searching88 Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 Hi, I truly need some therapy at this point, yet right now my company is switching providers so let's see what you guys think of this hot mess i've helped create! I'ts funny last time I was in here was 8 years ago, I read the post and it was about my current, "legal" husband. I met someone 9 years ago, we fell in love, it was fast we got engaged, we both had kids from previous marriages. It worked, we clicked, he got me. Unfortunately our timing was bad, he wasn't done with his divorce, his kids were angry and I am the mom of a special needs child and well she was in a "sick" stage. Needless to say after the marriage we fell apart because we couldn't hack the intense pressure, I asked him to leave. Fast forward a year later, classic me can never be single for too long. I met someone, we became friends I went super slow. After year or so it turned into more, we now live together going on two and a half years. our basis was a friendship, so we get along well etc. my child lives w/us yet due to her needs he can't really connect w/her. He proposed a year ago, I said yes. a week ago, yes a week before christmas he told me that he wasnt' sure of us, doesnt' want to live with my child due to her needs and sh'es difficult, and that i should move out. I was floored to say the least. he wants me to leave and continue dating me? I said no, that's going backwards and I need someone who accepts my child. she will be in my life for the rest of my life. At the same time this happens I learn my divorce papers did not go through. My ex and I talk on occassion due to some legal issues (not involving marriage) that we had to figure out. This man still loves me, would drop everything for me. odd thing is the past few months i've had my own doubts, so as upset as I am I know where my own heads been. I miss my ex, certain parts of our union, the support that he always gave me was helpful in raising my special needs child. i guess the advice I need is this, i'm staying here to save so i can buy my own home now as opposed to renting. it 's not that hard bc our basis was a foundation made in friendship and in all honesty it was a platonic relationship past 4 months and other needs emotional weren't being met. So, it's not that bad being here i can pull it off. Yet my still legal husband senses from a mile away and has been reaching out asking if i'm ok etc. I told him the short version. His reaction was when your ready, i would be thrilled to be any part of your world how big or small, i'll be patient. I know now I need me time, I tend to go from one relationship to another I find. So, my goal now is to save buy my own home and create a stable environment, my kids are older, yet the special one is just wrapping up the teen years. I think stability is key now. Should I entertain the idea of getting to know my ex again on a friendship level to begin with? Afterall he's still legally my husband. There must be a reason why those papers didn't go thru and God's put me on a different path.. thanks for any input. I need to fix the mess i've been an active participant in creating
PegNosePete Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 There must be a reason why those papers didn't go thru and God's put me on a different path.. Yes, there is a reason alright. But somehow I doubt it is Divine Intervention. You should see a lawyer and ask what went wrong, why the divorce did not go through, and what you need to do to fix it. Why did you get divorced? Are those issues resolved? What makes you think it would work out better this time?
Author searching88 Posted December 23, 2015 Author Posted December 23, 2015 (edited) To clarify, I didn't mean that it's a "sign" that the papers didnt' go through... I just meant that what happened here is shocking, a sudden ending.. and weird timing to learn at same time papers bounced back. We got divorced because overall bad timing, it was too soon for him after his first marriage that had lasted 18 years. He was only 2 years out, and wasnt' emotionally ready. My special needs child was being very "special" at the time, hospitals, etc. the pressure was insane. I was diagnosed with an illness as well. We just got slammed constantly. I have no idea what we would be like now, some of those pressures are gone, others still exist. I just know that the past several months before this happened here, I kept thinking about the "positive" things that I missed n my marraige, because they were lacking here. Very simply put I made a commitment folded under pressure (it's my mo to be a runner when stuff gets bad) unfortunately.., met someone new became their friend went slow blah, blah...yet all with the thought the grass is always greener. Guess what it isn't always.. is my conclusion. Either way I seriously need time for myself now and just to stabilize in a new home with my kid. I probably shouldn't even be pondering this now, yet I couldn't help but let my mind go there. Edited December 23, 2015 by searching88
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