mina1992 Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 Hi first post..don't know where to go.. I'm a 24 year old latina, I'm dating my bf who is a co worker. We both work in a restaurant. Lately I have this Korean customer that has become a regular...but I think he kind of likes me. He comes in once or twice a week every week. He always brings his clients or colleagues with him to eat. The first time I met him he's asked me where I was from, he thought I was turkish as it's a turkish restaurant. Then lately he's been coming by himself, he chats me up alot. He's usually asking me what I do on weekends, what I do with my free time, and I have always told him I'm too lazy to do anything or I have no time to really do anything and sleep too much. His answer to that is "you're a young woman, you should be out exploring and having fun! don't be such a bore" He tips really well as well, he usually eats 8-10 dollars worth of food and I've given him free lunch one time on a saturday he came in. He was really thankful. He comes in and orders lunch and leaves 20 dollars. Ok, I'm all over the place the thing is I've never told him I had a BF in a month we got to know each other. The thing is I think he's extremely handsome, he's well built, he's successful, kind, polite and the way he speaks he's very intelligent. I think I may have a small crush on him... Today he was in, and he got lunch to go, and he tells me, hey! I have to install an app for you where you can watch all of your favorite anime for free (he's into anime and games like myself). So I hand him my phone with an empty browser. I didnt know he had to minimze and my background is myself and my boyfriend kissing. He looked a little surprised and tells me, AWWWWWWW you guys are just too cute!!! Unfortunately the app froze and didn't work... Before he leaves he gives me a bottle of wine and says "I know you mentioned youre not buying any gifts for anyone this christmas, but I wanted to thank you for being such a charming and great waitress" Then he tells me " I don't mean to make anything awkward as I will continue to be a great customer...but I'm a little disappointed you're taken, not surprised as you're a total cutie..well here's my number, call me if you ever want to chat" Then walks out the door. Now I feel like he's a better catch than my current boyfriend...but I love my bf to bits. My emotions are all over the place...
Author mina1992 Posted December 23, 2015 Author Posted December 23, 2015 Well, I think he's a great catch. But I also feel extremely guilty in pursuing. I'm afraid I'll never see him again, but I also don't want to do anything behind my bf's back.
Zippy2000 Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 Ask yourself this. If you love your boyfriend to bits then you know the answer but why are you thinking the grass is greener on the other side? Whats lacking in your current relationship with your boyfriend? Is he not paying enough attention? Lets say you hot it off with the customer. Where does that leave your boyfriend and you at work? Just because he treats you well and tips well. It doesnt mean he`s a good man. It takes time to get to know people and hes being friendly, flirty to get to you. Some men only want sex. Think about your poor boyfriend. Imagine he was doing the exact same thing behind your back. 1
Ami1uwant Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 He sounded like he was interested in you but was never sure if you were single ehich is why he asked about your weekend figuring if you had a boyfriend it would have come up in conversation... Him "what did you do this weekend ?" You " me and my bf went to see Star Wars" Are you interested in him? The ball is in your court...it will be up to you to tell him you want to date.
Author mina1992 Posted December 23, 2015 Author Posted December 23, 2015 I figured that's why he asked. But I never mentioned it for some reason. I also lied to this man I lived with my father when I lived with boyfriend and caught myself in a lie... I don't know what it is that draws me to him. To be quite honest he's much better looking than my bf, mature, smarter and more successful. If I left my bf he would be crushed, and I do adore him but something about this man just draws me. As for what's lacking, nothing really...we have good chemistry. Maybe I'm just looking for excitement? I've never really felt like this before.
11012015 Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 Hi first post..don't know where to go.. I'm a 24 year old latina, I'm dating my bf who is a co worker. We both work in a restaurant. Lately I have this Korean customer that has become a regular...but I think he kind of likes me. He comes in once or twice a week every week. He always brings his clients or colleagues with him to eat. The first time I met him he's asked me where I was from, he thought I was turkish as it's a turkish restaurant. Then lately he's been coming by himself, he chats me up alot. He's usually asking me what I do on weekends, what I do with my free time, and I have always told him I'm too lazy to do anything or I have no time to really do anything and sleep too much. His answer to that is "you're a young woman, you should be out exploring and having fun! don't be such a bore" He tips really well as well, he usually eats 8-10 dollars worth of food and I've given him free lunch one time on a saturday he came in. He was really thankful. He comes in and orders lunch and leaves 20 dollars. Ok, I'm all over the place the thing is I've never told him I had a BF in a month we got to know each other. The thing is I think he's extremely handsome, he's well built, he's successful, kind, polite and the way he speaks he's very intelligent. I think I may have a small crush on him... Today he was in, and he got lunch to go, and he tells me, hey! I have to install an app for you where you can watch all of your favorite anime for free (he's into anime and games like myself). So I hand him my phone with an empty browser. I didnt know he had to minimze and my background is myself and my boyfriend kissing. He looked a little surprised and tells me, AWWWWWWW you guys are just too cute!!! Unfortunately the app froze and didn't work... Before he leaves he gives me a bottle of wine and says "I know you mentioned youre not buying any gifts for anyone this christmas, but I wanted to thank you for being such a charming and great waitress" Then he tells me " I don't mean to make anything awkward as I will continue to be a great customer...but I'm a little disappointed you're taken, not surprised as you're a total cutie..well here's my number, call me if you ever want to chat" Then walks out the door. Now I feel like he's a better catch than my current boyfriend...but I love my bf to bits. My emotions are all over the place... How can you develop a crush on a guy, while you are together with your bf and claim that you love him to bits. That is what I want to know. You feel like he is a better catch? So you would have no problem if he traded you up for a better catch girl?
Author mina1992 Posted December 23, 2015 Author Posted December 23, 2015 That's what I'm trying to figure out...I don't know this myself and it's driving me crazy. Even this weekend I was thinking about this guy. I barely know him but there's this attraction I cannot describe and I do love my bf to bits, we've been together for years and we live together.
Glass Hut Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 You need to decide who you're going to date, this guy or your boyfriend. Either is an acceptable choice. If you choose to stay with your boyfriend, do this guy a favor and stop making him work for something he'll never get. He's disappointed but he still likes you and, foolishly, will still probably be your customer. Your ego is already boosted and his deflated. Many girls will continue to let themselves be flattered by a guy like this but it's so wrong. Make it clear you intend to stay in your current relationship if that's the case and hopefully he starts working at someone else soon enough.
Zippy2000 Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 You " me and my bf went to see Star Wars" Are you interested in him? The ball is in your court...it will be up to you to tell him you want to date. In the theme of Star Wars. "I find your lack of faith i the boyfriend...disturbing"!
Author mina1992 Posted December 23, 2015 Author Posted December 23, 2015 You need to decide who you're going to date, this guy or your boyfriend. Either is an acceptable choice. If you choose to stay with your boyfriend, do this guy a favor and stop making him work for something he'll never get. He's disappointed but he still likes you and, foolishly, will still probably be your customer. Your ego is already boosted and his deflated. Many girls will continue to let themselves be flattered by a guy like this but it's so wrong. Make it clear you intend to stay in your current relationship if that's the case and hopefully he starts working at someone else soon enough. I know it's wrong for me to want both...but I kind of do. I do like his attention, his humor and his confidence. Part of me wonders what it would be like to date him... and he also genuinely loves the food at our restaurant so regardless he will keep coming once or twice a week. As long as I give him good service he will also tip me well. I'm kind of in a tough spot financially, my boyfriend and I make very little money so we are struggling to pay rent. This guy is one of my best customers as he comes eats 10 dollars worth, leaves quickly and leaves me with 100% tip. Sometimes he brings party of 3-4 and leaves 30-40% tip never less than 30%. I feel terrible because of this situation and confused. I know I need to make a decision...
Glass Hut Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 I know it's wrong for me to want both...but I kind of do. I do like his attention, his humor and his confidence. Part of me wonders what it would be like to date him... and he also genuinely loves the food at our restaurant so regardless he will keep coming once or twice a week. As long as I give him good service he will also tip me well. I'm kind of in a tough spot financially, my boyfriend and I make very little money so we are struggling to pay rent. This guy is one of my best customers as he comes eats 10 dollars worth, leaves quickly and leaves me with 100% tip. I feel terrible because of this situation and confused. I know I need to make a decision... Do not date him if you are not able to do anything with him. The worst feeling for a guy is when they think something is happening and then you pull away. Or worst, that you're leaving him to go home to have sex with your boyfriend. Don't put him in that situation. If he's crazy enough to give you 100% tips he'll probably fall for your charms so be careful where you lead him. And I am in this guy's corner because too frequently I was that guy.
Zippy2000 Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 Poor boyfriend. He`s not here to defend himself. It sounds like you made up your mind already. You havent answered any of my previous questions in my previous post. I think you`re on here to explore your options. I ve seen this happen before. People seeing the grass is greener on the other side. Sometimes it isnt. You know nothing about this customer except he tips well. That sure is boyfriend material. If thats what you look out for then good luck. I think you`ll need it. 2
Author mina1992 Posted December 23, 2015 Author Posted December 23, 2015 I do know a decent amount about the customer, his age, his profession, his hobbies, and etc. I'm a waitress so I don't get to talk to him for too long as I have customers and he's usually reading news while he's eating.. I know the guy is dating around, he tells me he hasn't found the "one" yet and the good ones are always taken so he goes on dates but nothing serious came out of it. My boyfriend shows me plenty of attention, but I think we may have grown too comfortable? Also we never do anything...we just stay home and watch movies..we have to make ends meet so we hardly even eat out. It's kind of like your ideal man has suddenly appeared in your life out of no where and disturbed my happy little relationship.
11012015 Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 I know it's wrong for me to want both...but I kind of do. Read that out loud. You know it is wrong but you don't care. You are living with one guy (have the security to know he loves you and supports you) and want to date another guy (seems like one factor is because he is giving you good tips). Find a dictionary and check out the definition of selfish and karma. You are not confused. You are here to justify a selfish act, which you know is wrong. You need to grow up. 2
Glass Hut Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 Well the right thing to do is to break up with your boyfriend before you start seeing new people. The wrong thing to do is to tell little white lies to men to hide the fact that you are in a years-long relationship with someone you live with. You know this so proceed how you're going to proceed. It doesn't seem like you're going to be happy if you don't play your options. Might as well do it now rather than when you're 35 and in an unhappy marriage trying to figure out how to cheat. Just don't string anyone along, that sucks for them.
Zippy2000 Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 I know the guy is dating around, he tells me he hasn't found the "one" yet and the good ones are always taken so he goes on dates but nothing serious came out of it. My boyfriend shows me plenty of attention, but I think we may have grown too comfortable? Also we never do anything...we just stay home and watch movies..we have to make ends meet so we hardly even eat out. It's kind of like your ideal man has suddenly appeared in your life out of no where and disturbed my happy little relationship. He`s dating around and that doesnt mean your the one. He`ll date you and toss you aside like a rag doll and will go to another restaurant. If you really want to go ahead with this then do so but remember there will be risks. If you want to do this. Have a talk with your boyfriend or dump him. You choice. 1
The Way I Am Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 My opinion is that you don't really want to be with your bf anymore but you want the security and familiarity of having him as your bf. When you picture your future with him, does it make you happy? Is what you have with him what you want out of your life? If the answer is yes, stay with him. If the answer is no, let him go so you can both pursue something new. Oh and do not call that customer as long as you and your bf are still together.
introverted1 Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 You are being unfair to your boyfriend, whose purpose in life is not to support you, love you, and give you security until you find your "dream guy." If your bf isn't the right guy for you, then end the relationship so he can find the right girl for him. You shouldn't need a back-up guy in order to do the right thing. If, once you've broken up with your bf, you decide to date others, have at it. But what you are doing now -- saying you live with your dad when you live with your bf, not mentioning your bf, presumably not telling your bf about this customer you are actively flirting with, etc. -- is all a form of cheating, imo. Your bf deserves better. 3
Author mina1992 Posted December 24, 2015 Author Posted December 24, 2015 I know I'm being unfair, I still have not told him anything yet. The guy has not come in today, and he usually comes in on wednesdays. I'm starting to think he lost interest. Maybe this is a good thing.
Glass Hut Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 I know I'm being unfair, I still have not told him anything yet. The guy has not come in today, and he usually comes in on wednesdays. I'm starting to think he lost interest. Maybe this is a good thing. He was coming on a little slick, might be a player anyway. Guess you're stuck in your too comfortable relationship!
11012015 Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 I know I'm being unfair, I still have not told him anything yet. What a nice gf!
introverted1 Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 I know I'm being unfair So you are ok with unfairness and duplicity as character traits you accept in yourself and, by extension, in others? I don't think your issue is which guy to choose to but how you can work on yourself and become the kind of woman a man with integrity would choose to be with.
Author mina1992 Posted December 24, 2015 Author Posted December 24, 2015 Thank you for all of your constructive criticism...i've given alot of thought. The guy came in today and he was his normal self. I was asking him about college and if he thought a certain college was worth it. He told me any education is very valuable but what I should do is look deep inside my soul and really find what I'm passionate about and go for it because the biggest regret he has is not pursuing his passion which was music. Then he's asked me why I work so much and never get any time off, I told him I'm broke and I'm paying rent and it's really hard (NYC). He said if I want a better job he will help me, get me a starting career in banking in customer service. The rate is much better than what I'm making now + benefits plus less hours working! But I told him no, because i know his motive. He asked me out again, he said stop stressing about all of this and come out one night with him and he would take me out for casual fun. He said we can always go out as friends as he can always use an attractive female friend to hang out with. I said no, I have a boyfriend. Then he said if you change your mind text me, he's going away for a week and he'll see me when he's back..
Recommended Posts