially if she's 30+ and her clock is ticking and she wants to start a family. I would never be the first to bring it up, though. That's just relationship suicide. :eek: No. Regular people do not EVER talk about marriage within the first week. Regular people never say they are "in a relationship" within the first week, unless they are young teenagers. Saying you are dating in order to find a life partner is NOT the same thing as discussing getting married in 2 years with a COMPLETE STRANGER who you just met!!! I understand that you have little experience but that is no excuse for you to be acting like this. 2
katiegrl Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 (edited) I think we need to stop beating up on the OP. He's not the first person to go a little nuts when meeting someone from on line, or in real life! Hell, I've read posts from peeps who have fallen this hard, or harder before ever even meeting. Soul-mate, the one, etc. Before even meeting! And to his credit, he recognized the cray cray really fast ...less than one week..and aborted. So I say let's cut the guy some slack...... Lesson learned! Edited December 27, 2015 by katiegrl 4
MidwestUSA Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 She'll get over me but it'll take time. Unless we're back to talking about the hamster, no, it won't take time. Don't give it a second thought. 1
tuxedo cat Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 I don't think it was necessarily that strange that she didn't want to visit her father in the ER. I've known people who go to the ER routinely because they have a chronic (but not immediately life-threatening) illness. My grandfather used to get blockages in his intestine from eating the wrong food and would routinely go to the ER to get the blockages flushed out/removed. Nobody in my family treated it as a big deal. My point is without knowing the details of her father's ailment, I don't think you can judge her for not being alarmed. Also, her very graceful response to your ****ty method of dumping her - over text on Christmas day, ouch! - suggests she's probably saner than you're giving her credit for. Someone with BPD wouldn't have let you go that nicely and easily. It does sound like she has issues but I find the way you're disparaging her to be pretty heartless and cruel. 1
The Way I Am Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 I'll call the pet store tonight and ask them if my "friend" can return the hamster and cage, and if they can charge back on my CC without my card physically being there. If it's not possible, I'll ask them if she can just donate it back with the receipt -- no refund needed. Most stores I've been to lately can do refunds to cards without scanning them. If they can't they'll most likely be able to return it for store credit. If so, tell her she can keep the store credit since it was her gift. I doubt they'll be able to return something as a donation. People don't really do that so why would their system be set up for that? But she might not want to return it herself. If that ends up being the case, I think you should not be such a baby and take responsibility for the hamster you foolishly purchased. Have her meet you at the store or go pick it up. 1
The Way I Am Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 This is so over the top. This guy is not going to die if he goes over there. All the things that have happened to her in her life and she's never killed anyone. Why on earth would anyone think that this guy is going to be the thing that turns her into a homicidal maniac? They knew each other for one weekend. Truth. She's been dumped - what was it? - 15 times. OP, do you think she's got a pile of bodies in her back yard? 1
Author Teknoe Posted December 27, 2015 Author Posted December 27, 2015 Just called the pet store. They confirmed the following: 1. The hamster and cage can only be refunded if my credit card is there Otherwise 2. She can return everything with her receipts without me there... but it will be a donation. So my plan is to ask her to meet at the pet store tomorrow. If she gives me any trouble, I'll say forget it and tell her "Busy all next week. You can return it by yourself whenever it's convenient. It'll be a straight donation and that's fine by me." Hopefully she takes the hint and leaves me alone and moves on.
Author Teknoe Posted December 27, 2015 Author Posted December 27, 2015 It does sound like she has issues but I find the way you're disparaging her to be pretty heartless and cruel. Just painting a picture of my experience. I don't mean to come off as heartless and cruel but that was my experience with her. I think she means well, but she's been so used to the way she's been living that she can't get out of her own way.
Author Teknoe Posted December 27, 2015 Author Posted December 27, 2015 No. Regular people do not EVER talk about marriage within the first week. Regular people never say they are "in a relationship" within the first week, unless they are young teenagers. Saying you are dating in order to find a life partner is NOT the same thing as discussing getting married in 2 years with a COMPLETE STRANGER who you just met!!! I get your point. Yes, I jumped before looking. I was just so excited to meet someone I liked who liked me back and I started (day)dreaming about the possibilities of the future. I will try my best not to repeat those mistakes. It should also be noted that this situation has a unique set of circumstances. As she is a student and I am on Christmas break, I had the whole week off. Therefore we met Friday night. Then we pretty much spent Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday together. Like almost all day. It's not normal in the sense that if I were not on break we would not have hung out on Monday-Wednesday like we did. It would have forced the both of us to slow down and see each other's flaws or really just get to know one another slowly. Because of the rapid fire nature it seemed like "it was meant to be." Well, everything happens for a reason I believe. I'll update again tomorrow.
Author Teknoe Posted December 27, 2015 Author Posted December 27, 2015 I think we need to stop beating up on the OP. He's not the first person to go a little nuts when meeting someone from on line, or in real life! Hell, I've read posts from peeps who have fallen this hard, or harder before ever even meeting. Soul-mate, the one, etc. Before even meeting! And to his credit, he recognized the cray cray really fast ...less than one week..and aborted. So I say let's cut the guy some slack...... Lesson learned! Thank you, Katie! It seems like whenever a few people start piling on a person, others jump in. I don't take anything personal. After all it IS the internet. But it does mean something to me that you said this. Naturally, I agree with you, lol. Yes, let's cut me some slack. I was thirsty for some water after a decade-long drought and thought I struck gold. It turned out to be fools' gold and taught me some valuable lessons I'll carry with me going forward. 2
lollipopspot Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 (edited) But she might not want to return it herself. If that ends up being the case, I think you should not be such a baby and take responsibility for the hamster you foolishly purchased. Have her meet you at the store or go pick it up. Agree with this. If she doesn't agree to meet you, just go get the poor thing so that s/he can have a chance at a life where someone actually wants him/her. OP, I have sympathy for you, but I think this will not be such a big deal (and remember to make yourself look undesirable so she's glad to be rid of you -ha). Edited December 27, 2015 by lollipopspot
Grumpybutfun Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Unless we're back to talking about the hamster, no, it won't take time. Don't give it a second thought. Hell, Midwest, I thought you were off to save the hamster. You could always give it to Gorilla Theater...I'm sure with his million kids, he has plenty of experience with them. G 2
Rejected Rosebud Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Just called the pet store. They confirmed the following: 1. The hamster and cage can only be refunded if my credit card is there Otherwise 2. She can return everything with her receipts without me there... but it will be a donation. So my plan is to ask her to meet at the pet store tomorrow. If she gives me any trouble, I'll say forget it and tell her "Busy all next week. You can return it by yourself whenever it's convenient. It'll be a straight donation and that's fine by me." Hopefully she takes the hint and leaves me alone and moves on. I don't intend to pile on you, Teknoe, I swear, but HOW can you justify going to meet with her so you can get your money back !!!! After you already told us that you fear for your safety and were considering alerting the police???:eek: You are participating 100% in the CRAZY if you meet her at the pet store or anywhere else!!! How much money can you be out? I think $75 at the most and I bet we could take up a collection for you if it's that crucial to you!
Author Teknoe Posted December 27, 2015 Author Posted December 27, 2015 I don't intend to pile on you, Teknoe, I swear, but HOW can you justify going to meet with her so you can get your money back !!!! After you already told us that you fear for your safety and were considering alerting the police???:eek: You are participating 100% in the CRAZY if you meet her at the pet store or anywhere else!!! How much money can you be out? I think $75 at the most and I bet we could take up a collection for you if it's that crucial to you! Heh, do you really think she could hurt me, or would even dare try, at a public pet store? Also, one has to factor in how this ends. If I tell her to return it on her own time as a donation, that could well push her into a rage. She might feel even more abandoned and grow vindictive. I'm trying to placate her as much as it is possible so that there is no further contact beyond this. It might even give her some closure as an added benefit. Seeing me one last time in public, rather than being dumped over a text. Plus I would get my money back. I'm cautious and hesitant to go to her house, but with backup I should be fine. I'm a lot less hesitant to meet her at the pet store and give her the whole "it's me not you, you'll find a better guy" routine. Again, we'll see how she reacts and how I counter react. At this point I'm trying to placate her as best as I can, even if I have to see her in public one last time. 1
StBreton Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 I don't intend to pile on you, Teknoe, I swear, but HOW can you justify going to meet with her so you can get your money back !!!! After you already told us that you fear for your safety and were considering alerting the police???:eek: You are participating 100% in the CRAZY if you meet her at the pet store or anywhere else!!! How much money can you be out? I think $75 at the most and I bet we could take up a collection for you if it's that crucial to you! I'll throw in $10 ...PM me your PayPal Tek
tuxedo cat Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 (edited) Don't meet with her! Jesus. It's not that you'll be unsafe in doing so but it will only make it harder for her to move on and more likely that she'll keep bothering you in an attempt to reel you back in. How much could a hamster really cost? And if you do meet DO NOT conspicuously bring a friend. That's like bringing a bodyguard and implying she's crazy. I remember once a guy I had been dating seriously for months (and never mistreated) brought his brother who waited in the car outside when he broke up with me. I found that really insulting. That might set her off. If you feel the need to bring a friend, have them wait in a place where she can't see them or they're not obvious. Edited December 27, 2015 by tuxedo cat
The Way I Am Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 I don't intend to pile on you, Teknoe, I swear, but HOW can you justify going to meet with her so you can get your money back !!!! After you already told us that you fear for your safety and were considering alerting the police???:eek: You are participating 100% in the CRAZY if you meet her at the pet store or anywhere else!!! How much money can you be out? I think $75 at the most and I bet we could take up a collection for you if it's that crucial to you! The crazy part isn't that he's willing to make sure the animal he bought and is no longer wanted by the recipient gets back to the pet store. The crazy part was that he thought he'd need a police escort to go to her house and pick up a hamster. Or that the police would even take him seriously if he went and asked for one. She's not a murderer. She's not going to kill him if he meets her at the pet store. OP hasn't mentioned anything she's done or said that has been violent. Quit acting like she is just because OP got all paranoid and dramatic because of what he read on the internet. Quit encouraging his paranoia. 1
tuxedo cat Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 The crazy part isn't that he's willing to make sure the animal he bought and is no longer wanted by the recipient gets back to the pet store. The crazy part was that he thought he'd need a police escort to go to her house and pick up a hamster. Or that the police would even take him seriously if he went and asked for one. She's not a murderer. She's not going to kill him if he meets her at the pet store. OP hasn't mentioned anything she's done or said that has been violent. Quit acting like she is just because OP got all paranoid and dramatic because of what he read on the internet. Quit encouraging his paranoia. Yeah, and add in that he was ready to marry this same woman, who he thinks is a potential murderer, days ago... 2
tuxedo cat Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Heh, do you really think she could hurt me, or would even dare try, at a public pet store? Also, one has to factor in how this ends. If I tell her to return it on her own time as a donation, that could well push her into a rage. She might feel even more abandoned and grow vindictive. I'm trying to placate her as much as it is possible so that there is no further contact beyond this. It might even give her some closure as an added benefit. Seeing me one last time in public, rather than being dumped over a text. Plus I would get my money back. I'm cautious and hesitant to go to her house, but with backup I should be fine. I'm a lot less hesitant to meet her at the pet store and give her the whole "it's me not you, you'll find a better guy" routine. Again, we'll see how she reacts and how I counter react. At this point I'm trying to placate her as best as I can, even if I have to see her in public one last time. You will get the best result to all this if you start treating her like a human being rather than a wild animal. You're a grown ass man. No woman who doesn't have a criminal record or history of violence (that you know of) should make you fear for your safety. 3
TheFinalWord Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 (edited) OK guys, I have a bit of a "dilemma" here. She texted me this morning that she wants me to return the hamster I bought her on Wednesday. Yes, I foolishly bought her a cage and a hamster. She doesn't want to keep it as she thought we would be taking care of it for the next 2 years. Now that we're done as a couple, she can't stand to take care of the hamster on her own. The problem is, it's on my credit card so I'd have to be the one who returns it. Yeah, I could say "screw it you do whatever you want with it but I ain't picking it up" but I don't want to be a jerk and say that. The problem is, she asked me on text today if I still love her. I said "Right now I just see you as a friend." She responded "That's hurtful." A minute later she wrote "Just come by tomorrow." Naturally, my paranoia is kicking in right about now and I'm afraid of a worst case scenario (i.e. Jodi Arias, google it if you don't know who she is). I really don't know if she has something malicious planned or not. I doubt she has a gun or anything... plus she lives with her parents and some housemates. I doubt she'd shoot me. Unless she's planning to commit suicide which then changes the rules of the game to "anything can happen." Maybe she'll try to stab me or something. At any rate, here's my plan as of now: 1. Bring a guy friend with me 2. Park in her driveway 3. Have my guy friend stay in the car ready to help if needed 4. Do NOT enter her house 5. Pick up the hamster cage and receipt and everything else by her front door 6. Text her when I'm there to open up the door and oh, BTW, my friend is here because we're hanging out for the day. i.e. I want her to know I have a witness in case she's even thinking of doing something funny Any other tips? I might sound like I'm being way too overly dramatic, but you just never know. Now she knows I just see her as a friend and that a romantic relationship in the future is highly unlikely, might that cause her to snap and realize "I got nothing to lose so I might as well take him down with me" sort of thing... I'm just trying to cover my bases and mitigate any possible issues. And yes, I really do want to pick up the hamster and think I have no choice. If I don't, it may cause more harm than if I did pick it up and get any trace of connection she may hold over me completely out the window. I also don't want the animal to be neglected or harmed. Again, I'm not saying she's crazy or that she'll do anything unstable such as hurt me or the animal, but better safe than sorry right? If anyone has any tips or any words of caution about coming to her house tomorrow to pick up the hamster, please let me know. In fact, I'm almost considering going to the police station to explain to them what's going on and where I'll be tomorrow in case they want to have it on file or in mind. Now I know that sounds super dramatic, but I live by a police station that I've done my fingerprints at before and it's super quiet and lowkey. Figured it might not hurt to stop by and explain my situation to them. I don't know if they would even consider sending one of their guys to tail me tomorrow. Highly unlikely, but that sort of protection would definitely make this a whole lot easier. Again, I highly doubt she'll try anything to harm me, but you never know, right? You're overanalyzing friend. By the time you wrote all this and expended the mental energy to concoct all the possible scenarios, you could have set up a new Match profile and written a dozen new women. Tell her she can take the hamster back and keep the refund money. It's only like $100 who cares about the money. Don't pull a George Costanzia lol They should have some clause that customers can return the pet within a certain amount of time. I would then block her number and move on. Don't answer any questions about do you love me. No Contact. Next. Edited December 27, 2015 by TheFinalWord 1
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