niceguy1847 Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 This is long, sorry about that, just need to clear my head. So I have been seeing this girl for a month now. We have gone on a few dates, which we ended up holding hands, kissing, and hooking up already. She seems like she likes me, but has never said it. Though I haven’t said it either, still fairly early. She is a very caring and sweet girl, but is big worrier. We talk every day, with both of us starting conversions. She usually responds in a few mins, unless she is busy which she apologizes for the delay telling me why. Well, this week I haven’t heard from her at all, which is very unusual. Plus She hasn’t been on Facebook at all either. The last time we really talked was when I stayed over to her place one night over the weekend after a great date. She said things that made it sound like she was planning to keep me around and see me again. Which after we were done with everything we fell asleep cuddling very closely with her head on my chest, holding hands. She also would stare at me and randomly kiss me. Hence why I think she likes me and I am more than a casual hookup, but I can be wrong. In the morning she got a few texts, which visual shocked her and made her say wtf. She ended up saying she had to leave, her friend was going to do something stupid and might get the cops involved. She apologized a bunch of times, saying this is not how she didn’t want our morning to end. She kissed me a few times, before I left. Saying something about next time we are together. Well a day went by of hearing nothing so I texted her seeing if everything was ok. Which she responded right away, telling me it was ok and that is was very worried. She said she had to take care of some things. So I left her alone for a few days. I texted her again a few days later, she responded right away and told me what was happing. A ex sent her a few messages and had her really worried about his mental health. She said she has been trying to figure out what is going on with him. She said she was really sorry for not messaging me or anything. She said she just need some time to figure things out. I apologized for bugging her and she said I haven’t been bugging her, don’t worry. I’ve just been pretty stress out. Well, I said; I was there if she needed anything or someone to talk too and ended it there. I been treated very poorly by girls I have dated in the past, bad enough to where people don’t believe me when I tell them. That’s got me kind of thinking the worst now. That she done with me and that I really didn’t mean anything to her, but a hook up, by the way she has just cut me off altogether to help her ex. It sounds selfish of me, but I am having a hard time understanding it. Why risk something new by not putting any effort into showing you care for that person for somebody that has hurt you in the past. It doesn’t even have to be much effort, just a little bit to show she interested. I am understanding person and I get she has to help, he most likely suicidal for all I know. Plus there is a lot on her mind. Just I don’t know why she would shut down to me altogether and get so distant. Maybe she does like me and just putting me on hold till this works out. Maybe It is just too much for her the way she is so stress or just doesn’t want to drag me into her mess. Maybe she still likes this ex and is blowing me off to work things out with him. Maybe she doesn’t see me as anything but a causal date or doesn’t want a relationship. I don’t know. I know better than to keep messaging her and to bring any of this up. I really don’t want to stress her out anymore. Even though if I message her she will respond right away. Which is good I guess. I probably will text her to wish her a merry Christmas on Christmas. Maybe check in every 2-3 days to show I am still here, if that is a good idea. Anyways if this last more than a week or two I know there is more to it then realize. I know it is out of my control, it is all up to her. Just don’t know want to do or want to think. I have the poorest luck when it comes to dating, hate dealing with this, it mess my head up for a bit. I guess merry Christmas to me. Is this her way of telling me she is done dating me? Wants nothing to do with me? Need some other people’s opinions, to help clear my head a little. Thanks
dobielover Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 How has she cut you off? By not initiating messages to you for a few days? You said she's responded to you right away when you contacted her, and she also hasn't been on FB. This is not something I would take personally, at all.
PegNosePete Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 Personally, if I was seeing a girl who put her ex above me, I wouldn't be very interested in continuing a relationship with her. Her ex's mental health shouldn't be her problem any more. 2
hasaquestion Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 This is long, sorry about that, just need to clear my head. So I have been seeing this girl for a month now. We have gone on a few dates, which we ended up holding hands, kissing, and hooking up already. She seems like she likes me, but has never said it. Though I haven’t said it either, still fairly early. She is a very caring and sweet girl, but is big worrier. We talk every day, with both of us starting conversions. She usually responds in a few mins, unless she is busy which she apologizes for the delay telling me why. Well, this week I haven’t heard from her at all, which is very unusual. Plus She hasn’t been on Facebook at all either. The last time we really talked was when I stayed over to her place one night over the weekend after a great date. She said things that made it sound like she was planning to keep me around and see me again. Which after we were done with everything we fell asleep cuddling very closely with her head on my chest, holding hands. She also would stare at me and randomly kiss me. Hence why I think she likes me and I am more than a casual hookup, but I can be wrong. In the morning she got a few texts, which visual shocked her and made her say wtf. She ended up saying she had to leave, her friend was going to do something stupid and might get the cops involved. She apologized a bunch of times, saying this is not how she didn’t want our morning to end. She kissed me a few times, before I left. Saying something about next time we are together. Well a day went by of hearing nothing so I texted her seeing if everything was ok. Which she responded right away, telling me it was ok and that is was very worried. She said she had to take care of some things. So I left her alone for a few days. I texted her again a few days later, she responded right away and told me what was happing. A ex sent her a few messages and had her really worried about his mental health. She said she has been trying to figure out what is going on with him. She said she was really sorry for not messaging me or anything. She said she just need some time to figure things out. I apologized for bugging her and she said I haven’t been bugging her, don’t worry. I’ve just been pretty stress out. Well, I said; I was there if she needed anything or someone to talk too and ended it there. I been treated very poorly by girls I have dated in the past, bad enough to where people don’t believe me when I tell them. That’s got me kind of thinking the worst now. That she done with me and that I really didn’t mean anything to her, but a hook up, by the way she has just cut me off altogether to help her ex. It sounds selfish of me, but I am having a hard time understanding it. Why risk something new by not putting any effort into showing you care for that person for somebody that has hurt you in the past. It doesn’t even have to be much effort, just a little bit to show she interested. I am understanding person and I get she has to help, he most likely suicidal for all I know. Plus there is a lot on her mind. Just I don’t know why she would shut down to me altogether and get so distant. Maybe she does like me and just putting me on hold till this works out. Maybe It is just too much for her the way she is so stress or just doesn’t want to drag me into her mess. Maybe she still likes this ex and is blowing me off to work things out with him. Maybe she doesn’t see me as anything but a causal date or doesn’t want a relationship. I don’t know. I know better than to keep messaging her and to bring any of this up. I really don’t want to stress her out anymore. Even though if I message her she will respond right away. Which is good I guess. I probably will text her to wish her a merry Christmas on Christmas. Maybe check in every 2-3 days to show I am still here, if that is a good idea. Anyways if this last more than a week or two I know there is more to it then realize. I know it is out of my control, it is all up to her. Just don’t know want to do or want to think. I have the poorest luck when it comes to dating, hate dealing with this, it mess my head up for a bit. I guess merry Christmas to me. Is this her way of telling me she is done dating me? Wants nothing to do with me? Need some other people’s opinions, to help clear my head a little. Thanks Is she around for Christmas or is she also physically distant?
Author niceguy1847 Posted December 23, 2015 Author Posted December 23, 2015 How has she cut you off? By not initiating messages to you for a few days? You said she's responded to you right away when you contacted her, and she also hasn't been on FB. This is not something I would take personally, at all. Yeah, It is getting close to a week now overall. Yeah she has replied back right away, but are conversions are very short. She doesn't ask anything about me, like how I am doing or anything of that sorts. We have talked everyday since we met, so it is different. She is usually busy with work and school, but always found time to talk some. Even during finals week. It just a huge change from what it was last week. It is just not a good sign to me, when things change like this so quickly. At least it hasn't been in past experiences. I know we haven't dated very long, so I am just worried. I don't know how much she likes me or where she wants things to go with us. If I actually knew she liked me and saw me as someone she can see herself with, I would be fine. I was just starting to start to really like this girl and thought everything was going well.
dobielover Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 Yeah, It is getting close to a week now overall. Yeah she has replied back right away, but are conversions are very short. She doesn't ask anything about me, like how I am doing or anything of that sorts. We have talked everyday since we met, so it is different. She is usually busy with work and school, but always found time to talk some. Even during finals week. It just a huge change from what it was last week. It is just not a good sign to me, when things change like this so quickly. At least it hasn't been in past experiences. I know we haven't dated very long, so I am just worried. I don't know how much she likes me or where she wants things to go with us. If I actually knew she liked me and saw me as someone she can see herself with, I would be fine. I was just starting to start to really like this girl and thought everything was going well. If you have someone you care about, even if it's an ex, who's on the verge of suicide, it can rock your world. It's also two days before Christmas. And if I were in her shoes - having been in her shoes - and reading this, your selfishness right now, at this point in a new a very new dating relationship, wanting her to be reaching out to you and focusing on you, would put me off. Have you expressed concern for her and what she's going through? Offered her your support? If not, you should. And if you have, then just leave her be. 1
Author niceguy1847 Posted December 23, 2015 Author Posted December 23, 2015 If you have someone you care about, even if it's an ex, who's on the verge of suicide, it can rock your world. It's also two days before Christmas. And if I were in her shoes - having been in her shoes - and reading this, your selfishness right now, at this point in a new a very new dating relationship, wanting her to be reaching out to you and focusing on you, would put me off. Have you expressed concern for her and what she's going through? Offered her your support? If not, you should. And if you have, then just leave her be. Yeah I know it is very selfish. I am just venting and clearing my head. I would never say anything like this to her. The most I said was that I haven't heard to much from you lately. I hope everything is ok. Then told her I was worried about her. Yes I have, thanked her for telling me what was happening, told her not to worry about me you have a lot going on and more important things to deal with then me, also That I was here if you need anything or someone to talk too. She said thank you i appreciate that. Then I said I will let you be, and that I hope to hear from you. I might text her on Christmas to wish her a merry Christmas and to hope she is well and that things are getting better
Author niceguy1847 Posted December 23, 2015 Author Posted December 23, 2015 Is she around for Christmas or is she also physically distant? No she is going to see family over the weekend. She normally is about 40 miles away, which isn't a problem. It is a easy drive I am will to make anytime. Use to do it everyday to go to work. Country living lol
hasaquestion Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 No she is going to see family over the weekend. She normally is about 40 miles away, which isn't a problem. It is a easy drive I am will to make anytime. Use to do it everyday to go to work. Country living lol My .02 would be this - I would give her space to GET AWAY with an exclamation mark and be with her family for a little while. She's got a crazy ex and a lot of stress, and like you said - she's a worrier. Going home to loved ones and being in a no-stress zone should be good for her emotionally. Keep the interaction to a minimum and let her be in that bubble. She won't forget you exist. Just shoot her a nice text here or there, like Merry Christmas. When she's ready I think she'll want to see you again.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 This situation with her ex sounds very complicated. It's quite possible it won't be the last time she hears from him. I would take a big step back and consider whether you want to pursue anything with her right now. She has a lot on her plate and might not have the time or emotional energy to devote to a new relationship.
Author niceguy1847 Posted December 23, 2015 Author Posted December 23, 2015 My .02 would be this - I would give her space to GET AWAY with an exclamation mark and be with her family for a little while. She's got a crazy ex and a lot of stress, and like you said - she's a worrier. Going home to loved ones and being in a no-stress zone should be good for her emotionally. Keep the interaction to a minimum and let her be in that bubble. She won't forget you exist. Just shoot her a nice text here or there, like Merry Christmas. When she's ready I think she'll want to see you again. Yeah that is what I am basically planning to do. Hopefully In going home that means dealing less with her ex, she sounds so stressed about it. It is sad, because she was looking forward to not being stressed out about things the next few weeks, but her ex changed that. I hope your right, but time will only tell if she does.
Author niceguy1847 Posted December 23, 2015 Author Posted December 23, 2015 This situation with her ex sounds very complicated. It's quite possible it won't be the last time she hears from him. I would take a big step back and consider whether you want to pursue anything with her right now. She has a lot on her plate and might not have the time or emotional energy to devote to a new relationship. Probably not. I have decided that I do want to pursue something with her. She puts a smile on my face and makes me happy when I am around her. Still want to get to know her better. Yeah she is busy, but she has always made time to talk and go on dates with me. Which she always enjoyed and had fun. Just this ex thing is to much right now. She was suppose to be relaxing and having no stress this week. Not dealing with what she is now.
oregon0011 Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 Probably not. I have decided that I do want to pursue something with her. She puts a smile on my face and makes me happy when I am around her. Still want to get to know her better. Yeah she is busy, but she has always made time to talk and go on dates with me. Which she always enjoyed and had fun. Just this ex thing is to much right now. She was suppose to be relaxing and having no stress this week. Not dealing with what she is now. I was in a similar spot recently. Girl with a crazy ex. She was also a worrier. Extremely busy. Was also "worried" about him all the time. However with me she was funny, kind, caring, and made me feel great. As a rule, I have found that the girls who come on quick and deep usually have no problem doing this with other guys as well. Especially if they start to act flaky. She may be dating a few people right now. I never would have dreamed the "worrier" who was so busy I was seeing would somehow fit others into her schedule, but she did.
basil67 Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 Personally, if I was seeing a girl who put her ex above me, I wouldn't be very interested in continuing a relationship with her. Her ex's mental health shouldn't be her problem any more. Strongly agree wtih PegNosePete. I've been in the situation with a suicidal ex and a new partner. I let the ex's best friend know what was going on and stepped away from the situation. 1
sambolini Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 Strongly agree wtih PegNosePete. I've been in the situation with a suicidal ex and a new partner. I let the ex's best friend know what was going on and stepped away from the situation. As do I. Anyone who puts an ex over me is not relationship material for me. End of story.
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