Terrified...but I am going to give this a go

January 27, 2016

Does anyone have any advice about how to wipe her from my mind in 'that' way?

I thought I was doing so well to move on, but she is so loud and chatty. She now sits right opposite me. We seem to go from days where things look good, like yesterday. She basically left when I said I was going to leave and stopped us walking in the corridor so that she could 'read a poster' (although this 'seemed' very fake, like she was finding excuses to hang around alone). I walked her to the car and she seemed very receptive. I so wanted to ask her out for a coffee, but I guess a part of me is scared of messing up the working environment and making things awkward. So I went to get in my car, as I turned she called me back to say something else meaningless (felt like lingering).

Then there is today. I was all pumped up and she dropped the 'there is not much talent at work' comment again. She has done this at least 5 or 6 times now. Normally it gets a few giggles and I force a smirk. This time, no one was in the mood. She dropped it and I am sure I caught her looking at me out the corner of my eye. There was silence as she quickly went back to looking at her screen and typing away. Is this a $hit test'? Or is she genuinely trying to put me off? Either way it did knock me and all the energy and pump to flirt and ask her out was knocked out of me. By the end of the day I was very nervous and when I asked her if she was leaving, she just said "nahhh, blah, blah, blah". Her voice did wobble when she called "have a good evening".

Either way I just want her out of my head. I hate all of this and I know that asking her would put an end to it. But I don't want things to be awkward. I just want to believe that she has demonstrated a lack of interest and stop thinking that I may still have a chance. I will find a way to get over it, but does anyone have any advice?

wipe her from my mind in 'that' way? -- It's called resolve, inner strength to accept things the way they are and keep moving. Stop being in her head, analyzing and get out of your own head too. Focus on your job and your life and date other women, lots of them.

January 27, 2016

wipe her from my mind in 'that' way? -- It's called resolve, inner strength to accept things the way they are and keep moving. Stop being in her head, analyzing and get out of your own head too. Focus on your job and your life and date other women, lots of them.

Thank you. You are right. Completely blocked her on the dating app just now so I can't look at her. Accidentally re-viewed her profile and really hoping that it will not jump me to the top of her 'viewed me' list.

Either way. Before she comes in tomorrow, I am going to re-position my screen so it is blocking her face. I want to basically ignore her and avoid interactions with her as much as possible. Be polite, but that's it. Come in. Do my shift and go home.

The problem is. She is quite loud and she '**** tests'/flirts/questions basically every guy that comes in. Not only is it distracting, but it also pisses me off given my thoughts and feelings with regards to her. I cant really close my ears to it and I cannot avoid seeing her. Given that she is attractive, I guess I will just have to accept that it will happen. Thank you for the support.

January 27, 2016

Thank you. You are right. Completely blocked her on the dating app just now so I can't look at her. Accidentally re-viewed her profile and really hoping that it will not jump me to the top of her 'viewed me' list.

Either way. Before she comes in tomorrow, I am going to re-position my screen so it is blocking her face. I want to basically ignore her and avoid interactions with her as much as possible. Be polite, but that's it. Come in. Do my shift and go home.

The problem is. She is quite loud and she '**** tests'/flirts/questions basically every guy that comes in. Not only is it distracting, but it also pisses me off given my thoughts and feelings with regards to her. I cant really close my ears to it and I cannot avoid seeing her. Given that she is attractive, I guess I will just have to accept that it will happen. Thank you for the support.

Noise cancelling headphones . . .

January 27, 2016

Noise cancelling headphones . . .

Haha. I wish. The office is very confined with me, the woman and two other women! This makes it even worse! They often 'go' at me and gang up quite a bit (banter) and I take it with good humor. She often leads it at the moment. Pointing out fairly 'personal' things (for example, she has actually even said 'I have to look at your ugly mug' in jest). I have just stopped engaging with it now. I don't laugh. I just go silent and ignore it.

It is going to be really hard I know the real antidote is to get on with my own life, which I want to do, but imagine if you liked a colleague that was really talkative...you wanted to concentrate on your work and they kept talking about the kind of people that they fancy, flirting with people that enter the office and generally making 'close to the bone' comments about you.

What is worse, is I am fairly sure that she is aware of my interest. I know women ain't that stupid. Bringing up her distracting behavior is only going to make me look bitter. I guess I will just have to 'find a way' internally.

January 27, 2016

Haha. I wish. The office is very confined with me, the woman and two other women! This makes it even worse! They often 'go' at me and gang up quite a bit (banter) and I take it with good humor. She often leads it at the moment. Pointing out fairly 'personal' things (for example, she has actually even said 'I have to look at your ugly mug' in jest). I have just stopped engaging with it now. I don't laugh. I just go silent and ignore it.

It is going to be really hard I know the real antidote is to get on with my own life, which I want to do, but imagine if you liked a colleague that was really talkative...you wanted to concentrate on your work and they kept talking about the kind of people that they fancy, flirting with people that enter the office and generally making 'close to the bone' comments about you.

What is worse, is I am fairly sure that she is aware of my interest. I know women ain't that stupid. Bringing up her distracting behavior is only going to make me look bitter. I guess I will just have to 'find a way' internally.

I would have no problem with saying something like "hey, guys I gotta concentrate, can we tone it down a bit, please?"

January 27, 2016

What a fascinating thread.

Does anyone have any advice about how to wipe her from my mind in 'that' way?

[...] I so wanted to ask her out for a coffee, but I guess a part of me is scared of messing up the working environment and making things awkward. So I went to get in my car, as I turned she called me back to say something else meaningless (felt like lingering).

You make a lot of excuses and justifications not to do it. Do you want to or not? There will never a time where all the stars align and it will be right, appropriate, and without any sort of positive or negative result. Either you want to take the chance or you don't. The fact that you've made a dozen posts analyzing every micro-interaction you have with this girl makes me think that you want to.

So what are you trying to do now, ask her out, or figure out a way to ignore her?

Then there is today. I was all pumped up and she dropped the 'there is not much talent at work' comment again. [...]
Is this a $hit test'? Or is she genuinely trying to put me off? Either way it did knock me and all the energy and pump to flirt and ask her out was knocked out of me. By the end of the day I was very nervous and when I asked her if she was leaving, she just said "nahhh, blah, blah, blah".

Whether or not it's a test, it's not a good look for you to get upset, bothered, etc. Don't let her opinion affects you in any way (a little late for this but can't hurt to start now) or that she has any power over you. It just makes you look weak and emasculated. You need to start resetting the balance of power between you two.

If you do want to ask her out, it's really very simple. If you're walking to your cars, say "Do you wanna get a beer?" Informally. Confidently. No other words. Not "I've been meaning to ask..." or "I've been wondering if..." -- all that implies that it's premeditated and you're weak. You need to make it seem like you just got the idea and took action rather than having the idea and debating it for a month because you're scared.

This works well because it's not an uncommon thing to say to anyone after work. It's not overtly sexual but it will give you a better chance to gauge the situation. It's not a date or a big admission of your feelings, it's ambiguous. People get drinks after work under platonic circumstances. If she says no, you have your answer and you managed to save face by not making it anything too serious. If she agrees, then you have your chance to feel things out a little better.

Either way I just want her out of my head. I hate all of this and I know that asking her would put an end to it. But I don't want things to be awkward. I just want to believe that she has demonstrated a lack of interest and stop thinking that I may still have a chance. I will find a way to get over it, but does anyone have any advice?

If you actually don't want to go out with her, just go out with someone else. You'll forget all about her. Fire up that dating ap and get on it.

January 28, 2016

I've encountered her type before.

Unless I'm mistaken, it's all about "pushing boundaries", with everyone around her.

In other words, she's basically going to push until you "put her in her place" and push back to show her you won't put up with her crap.

It's crappy behaviour man. Yet another great reason not to get involved with the people you work with.

January 28, 2016

I've encountered her type before.

Unless I'm mistaken, it's all about "pushing boundaries", with everyone around her.

In other words, she's basically going to push until you "put her in her place" and push back to show her you won't put up with her crap.

It's crappy behaviour man. Yet another great reason not to get involved with the people you work with.

You are right on the money here, although I think her behaviour and attitude is also seasoned with a sense of entitlement (because she is attractive...people rarely call out her rudeness) and insecurity (because it seems like she is constantly trying to divert attention and focus away from herself)...

but enough analysing, read the next post...

January 28, 2016

What a fascinating thread.

You make a lot of excuses and justifications not to do it. Do you want to or not? There will never a time where all the stars align and it will be right, appropriate, and without any sort of positive or negative result. Either you want to take the chance or you don't. The fact that you've made a dozen posts analyzing every micro-interaction you have with this girl makes me think that you want to.

So what are you trying to do now, ask her out, or figure out a way to ignore her?

Whether or not it's a test, it's not a good look for you to get upset, bothered, etc. Don't let her opinion affects you in any way (a little late for this but can't hurt to start now) or that she has any power over you. It just makes you look weak and emasculated. You need to start resetting the balance of power between you two.

If you do want to ask her out, it's really very simple. If you're walking to your cars, say "Do you wanna get a beer?" Informally. Confidently. No other words. Not "I've been meaning to ask..." or "I've been wondering if..." -- all that implies that it's premeditated and you're weak. You need to make it seem like you just got the idea and took action rather than having the idea and debating it for a month because you're scared.

This works well because it's not an uncommon thing to say to anyone after work. It's not overtly sexual but it will give you a better chance to gauge the situation. It's not a date or a big admission of your feelings, it's ambiguous. People get drinks after work under platonic circumstances. If she says no, you have your answer and you managed to save face by not making it anything too serious. If she agrees, then you have your chance to feel things out a little better.

If you actually don't want to go out with her, just go out with someone else. You'll forget all about her. Fire up that dating ap and get on it.

I wish you had seen me today man. I basically intuitively did a lot of what you have suggested. I was so pissed off with it all last night, after blocking her, I thought long and hard on how I would proceed. I decided that I would basically shut that side of my feelings down now. She had her chance, time to focus on myself. However, I knew that this wasn't going to stop her teasing and rudeness. Since I had removed my investment in the outcome, I felt a lot free-er to do and say whatever the hell I wanted. I moved my computer monitor over slightly first thing so it was blocking her face and I have to say, this was a massive help.

Pretty soon my colleagues started teasing me, but I felt like I really got into it and teased back. Normally I would just respectfully take it or act self deprecating, which I still did a little. But I was throwing out little diss's myself in a jokey manor and the women seemed to back off. They were not offended particularly, but more restrained. I resolved to think that whatever she said, it was not going to effect me negatively. I even joked that the woman in question was 'so annoying!' to her and the group, to which they all laughed.

The effect was very interesting. The woman seemed frustrated at her inability to 'shake' me and not being at the centre of my attention. She stepped it up again and again and even came and stood next to me, leaning over me and touching me again (something she has not done for a while now).

One of the things that really annoyed me yesterday was my own behaviour as I went to leave. I nervously fidgeted and asked if she was 'coming'. When she said 'nahhh'. I resolved to never do that again. This time I just said 'you coming'...not really caring about the outcome. She said 'no' again, but I didn't give a $hit and I just said 'okay' and walked off.

I still have written her off fully in my head now. I am looking forward to pressing on with my own life, but I am enjoying teasing her and fu**ing with her as much as she fu**s with me. Two can play at that game and after all, you shouldn't dish it out if you can't take it, irregardless of how good looking you happen to be.

For what it is worth...it is bizarre how interested some women become the less interest and attention a guy pays. I kind of feel sorry for them.

Edited January 28, 2016 by Brapting

January 28, 2016

You keep saying you have written her off in your head, but then you go straight back to analyzing her ever movement and offering her more attention, which she rejects.

From what you have said, I think it is very clear that you are just a colleague that she likes to tease, nothing more.

Your work environment sounds toxic. All the bullying and games going on, it doesn't sound like an enjoyable place to work at all.

Perhaps it is time to move on and find a job where you are treated with more respect, and don't have to deal with her everyday.

January 28, 2016

You keep saying you have written her off in your head, but then you go straight back to analyzing her ever movement and offering her more attention, which she rejects.

From what you have said, I think it is very clear that you are just a colleague that she likes to tease, nothing more.

Your work environment sounds toxic. All the bullying and games going on, it doesn't sound like an enjoyable place to work at all.

Perhaps it is time to move on and find a job where you are treated with more respect, and don't have to deal with her everyday.

Haha. I don't think you are getting me. I really feel like I have turned a corner with it. Sure it might be a toxic environment, sure she might just like to tease, but I learning that I don't care and it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

Sure she can tease...I can have fun with it and tease back. There is nothing wrong with wanting to work hard and have fun.

For what it is worth, she was the one offering me her attention today...I have rejected her and was just experimenting and having fun. If you read what I had written, you will have seen that this is what appears to have spiked her interest, not that it matters now. It is nothing more than an interesting observation.

January 28, 2016

I thought you might just be trying to put on a brave face, acting like it is no big deal when it actually is. As long as you feel ok, that is all that matters.

I just don't want you to be stuck in a toxic situation with her and work. You deserve better than that. If it is fun, great! That just wasn't the impression I got.

All I ask is that if it gets worse and you can't deal with it anymore, please consider looking for another job.

January 29, 2016

I thought you might just be trying to put on a brave face, acting like it is no big deal when it actually is. As long as you feel ok, that is all that matters.

I just don't want you to be stuck in a toxic situation with her and work. You deserve better than that. If it is fun, great! That just wasn't the impression I got.

All I ask is that if it gets worse and you can't deal with it anymore, please consider looking for another job.

Maybe you are right today was really hard. Not because I was pursuing her or anything. Just because of how much they 'went at me', the woman in particular. Don't get me wrong, I am generally easy going and lighthearted, I can laugh at myself, but there is a line. In my old department, it seemed to work very well. Most of my colleagues were focused on the work and they could tell if something had gone too far.

But today in particular, it was relentless. Both female colleagues seemed to go at me again and again. Repeatedly laughing loudly and imitating me while I was making a phone call, likening me to a cartoon character etc. Most shocking of all was that one was my (admittedly young and inexperienced) manager! Around lunchtime, the woman in question said "oh I should get on, I haven't done anything today!" (laugh) while I had been sat there all morning trying to get on.

I felt really low by lunchtime. Just $***ty and disrespected and un-confident. I was struggling a little with my work and admittedly, I was beginning to jokingly winge about it, but my tone and words quickly became that I really was finding it difficult. I just felt like I wanted a bit of support, but still the women continued to poke fun and laugh. The woman in question in particular. She would go "oh god!" everytime I went to speak, although I was not joking anymore. Eventually I just fell silent. It may sound a bit girly, but I felt close to tears and so hurt and disrespected by the whole thing.

After 30 minutes of being silent and trying to work. The woman in question said "are you being a grumps?". I continued to be quiet. By the end of the day both seemed to be clocking on a bit to me mood and commented to each other and me how I was "being quiet". They said stuff like "you know we are just messing, we love you really" in a serious tone, but I felt too far gone. I just kind of nodded and forced a smile. The woman I like was alone with me at one point and said that she "wasn't trying to upset me, she just finds me really funny in what I say and she likes annoying me" (smiling, giggling a little). I just wanted to get out of there by the end of the day. She gave me a lift round to my car and was more bubbly and friendly, but I had had enough. I was so exhausted.

I might have to start looking for other jobs

January 29, 2016

This is exactly what I was worried about. I'm so sorry that happened. It sounds awful. *hugs*

Just so you know, what they are doing is not ok. It is harassment, and it is causing a hostile working environment which your employer is responsible for fixing. It needs to be reported.

Obviously don't bother discussing this with the unprofessional manager, but is there a HR person you could talk to? I think it is serious enough to take action, and it is important that they are formally aware of the situation. Maybe they can offer another solution.

I do think looking for another job will be a good option in the long run. Situations like this can destroy your confidence over time. If you can find somewhere that values your work and treats you with respect, it might also make you feel more confident about getting out there and dating as well.

Please don't ignore it and hope that it will stop because it won't. You need to do something about it.

January 29, 2016

Please don't ignore it and hope that it will stop because it won't. You need to do something about it.

He could go to HR and complain about a hostile work environment but it might be a bit much. I don't know how things are in offices these days but back when I had jobs that had coworkers, we always used to do this sort of stuff to pass the time and have fun. Sometimes it's necessary to break up the monotony of a work day. You play little pranks on each other, you joke around, you s*** talk, you bust each others' balls, etc. It's usually nothing personal. The problem here is that OP is just sitting back, taking it, and not reciprocating or participating in any way.

OP, have you tried giving them a little taste of their own medicine? Both you and they might think it's fun that you can play along. You'll probably earn some respect for not being their doormat as well. Could you imitate them making phone calls? Liken them to cartoon characters? If they're setting the standard that that sort of thing is acceptable, I don't see why you can't get involved and play along rather than just be the target. You might actually have some fun.

Just a suggestion.

January 29, 2016

I have calmed down a bit. Both previous replies make sense. I guess I have my own little insecurities and it takes a little time to recover when I reel from something. Being fairly introverted, this can make things a little difficult to do in a small office.

Yesterday I did really well. I gave as good as I got and had fun. I have to say that the woman in question responded by paying me a lot more attention, but generally stepping upping her 'hazing'. I was pretty tired today and not really in the mood and this may have played a part. What bothers me a little is the manager seemed to be a little vindictive and supportive of the other colleague in her tone when I teased back...as if I had done it unfairly and out of the blue! Needless to say, it was the least that either of them should expect given what they were dishing out to me.

I suppose that it is preferable to them stepping on egg shells around me and they seemed to tone it down and reflect a little when I went quiet (clearly upset). They did back peddle.

I guess what bothers me is that the woman in question is so loud. When she struggles, I ask what is wrong and the manager jumps in too and offers words of support. When I struggle, the woman loudly starts teasing and the manager seems to 'follow' her sentiment.

I get that there will be banter and fun, but sometimes it just gets a bit exhausting and it can be pretty distracting from the work. I don't know if the woman in question is being malicious and she seems to just struggle to understand boundaries and when she has overstepped the mark, but she doesn't seem the type to respect them even if they were to be 'raised' to her.

Edited January 29, 2016 by Brapting

January 30, 2016

Brapting - Did you ask her out? If so what happened or what page was it on? I read the first 5 of you being too nervous to, then page 8 where it looks like you're trying to get her off your mind. This thread was kinda frustrating to read. I want to know if ypu asked - and the outcome.

January 30, 2016

Am I the only person reading this who wants to know what kind of work you all are doing? Your office is completely unprofessional. This girl sounds like a little bitch. She's late to work almost every day. She always struggling to understand her work or get her assignments completed properly. She makes rude, obnoxious, inappropriate comments all the time. How does this little bubblehead own her own home at 26 years old? She sounds like she wouldn't even know the first thing about paying utilities, let alone a mortgage. And she sounds like an employee who should be fired for being a complete idiot.

Also, she sounds like the girl on the schoolyard who likes to smack the boy she has a crush on. She knows she's attractive, she knows you are interested, and she loves getting attention from you. This girl loves, loves, loves attention. Barf. You seem like a really nice guy, you deserve someone better. Someone who will treat you better, someone who has self-respect. Stop giving this girl attention altogether. It's time she learns that manipulating people will not always give her the reaction she wants. She needs to grow up.

But so do you. You've been obsessing about this situation and creating scenarios and feelings that are causing you so much stress, and it's unnecessary. Next time you have a crush on someone at work, just ask them to go get lunch, get a drink after work. When you ask like it's not a big deal, IT WONT BE A BIG DEAL. Coworkers get lunch, or coffee, or drinks all the time. It doesn't have to mean anything. And then, you have an opportunity to hang out with this deserving woman outside of the workplace, to get a feeling about if chemistry is mutual. Then the whole situation just progresses naturally, and you won't have to stress about it so much. You're really hard on yourself. And that's partially because you are very inexperienced. So it's great that you're focusing more on dating other people- keep at it!

January 30, 2016

Am I the only person reading this who wants to know what kind of work you all are doing? Your office is completely unprofessional. This girl sounds like a little bitch. She's late to work almost every day. She always struggling to understand her work or get her assignments completed properly. She makes rude, obnoxious, inappropriate comments all the time. How does this little bubblehead own her own home at 26 years old? She sounds like she wouldn't even know the first thing about paying utilities, let alone a mortgage. And she sounds like an employee who should be fired for being a complete idiot.

Also, she sounds like the girl on the schoolyard who likes to smack the boy she has a crush on. She knows she's attractive, she knows you are interested, and she loves getting attention from you. This girl loves, loves, loves attention. Barf. You seem like a really nice guy, you deserve someone better. Someone who will treat you better, someone who has self-respect. Stop giving this girl attention altogether. It's time she learns that manipulating people will not always give her the reaction she wants. She needs to grow up.

But so do you. You've been obsessing about this situation and creating scenarios and feelings that are causing you so much stress, and it's unnecessary. Next time you have a crush on someone at work, just ask them to go get lunch, get a drink after work. When you ask like it's not a big deal, IT WONT BE A BIG DEAL. Coworkers get lunch, or coffee, or drinks all the time. It doesn't have to mean anything. And then, you have an opportunity to hang out with this deserving woman outside of the workplace, to get a feeling about if chemistry is mutual. Then the whole situation just progresses naturally, and you won't have to stress about it so much. You're really hard on yourself. And that's partially because you are very inexperienced. So it's great that you're focusing more on dating other people- keep at it!

Wow. I want to say how grateful I am for this. Some people will say that this is just a forum, but it means so much for someone to be so understanding and supportive like this. It blows my mind a little that someone's empathetic and compassionate five minute internet post from thousands of miles away can influence another persons emotional state and mood. Thank you.

I cant really say the organisations name, for obvious reasons...but I basically agree with your sentiment. I have reflected on the whole thing and I don't think that I am particularly 'butthurt' or over-sensitive and bitter at my perception of her lack of her interest. I think I have pretty accurately described her behaviour and general attitude and I must admit, other colleagues (including my manager) have even commented on her immaturity.

I haven't asked her out. Initially this was because I was scared. I have never approached anyone before and I don't doubt that I still am a little scared. But I am quickly settling on the decision that I don't want to. For one, her behaviour has become such a turn off (do I really want to be involved with someone like that?) and I have to wonder how the dynamics of the small office would be effected, however it turned out. As the popular saying goes "don't $hit where you eat".

Part of this is very liberating. However attractive she is (and she is easily an 7-10 for looks) I am starting to believe that there are billions of women out there who could be better (or a better fit). Interestingly, on Thursday, when I seemed to fully remember and embody this sentiment, just enjoying the banter and myself, she seemed to 'up' her attention seeking. She seemed so annoyed and frustrated and almost became frantic in her attempts to disturb me and began leaning over me/touching me out of the blue! But I don't want this to effect my interactions with her now, only my interactions with future women. I feel like I have already learnt so much over the time frame of this thread.

I cannot really be down on someone who behaves the way she does. It is interesting how insecure and attention seeking some pretty women can be and it is very eye opening...and this is coming from a ex drug using, anxious 27 year old virgin! The really sad thing is that she has a relative with a fairly specific and unique disability...a disability which I have had intimate experience with in my life experiences and previous employment. I actually thought that we may have connected on this and I had a really good conversation with her about it, one on one yesterday. Hours later, she reverted back to immature teasing.

Onwards and upwards now. I have time off and am looking for my own flat. I am not really scared anymore, just excited There is so much I want to do, clubs, hobbies and going out. I want to go out every evening and just meet people. It is about time that I started having fun again and enjoy being myself. Work can just be work. It doesn't have to be the 'main' thing in my life and it certainly doesn't have to be the place that I go to for amusement and fun, or even respect and appreciation. I know know that much of this can be internally driven and nurtured through other avenues.

Edited January 30, 2016 by Brapting

April 2, 2016

Finally some resolution...

I had tried to forget this girl at work. But we are face to face, every single day. It is nigh impossible. So last night I figured that I had to get some resolution...for my own sake and mental comfort.

The past few weeks things had been going well, then okay, neutral and fluctuating between the three. There were some brilliant indicators, but I could never be sure if it was just my head playing tricks on me. We exchanged numbers at some point (with each other and other colleagues) and we have been messaging.

Today I woke up and just wanted it over. I have got other things going on in my life now and I kind of expected her to reject me so I made sure she was conversing with me over Whatsapp and just messaged:

'There is this film I want to see [FILM NAME), want to come with?'

She replied:

'Yes I will go with you'

I honestly didn't expect that response! So I quickly went online and found the nearest cinema and messaged:

'Awesome. Its on at...at 19.30'

'I can pick you up'

Two hours then passed and she messaged:

'I cant do tonight'

I messaged 'Haha, no worries. Maybe another time x'

But she has not viewed the messaged. She has been online and it has been delivered to her phone (two ticks) but she has not viewed it.

To me...this is a flake...and atleast I understand her properly now.

April 2, 2016

So after all of the rudeness, disrespect, near tears, considering changing jobs, stress and other negative outcomes due to this girl you ask her out?

This is part of the problem. In my book, someone like her is not good enough to spend my precious time with. I would not even breath the same air as her if not for working alongside her. You need to work on how you value yourself, your time and your self esteem. You mentioned that you had been exchanging messages with her as well, another completely illogical and terrible idea.

April 3, 2016

So after all of the rudeness, disrespect, near tears, considering changing jobs, stress and other negative outcomes due to this girl you ask her out?

Haha. Yes...but with the best intentions. I thought that maybe I was mistaking her teasing behaviour for flirting. I have since raised the issue with her and told her that I didn't like it.

I am not good enough at judging this...and I was fed up with 'wondering'. I couldn't just give up on her in my mind as I had already developed feelings of sorts and I sit opposite her...everyday.

I figured that the only way to stop myself 'wondering', once and for all was to call her bluff and have her reject me romantically. That way I would know if she was genuine or attention seeking and leading me on.

Seems to have worked out quite nicely. She initially agreed...but quickly flaked. To me, that is a rejection...cold hard facts. I no longer have any reason to question her motives or intentions and invest further time and mental energy in her.

April 3, 2016

I figured that the only way to stop myself 'wondering', once and for all was to call her bluff and have her reject me romantically. That way I would know if she was genuine or attention seeking and leading me on.

I read this whole thread because it was entertaining and I wanted to see how it played out.

Halfway through I was wondering what on EARTH you could possibly see in this woman as dating material?!? There was no way you should have let HER reject YOU romantically. You are the one who should have dumped her to the curb weeks ago.

She is in her mid/late 20's and acts like she is in junior high (so, it appears, do the rest of the coworkers there - I would HIGHLY recommend finding a professional office environment because this ain't it). What type of work do you people do anyway, and why is there no one putting a stop to this when the unemployment rate is high enough and continuously rising? And why is this woman, who can never make it to work on time and can't seem to figure out how to do her job, and who is loud and crass and frankly very insulting allowed to continue to do this?

Why did you possibly let her insult you for all those weeks? Seriously - she compared you to a cartoon character in front of the entire office, said you were ugly, and you thought somehow that was acceptable behavior in a professional setting? You thought that was "flirting"? HELL no. Please get some self-respect and if someone ever treats you like this again, you Shut.It.Down. And you do it immediately and with nothing left to interpretation. You were so disrespected, but you didn't stand up for yourself!

And you still somehow wanted to date her? Why would you want to date some woman who is immature, loud, crass, and insulting to you?

Please work on your self-esteem and self-respect, and PLEASE get out of this horribly toxic work environment to somewhere that you can actually build on your career goals instead of constant bantering back and forth like people do in middle school. I wish you the best of luck on all of this.

April 3, 2016

She's a complete wacko. Who says yes to a movie invitation and then says, just kidding, I can't go tonight. If this is what you needed to actually let it go, then at least that was accomplished. I hope you let it go for real this time.

April 3, 2016

You seem to be a good guy and I like that you are not bitter and defensive like some struggling guys.

My advice is to not overanalyse every microinteraction so much because it will lead to building some story in your head that might not even be true and you work yourself up for nothing.

Your work environment seems very immature and I'd just concentrate on work and avoid silly office intrigues and cliques. They probably see that they get to you but you can just step out of this circle and not worry so much what they think of you. They don’t seem to be the people whose opinion about you matters.

Build your confidence with women by approaching them and talking to them. No, it's not leading them on if you just go to the movies or coffee dates with someone who you don’t want to marry right away. You need practise and then asking someone out won't be such a huge deal anymore.

As for this girl, forget about her. Just keep talking to her like any other coworker as much as necessary for work.

Good luck!

Edited April 3, 2016 by bene
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Terrified...but I am going to give this a go

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