In a rocky long distance relationship then the unthinkable happens. ?

[timboez12]

Alright, so I got myself in a ****ed up situation. My girlfriend lived in my city for the summer and I started dating her. At the time, we agreed to keep it casual and "see where things go." But when she left the country we decided to try to make it work and be in a relationship.

 

Long story short, we both started masters programs in different countries, I still work a ton on top of that, and I'm really old school and hate using technology (Yet I'm on an online dating forum. Ironic?). Therefore I don't keep my cell phone on me every second and I hate skyping. Not ideal for a LDR, right?

 

She's been planning on visiting for months now over Christmas break. Now she isn't just visiting me though. She has a lot of friends in the area, including one of her best friends. Now I was planning on seeing how things go when she visits, really think about it, and if I'm not feeling it then talk to her soon thereafter once she goes back home.

 

Here's where I ****ed up big time. There's a girl in my masters program that I've always thought was really cute. Throughout the term we flirted, but that's honestly my personality in general (as I've been told by many of my friends). Now as finals approached, I ran into this girl at the library and we started studying for finals together for the next week basically. It started out as friendly until after exams finished. Towards the end of the week, I realized that I started to develop feelings for this girl. I decided at this point I should just end things with my LDR girlfriend during her visit. Just be honest with her and tell her straight up things aren't working on my end. I'm just not built for a LDR. It's too late to tell her to cancel her trip. She already booked the flight. I wasn't going to hit on this other girl from my cohort or try anything until I ended things with my girlfriend....or so I thought.

 

You see, both our jobs surprisingly had company Christmas parties at the same place the day after exams ended. We chatted for a couple minutes and she suggested we should try getting people from the cohort together the next night for drinks. The cohort talked about doing that the night prior, but plans fell through. I agreed and we tried to text people the next day, turns out everyone was out of town or had prior plans. Go figure.

 

I didn't want to just ditch her so I invited her to go out with my friends and I. It was a good mix of guys and girls so I thought it was harmless. Then the booze started flowing for the first time in a couple months (My program is intense - I was locked up in the library on my weekends).

 

We started dancing all goofy as a group at the bar at that point. No one was grinding or anything like that. Then her and I started flirting intensely, and we just stared at each other. Next thing I know, we're making out on the dance floor. I lost control. The rest of the night is so blurry - it happened so fast and I was as drunk as I've been since the summer. We ended up having sex. When I got home that night it all hit me what I did.

 

I realized I'm a terrible person. I cheated. There's no excuses. I need to work on something within myself from this point forward to become a better person and not cheat again in the future. I just don't know what to do at this point in my current situation. I'm going to end things with my girlfriend when she gets in town. But should I do it right away? Wait until the last day? I don't want to ruin her visit with her best friend as well, but I don't want to play her either. Do I tell her I cheated or do I just explain that things aren't working for me?

 

Also, what should I tell the girl from my program? I'm honestly not sure if she knows I'm in a LDR. I have openly mentioned in class before, but I'm not sure if it was during one of the classes we have together or not. I asked her to meet up tomorrow for an hour or so because honestly, my girlfriend will be in town the day after Christmas and this is the only time I can clear the air with the girl from my program. If I wait, then I won't talk to her at all until after the new year because my girlfriend will be in town. I don't want to be a dick and wait that long to talk to the girl from my program about Saturday night so that's why I want to meet up with her now. Should I tell her everything I'm going through with my LDR girlfriend? Should I just be vague and say I have some things I need to work on for the next couple weeks? I mean, I have every class with this girl next term and who knows about the future. I want to be honest, but how many details is necessary for this type of situation?

 

I know it's hard to believe, but I honestly try to be a good guy and treat women with respect. Obviously this situation doesn't show a sliver of that, but I want to do my best to make this right without completely devastating my girlfriend or coming off as a complete douche to the girl in my program. What should I do?

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Your girlfriend has the right to know you are breaking up with her before she gets on the plane.

 

They both deserve to hear the truth and make up their own minds how they feel about it.

[d0nnivain]

You do end things with your LDR GF. If she was planning to stay with you while in your area, you tell her before she gets on the plane & you reimburse her for the ticket. If she was staying with friends when you break up with her is up to you.