Is this rape?

[Denonville]

My boyfriend slid into me this morning while we were just cuddling in bed. It kinda took me by surprise. I didn't know what to say so I just went along with it.

[losangelena]

My boyfriend slid into me this morning while we were just cuddling in bed. It kinda took me by surprise. I didn't know what to say so I just went along with it.

 

Well ... did you WANT to go along with it? Or would you have rather he stopped?

 

Added: I've never had a man just "accidentally" slide into me. It's usually pretty intentional.

[Gaeta]

My boyfriend slid into me this morning while we were just cuddling in bed. It kinda took me by surprise. I didn't know what to say so I just went along with it.

 

 

Was it your first time?

[Glass Hut]

Depends, did he force you in bed? Did he force you to cuddle? Did he force you to go along with it? Did you do or say anything to stop it? If yes than it could be rape. If no than it's consensual but it doesn't sound like it was a great way to begin having sex with someone.

[kendahke]

What do you think, OP? Did you tell him that you didn't want to have sex with him or did he force himself on you?

 

I think a lot depends upon what was happening up to the moment it happened.

[Redfisher]

My girl Loves it when I slide it in before she wakes for work....Mmmm

[Denonville]

Was it your first time?

 

Yeah, it was.

[GemmaUK]

If you lay there like a brick then yes, rape.

If you responded, moved into him, kissed, cuddled, touched etc. It's not rape.

 

It depends upon your reactions when it was happening.

[RightThere]

I didn't know what to say so I just went along with it.

 

If he's your boyfriend and you didn't say or do anything, why would you think it's rape?

[Glitters]

Yeah, it was.

if this is true , then you couldn't have just gotten along with it.

[VeveCakes]

If you lay there like a brick then yes, rape.

If you responded, moved into him, kissed, cuddled, touched etc. It's not rape.

 

It depends upon your reactions when it was happening.

 

um no. This is a ridiculous comment.

 

Rape = Non consensual.

 

Consent = agreed to it.

 

Did you ask him to stop? Did you say no? If you didn't then unfortunately it may have been a huge violation, but it's not rape. If you were awake and let it happen, it is not rape. If you were asleep, that is another story.

[Samhain]

I'm having a hard time imagining how he could just "slide into you". If he was in a position to do that (so to speak) then you must have been laying together in a pretty sexual way, with sufficient clothes missing. Because if not, it wouldn't take you by surprise.

 

Did you ask him to stop, or stop him, or object in any way?

[earlymorningshakes]

My boyfriend slid into me this morning while we were just cuddling in bed. It kinda took me by surprise. I didn't know what to say so I just went along with it.

 

Wth? No, it is not rape. Unless you said no and he did it anyway, it is not rape.

[GunslingerRoland]

That is called sex.

 

 

It's surprisingly the most common outcome of cuddling naked with a member of the opposite sex.

[hannahsmith]

um no. This is a ridiculous comment.

 

Rape = Non consensual.

 

Consent = agreed to it.

 

Did you ask him to stop? Did you say no? If you didn't then unfortunately it may have been a huge violation, but it's not rape. If you were awake and let it happen, it is not rape. If you were asleep, that is another story.

 

You don't have to say no for it to be rape. There was an interesting programme on BBC 3 about whether or not it was rape and if she didn't do anything back, it may be rape.

[Gaeta]

People pay attention:

 

It was her first time

 

OP: Did you want to or not?

 

What I think happened is you did not plan on having intercourse but in the heat of the moment it happened and now you're confused or you regret.

 

The answer to your question if it's a rape is <did you want to have intercourse?>

 

It's ok to say yes, it's ok to say no. It's also ok to say yes I wanted to at the moment but I regret.

 

Which is it?

[Redhead14]

If she is under aged and he was of age, it would be considered statutory rape, regardless of whether or not she consented.

 

If they are both of age, and she did not resist in any way, it is consensual. What I don't understand is why she is asking? She didn't resist, she was in bed with a man and now wondering if it was rape. Is she worried that she may end up being pregnant, and if it does happen, will she then cry rape when her family finds out to shift the blame for this situation?

[VeveCakes]

You don't have to say no for it to be rape. There was an interesting programme on BBC 3 about whether or not it was rape and if she didn't do anything back, it may be rape.

 

no, but you have to actually show you are not consenting. That is ridiculous - so just laying there not participating is rape? Give me a break.

 

Move away.

Push away.

Say no.

Get up.

Et...if he forces you, then it's rape.

 

First time or not.

[hannahsmith]

People pay attention:

 

It was her first time

 

OP: Did you want to or not?

 

What I think happened is you did not plan on having intercourse but in the heat of the moment it happened and now you're confused or you regret.

 

The answer to your question if it's a rape is <did you want to have intercourse?>

 

It's ok to say yes, it's ok to say no. It's also ok to say yes I wanted to at the moment but I regret.

 

Which is it?

 

 

Also, where you naked? It seems stupid to ask, but doesn't make an actual difference legally, but it may have been harder for him to know if you didn't want to have sex if you were naked. If you were clothed it seems more forceful (but again this doesn't make a difference legally).

[VeveCakes]

People pay attention:

 

It was her first time

 

 

It's ok to say yes, it's ok to say no. It's also ok to say yes I wanted to at the moment but I regret.

 

Which is it?

 

but regret doesn't mean rape.

[Gaeta]

If she is under aged and he was of age, it would be considered statutory rape, regardless of whether or not she consented.

 

If they are both of age, and she did not resist in any way, it is consensual. What I don't understand is why she is asking? She didn't resist, she was in bed with a man and now wondering if it was rape. Is she worried that she may end up being pregnant, and if it does happen, will she then cry rape when her family finds out to shift the blame for this situation?

 

Redhead I am really surprised of your comment about not resisting.

 

It's well documented that not resisting does not mean it's consensual. There are several circumstances men were found guilty of rape while their victim did not talk back or fight back because in fear.

 

I am not saying she was in fear here but if she is a virgin and she had told him ahead of time no 'intercourse' and during foreplay he just pushed it in quick enough she didn't have time to react...what do you call that? I would call that a rape.

[losangelena]

I don't think anyone is saying that. I think we're just trying to get a bit more context, because OP is still being a bit vague about details.

[Gaeta]

I don't think anyone is saying that. I think we're just trying to get a bit more context, because OP is still being a bit vague about details.

 

Best way to create an uproar that will last 100 pages.

[losangelena]

Best way to create an uproar that will last 100 pages.

 

I totally agree. Very helpful of OP to just drop this here and disappear.

 

I'm bowing out until further notice.

[hannahsmith]

no, but you have to actually show you are not consenting. That is ridiculous - so just laying there not participating is rape? Give me a break.

 

Move away.

Push away.

Say no.

Get up.

Et...if he forces you, then it's rape.

 

First time or not.

 

That's not true. Lot's of people just freeze. If a person is attacked and raped in the street and doesn't push their attacker away, she consented? I know a boyfriend is different and that is much more extreme I am trying to show that you don't have to actively say NO for it not to be rape.

 

I agree, about the 100 pages. I don't mean to go off on a tangent. A bit more context would be helpful and also if YOU feel like you didn't consent either.