Miajewl Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 Met a great guy online, we hit it off. After about 4 weeks of casual dating he started dropping hints about the future which I brushed off. A few weeks later I realized I had stopped talking to every guy but him and I was interested in dating exclusively as well, but didn't bring it up yet. Problem is at about the same time he became a bit distant. I asked him if everything was okay, and he told me that he didn't want me to worry and that he really liked me. I haven't brought it up since. At about the 2 month mark, he spent the weekend with me, and when he left I told him that I was looking for a person that wanted to be in a long term relationship with me, and I wanted to know if he was on the same page. He told me he really liked me and needed time to think about it. It's been 3 days with no contact. I have to say that the distance has kinda hurt my feelings and left me feeling a bit insecure. I've started talking to other guys again, but my heart isn't in it. I want to know that the person I like likes me back. Am I overreacting? Should I just give him the space he needs to think it over, or call him up and end it for good?
Redhead14 Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 Met a great guy online, we hit it off. After about 4 weeks of casual dating he started dropping hints about the future which I brushed off. A few weeks later I realized I had stopped talking to every guy but him and I was interested in dating exclusively as well, but didn't bring it up yet. Problem is at about the same time he became a bit distant. I asked him if everything was okay, and he told me that he didn't want me to worry and that he really liked me. I haven't brought it up since. At about the 2 month mark, he spent the weekend with me, and when he left I told him that I was looking for a person that wanted to be in a long term relationship with me, and I wanted to know if he was on the same page. He told me he really liked me and needed time to think about it. It's been 3 days with no contact. I have to say that the distance has kinda hurt my feelings and left me feeling a bit insecure. I've started talking to other guys again, but my heart isn't in it. I want to know that the person I like likes me back. Am I overreacting? Should I just give him the space he needs to think it over, or call him up and end it for good? Leave it alone. If he fades away, so be it. But, just ride it out. If he just needs a little space to think and he likes you enough, he will be in touch soon. And, don't call or text to end it. Let it drop. Chasing him into the cave serves no point but to push him farther in. And, if you don't hear from him soon, don't call to end it. It's over without saying anything. And if its a while before he contacts you, just tell him you've moved on. 7
Author Miajewl Posted December 23, 2015 Author Posted December 23, 2015 I think my biggest issue right now is I feel like i have no control at all, and I keep thinking that ending it will give me back some self-respect I've lost after feeling insecure. I also feel like he isn't lying when he says he likes me, and maybe he actually does need to think it over after feeling a bit unsure for a few weeks. Either way I've been very good about respecting his space, and I'm kinda proud of that haha. I'm doing my best to not just wait around for him, but how long should I actually wait before just writing it off as a loss?
Glitters Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 You seem to have invested too much too soon.
Author Miajewl Posted December 23, 2015 Author Posted December 23, 2015 I'll admit, I did get my hopes up after he started dropping hints. It all kinda felt right. I didn't want to seem too eager so I tried to brush it off. So, I'm perfectly willing to step away from this guy, I'm just trying to figure out the way to do it the most graciously, or if I'm just seriously overreacting and should give it a bit of time. Rejection, perceived or real, does crazy things to our brains.
Versacehottie Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 Leave it alone. If he fades away, so be it. But, just ride it out. If he just needs a little space to think and he likes you enough, he will be in touch soon. And, don't call or text to end it. Let it drop. Chasing him into the cave serves no point but to push him farther in. And, if you don't hear from him soon, don't call to end it. It's over without saying anything. And if its a while before he contacts you, just tell him you've moved on. Absolute perfect response!! If you push it, you will push him away. If you decide to move on, move on. When you last left it, it sounds like he is supposed to let you know his position on the matter--so he already knows he is in jeopardy of losing you without giving you an answer. Any "telling him it's over" is actually a desperate attempt to get him to decide and make contact with him--be real about what that would be. He wouldn't need an answer and you are already doing the right thing even if your heart isn't in it. If he contacts you, you can tell him at that time OR evaluate what he says at that time. Do NOT contact. Ball is in his court. Good luck. ps I always advise dating others but if you really feel like your heart isn't in it and it's detrimental, it's ok to take a break and involve yourself heavily in the rest of your life. I think you just need to be really honest with yourself that this will likely make you miss him and romanticize the relationship with him more--if you can manage that part than take a break if you need to. BTW, a few of my friends met their PERFECT guy by forcing themselves to date when they really were not feeling it. So you never know. If you can adopt the attitude, like WTF how in the world could he not be sure about ME?? it will help. No insecurity. Good luck;) 3
Redhead14 Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 I think my biggest issue right now is I feel like i have no control at all, and I keep thinking that ending it will give me back some self-respect I've lost after feeling insecure. I also feel like he isn't lying when he says he likes me, and maybe he actually does need to think it over after feeling a bit unsure for a few weeks. Either way I've been very good about respecting his space, and I'm kinda proud of that haha. I'm doing my best to not just wait around for him, but how long should I actually wait before just writing it off as a loss? You feel like you don't have any control and you don't. You cannot control him or make him want to be with you. And, that should actually be a relief. Not having to be in control of the situation. Let it go it's natural course. The harder you feel you have to work on it, the more difficult it is. Relax and simply prepare yourself for letting go altogether. How long do you wait? You don't wait, you keep moving with your own life and do the things that make you happy. If he calls you, in say even a month, you'll have to evaluate for yourself whether or not he deserves another opportunity to date you based on his reasons, his sincerity, etc. Even if he calls you tomorrow -- Listen to what he has to say before you say anything at all. Consider how this has all made you feel and then respond to him accordingly. Don't try to anticipate or spin things in your mind right now. 3
Author Miajewl Posted December 23, 2015 Author Posted December 23, 2015 I really appreciate all of the responses. You guys have really helped me calm down and realize I'm doing the right thing by just letting it go without reaching out to him. It's definitely difficult, but it's not the end of the world. I'll keep you guys updated if anything happens. And please feel free to offer more advise or criticism. It's hard to see my own actions clearly when I'm emotionally compromised haha. 1
Author Miajewl Posted December 24, 2015 Author Posted December 24, 2015 I have another question lolol! My friends are telling me I should remove him from all social media, like now. Is that too drastic? I don't really know what that would accomplish aside from looking petty. It's only been 3 days. What do you guys think?
Redhead14 Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 I have another question lolol! My friends are telling me I should remove him from all social media, like now. Is that too drastic? I don't really know what that would accomplish aside from looking petty. It's only been 3 days. What do you guys think? You aren't hearing us Sit back and relax. Stop thinking about him and get on with what really makes you happy. Don't do anything right now except keep moving. You are flip flopping. Stop talking to friends about him too. You've put something out there to him, ride it out. Sit tight. As time passes, you will know what's what. If you change anything right now, it's being passive-aggressive. What if he were thinking of calling you tomorrow to ask to see you on the weekend and saw that you deleted him on everything, and changed his mind. If you leave everything alone, you'll have more clarity. Set a time limit for yourself, say a week or whatever time you can stand. If you don't hear from him by then, go ahead and delete him from everything including your heart and mind 3
Versacehottie Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 I have another question lolol! My friends are telling me I should remove him from all social media, like now. Is that too drastic? I don't really know what that would accomplish aside from looking petty. It's only been 3 days. What do you guys think? It's a terrible idea. It looks like you are too invested and sitting there worrying about it which is a BIG fail. Way too drastic. You have nothing to do except figure out the next few days of things to make yourself happy. Get your mojo back. Do things that make you stop feeling insecure and start seeing this for what it is. You two are at an impasse. He knows where you stand. Anything less is a no and a clear sign to keep moving. I'd say 3 days with no contact and no commitment in place means you can date others guys. You don't have go nuts that will make him rethink being with you at all. And leave you very disappointed that your social media temper tantrum failed to get him to decide. Stop trying to control it. All these kinds of things are an attempt to get his attention. You are best off having said your piece and staying firm on it, showing you can control your emotions. Frankly, even if you guys don't end up dating exclusively. I wouldn't delete him off my social media for several months like he was a f*cking afterthought. Oopps, oh he's still here? ok bye--5 or 6 months later. It kind of depends on which social media and how many followers/friends you have but if you have enough, I'd leave it alone. Big deal. Just relax. Spend your time building up your confidence OR committing fully and truly to the standards you laid out for him the other night. You realize you are kind of in a standoff and and he who blinks first..., right? So it can't be you. Or you are setting yourself up for wishy-washy, half-ass behavior from him the rest of the relationship--if you would even get one from any move on your part. No move in regard to him! His move to make. One of my closest friends had a whirlwind, most romantic month with her new guy and just it seemed like everything was on track, gonna be together forever. Then he had a business trip and completely disappeared on her for about a full week, like no contact, no promises followed through on--by all of us girls on this side of it was over. Turns out no matter what he was saying during the whirlwind month, none of it meant anything really, until he went away and really contemplated it for just over a week. In her mind it was done. He popped back up after that time, begged his way back in and they are at 6 years together. I'll tell you what she did during that no contact time: NOTHING. Went on with her life. She did not go chasing after him ONE BIT. Figured he hadn't been in her life a month ago and didn't want to be with someone, as great as he was, who was not sure about her. It was fun but if it was over, it was over. She would be fine. Find a way to adopt an attitude like that. 5
Myragal Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 I see a lack of realism in these relationships. What is a good scenario? What do you want? He pays you a lot of attention...says you two are a couple...blah, blah .. Then what? So, two months later things are luke warm again. Just 'ok'. Then what? Unlike others, I don't accept this 'take it slow' approach. A man is nuts about you or he isn't. If he isn't then most likely you are just the best he can do for the moment. He isn't being dishonest as he's probably not too sure himself. If you want a future of being friends, getting along, no fireworks then that is your choice. Just not what I look for in a relationship. I want some heavy duty love and affection. 2
Author Miajewl Posted December 25, 2015 Author Posted December 25, 2015 Thank you to everyone. He messaged me today. After 4 and a half days but who is counting. He said he was still considering my offer and wished me a Merry Christmas. I'm just kinda happy that I didn't crack first. Again, trying not to seem too eager. I don't want to scare him back into the dang cave. I'm not trying to rush him into a decision, and I'm still talking to other guys. 1
Author Miajewl Posted December 28, 2015 Author Posted December 28, 2015 Update: Apparently he's just a shy and thoughtful guy. Today he called me to ask me to be his girlfriend. The timeline is one week from when I broached the subject. I followed everyone's advice and just left him to his thoughts and lived my life. Whenever he contacted me I kept the conversation light and non-threatening lol. He just needed time to feel like he wasn't being pressured into something i think. 2
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