Kittenpaws Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 (edited) I've been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. I'm 28 he's 35. When I first met his family I got comfortable being around them pretty fast ...but as time went on I dreaded being around them more and more. It's too the point now that I don't care to be around them at all and will avoid events or arrangements. His sister who is in Her late 40s still lives at home. She doesn't work but lives a lifestyle and acts as if she had a 6 figure salary. She's on disability... I'm not going to question all that but I know their family knows what kind of strings and what to say in order to make that happen. She is lazy and does nothing all day. His mother is retired... She seems to be in a rut because of the sister. She chooses to complain about the sister but continues to baby her. His mother doesn't do anything all day... Doesn't go for a walk or any type of physical activity. She just watches tv. My boyfriend isn't close to his father... His father has never really said anything more than Hi to me once or twice. All he does his baby the older sister... It's really uncomfortable and extremely awkward. I'm so sick of hearing "dad daddy do you have any chocolate" what the fck Everyone has all the time in the world but they all do nothing. They are all obese, diabetic and with heart conditions. Every time I've seen them they've always been infront of the tv. I mean every time I have ever been at their house... Any time of day... Blooped right in front of the tv. I live a healthy lifestyle and have encouraged my boyfriend to do so also... I can only imagine they think I'm trying to change him. When I go there I leave feeling upset and wishing I never went. Last time I was there his mother and his sister said I'm always tired. I told them it's because I work full time and rotate shifts (I'm a full time nurse) nothing they would know of. They never remember details about me and his sister actually continues to forget where I live and the mother is no different. There are endless comments like that... His sister has made comments that I buy expensive clothes... Almost insinuating that I shouldn't or can't afford too. I've made attempts to do things with them... But the sister always makes it about her or leaves and the dad or mom chase after her tantrum. This whole time my boyfriend always openly says how his family likes me... Well I can't stand to be around them anymore. I think my boyfriend has noticed how I am feeling over time but I can't imagine anyone wanting to be around all of them. I know that sounds harsh but gahhhh They baby the sister, she's pretentious, lazy and living off the government and no one is doing anything to better themselves but they continue to complain I can't imagine marrying my boyfriend and having a kid and letting the kid spend long periods of time with them... I also can't imagine having a kid that inherits any of their genes I know this sounds horribly mean but you have to see it for yourself Ignore any typos I'm coming off nights What do I do? Christmas is a whole other thread Edited December 22, 2015 by Kittenpaws
d0nnivain Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 You find it in your heart to be kind & gracious to them. They may be making choices you don't agree with but it doesn't sound like they are asking you to participate. Nobody says you have to spend lots of time with them just be polite when you do see them.
Just a Guy Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 Hi Kitten, Sorry you find yourself in a tricky situation. Firstly, how did you meet your Boyfriend in the first place? Also does he share the same traits and behaviour patterns as the rest of the family? What is his attitude towards his sister? Does he, too, mollycoddle her? If his family is such an anathema to you why don't you tell him kindly that it is not going to work and break it off with him? I say this because your disgust toward his family comes through clearly and if you are going to have a long term relationship with them with this attitude then something is going to blow up at some stage. Not a healthy situation if you are forever going to be linked to them. Just my opinion! Warm wishes.
almond Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 I wish the issues with my boyfriend's family were as simple and relatively pleasant as the ones you've described I stay strong, and support him. I sit there, smile, be polite, and try my best to enjoy some of my time with them...or at least convincingly act as though I do. I feel sorry for my boyfriend having to deal with such a toxic family environment, and it must be so much worse for him than it is for me. I don't allow myself to make it about me, or make the situation worse for him. I do my best to be by his side and help him through it, and not cause any more drama than is necessary. I vent to my best friend when needed to get it off my chest. Sometimes we do things for those that we love. Family is family. Unless they're damaging us or crossing serious lines - I sit down, shut up, close my ears when I need to, and smile lots. If I was having to deal with difficult family members, the absolute last thing I would want is judgement or negativity from my partner. Support him. Realise that this isn't about you. Unless they are doing anything to hurt you or him, you need to simply deal with it in my opinion.
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