Non-virgin gf making me wait for 3+ months

[seekingluck]

Oh man, I'm literally just repeating heresay and this isn't an official rude.

 

I've been told that if you REALLY are serious about someone and you like them - you wait 6 months to see if he/she is serious about you.

 

I really advise you to break up with her - this isn't the relationship you are looking for. I feel like she will fall in love with you, finally sleep with you and you will just ditch her.

 

I agree. And it sounds like he is only in the relationship for sex. Look at the thread title "non-virgin gf" not having sex with me.

[Imajerk17]

That might be true, but why do you think that going by the OP's posts??

 

If a girl felt bad about maybe "giving in" to pressure from a guy, instead of having sex because she actively WANTED to, that could definitely carry forward to future relationships.

 

Also as others have said, the OP is extremely eager and focussed on having a sexual relationship and the girl could very well feel that he's more about that than about her personally - and she could be right.

 

Yes indeed to the bolded, this guy definitely could be coming across as sex-focused (and clumsy about it), and so her feeling pressured or objectified is understandable. What I find less than cool though, is why this woman made a guy she isn't comfortable having sex with *her boyfriend*.

 

Why I think this girl isn't attracted: I am finding it really hard to imagine a 23-year-old who is wildly attracted to her new boyfriend holding off on sex. I know it does happen, but in those instances usually it is made clear where she is coming from and that she is invested. This hardly seems to be the case here--why is the OP posting on LS?

 

I think the OP and his girlfriend are both inexperienced. They seem to know so little as to where the other is coming from. Hopefully they can have a discussion that clears the air.

[craw]

oops I meant official rule.

 

It's interesting perspective from PPan - if that was the case, why would she string him along?

 

@seekingluck - it also makes me wonder, how did he know she's not a virgin? hmm.

[Rejected Rosebud]

She might be thinking he's only interested in her for sex. He'll follow your instructions and "kick her to the curb" because she's not having sex. So she would have been right.

 

I do want to give a shout out to ALL the women on LoveShack and not on LoveShack who are not getting naked with guys before they are in an exclusive relationship with them. I'm really surprised that all you guys are shocked that this goes on!!

 

Whatever. I think OP is not very smooth at getting a sexual situation underway (no offense intended OP! ). I do hope that whatever happens nobody gets their feelings terribly hurt over it. Best case scenario: They're having sex right now!!! :bunny:

[Blunderstorm]

Hi, I'm back. Not sure if I should be concern about this but she stood me up on New Year's Eve and didn't answer my calls till the following day telling me about her cell phone got messed up and how she didn't have my # written.

 

I spend that day with my family and my closest friends, got kind of drunk and that's about it.

 

Are you exclusive? How would you describe your rl with her?

Yes, we are exclusive. It's a sexless relationship. I haven't even done oral either.

[PPan]

oops I meant official rule.

 

It's interesting perspective from PPan - if that was the case, why would she string him along?

 

@seekingluck - it also makes me wonder, how did he know she's not a virgin? hmm.

 

She could be stringing him alone for attention. For emotional support. To feel sexually desired. To have a friend who is always there for her. Plenty of reasons for a woman to be in relationship with a guy she is not attracted to. There was one girl I met when I was 22.

 

She was 19. She had been involved mostly with players before she met me. She wanted to be in a relationship with me before she had sex. I wasn't really going to give her a relationship knowing that she never had a relationship with the guys she had casual sex with.

 

So one day my friends and her got together and she got drunk and I got her to talk about the guys she hooked up. The guys she described didn't look like me. At all. It was obvious she wasn't attracted to me, as she didn't made those guys wait for sex. But she wanted to be in a relationship with me.

 

I'm not interested in relationships let alone sexless relationships. I moved on.

[Blunderstorm]

@seekingluck - it also makes me wonder, how did he know she's not a virgin? hmm.

That's a given when she shared a bit about herself about several dead-end relationships not working out.

[PPan]

Hi, I'm back. Not sure if I should be concern about this but she stood me up on New Year's Eve and didn't answer my calls till the following day telling me about her cell phone got messed up and how she didn't have my # written.

 

I spend that day with my family and my closest friends, got kind of drunk and that's about it.

 

 

Bro, I don't want to hurt you..but she spent New Year's Eve with some other guy. She's your girlfriend but doesn't answer your calls? stood you up on News year's eve? Doesn't have your #written?

 

You clearly have low self-esteem because you still have your V-card. What you need to do is to talk to a friend of yours, someone who knows girls who are a little more sexual than most, if you catch my drift. Sleep with one of those girls. Lose your V-card. Become more confident. Meet girls and make sure they give you what you want, or you are gone.

[Blunderstorm]

Because she is the first person who didn't friends zone him.

I did wanted to get out of that friendzone so badly. At the time, it felt like a victory (well I know it's not a complete victory but at least I was finally able to call a girl my gf and introduce her) to me when she accepted being my gf and I could change my fb status to ''in a relationship''.

 

Regarding her age, yes a couple of you guessed it correctly. She's 23.

Edited January 3, 2016 by Blunderstorm

[Blunderstorm]

Bro, I don't want to hurt you..but she spent New Year's Eve with some other guy. She's your girlfriend but doesn't answer your calls? stood you up on News year's eve? Doesn't have your #written?

Damn that would really suck. It would mean I'm wasting time and money. I find myself paying more on dates but it's because she's kind of broken.

[whichwayisup]

How far have you gone with her? Also when you do spend time together, how is she with you? Is she affectionate, hold your hand, kiss you often?

 

So, she had no way of getting hold of you on New Year's Eve? No social media, just phone number which she didn't know/remember off hand?

[seekingluck]

I did wanted to get out of that friendzone so badly. At the time, it felt like a victory (well I know it's not a complete victory but at least I was finally able to call a girl my gf and introduce her) to me when she accepted being my gf and I could change my fb status to ''in a relationship''.

 

Regarding her age, yes a couple of you guessed it correctly. She's 23.

 

The friend zone is not a real thing. Some women want to be your friend, some people wan to date you. There is no goal or zone to get to. She is spending time with because she wants to get to know you. She is kidding you because she is attracted to you. You need to get it out of your head women owe you sex. She owes you nothing. If you feel like it is a waste of your time hanging out together and not having sex, then you need to end the relationship. And stop being bitter about bring a virgin.

 

You are not ready for a relationship with her. You think you are owed something because of your Facebook relationship status.

[PPan]

The friend zone is not a real thing. Some women want to be your friend, some people wan to date you. There is no goal or zone to get to. She is spending time with because she wants to get to know you. She is kidding you because she is attracted to you. You need to get it out of your head women owe you sex. She owes you nothing. If you feel like it is a waste of your time hanging out together and not having sex, then you need to end the relationship. And stop being bitter about bring a virgin.

 

You are not ready for a relationship with her. You think you are owed something because of your Facebook relationship status.

 

The friendzone is real, tho. Plenty of women keep guys they know are into them, around, because these guy's validation and attention always feels good. Guys who are attracted to a specific girl should not befriend her. They should make a move and move on if the girl is not interested.

 

Its not a matter of being owed sex. The guy should never give a woman a relationship without getting what he wants in return. If he's not hot and he's already giving her what she wants(a relationship and the good stuff that comes with it, for free), what motive would she have to ever have sex with him?

 

The guy's problem is that he's a virgin and that makes him dependant on her to lose his virginity. He can have sex with other girls while being in a relationship with her. If she loves him, she'll understand that.

Edited January 3, 2016 by PPan

[seekingluck]

The friendzone is real, tho. Plenty of women keep guys they know are into them, around, because these guy's validation and attention always feels good. Guys who are attracted to a specific girl should not befriend her. They should make a move and move on if the girl is not interested.

 

Its not a matter of being owed sex. The guy should never give a woman a relationship without getting what he wants in return. If he's not hot and he's already giving her what she wants(a relationship and the good stuff that comes with it, for free), what motive would she have to ever have sex with him?

 

The guy's problem is that he's a virgin and that makes him dependant on her to lose his virginity. He can have sex with other girls while being in a relationship with her. If she loves him, she'll understand that.

 

I agree, if someone doesn't genuinely want to be friends, they shouldn't stick around hoping something mire should happen.

 

The point of a relationship is not to get sex. If the OP wants to have sex with other women he should not be in an exclusive relationship where it is assumed they are each other's only partners. If he wants to have multiple partners he needs to tell his girlfriend.

 

It looks like her goal is to have sex in an emotionally fufilling relationship. His goal is to hurry up and end his virginity. They don't have the same goals.

 

If for him a key component of s relationship is to have sex he needs to man up and communicate that to his girlfriend. If the current state is not fulfilling to him he needs to move on.

[PPan]

I agree, if someone doesn't genuinely want to be friends, they shouldn't stick around hoping something mire should happen.

 

The point of a relationship is not to get sex. If the OP wants to have sex with other women he should not be in an exclusive relationship where it is assumed they are each other's only partners. If he wants to have multiple partners he needs to tell his girlfriend.

 

It looks like her goal is to have sex in an emotionally fufilling relationship. His goal is to hurry up and end his virginity. They don't have the same goals.

 

If for him a key component of s relationship is to have sex he needs to man up and communicate that to his girlfriend. If the current state is not fulfilling to him he needs to move on.

 

 

The point of a relationship is to get sex. Men aren't exactly dating and getting into relationships and investing their resources, time and emotions on someone for the sake of having a friend. We already have plenty of guyfriends or female friends for that. We want to have sex, and the whole point of being in a relationship is to get frequent, quality sex with the women we are attracted to.

 

What's the point of being in a relationship without sex? The guy is 23. He's not 53. he's too young to be already in a deadbedroom situation. At that age he should be out there getting smashed and getting laid. Instead he spent 3 months providing to a girl what she wanted withotu getting what he needed.

 

That is rather sad. An emotionally fulfilling relationship? You know what makes a relationship emotionally fulfilling? Sex Girls can talk about feelings with their female friends. And I do agree with you. He should move on and find himself a girl who is attracted to him and who will have sex with him as quickly and as often as he wishes it to happen.

Edited January 3, 2016 by PPan

[thefooloftheyear]

I agree, if someone doesn't genuinely want to be friends, they shouldn't stick around hoping something mire should happen.

 

The point of a relationship is not to get sex. If the OP wants to have sex with other women he should not be in an exclusive relationship where it is assumed they are each other's only partners. If he wants to have multiple partners he needs to tell his girlfriend.

 

It looks like her goal is to have sex in an emotionally fufilling relationship. His goal is to hurry up and end his virginity. They don't have the same goals.

 

If for him a key component of s relationship is to have sex he needs to man up and communicate that to his girlfriend. If the current state is not fulfilling to him he needs to move on.

 

I'm gonna make a seemingly grossly sexist statement and say that most guys feel that a key component to getting into a relationship with a woman is to get sex...Maybe not the "be all and end all", but its vital..

 

As for communicating that with his girlfriend;;;well....most guys realize that unless its a definitive booty call, its probably a horrible idea to approach it that way...

 

TFY

[PPan]

I'm gonna make a seemingly grossly sexist statement and say that most guys feel that a key component to getting into a relationship with a woman is to get sex...Maybe not the "be all and end all", but its vital..

 

As for communicating that with his girlfriend;;;well....most guys realize that unless its a definitive booty call, its probably a horrible idea to approach it that way...

 

TFY

 

 

Its not sexist at all to be frank about what we want. When I approach a girl I'm not doing it because I like her eyeliner and I want to know where she bought it I approach women because I want to sleep with them. I like how they look. I like how they move. I want to be with them. I don't want to share an emotional time, and I certainly don't want to get to know her. I don't invest anything on her besides letting the girl know that I want to sleep wit her. Of course I don't go up to women and say,'' want to bang?'' I am not justin bieber

 

If she says no I smile and move on. Plenty of attractive women out there for me to get sad over one pretty girl saying no. But the OP keeps being told no and no time and time again. Now that I could understand would be a serious self-esteem killer.

 

I do agree with what you are saying. Guys get into relationships to get sex. This is what we want - and this is what women who are attracted to the men they date want - to do. We want to have sex with a woman we are into, sexually.

 

3 months to have sex. How many girls wait 3 months to have sex with a guy they are in love/lust with? Not even Christian girls end up going to their weddings as virgins. What are the chances this girl is attracted to the OP? Slim to none.

 

A guy shoul wait a week tops to have sex. More than that and he's wasting his time. Unless the woman is remarkably beautiful, he should get back there and meet more women.

[seekingluck]

Its not sexist at all to be frank about what we want. When I approach a girl I'm not doing it because I like her eyeliner and I want to know where she bought it I approach women because I want to sleep with them. I like how they look. I like how they move. I want to be with them. I don't want to share an emotional time, and I certainly don't want to get to know her. I don't invest anything on her besides letting the girl know that I want to sleep wit her. Of course I don't go up to women and say,'' want to bang?'' I am not justin bieber

 

If she says no I smile and move on. Plenty of attractive women out there for me to get sad over one pretty girl saying no. But the OP keeps being told no and no time and time again. Now that I could understand would be a serious self-esteem killer.

 

I do agree with what you are saying. Guys get into relationships to get sex. This is what we want - and this is what women who are attracted to the men they date want - to do. We want to have sex with a woman we are into, sexually.

 

3 months to have sex. How many girls wait 3 months to have sex with a guy they are in love/lust with? Not even Christian girls end up going to their weddings as virgins. What are the chances this girl is attracted to the OP? Slim to none.

 

A guy shoul wait a week tops to have sex. More than that and he's wasting his time. Unless the woman is remarkably beautiful, he should get back there and meet more women.

 

Some people wait to have sex for various reasons. I do have friends that waited until marriage. And they did not get married at 18. The got married well into adulthood.

 

If you want to have sex sooner, find someone on your timetable. Don't get mad because your partner is not having sex fast enough for you. if that is critical for you, you need to communicate that clearly and let your partner make their choice on how invested they would like to be.

[PPan]

Some people wait to have sex for various reasons. I do have friends that waited until marriage. And they did not get married at 18. The got married well into adulthood.

 

If you want to have sex sooner, find someone on your timetable. Don't get mad because your partner is not having sex fast enough for you. if that is critical for you, you need to communicate that clearly and let your partner make their choice on how invested they would like to be.

 

Yes, but most of us aren't Christians or dating Christian women. i do agree with you. Make it known to your ''partner'' from the get-go that you want to have sex. if she wants to wait: move on.

[turnera]

I have a book for you to read. It's called No More Mr Nice Guy. It talks about how men should feel about themselves, admire themselves, and not get sucked into situations where they have to kiss a girl's behind to get her to stay with him. I think you'll learn a lot from it.

[Mumbles]

Guys get into relationships to get sex. This is what we want - and this is what women who are attracted to the men they date want - to do.

 

This and this!

 

So refreshing. At the basis of all this tomfoolery is the above.

 

Guys are often depicted as being more sexually aggressive, but actually, I no longer believe this to be the case - I believe that we (guys) are just less discerning.

 

Women too are as driven, maybe moreso, than men to 'go and get theirs'. If the object of your desire at the moment isn't feeling this way then its a reflection of how she feels about -you- ... not sex in general.

 

Obviously there are a bunch of caveats to the above, primarily the quite young/inexperienced and those who practise a quite religious lifestyle.

[mirandasbuddy]

Here's a little factoid:

 

No matter what a woman did in her past relationships, YOU are not entitled to her body until she is ready.

 

There are women who have a promiscuous phase and then want better for themselves on down the line. Those women do not "owe" any man quick sex just because she's done it before.

 

Grow up.

[ThaWholigan]

I did wanted to get out of that friendzone so badly. At the time, it felt like a victory (well I know it's not a complete victory but at least I was finally able to call a girl my gf and introduce her) to me when she accepted being my gf and I could change my fb status to ''in a relationship''.

 

Regarding her age, yes a couple of you guessed it correctly. She's 23.

 

Bold - that changes things. This is someone that was an acquaintance previously? Then chances are she's probably not attracted to you and trying something different. She's entitled to do this of course, but normally (and I speculate that this may be happening) when a girl "accepts" being someone's girlfriend rather than matches a mutual enthusiasm, chances are she's not doing it because of attraction but trying to see if she can build it.

 

Now, I don't personally believe in the friendzone, it's just an abitrary creation of frustrated men (sometimes women) who pine for a girl who just isn't attracted to them. Where there's a change here is that this girl has said she is your girlfriend for the last 3 months. Now, I don't think you've necessarily covered yourself in glory because it could be construed that you've made it all about sex and having a relationship instead of it being about you and her, but at the same time, this looks like you are a placeholder until something better comes along.

 

My advice doesn't change much really - you probably need to not take your virginity too seriously and let it **** up your head, and you still need to have a frank discussion with this girl, but given she's not even acknowledged you at New Year, that's not a great sign.

 

I think you should move on personally, and in future, look out for girls who enthusiastically want to date you. Sounds difficult, but I promise it will be more worth it than "trying to get out of the friendzone" a place that doesn't even exist except in your own mind.

[BrianSmith]

Oh... she's non virgin when I read I thought she was.

 

Did you pay her dinner and all the nice things when you met her?

 

In that case, she might be delaying sex, or might not even have intentions on having with you, and is just looking for freebies from your part.

 

I would understand a virgin girl or if she had some serious traumas related to sex. But if that's not the case then she's most likely playing you.

 

When the connection is hot things just happen naturally and rarely both sides can wait that long. So you really need to ask yourself if the connection is there and if she's not just looking for a free ride.

 

Besides, why wait so long, aren't there any other girls out there? You seriously don't have any obligation towards this girl. At this point, you're basically friends.

Edited January 6, 2016 by BrianSmith

[Blunderstorm]

Hi all,

 

I think there is something not right. Yesterday, she didn't answer my call till almost 12 at night. Just a couple days ago, she canceled another date right on that day.

 

BrianSmith, yes I would pay the whole date several times until the 4th date and then we agreed to split when it's possible, though I still pay more. Well I had to bring it up to her (she never offered when I would pay) otherwise, she would have kept going on like that.

Edited January 17, 2016 by Blunderstorm