MAJOR red flags just 5 days into the relationship. Is she bipolar?

[Teknoe]

You're psyching yourself up by reading about mental illness and thinking about all the terrible things that can happen and major news stories. Stop doing that. There's not even a 1% chance your fears will come true. You think there's a 1/100 chance that someone's going to die or get seriously injured in this exchange? You have a vastly bigger chance of getting in a car accident on the way over.

 

Y'all had expressed love and interest in marriage over a whirlwind weekend. I don't remember all of the details of the story, but she's probably confused that you turned the tables so quickly, hence the question. She's not seeing that you think she's mentally ill.

 

True that.

 

Yes, I'm letting the hype get to me. All the "sensationalism."

 

I'm sure everything will be fine.

[Teknoe]

Rome wasn't built in a day, relantionships are not built in 5 days.

 

The woman has issues yes, but WHO died and made everyone on these here pages a shrink?!

Jaysus! One could argue a man who hasn't been in a relationship for 11 years has some issues of his own. Don't be so quick to put the 'crazy' label on this gurl.

 

I never said I was perfect, lol.

 

This experience taught me a lot for my next go-round. To take things slower and not rush into "building Rome" as you said.

 

And yes, I do have my own set of issues. There are things I need to work on. I don't have much of a social circle so I don't get to meet a lot of (different) people. I work, I go home, I work out. I repeat. On the weekends I tend to stay inside and do my own thing. I'm a homebody. It's not often I meet girls which contributes to the 11 year drought. It's not like I'm out with friends every weekend or at various house gatherings where I can be introduced to a friend of a friend. I like my lifestyle even if I know it doesn't yield the highest percentage of finding a suitable partner. I enjoy being to myself and living a lowkey lifestyle. I would like to be more well-rounded which is why I joined a gym and also took a cooking class. I'm working on my stuff but it's at my pace. I have a lot of acquaintances and people who respect me for the great job I do at work. I just need to push a little harder in a certain key areas to get my life to that next stage or level.

[StBreton]

OP ... Suggest to her meeting at the pet shop...inside...I wouldn't go near her house ...even with a friend. Buying her a pet in such a short time?! OP ...you need some recentering.

 

This is about your personal safety ... lead with that.

[Teknoe]

OP ... Suggest to her meeting at the pet shop...inside...I wouldn't go near her house ...even with a friend. Buying her a pet in such a short time?! OP ...you need some recentering.

 

This is about your personal safety ... lead with that.

 

Yeah I made a bad call there buying her a pet so early on. We were at the store and she started talking about how much she wanted one and please, it could be her Christmas gift and how much she always wanted a hamster. I caved in when I knew I probably shouldn't have.

 

And btw I like your idea. I will suggest meeting inside the store. Or at the very least, in the parking lot. That way we can square that away (i.e. return the hamster). If we met at a Starbucks or something, it would be a little awkward as you don't want to leave a hamster in the car and you don't/can't take it inside the store. Plus, we're not meeting to "catch up." So meeting at the actual pet store makes a ton of sense.

 

I'll ask her tomorrow if she can meet there.

 

What if she says "No, I can't. I'm busy. Can you please just come here to pick it up?" I have a feeling she might say that. Out of curiosity, what would you say if she says that?

 

re: recentering... I think this "relationship" taught me a whole lot. I was just so happy to find a bit of a spring in a desert. Now that I'm remembering the give and take of a relationship, as well as the sanity that should go along with it, I feel I'm better equipped for the next one. Of course, there are certain things I would like to continue working on first before I date again, but I have no doubt meeting her made me more aware of things in general. From blind spots to simply gaining knowledge and wisdom through firsthand experience.

[lollipopspot]

What if she says "No, I can't. I'm busy. Can you please just come here to pick it up?" I have a feeling she might say that. Out of curiosity, what would you say if she says that?

 

Then you say "o.k. I'll be at your house at...[whatever the agreed upon time]."

 

Is there any indication that she is violent?

[StBreton]

Yeah I made a bad call there buying her a pet so early on. We were at the store and she started talking about how much she wanted one and please, it could be her Christmas gift and how much she always wanted a hamster. I caved in when I knew I probably shouldn't have.

 

And btw I like your idea. I will suggest meeting inside the store. Or at the very least, in the parking lot. That way we can square that away (i.e. return the hamster). If we met at a Starbucks or something, it would be a little awkward as you don't want to leave a hamster in the car and you don't/can't take it inside the store. Plus, we're not meeting to "catch up." So meeting at the actual pet store makes a ton of sense.

 

I'll ask her tomorrow if she can meet there.

 

What if she says "No, I can't. I'm busy. Can you please just come here to pick it up?" I have a feeling she might say that. Out of curiosity, what would you say if she says that?

 

re: recentering... I think this "relationship" taught me a whole lot. I was just so happy to find a bit of a spring in a desert. Now that I'm remembering the give and take of a relationship, as well as the sanity that should go along with it, I feel I'm better equipped for the next one. Of course, there are certain things I would like to continue working on first before I date again, but I have no doubt meeting her made me more aware of things in general. From blind spots to simply gaining knowledge and wisdom through firsthand experience.

 

I think you found a haboob in the desert. Beautiful to look at from afar but blinded and blindsided when inside of it.

 

I'd tell her that's the only place you can meet and that's that. Zero discussion.

 

Good reflection btw:)

[Redhead14]

Yeah I made a bad call there buying her a pet so early on. We were at the store and she started talking about how much she wanted one and please, it could be her Christmas gift and how much she always wanted a hamster. I caved in when I knew I probably shouldn't have.

 

And btw I like your idea. I will suggest meeting inside the store. Or at the very least, in the parking lot. That way we can square that away (i.e. return the hamster). If we met at a Starbucks or something, it would be a little awkward as you don't want to leave a hamster in the car and you don't/can't take it inside the store. Plus, we're not meeting to "catch up." So meeting at the actual pet store makes a ton of sense.

 

I'll ask her tomorrow if she can meet there.

 

What if she says "No, I can't. I'm busy. Can you please just come here to pick it up?" I have a feeling she might say that. Out of curiosity, what would you say if she says that?

 

re: recentering... I think this "relationship" taught me a whole lot. I was just so happy to find a bit of a spring in a desert. Now that I'm remembering the give and take of a relationship, as well as the sanity that should go along with it, I feel I'm better equipped for the next one. Of course, there are certain things I would like to continue working on first before I date again, but I have no doubt meeting her made me more aware of things in general. From blind spots to simply gaining knowledge and wisdom through firsthand experience.

 

Teknoe, I personally think that this is a case of "birds flocking" together . . . now. geez. You bought her a hamster within the 5 days you were "seeing" her and seeing all the drama you had been seeing. Paleeze. Screw the hamster and screw her . . . go no contact and keep moving. You don't owe her a thing.

[FadedSign52]

Poor girl. I hope she gets some help for her issues and ends up finding someone who she can be with who can be a good fit for her

[lollipopspot]

Of course you should pick up the hamster. That's a life that deserves protecting, especially if she doesn't want the animal and you think she's crazy.

Edited December 27, 2015 by lollipopspot

[Teknoe]

Of course you should pick up the hamster. That's a life that deserves protecting, especially if she doesn't want the animal and you think she's crazy.

 

Oh I will take the hamster back and return it to the store, no question. I do not agree with "Redhead" that I shoud just move on. I can move on but only AFTER returning the hamster.

 

I will ask her to meet at the store. If she can't, I guess I'll go to her place but with a guy friend for backup. What else can I do at that point? I'm sure it won't be a big deal and that my mind is just making it a bigger deal than what it probably will be. But I do hope she says yes to meeting at the pet store. That will make everything else a moot point.

[katiegrl]

Teknoe, I personally think that this is a case of "birds flocking" together . . . now. geez. You bought her a hamster within the 5 days you were "seeing" her and seeing all the drama you had been seeing. Paleeze. Screw the hamster and screw her . . . go no contact and keep moving. You don't owe her a thing.

 

Screw the hamster?

 

No, he needs to go get the hamster ...she is so unstable, she's likely to flush it down the toilet or something equally horrible....

[StBreton]

Please OP ...do not go to this girl's house. Remove yourself as far from this person as possible.

 

Maybe leave the receipt in an envelope at the front desk of the pet store. Tell her it's there and she can go when it's convenient for her.

 

FYI ...I was married 1 year and together 3 years before the man I married and I rescued a dog together. The most wonderful german shepherd ever. An animal is a life time commitment and is better suited to lifetime relationships.

[clia]

All due respect Teknoe, but what the f***?

 

This girl was proudly waving a million red flags of crazy right in front of your face before you even met her, and in FIVE days' time you introduced her to your family, agreed to spend Christmas with her family, bought her a pet, apparently told her you loved her, talked marriage, spent a ridiculous amount of time together...

 

What?

 

It's well worth reflecting on why you dove head first into a bees' nest.

 

Good luck. In my opinion, forget the hamster and block.

[katiegrl]

Poor girl. I hope she gets some help for her issues and ends up finding someone who she can be with who can be a good fit for her

 

No man will be a good fit for her...unless she gets help for her instability, volatility, immaturity, anger issues, temper tantrums ...and possible mental and/or personality disorders.. which can only be diagnosed by a qualified professional, preferably a psychiatrist.

[Redhead14]

Oh I will take the hamster back and return it to the store, no question. I do not agree with "Redhead" that I shoud just move on. I can move on but only AFTER returning the hamster.

 

I will ask her to meet at the store. If she can't, I guess I'll go to her place but with a guy friend for backup. What else can I do at that point? I'm sure it won't be a big deal and that my mind is just making it a bigger deal than what it probably will be. But I do hope she says yes to meeting at the pet store. That will make everything else a moot point.

 

She can return the dam hamster or find another home for it herself. She wanted it, right? She's using that to bait him. Does he really think that if he doesn't "help" her bring it back she will let something "happen to it". If that's true, he shouldn't go there because he's in just as much danger as the friggin hamster then. It's HER hamster now, let her deal with it.

[lollipopspot]

he's in just as much danger as the friggin hamster then

 

Of course that's not true. A hamster who weighs less than a quarter of a pound is vastly more vulnerable than a guy who outweighs and outheights her.

[Teknoe]

Please OP ...do not go to this girl's house. Remove yourself as far from this person as possible.

 

Maybe leave the receipt in an envelope at the front desk of the pet store. Tell her it's there and she can go when it's convenient for her.

 

She's got the cage, the hamster and the receipt. But it's on my credit card so I need to be there for her to return it. And after thinking about it, I'm going to agree with you. I should not go to her house. Even though she lives in a popular suburb on the street, and she lives with her parents and two adult housemates, I think I need to eliminate all options of harm, even if those options have a 1% chance of happening. Why take the risk?

 

So I'll ask her to meet at the pet store and pray she says yes. If she says no though, how do I respond in a way that won't tick or tip her off that I don't want to go to her house because I feel it would be unsafe? The last thing I want is for her to think I'm scared of her or that I think she would try to hurt me. Because if she thinks I think that way, it's possible she might act on it?

 

This is why I like posting here. It gives me a variety of perspectives and avenues I could go down. Thanks everyone for your insights.

[Redhead14]

Of course that's not true. A hamster who weighs less than a quarter of a pound is vastly more vulnerable than a guy who outweighs and outheights her.

 

And . . . it's probably a lot smarter than the parties involved. You're right, the guy thinks this woman is unstable, may hurt the hamster and wants to "save" the hamster -- he should go out of his way to see her again . . . the entire thread is bull****.

[Teknoe]

All due respect Teknoe, but what the f***?

 

This girl was proudly waving a million red flags of crazy right in front of your face before you even met her, and in FIVE days' time you introduced her to your family, agreed to spend Christmas with her family, bought her a pet, apparently told her you loved her, talked marriage, spent a ridiculous amount of time together...

 

What?

 

It's well worth reflecting on why you dove head first into a bees' nest.

 

Good luck. In my opinion, forget the hamster and block.

 

I know. I know. Keep in mind over the past 10 years I've asked out a lot of girls I liked. And everyone rejected me in some form or another. There have been girls who liked me, but I didn't like back. Meanwhile, I see all my friends enter relationships, engagements and marriages the past decade. I feel left behind in the dust. My brother got married last year and now the pressure is on me even moreso that he's out of the way.

 

All the years of toiling and I finally meet someone I find attractive who actually likes me back. I took the chance and gave her the benefit of the doubt. Then I realized, these weren't just normal issues everyone tends to struggle with, but something bigger and far more crippling. I'm just glad I caught it 5 days in rather than 5 months in.

[FadedSign52]

You need to acquaint yourself with the hot-crazy matrix and stay out of the danger zone, google it.

 

(No, I'm not a misogynist I just think its funny)

[Redhead14]

She's got the cage, the hamster and the receipt. But it's on my credit card so I need to be there for her to return it. And after thinking about it, I'm going to agree with you. I should not go to her house. Even though she lives in a popular suburb on the street, and she lives with her parents and two adult housemates, I think I need to eliminate all options of harm, even if those options have a 1% chance of happening. Why take the risk?

 

So I'll ask her to meet at the pet store and pray she says yes. If she says no though, how do I respond in a way that won't tick or tip her off that I don't want to go to her house because I feel it would be unsafe? The last thing I want is for her to think I'm scared of her or that I think she would try to hurt me. Because if she thinks I think that way, it's possible she might act on it?

 

This is why I like posting here. It gives me a variety of perspectives and avenues I could go down. Thanks everyone for your insights.

 

If she says no though, how do I respond in a way that won't tick or tip her off that I don't want to go to her house because I feel it would be unsafe? -- Stop, just stop!!!! Just tell her she wanted the hamster and it's her responsibility!!!!!!!! YOU are making this so much more difficult than it needs to be. You were not in a relationship with her no matter what she thinks. This is her problem now. Don't fall into this trap. Come on now! Get a grip. A $10 hamster is causing you all this mind f*(king!

 

What are you going to do when/if she agrees to meet at the store and says "oh, I just can't part with it, I love it soooo much". I'll leave it here, but I am going to need your support . . . ". Come home with me for comfort . . . .?

[StBreton]

She's got the cage, the hamster and the receipt. But it's on my credit card so I need to be there for her to return it. And after thinking about it, I'm going to agree with you. I should not go to her house. Even though she lives in a popular suburb on the street, and she lives with her parents and two adult housemates, I think I need to eliminate all options of harm, even if those options have a 1% chance of happening. Why take the risk?

 

So I'll ask her to meet at the pet store and pray she says yes. If she says no though, how do I respond in a way that won't tick or tip her off that I don't want to go to her house because I feel it would be unsafe? The last thing I want is for her to think I'm scared of her or that I think she would try to hurt me. Because if she thinks I think that way, it's possible she might act on it?

 

This is why I like posting here. It gives me a variety of perspectives and avenues I could go down. Thanks everyone for your insights.

 

Is your life worth $75?? Just have her "donate" the hamster to the pet store. If the girl has the receipt the pet store knows the items were purchased there. They'll take it back on a donation basis. Are you thinkng this girl wants the $$??! Why do you insist on being involved with this?

 

Let it go Tek. I'm a huge animal lover but I wouldn't go near this situation. I do feel sorry for the hamster:( This girl insisting on retuning this animal shows how emotionally unstable she is. Once I take on a pet ...they have a forever home. This girl is the queen of knee jerk reactions. Spiteful is she.

Edited December 27, 2015 by StBreton

[lollipopspot]

Is your life worth $75??

 

This is so over the top. This guy is not going to die if he goes over there. All the things that have happened to her in her life and she's never killed anyone. Why on earth would anyone think that this guy is going to be the thing that turns her into a homicidal maniac? They knew each other for one weekend.

[Rejected Rosebud]

And yes, I really do want to pick up the hamster and think I have no choice. If I don't, it may cause more harm than if I did pick it up and get any trace of connection she may hold over me completely out the window. I also don't want the animal to be neglected or harmed.

That is nonsense, you don't need to pick up the dam hamster, she accepted it, you were going to "take care of it as a couple for two years"?!??! Sorry. Sacrifice the hamster and go no contact, except I get the feeling you are savoring the drama and you'll be prolonging this as much as you can.

 

If you call the police and tell them you fear for your safety, yet MUST go pick up a hamster - I'm pretty sure they will tell you the same thing. No hamster.

[Terry8889]

All the years of toiling and I finally meet someone I find attractive who actually likes me back. I took the chance and gave her the benefit of the doubt. Then I realized, these weren't just normal issues everyone tends to struggle with, but something bigger and far more crippling. I'm just glad I caught it 5 days in rather than 5 months in.

 

Hey OP first of all looks are not everything, it seems like you knew what you were getting yourself into even before meeting her, but bc she was "hot" "attractive" you went head and got involved with the lunatic anyway.

 

Next time don't be so superficial and take things slowly. I have never read of anybody as desperate as you. What you describe is way too much drama for less than a week. Can you imagine yourself living and putting up with all that drama for the rest of your life? Anyways, you did the right thing, now get the hamster and cut her completely out of your life.

 

I agree that you should bring along a friend when meeting her, I think she is using the hamster just to see you in person and maybe try to manipulate you back into the relationship or make you feel bad about you dumping her. Either case do not fall for it, DO NOT even offer her your "friendship". Stop all contact after getting the hamster back and hope for the best.

 

BTW you should not rush into relationships just bc you feel pressured. The right women will come to your life sooner or later, just be patient. Good luck!