Girlfriend never discloses she has a bf to men hitting on her online/text/person

[influx456]

She just told me over the weekend,, that her cousin had a party and invited all his friends. One of his freinds got her business card. He text the next day to pretend to talk about business, she knew he trying to hit on her.. And instead of saying she had bf, she said it s not right that he's hitting on her because it's her cousin. Which I would imagine only brings a man hope, like "oh i could have had her but her cousin would beat me up"....not surre why she could just say "i have bf", she claimed to block his number.

 

Also on her social media account, there is no mention of me, pics of me, etc...However she is still clingy, always wanting to hang out all the time. I'm always there for her, lend her money....she talks about marriage. All this leaves me confused. I was her first and she claims she wants to be her last. She's 21, I'm 29. We dated for 3 years, but this 21st bday weekend and her party ways would only leave me with gray hairs and age like milk. Should I just break it off. I've been wanting too, since she has a bad attitude that I'm a homebody.

[Popsicle]

I don't know, I think you're overreacting. Do you know how hard it is dealing with guys who try to come in the "we're just friends" backdoor? ALOT of them do that, and it's their idea. Maybe she hasn't told them, because it hasn't come up in conversation yet. And even if she did tell them, most of them will still continue to orbit.

[PegNosePete]

Well, she still turned them down, right?

 

When that changes, that's when you've got a problem.

[d0nnivain]

I agree with Pete. As long as she shut down the flirting you don't really have a lot of room to complain about the method she used to dissuade a potential suitor.

 

As for social media, what she posts & how she presents herself to the world is solely her business. If it bothers you, ask her about it & tell her your feelings. Do not demand that she make some sort of announcement but do discuss your respective feelings on the subject.

[thefooloftheyear]

She's 21 years old....I don't know what you expect...

 

TFY

[Wewon]

On one hand, she shut it down, on the other hand, it does make you wonder why she doesn't simply utter the words, "I have a boyfriend"?

 

My guess, "I have a boyfriend" leaves no room for hope or interpretation, once its said noone has an excuse to prolong their behavior.

 

Its similar to when people break up but they don't want to go full no contact; finality sucks for a lot of people, especially a 21 year old girl.

[PegNosePete]

My guess, "I have a boyfriend" leaves no room for hope or interpretation, once its said noone has an excuse to prolong their behavior.

Hum, I'd say the opposite. "I have a boyfriend" leaves guys with plenty of possible responses to continue hitting on her.

 

"Where is he then?"

"Is he out of town this weekend?"

"I'm better than him"

"So what"

"You can't love him that much if you're talking to me"

etc etc...

[Miss Peach]

Another poster here with the opinion that saying you have a BF doesn't deter many guys.I know with me there are a lot of guys who contact me or I see socially to see if the BF is still around every few months.

[crederer]

Hum, I'd say the opposite. "I have a boyfriend" leaves guys with plenty of possible responses to continue hitting on her.

 

"Where is he then?"

"Is he out of town this weekend?"

"I'm better than him"

"So what"

"You can't love him that much if you're talking to me"

etc etc...

 

Yeah, and? "where is he then" - "here with me/at work, etc"

"is he out of town this weekend" - "yes/no"

"I'm better than him"- "ok. You're weirding me out and I no longer want to communicate with you"

"so what"- "You're weirding me out and I no longer want to communicate with you"

"you can't love him that much if you're talking to me"- "you're weirding me out and I no longer want to communicate with you"

 

If she deviates from this and invites the attention, that is a huge red flag.

[PegNosePete]

Yeah, and? "where is he then" - "here with me/at work, etc"

"is he out of town this weekend" - "yes/no"

"I'm better than him"- "ok. You're weirding me out and I no longer want to communicate with you"

"so what"- "You're weirding me out and I no longer want to communicate with you"

"you can't love him that much if you're talking to me"- "you're weirding me out and I no longer want to communicate with you"

 

If she deviates from this and invites the attention, that is a huge red flag.

Right, so why would she put herself in the position where deviation from a certain script would send up a "huge red flag"? surely it's easier for her to simply shut down the guy with another reason instead of the "I have a BF" line? Which is exactly what she did.