Heartbrokenguy80 Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 I've been joining LS for a month now. Reading other people's post. This is my first time writing I broke up with my ex 6 months ago after being together with her for 3.5 years. Towards the end of our relationship, we grew apart and with the passing of my grandfather we didn't meet much. At that time we were planning to get married but due to circumstances, we didn't communicate much and one day she just broke up with me. She blocked my phone, all the aps and Facebook ( except we are still friends but she blocked all her posts from me). I tried the usual stuff: calling her from other phone, messaging her, going to her house and workplace. She did met me twice told me that it was over. I went over total 8-10x but the rest of the times she ignored me. She said I didn't put enough effort in our relationship. I treated her the best among all my ex. I messaged her in fb hope to convince her doing all that I can. I know NC is the way. I'm trying to and trying my best not to check if she's online/offline in Fb (as that's the only feature I can see from her). Part of me tells me don't give up and hope that she can change her mind It's so tough to start NC. Most people start NC after 2-3 months trying but me already 6 months. Anyone has such experience ??
Captivating Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 Hi, You tried to persuade her but she wouldn't budge. You showed her that you care about her and want her, that's all you can do. You won't have any regrets. I would go NC from now on, maybe your absence will trigger her curiosity. Why didn't you guys communicate much towards the end of the relationship? Maybe you guys took each other for granted. 2
Author Heartbrokenguy80 Posted December 22, 2015 Author Posted December 22, 2015 Hi, You tried to persuade her but she wouldn't budge. You showed her that you care about her and want her, that's all you can do. You won't have any regrets. I would go NC from now on, maybe your absence will trigger her curiosity. Why didn't you guys communicate much towards the end of the relationship? Maybe you guys took each other for granted. As u know sometimes when u have been together for so long u tend to take each other for granted. Plus during that time my grandfather passed away. I'm not a person who gives up love easily. That's why now I'm still trying. Even after 6 months. It's so hard to make the first step to initiate NC. Are you on NC?? How long???
cupcakebunny Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 I started at 6 months. It's tough because it's almost like you're just doing the breakup now -- but it gets better. The unfortunate truth with these things is NC and time will make it better. The NC is not really so you can get her back -- that usually doesn't do anything -- it's to allow both of you to move on from the relationship and grow and heal. The point is to move on. If after a year or so you want to give it a go, try reaching out to see if she's interested in getting a drink and go from there. Any 2nd chance would essentially be like starting a new relationship as you wouldn't want to fall into the same patterns that led to a breakup.
Author Heartbrokenguy80 Posted December 22, 2015 Author Posted December 22, 2015 I started at 6 months. It's tough because it's almost like you're just doing the breakup now -- but it gets better. The unfortunate truth with these things is NC and time will make it better. The NC is not really so you can get her back -- that usually doesn't do anything -- it's to allow both of you to move on from the relationship and grow and heal. The point is to move on. If after a year or so you want to give it a go, try reaching out to see if she's interested in getting a drink and go from there. Any 2nd chance would essentially be like starting a new relationship as you wouldn't want to fall into the same patterns that led to a breakup. You started NC after 6 months of trying to get your ex back after breakup?? Yea I agree NC is for us to move on. For me NC seems like a huge step
Captivating Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 As u know sometimes when u have been together for so long u tend to take each other for granted. Plus during that time my grandfather passed away. I'm not a person who gives up love easily. That's why now I'm still trying. Even after 6 months. It's so hard to make the first step to initiate NC. Are you on NC?? How long??? Hi, I have been through this a couple of times. It's a withdrawal. NC is a great way to clear your thoughts, put things into perspective, show that you value yourself and not being desperate. Mainly for yourself. Walking away graciously is better for you in the long run. You give space for your lady who has never had the opportunity to miss you or to be curious about you because you are always there. Pursuing someone for 6 months might seem overly obsessive for her. You cannot make her want you, unfortunately. Go NC and focus on yourself for a while, DISCOVER YOURSELF IN NEW WAYS. Hang out with friends, try a new hobby, read, travel, cook, try new things, help people up here with their heartache- your input helps others. This would be a good start. In order to HEAL, you need NC !
Captivating Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 As u know sometimes when u have been together for so long u tend to take each other for granted. Plus during that time my grandfather passed away. I'm not a person who gives up love easily. That's why now I'm still trying. Even after 6 months. It's so hard to make the first step to initiate NC. Are you on NC?? How long??? Hi, I have been trough this a couple of times. It's a withdrawal. NC is a great way to clear your thoughts, put things into perspective, show that you value yourself and not being desperate. Mainly for yourself. Walking away graciously is better for you in the long run. You give space for your lady who has never had the opportunity to miss you or to be curious about you because you are always there. Pursuing someone for 6 months might seem overly obsessive for her. You cannot make her want you, unfortunately. Go NC and focus on yourself for a while, DISCOVER YOURSELF IN NEW WAYS. Hang out with friends, try a new hobby, read, travel, cook, try new things, help people up here with their heartache- your input helps others. This would be a good start. In order to HEAL, you need NC !
Author Heartbrokenguy80 Posted December 23, 2015 Author Posted December 23, 2015 Hi, I have been trough this a couple of times. It's a withdrawal. NC is a great way to clear your thoughts, put things into perspective, show that you value yourself and not being desperate. Mainly for yourself. Walking away graciously is better for you in the long run. You give space for your lady who has never had the opportunity to miss you or to be curious about you because you are always there. Pursuing someone for 6 months might seem overly obsessive for her. You cannot make her want you, unfortunately. Go NC and focus on yourself for a while, DISCOVER YOURSELF IN NEW WAYS. Hang out with friends, try a new hobby, read, travel, cook, try new things, help people up here with their heartache- your input helps others. This would be a good start. In order to HEAL, you need NC ! How long did u take to finally go NC?? I'm currently trying to go traveling, learning new skills, going out with friends but I can't seem to take my mind off her. Wondering what she's doing and whether she has a new guy. It sucks
Captivating Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 How long did u take to finally go NC?? I'm currently trying to go traveling, learning new skills, going out with friends but I can't seem to take my mind off her. Wondering what she's doing and whether she has a new guy. It sucks My last breakup was a long time ago. I went NC right away since I knew that it helps me tremendously. Most of us have several breakups until we finally settle down Relationships are a learning process. You figure out what you want and what you don't want in a relationship. One day you will find the perfect fit. There will be a time when you start seeing the things in your relationship and seeing her more clearly. You might end up seeing the BU differently. NC helps you avoid getting triggered emotionally. Out of sight , out of mind ...well almost You need to do this for yourself, it calms your nerves and helps you disattach, regardless of the outcome that you are hoping for. All my ex-boyfriends contacted me at some point. One of them wanted me back 7 and 13 years into his marriage. My first ex bf is one of my best friends, there is no romantic connection, but a deep unconditional friendship.
Captivating Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 How long did u take to finally go NC?? I'm currently trying to go traveling, learning new skills, going out with friends but I can't seem to take my mind off her. Wondering what she's doing and whether she has a new guy. It sucks Yes, I agree, it does suck. It will get better though, keep yourself busy and believe in yourself! "I don't want to be with a person, who doesn't want to be with me." important.
Author Heartbrokenguy80 Posted December 23, 2015 Author Posted December 23, 2015 Yes, I agree, it does suck. It will get better though, keep yourself busy and believe in yourself! "I don't want to be with a person, who doesn't want to be with me." important. Thanks a lot. It's true. I admire your strength in starting NC right away. It takes a lot of courage. The thing is there's a bit of hope that we might be together. N we all cling onto hope. Hope is the one that makes it difficult to start NC
lemondrop21 Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 No need to lose the hope that you could still be together, when starting NC. It might spark her curiosity, as another poster said. Either way, neither of you is dying, and presumably you still live in the same area... There is the possibility. If you can say to yourself "I'm accepting that there is a possibility that we will be together in the future, but right now I need to focus on healing myself, having some new experiences and MAYBE meeting someone else in the meantime," this might help you actually take the NC plunge. Think of it as one day at a time. Wake up each day and say "I don't need to talk to her today. She will be fine, and I will be fine. Today I'm going to focus on me." Trust me, the strong guy who is getting on with his life and doesn't need you anymore, is far more desirable than the guy who continues to hang on. If you've let her know exactly what you would do to make the relationship better, if you were to get back together, then you've done all you can. Good luck to you.
Author Heartbrokenguy80 Posted December 23, 2015 Author Posted December 23, 2015 No need to lose the hope that you could still be together, when starting NC. It might spark her curiosity, as another poster said. Either way, neither of you is dying, and presumably you still live in the same area... There is the possibility. If you can say to yourself "I'm accepting that there is a possibility that we will be together in the future, but right now I need to focus on healing myself, having some new experiences and MAYBE meeting someone else in the meantime," this might help you actually take the NC plunge. Think of it as one day at a time. Wake up each day and say "I don't need to talk to her today. She will be fine, and I will be fine. Today I'm going to focus on me." Trust me, the strong guy who is getting on with his life and doesn't need you anymore, is far more desirable than the guy who continues to hang on. If you've let her know exactly what you would do to make the relationship better, if you were to get back together, then you've done all you can. Good luck to you. Thanks. Really appreciate it. But if u have the hope of getting together, NC would be a bit hard. It won't be easy not to think about her.
Captivating Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 Thanks a lot. It's true. I admire your strength in starting NC right away. It takes a lot of courage. The thing is there's a bit of hope that we might be together. N we all cling onto hope. Hope is the one that makes it difficult to start NC About my "STRENGTH" I was a mess !!!! I could hardly function I was so hurt for 2 months straight. I couldn't contact him about it though, desperation is not attractive, I wouldn't have achieved anything with crying and pleading. I was too proud to show this to him. So I was suffering on my own. It gets better though, you will see. It takes time. As Lemondrop said you guys might end up together one day, you just never know. For your sake though, you need to let it go for now and keep an open mind. Talk to other girls You might end up meting someone incredible.
Author Heartbrokenguy80 Posted December 23, 2015 Author Posted December 23, 2015 About my "STRENGTH" I was a mess !!!! I could hardly function I was so hurt for 2 months straight. I couldn't contact him about it though, desperation is not attractive, I wouldn't have achieved anything with crying and pleading. I was too proud to show this to him. So I was suffering on my own. It gets better though, you will see. It takes time. As Lemondrop said you guys might end up together one day, you just never know. For your sake though, you need to let it go for now and keep an open mind. Talk to other girls You might end up meting someone incredible. Maybe I want her so bad I don't care about my attractiveness or dignity. I didn't care how she saw me as long as I hope we could be back together. I don't have any motivation to go out and meet people. I know I have to but it's so hard
Stressed_26 Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 (edited) No one has the motivation or desire to go out and meet other people. But we need to do it. It is disappointing that no sooner you think your days at hanging out at pubs and clubs are over and then destiny comes up with cruel twist. Those chatting up with strangers, animated conversation, getting to know someone has to be done again. If you have good social circle then it is worth knowing few other girls, not much just with the intention of making friends. From my past experience I know that nothing makes forgetting your ex faster than a new relationship, but the new thing does not happen when you need it. I think we never get things when we need them, it is always the other way. Keep trying; we all need to do it. We will get there ! Edited December 23, 2015 by Stressed_26
Author Heartbrokenguy80 Posted December 23, 2015 Author Posted December 23, 2015 No one has the motivation or desire to go out and meet other people. But we need to do it. It is disappointing that no sooner you think your days at hanging out at pubs and clubs are over and then destiny comes up with cruel twist. Those chatting up with strangers, animated conversation, getting to know someone has to be done again. If you have good social circle then it is worth knowing few other girls, not much just with the intention of making friends. From my past experience I know that nothing makes forgetting your ex faster than a new relationship, but the new thing does not happen when you need it. I think we never get things when we need them, it is always the other way. Keep trying; we all need to do it. We will get there ! Thanks stressed. I've read that rebound relationship will make it worse. There's a girl who seems to be interested in me. She also just broke up with her ex. I have no interest in her. I scared that I might cause her to misunderstand that I like her and cause second round of pain to her. I agree. We have to make the first step to go out and have fun. Most of my friends are married with kids so they can't really hang out with me all the time
Stressed_26 Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 Thanks stressed. I've read that rebound relationship will make it worse. There's a girl who seems to be interested in me. She also just broke up with her ex. I have no interest in her. I scared that I might cause her to misunderstand that I like her and cause second round of pain to her. I agree. We have to make the first step to go out and have fun. Most of my friends are married with kids so they can't really hang out with me all the time I didn't mean like rebound, but just hang out with someone. Try to be like friends, and when you are ready then go for a relationship. I kept pining for one of my ex for 1.5 hours, and I moved on finally when I found a new girl. I think NC helps, but the final pain goes away with a new relationship. Ofcourse, as in my case, the new relationship might turn out to be worse than last time, but that's the only way. All the happy updates about moving on I read on LS are from people who have found someone new. So we will have to walk that path. Talk to this girl - I am sure none of you want anything now but it is good to have company. Yes married people can only hang out for activities and not as friends.
Author Heartbrokenguy80 Posted December 23, 2015 Author Posted December 23, 2015 I didn't mean like rebound, but just hang out with someone. Try to be like friends, and when you are ready then go for a relationship. I kept pining for one of my ex for 1.5 hours, and I moved on finally when I found a new girl. I think NC helps, but the final pain goes away with a new relationship. Ofcourse, as in my case, the new relationship might turn out to be worse than last time, but that's the only way. All the happy updates about moving on I read on LS are from people who have found someone new. So we will have to walk that path. Talk to this girl - I am sure none of you want anything now but it is good to have company. Yes married people can only hang out for activities and not as friends. Thanks. Maybe for a time being I just get to know more people, go travel, find a new hobby etc. How I wish I can one day wake up and unable to recall who my ex is. How great our day would be
thespacey1 Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 OP, you're exactly right. It is difficult. As long as you can understand that,I think you'll be ok because that's a normal way to feel after a BU. I suggest allowing yourself to go through the grieving process without letting people force you to, "get back out there".... Date date date!! Become a player ,asap! All that is,is just a ficade that will prevent you from truly healing. You'll end up being hurt again for similar reasons You never know what the future holds for you and your ex. But for now, I suggest being in the moment. Date other females if you feel like it, if not DO NOT force it. I went through the same slow process .Getting better now, but I still think about him a lot after a year and wonder what things would be like if we got back together. Then I think of the reasons I initiated our BU. You will get better!
Author Heartbrokenguy80 Posted December 24, 2015 Author Posted December 24, 2015 OP, you're exactly right. It is difficult. As long as you can understand that,I think you'll be ok because that's a normal way to feel after a BU. I suggest allowing yourself to go through the grieving process without letting people force you to, "get back out there".... Date date date!! Become a player ,asap! All that is,is just a ficade that will prevent you from truly healing. You'll end up being hurt again for similar reasons You never know what the future holds for you and your ex. But for now, I suggest being in the moment. Date other females if you feel like it, if not DO NOT force it. I went through the same slow process .Getting better now, but I still think about him a lot after a year and wonder what things would be like if we got back together. Then I think of the reasons I initiated our BU. You will get better! Thanks thespacey. How long after BU u went NC?? I don't even have the mood or motivation to go on a date. All I could think is her. What she's doing. Whether she's with another guy. All these flood my mind everyday. It's so hard. I lost 5kg. I can't sleep
Captivating Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 Maybe I want her so bad I don't care about my attractiveness or dignity. I didn't care how she saw me as long as I hope we could be back together. I don't have any motivation to go out and meet people. I know I have to but it's so hard If she doesn't see you value yourself how would she value you? That's what I meant about attractiveness. You say you don't care how she saw you if you could get back together. I don't know about her feelings for you; however, you need to attract someone to get back together. How would she miss you or being curious about you if you didn't give her space to do that? I know you want her and your mind is addicted to her (it is a withdrawal just like drug addiction) , it is hard. You cannot make someone want you if they don't, unfortunately. And you shouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be in a relationship with you at the moment. Who knows what the future holds, you might end up together someday....until then though... NC would be a faster road towards healing. You need to heal no matter what. IT IS HARD, we have all been there. You come first!
cupcakebunny Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 (edited) You started NC after 6 months of trying to get your ex back after breakup?? Yea I agree NC is for us to move on. For me NC seems like a huge step No. We tried to be friends. It didn't work. I don't want to get back with my ex. We brought out the worst in eachother. Very toxic and dysfunctional relationship. If we get back together it will have to be after therapy and distance apart. Even as friends we were falling into the same fighting patterns. It is a huge step. One of the hardest because the grief comes and goes. And can be compounded by other issues like anxiety and depression. And your gut reaction is to go to the person you used to go to for support and you cant. Edit: but it will get better. Use this as a way to meet new people maybe date. Learn about yourself. Sometimes that's hard when you are with the same person so long. Edited December 24, 2015 by cupcakebunny
Author Heartbrokenguy80 Posted December 25, 2015 Author Posted December 25, 2015 If she doesn't see you value yourself how would she value you? That's what I meant about attractiveness. You say you don't care how she saw you if you could get back together. I don't know about her feelings for you; however, you need to attract someone to get back together. How would she miss you or being curious about you if you didn't give her space to do that? I know you want her and your mind is addicted to her (it is a withdrawal just like drug addiction) , it is hard. You cannot make someone want you if they don't, unfortunately. And you shouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be in a relationship with you at the moment. Who knows what the future holds, you might end up together someday....until then though... NC would be a faster road towards healing. You need to heal no matter what. IT IS HARD, we have all been there. You come first! Part of me thinks that maybe it's a test from her to see how much I'm willing to go to get her back. Or whether I will just simply give up on trying to get her back. What if she's testing me out n I just ignore her n go nc?? These thoughts flood my mind. Anyone has the same thoughts ??
Author Heartbrokenguy80 Posted December 25, 2015 Author Posted December 25, 2015 No. We tried to be friends. It didn't work. I don't want to get back with my ex. We brought out the worst in eachother. Very toxic and dysfunctional relationship. If we get back together it will have to be after therapy and distance apart. Even as friends we were falling into the same fighting patterns. It is a huge step. One of the hardest because the grief comes and goes. And can be compounded by other issues like anxiety and depression. And your gut reaction is to go to the person you used to go to for support and you cant. Edit: but it will get better. Use this as a way to meet new people maybe date. Learn about yourself. Sometimes that's hard when you are with the same person so long. Thanks. You got back together with your ex?? Seldom hear such cases here happening.
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