Terrified...but I am going to give this a go

December 22, 2015

As I have posted in previous threads, I think that most women would think that I don't have a great deal going for me. I am 27, a virgin, haven't been in a relationship for 9 years. History of personal problems Don't really have many friends or hobbies and still live in my parents home.

Despite this, I am educated, I have turned my life around a bit and found a job. It is a long commute but I have excelled and been promoted. I am well liked at work and I can be upbeat and outgoing. I like to relax and watch football. Despite my shortcomings, I have volunteered abroad in the past.

Recently, out of no where, a woman a couple of years younger than me (new starter) got moved into my department. She is pretty attractive, but seems quite shy, quiet and a little cute and dorky (in a good way). I know that she is single and lives alone. I have taken a bit of a liking to her and she seems to be interested in me. She laughs quite a lot at my jokes (even bad ones) and she seems to come up to me and initiate eye contact.

I was browsing a dating app and I decided to check her area. Suprise, suprise! I found her. She goes online quite a bit. I was a little drunk when I found her and I accidently viewed her (meaning that this would appear on her profile). I panicked at first, because I thought that it might make things weird...the next day she was an hour late for work and appeared flustered and avoidant with me. She gave an excuse that she had told us she would be late (but me and my colleagues coudn't remember this). I just carried on as normal with her and didn't mention it and we quickly settled back to our comfortable selves.

At first I was (and still am) very cautious. I mean I have no experience really with this kind of thing. I have not been (and the opportunity to be) attracted to and interested in someone like this for a very long time and I don't really date. Having said that, she has asked questions about me and I straight up admitted that I live 'at home'. At first this seemed to kill her interest a bit (which I completely get)...but I also revealed my work with disabled people and my life around them (which I will not go into) and she has a close family member with a disability. She went very quiet and listened very attentively when I mentioned this!) This seems to have peeked her interest a bit more and she keeps commenting on my 'little smile' in group situations. Today I commented on a mug that she has with a mini series that I like on it and she said that she 'loves the show'.

I am probably reading to much into it, but I want to casually ask her out for a drink as we leave work sometime in the next two weeks. I have never done this before, I have no experience and I don't really know what I am going to do if she says yes (I don't even live in the city!). But I like being around her and I want to find out about her properly. Even if she says no, I cant stand not knowing any more and I think that I can deal with the rejection. If anything, she has peaked my interest in life and meeting women again and I am thankful for that.

I just wonder what posters think? Any advice would be much appreciated.

December 22, 2015

This is why you are still a virgin at 27....you don't take any real chances to ask a girl out because you are so insecure....just do it already and make sure you have a date planned out. Tip: confidence wins the girl.

December 22, 2015

and still live in my parents home.

You have a job, it's time to move out now. Especially since you have a long commute, find somewhere closer to work.

And yeah just ask her out. Normally I'd recommend against dating someone at work, but I think you need to take a shot in this case.

December 22, 2015

This is why you are still a virgin at 27....you don't take any real chances to ask a girl out because you are so insecure....just do it already and make sure you have a date planned out. Tip: confidence wins the girl.

I was hoping that someone wasn't just going to emphasise my shortcomings and label me like this. Out of everything that I wrote, you chose to pick out my age and virginity and thanks for calling me insecure. I am sure you would find it pretty nervewracking if you had never done it before. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with being a virgin at any age and I fail to see how believing that it is 'wrong' will help me to feel more secure.

For what it is worth she seems the forgiving type, which is one of the reasons that I like her and I can be confident in certain situations.

I am thinking something easygoing like the movies, a coffee or a drink.

Edited December 22, 2015 by Brapting

December 22, 2015

I was hoping that someone wasn't just going to emphasise my shortcomings and label me like this. Out of everything that I wrote, you chose to pick out my age and virginity and thanks for calling me insecure. I am sure you would find it pretty nervewracking if you had never done it before. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with being a virgin at any age and I fail to see how believing that it is 'wrong' will help me to feel more secure.

For what it is worth she seems the forgiving type, which is one of the reasons that I like her and I can be confident in certain situations.

I am thinking something easygoing like the movies, a coffee or a drink.

Perfect....now go ask her out.

December 22, 2015

She goes online quite a bit. I was a little drunk when I found her and I accidently viewed her (meaning that this would appear on her profile).

Just out of curiosity, has she looked at your profile yet?

December 22, 2015

I was hoping that someone wasn't just going to emphasise my shortcomings and label me like this. Out of everything that I wrote, you chose to pick out my age and virginity and thanks for calling me insecure. I am sure you would find it pretty nervewracking if you had never done it before. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with being a virgin at any age and I fail to see how believing that it is 'wrong' will help me to feel more secure.

For what it is worth she seems the forgiving type, which is one of the reasons that I like her and I can be confident in certain situations.

I am thinking something easygoing like the movies, a coffee or a drink.

Why so defensive?

The past is the past. The fact that you are a virgin is the past. So bury it and don't worry about it. The present is about you having a job and having your own place (next on the list!) and being the best you ever. And the best you ever is going to stop worrying and ask her out.

She already knows if she'll say yes or no. I guarantee it. All you're doing by not suggesting a date, is at best delaying her telling you what she already knows, and at worst missing the boat.

December 22, 2015

Just out of curiosity' date=' has she looked at your profile yet?[/quote']

Nope. Not unless she has the old stealth viewing settings on hiding it.

I honestly am not getting too ahead of myself though. For all I know, she never even noticed that I viewed her. Her smiles and eye contact etc. could just be friendliness. But I am tired of developing a crush on women without saying anything over and over again. I am tired of that limbo.

All I know is that she feels comfortable and un-intimidating to be around. We share interests and I think we could have stuff to talk about. She is attractive...but most importantly, I like being around her and I want more of that.

I am confident that I am at the stage where I can ask her and be happy at the outcome. If anything...her saying 'yes' will mean that I will have to deal with what's next! If she makes excuses, turns me down etc...at least I will have the relief of having said something, the comfort of being certain and the joy of having done something for the first time. I am looking forward to it a little bit!

Whatever the outcome...I will still think she is cool.

December 22, 2015

Because you work in the same department, I'd tread lightly at first ... so go for the coffee date. If you do wind up going, you can ask the girl how she feels about dating someone at work and go from there.

Go for it before the girl meets someone else on the dating site!!

December 22, 2015

I just thought if she had that would have been a good sign, but like you said, she may not have even seen that you had looked at her profile.

You are going into this with the right attitude. It is nice to meet someone you feel at ease around and have things in common with, so it is worth a shot. Also, don't run yourself down, you have a lot going for you.

Good luck!

December 23, 2015

God...what a day.

I am starting to reconsider quite a bit because of today. After getting in, I suggested to the group that she shadow me which she seemed to like the sound of. She kept saying I am going to shadow me and came over after about 10 mins. We started to get on with some work and she chatted and joked with me every now and then. I leant my arm across to touch her arm whilst I was laughing with her (but did not touch her). She then began touching my arm over and over again while laughing at all of my jokes (must have done it about 15 times). We started kind of side leaning into each other too. She asked me about my degree and what I wanted to do with it. I asked some questions about her. There was food in the office and she kept offering to get me some. She seemed pretty keen to flirt.

All of this is good, but I have noticed that she has quite a loud laugh and she doesn't seem incredibly socially savvy. She seems quite prone to saying things that make people uncomfortable. For example, there is an older woman in the office. She thinks she knows it all and barks orders at colleagues and talks over them/interrupts them. All of us just nod, agree and ignore her to keep the peace...after all it (and she) is not worth it. The older lady was doing her normal thing at me and I was saying 'yep, yep' (looking at my computer) and I replied with something to do with the convo as she turned and walked away. Now normally I wouldn't give two poos about this, but the girl in question started laughing and loudly said "you just completely ignored him!". I tried to joke back, but I felt pretty uncomfortable and the older lady looked pretty uncomfortable too. Worst still she kept at it, saying that I "just ignore her too"...laughing away (to the point at which I thought the older lady would snap at her). I struggled to work out what the point of this was, whether it was just social clumsiness or poo-stirring. She also made quite a few immature jokes and became quite disruptive. I like to try and keep things as professional as possible and concentrate and the whole day has thrown cold water over my attraction to her a bit.

There is quite of bit of banter from the ladies in the office towards me, but they all seem to know where the line is. The woman in question said some very odd things today...like joking to me how I looked like "a child" when I rubbed my eyes. I gave her a funny look and she joked "I mean...." (tried to justify herself).

There were some nice bits, when she was shadowing me, I leant over her to point out something and rested my arm on hers. She also looked so cute when a song came on that she liked and she was bopping along next to me while eating chocolate, but on the whole, she was a little irritating and exhausting today. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but I am thinking leave it a bit to see what she is really like.

Edited December 23, 2015 by Brapting

December 24, 2015

God...what a day.

I am starting to reconsider quite a bit because of today. After getting in, I suggested to the group that she shadow me which she seemed to like the sound of. She kept saying I am going to shadow me and came over after about 10 mins. We started to get on with some work and she chatted and joked with me every now and then. I leant my arm across to touch her arm whilst I was laughing with her (but did not touch her). She then began touching my arm over and over again while laughing at all of my jokes (must have done it about 15 times). We started kind of side leaning into each other too. She asked me about my degree and what I wanted to do with it. I asked some questions about her. There was food in the office and she kept offering to get me some. She seemed pretty keen to flirt.

All of this is good, but I have noticed that she has quite a loud laugh and she doesn't seem incredibly socially savvy. She seems quite prone to saying things that make people uncomfortable. For example, there is an older woman in the office. She thinks she knows it all and barks orders at colleagues and talks over them/interrupts them. All of us just nod, agree and ignore her to keep the peace...after all it (and she) is not worth it. The older lady was doing her normal thing at me and I was saying 'yep, yep' (looking at my computer) and I replied with something to do with the convo as she turned and walked away. Now normally I wouldn't give two poos about this, but the girl in question started laughing and loudly said "you just completely ignored him!". I tried to joke back, but I felt pretty uncomfortable and the older lady looked pretty uncomfortable too. Worst still she kept at it, saying that I "just ignore her too"...laughing away (to the point at which I thought the older lady would snap at her). I struggled to work out what the point of this was, whether it was just social clumsiness or poo-stirring. She also made quite a few immature jokes and became quite disruptive. I like to try and keep things as professional as possible and concentrate and the whole day has thrown cold water over my attraction to her a bit.

There is quite of bit of banter from the ladies in the office towards me, but they all seem to know where the line is. The woman in question said some very odd things today...like joking to me how I looked like "a child" when I rubbed my eyes. I gave her a funny look and she joked "I mean...." (tried to justify herself).

There were some nice bits, when she was shadowing me, I leant over her to point out something and rested my arm on hers. She also looked so cute when a song came on that she liked and she was bopping along next to me while eating chocolate, but on the whole, she was a little irritating and exhausting today. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but I am thinking leave it a bit to see what she is really like.

Eugh...

She was at it again today. She said that she was going to sit me with me today to work. She was doing all the same stuff, sitting really close. At one point I turned and she was leant into me...almost resting her head on me while looking around. Tapping me and touching me a lot.

I tried to be all chilled and talkative with her but she was so disrespectful and rude. She kept saying "hurry up" and "quickly!" and just generally bossing me around. I don't know if she was trying to be funny or show off to my colleagues or if I have offended her or something, but it was so uncomfortable for me (and other people I think). My superior (in earshot) even said to the group that we "may have to have some rules for talking to people and rudeness in the new year", which I think was directed at her.

Thankfully I didn't really respond to any of her flirting while this was going on. I literally just ignored her comments and jokes (and her to a large degree), not that it seemed to stop her attempts (strangely). I am quite an easygoing non confrontational guy...but she seems to routinely cross the line.

The whole thing was horrible and has completely put me off:( I am going to confront her next week if she keeps the behaviour up and ask if I have offended her or upset her? Because she acts so disrespectfully towards me sometimes.

Edited December 24, 2015 by Brapting

December 24, 2015

Never dip your pen in the office ink.

December 24, 2015

Never dip your pen in the office ink.

Yhhhh...well that aside, her behaviour towards me has been unacceptably disrespectful the last couple of days.

I cant really understand it...as she seems behaves like she wants to get all close and familiar too.

Why is she being so bossy?

Edited December 24, 2015 by Brapting

December 24, 2015

This negative/abusive bantering is something my husband does, and I had to lay it on the line a couple of times to make him understand that I don't find it funny and found it hurtful. I believe she is doing the same thing. She probably thinks it's ok because you have known each other for a time and it's just harmless teasing to get attention. I feel she is laying it on thick because you haven't asked her out yet.

You need to man up and take whatever action you need to do.

Maybe she isn't dating material after all.

December 24, 2015

If you you're happy with your life as it is, don't change anything, just keep doing what you've done till now.

But if you want some changes, you have to stand up and change things. You analyze every tiny Capillary and nuance, instead of doing something. I think you have a serious lack of knowing how to jump in to the water. You talk a lot and doing nothing. I would advice you to talk less and do more.

Not only that girl. I advice you to start hitting on girls all the time. Not every girl but a girl you think is in your league. I feel that you must get few dozens of rejections, just to practice. Is it raining and you forgot your umbrella? Spring out towards the rain with joy. It will not kill you I can assure you that.

Do you think that girl is not for you? GREAT! Ask her out! That's how you wont care if she is rejecting you.

December 25, 2015

This negative/abusive bantering is something my husband does, and I had to lay it on the line a couple of times to make him understand that I don't find it funny and found it hurtful. I believe she is doing the same thing. She probably thinks it's ok because you have known each other for a time and it's just harmless teasing to get attention. I feel she is laying it on thick because you haven't asked her out yet.

You need to man up and take whatever action you need to do.

Maybe she isn't dating material after all.

I am just a guess I am little disappointed because I was about to ask her. I honestly came in to work on Tuesday fired up to ask her out. We had talked some, we were comfortable and flirting nicely.

Before I got the chance to even spring it...she started being all rude and disrespectful...to the point at which that I didn't want to be near her.

It was't supposed to go like that.

It it so hard in the office with everyone around. I just want to get her own so that we can talk properly.

December 25, 2015

If you you're happy with your life as it is, don't change anything, just keep doing what you've done till now.

But if you want some changes, you have to stand up and change things. You analyze every tiny Capillary and nuance, instead of doing something. I think you have a serious lack of knowing how to jump in to the water. You talk a lot and doing nothing. I would advice you to talk less and do more.

Not only that girl. I advice you to start hitting on girls all the time. Not every girl but a girl you think is in your league. I feel that you must get few dozens of rejections, just to practice. Is it raining and you forgot your umbrella? Spring out towards the rain with joy. It will not kill you I can assure you that.

Do you think that girl is not for you? GREAT! Ask her out! That's how you wont care if she is rejecting you.

I really appreciate the input (and the input of all posters) but I don't just want to date people for 'practise'...for the hell of it. Why would I do that to someone that I didn't find appealing? Would you want someone to use you like that?

Her being a colleague is a factor, but even ignoring this for a second...it would be pretty cruel, disrespectful and low to treat a person like this. Mis lead them with my intentions...I don't want to hurt her.

Edited December 25, 2015 by Brapting

December 25, 2015

If you you're happy with your life as it is, don't change anything, just keep doing what you've done till now.

But if you want some changes, you have to stand up and change things. You analyze every tiny Capillary and nuance, instead of doing something. I think you have a serious lack of knowing how to jump in to the water. You talk a lot and doing nothing. I would advice you to talk less and do more.

Not only that girl. I advice you to start hitting on girls all the time. Not every girl but a girl you think is in your league. I feel that you must get few dozens of rejections, just to practice. Is it raining and you forgot your umbrella? Spring out towards the rain with joy. It will not kill you I can assure you that.

Do you think that girl is not for you? GREAT! Ask her out! That's how you wont care if she is rejecting you.

Can I ask, where do you meet women?

One of the biggest problems I am finding is that I just don't come in contact with enough women for long enough to find ones that I like and can ask out.

I don't really have any hobbies or close friends (group of friends) at the moment and I struggle to know where to start with this.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

December 25, 2015

Brap, your problem with dating is that you do not date.

You got the hot's for this girl.

You want to date her.

You are too chicken to ask her out.

So,

You find reasons to justify being chicken and not ask her out.

You are into her, she is in to you.

I know many people in real life that worked together and got married and had long marriages with grandkids.

You need to remember that dating is the job interview for marriage. Date her honorably. There should be know problems.

December 25, 2015

Can I ask, where do you meet women?

One of the biggest problems I am finding is that I just don't come in contact with enough women for long enough to find ones that I like and can ask out.

I don't really have any hobbies or close friends (group of friends) at the moment and I struggle to know where to start with this.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

You meet women living life. It only takes one. You have met one that you like yet you will not ask her out. Meeting more one is not going to help you for you have a wishbone not a backbone. Time to man up.

December 25, 2015

Thank you for your posts...I will ask her. Although I think I know the outcome now.

I know posters advised against it, but I re viewed her dating app profile. I thought 'what the heck', we get on well, I know that she is single...so I messaged her saying 'well look who it is! how is your christmas going? x'

She viewed my profile and came back online a number of times...but no message. Odd, as we still have to see each other at work, so you would have thought that she would have said something so that things weren't awkward. Either way it makes hers feelings fairly unambiguously clear.

I will still ask her out face to face for a drink...but kinda know the outcome.

December 25, 2015

I think it would be good to keep talking to her like you have to which serves to warm her (and you) up to each other more. It's called getting to know each other and you will be doing it at work, which is not a formal date, but it helps for when you are ready to ask her out some place outside of work.

December 25, 2015

This negative/abusive bantering is something my husband does, and I had to lay it on the line a couple of times to make him understand that I don't find it funny and found it hurtful. I believe she is doing the same thing. She probably thinks it's ok because you have known each other for a time and it's just harmless teasing to get attention. I feel she is laying it on thick because you haven't asked her out yet.

You need to man up and take whatever action you need to do.

Maybe she isn't dating material after all.

Did your H stop?

I had a guy who I really liked act this way with me once. I was baffled.

December 25, 2015

I think what happened is the same quality that made her feel easy and comfortable to interact with, her bluntness and directness and fearlessness, is the same thing that became intimidating once you started putting her in a romantic context. Blunt people (I am one, now tempered a bit I hope) are easy to talk to and will talk to people who don't even give them a cue, but the down side is they are sometimes too direct for delicate souls who are easily hurt or are overanalyzing everything. They're not for everyone. You dodged a bullet here, I'm sad to say. But I believe it's because it took this strong and aggressive of a woman who would interact with you despite your fears and break through your barrrier. But then it's too strong and aggressive for you to feel confident with. Just a theory.

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Terrified...but I am going to give this a go

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