Ocean111 Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 Met this guy and had one night stand. Since then, he's been staying over at my place most of the nights during the weeks. He would come over around 8/9 and we hangout, talk, ave sex and he stays over the night. We would bus to work together in the morning. It's only been three weeks and we never talked about anything. But I know normally the sex only relationship the guy does not typically stay the night. Should I bring this up so we talk about our situation? I'm not sure what to do, I am fine with whatever we currently have but just a little confused as he loves staying over the nights
Redhead14 Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 Met this guy and had one night stand. Since then, he's been staying over at my place most of the nights during the weeks. He would come over around 8/9 and we hangout, talk, ave sex and he stays over the night. We would bus to work together in the morning. It's only been three weeks and we never talked about anything. But I know normally the sex only relationship the guy does not typically stay the night. Should I bring this up so we talk about our situation? I'm not sure what to do, I am fine with whatever we currently have but just a little confused as he loves staying over the nights At this point, it's been a series of one-night stands. I think you need to have a conversation about what you are looking for out of your dating experiences. I am fine with whatever we currently have -- Are you? What is it you want for yourself in dating? If you are looking for an exclusive dating partner/potential relationship, don't allow this kind of scenario to continue. Get clarity about what he wants. And, don't settle. If you two aren't on the same page in terms of dating goals, move on. Don't keep telling yourself you are OK with the way things are and hope for more, you will likely be disappointed. but just a little confused -- as he loves staying over the nights -- You're confused because you aren't communicating effectively. And, of course, he loves staying over . . . and he will as long as you allow it. Tell him you've been enjoying the time you've spent with him, but you are wanting more for yourself in dating and that if he is interested in you, you would like to set a more respectful pace for the two of you. If he says, he's just happy with the situation the way it is, I'd say, move on. If he says he likes you enough to want to truly date you, sit back and observe whether he picks up that ball. Don't invite him to your place or allow him to come there and keep the next few dates public until he's demonstrated the kind of interest you want from him and whether or not you want to continue being intimate. Hit the reset button, so to speak. 2
No_Go Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 Does he have a house at all? My ex was doing that with me and later I discovered the only other place that he could have stay was in his ex gf who kicked his lazy abusive a*s out of her place after he mooched on her for years. Then I signed a lease with him and he mooched on me ... So beware. The overnight guest is likely a homeless dude looking for a place to launch. I don't believe it is a sign of intimacy of any sort Met this guy and had one night stand. Since then, he's been staying over at my place most of the nights during the weeks. He would come over around 8/9 and we hangout, talk, ave sex and he stays over the night. We would bus to work together in the morning. It's only been three weeks and we never talked about anything. But I know normally the sex only relationship the guy does not typically stay the night. Should I bring this up so we talk about our situation? I'm not sure what to do, I am fine with whatever we currently have but just a little confused as he loves staying over the nights
Author Ocean111 Posted December 22, 2015 Author Posted December 22, 2015 Does he have a house at all? My ex was doing that with me and later I discovered the only other place that he could have stay was in his ex gf who kicked his lazy abusive a*s out of her place after he mooched on her for years. Then I signed a lease with him and he mooched on me ... So beware. The overnight guest is likely a homeless dude looking for a place to launch. I don't believe it is a sign of intimacy of any sort Haha! Yea I was at his place the first night. He lives relatively close to me ... In a two bedroom with a roommate
smackie9 Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 (edited) If he was to take you out on real dates, and engaged in conversations that involved in getting to know you then I would say no it's not just about sex....but since he is just coming over to hang out and bang it's just a FWB. He stays over because he is that lazy to go home. I suggest stop trying to read into this more that what it truly is. If you are starting to catch feelings, have a conversation of where you would like to know where you stand or would like to make it exclusive. Edited December 22, 2015 by smackie9 2
No_Go Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 Well.. Good for him I still think it is weird, especially that he lives close by ... Are you sure it's a roommate not just a friend where your dude is couch surfing? I won't be so suspicious if I haven't seen it happen Haha! Yea I was at his place the first night. He lives relatively close to me ... In a two bedroom with a roommate
smackie9 Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 BTW if it's getting to the point he is practically living there, then maybe he needs to contribute to the household like bring over some food or send him home to have some space. I hope to god you are not doing his laundry for him or he is doing it there.
Author Ocean111 Posted December 22, 2015 Author Posted December 22, 2015 BTW if it's getting to the point he is practically living there, then maybe he needs to contribute to the household like bring over some food or send him home to have some space. I hope to god you are not doing his laundry for him or he is doing it there. He does bring me dinner all the time and no I'm not doing his laundry lol. Thanks for your input! 1
Author Ocean111 Posted December 22, 2015 Author Posted December 22, 2015 Well.. Good for him I still think it is weird, especially that he lives close by ... Are you sure it's a roommate not just a friend where your dude is couch surfing? I won't be so suspicious if I haven't seen it happen Lol yea I'm Pretty sure! I stayed over in his bedroom the first night. I also met all of His friends that first night and still hang with this girl who got my number for him (his friends gf)
Gaeta Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 I've learn that one the hard way. No, if a man stays over night it doesn't mean much, just that he's too lazy to go back home. My question: Why he only gets to your place at 9 pm? Does he finish working at that time? If not, if he finishes working at 5 but he only gets to your place at 9 then he's just looking for sex and a warm body to sleep next to. About the weekends? where is he?
Author Ocean111 Posted December 22, 2015 Author Posted December 22, 2015 I've learn that one the hard way. No, if a man stays over night it doesn't mean much, just that he's too lazy to go back home. My question: Why he only gets to your place at 9 pm? Does he finish working at that time? If not, if he finishes working at 5 but he only gets to your place at 9 then he's just looking for sex and a warm body to sleep next to. About the weekends? where is he? Good point, thanks for the input! Guess I'll have a talk with him
Gaeta Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 Good point, thanks for the input! Guess I'll have a talk with him Would be nice you answer my questions. Where is he before 9 pm ? Where is he on weekends ?
Author Ocean111 Posted December 22, 2015 Author Posted December 22, 2015 Would be nice you answer my questions. Where is he before 9 pm ? Where is he on weekends ? I was having dinner plans with friends, him with his. He was over Friday and Saturday nights. Ok, I think I need to first figure out what I want then discuss with him To see what is it that he wants. Thanks
io2iio Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 He probably might be living off the street and finds your bed comfortable and warm
jen1447 Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 So you met this guy, slept w/him the same night, and then just kept sleeping w/him every night for 3 weeks straight? Not judging but you're really making your mark aren't you. Based on that it doesn't sound like anything but a particularly feisty FB scenario, but I suppose you could develop sth more from repeat exposure. That'd be kinda going about the whole relationship thing backwards tho, at least compared to how most ppl do it. 1
xcupid Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 I was having dinner plans with friends, him with his. He was over Friday and Saturday nights. Ok, I think I need to first figure out what I want then discuss with him To see what is it that he wants. Thanks Kind of obvious what he wants, isn't it? More importantly, it's what YOU want.
Author Ocean111 Posted January 3, 2016 Author Posted January 3, 2016 Kind of obvious what he wants, isn't it? More importantly, it's what YOU want. I am not entirely sure of what I want yet. I just got out of a very longgg relationship.
Author Ocean111 Posted January 3, 2016 Author Posted January 3, 2016 UPDATE: it's still going, he stays over 3 nights/week and we only text when we plan to meet up for sex. I've noticed little things like when he walk me to my office the other morning he kissed me goodbye and said have a good day... So I was confused and we had the 'talk', he said we are just hanging out... Which is fine by me at this point since the sex is pretty great .... I heard from friends that it is easier for girls to develop feelings in this type of arrangement, anybody who was in similar situation have any advice? Thanks
seekingluck Posted January 3, 2016 Posted January 3, 2016 UPDATE: it's still going, he stays over 3 nights/week and we only text when we plan to meet up for sex. I've noticed little things like when he walk me to my office the other morning he kissed me goodbye and said have a good day... So I was confused and we had the 'talk', he said we are just hanging out... Which is fine by me at this point since the sex is pretty great .... I heard from friends that it is easier for girls to develop feelings in this type of arrangement, anybody who was in similar situation have any advice? Thanks He wants nothing serious. Can you handle that? He is happy to meet up for sex when he is free and available. At some point he'll meet someone he wants to get serious with and he will drop you. All the time you are spending together can feel like false intimacy. And you sound like you are getting attached: reading into morning kisses as a sign of how much he might care .... If you want to date him you need to go on dates. If you want a seed only relationship, keep meeting in the evening at each other's apartments. 1
trippi1432 Posted January 3, 2016 Posted January 3, 2016 UPDATE: it's still going, he stays over 3 nights/week and we only text when we plan to meet up for sex. I've noticed little things like when he walk me to my office the other morning he kissed me goodbye and said have a good day... So I was confused and we had the 'talk', he said we are just hanging out... Which is fine by me at this point since the sex is pretty great .... I heard from friends that it is easier for girls to develop feelings in this type of arrangement, anybody who was in similar situation have any advice? Thanks Well, the problem is you are starting to notice the "little things".....that means your heart is going to get in the way of your head. That's when we ladies start to get those "feelings". I would take his "hanging out" response as just casual sex, and if you are okay with it, you're an adult and can make that decision. I dated a guy last month and we were very well matched in a lot of ways. I had the "talk" just about monogamy if we were going to move to anything sexual and his response was that he wanted monogamy. He gave me the "talk" on NYE day that he wasn't ready for a relationship. I wasn't too broken up about it as I didn't know where things might go, thanked him for his honesty...yada yada. Then he spun me for a loop because he had to tell me this since he was going to be at the same NYE event as me......with another woman he wanted to "date"....aka, have casual sex with. I went anyways, had a blast and never saw him there nor did I look for him. I also cleaned out any and all ex's from my FB as a resolution to myself for 2016. So, depending on your relationship goals, if you are comfortable with just casual sex I would just say watch your heart and don't let it get involved. I would also start making myself a little less available to him. Make some time for you without him, go out with friends....etc. He will either be okay with it or he will rethink what the two of you are. 1
thecrucible Posted January 3, 2016 Posted January 3, 2016 I'm going to be straight up honest with my opinion here. Don't do the FWB thing. He is insulting you by even suggesting that. Seriously it's very insulting for a man to explicitly tell you that he only sees you as a sexual plaything and nothing more. Besides men know that women can get attached over time. HE is not thinking about you. He only cares about his own selfish needs. Cut out the hassle and get yourself a shiny new vibrator.
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