When both exs contact you in one weekend

[ravfour4]

Ex 1:

Dated for 4 years broke up last Jan, failed attempted reconciliation in May, stayed in contact until Aug. NC since Aug.

Broke up with me at the worst time possible, lied, cheated, went to some married dude.

Tried everything I could to get back with her.

Devastated me for nearly a year.

 

Ex 2:

Dated for 3 months starting in Sep, broke up end of Nov. NC since Nov (besides a happy bday text from me).

Was totally into me, then backed away saying she felt overwhelmed.

Walked away respectfully.

Bothered me for a week or two.

 

Both contacted me last weekend.

 

Ex 1 had attempted to contact me on 4 occasions about our dog from Sep to Oct and I had ignored them all. Ex 1 sent me an inside joke this past weekend, I responded saying our dog approves and sent a pic, she asked if she could see him, 7 hours later I said "let me know when you're free and we can figure something out", she replies "never mind"....

 

Ex 2, contacts me for the first time since break-up asking if I have her charger (I obviously don't....she had it when we broke up) and told me she has a book of mine (that I don't care about). I tell her no charger, but I'll take the book, ask if she's free next week. She says yes until Thurs, I say I'm free Wed night and ask if she wants to come over. No answer.

 

 

What are the chances? And wtf are they thinking? lol I think they'll both reach out again, but it's crazy coincidental.

Edited December 22, 2015 by ravfour4

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Considering how quick you are to respond and give them attention, I'm not all that surprised.

 

They might contact you again, just long enough to make sure you are still interested, and then disappear again.

 

Neither one sounds worthy of a reply to be honest.

[Simon Phoenix]

Dude, why the hell are you talking to Ex No. 1 again? C'mon.

[mightycpa]

7 hours later I said "let me know when you're free and we can figure something out", she replies "never mind"

because I found out what I needed to know!

[ravfour4]

There's zero chance I would date #1 again, she's a woman of zero integrity. I'd hangout and hookup with #2, she was fun but I would continue dating and seeing other women.

 

I waited a long time to respond to both, I'm not gonna play some stupid game and wait a day to respond, a few hours was plenty. Before I would have chatted with them back and forth to no avail, screw that. You want to meet up? No, ok see yah, life continues. You want to meet up? Yes, ok come over and see how great my life is without you.

 

I was fine with both of their answers, just thought it was coincidental and shows how stupid I was for worrying about them reaching out again. Every one of my ex's has always reached out, walking away, not talking to them and focusing on yourself (like everyone says) is obviously the best route to take regardless. I'm sure they'll both contact me again, especially ex #1...but no dog for her, she missed out on her opportunity with her dumb "never mind" lol. She's dating some 40+ year old now.

 

I will continue dating, meeting new women, working out and focusing on my work regardless of their stupid actions.

Edited December 22, 2015 by ravfour4

[PegNosePete]

I waited a long time to respond to both, I'm not gonna play some stupid game and wait a day to respond, a few hours was plenty.

You know, that sounds exactly like you're playing some stupid game, waiting a certain amount of time to respond.

 

As Simon said. Why the hell would you even give her the time of day after what she did? Just ignore any future contact from her.

[ravfour4]

I was busy and waited to ensure I actually wanted to respond, seemed like a mature and reasonable decision. I'll respond when I want to respond.

 

I see ex #1 for what she is - pathetic and needy. When I was dating girl two there is zero chance I was going to contact ex 1, yet ex 1 reaches out to me continually even when she has a bf, so weak. Her "can I see our dog to give him presents?! Or just take him on a walk?!" Followed by a "never mind" is just embrassing, I am 100% fine with that answer and happy to not see her. It's all good brothers, calm the F down.

 

I'm doing my own thing, happy and meeting new women. If I want to take 5 seconds to respond to an ex reaching out, I will. It doesn't hurt my progress or change my feeling for them (indifferent and happy without them).

 

Just laughing at the neediness of them both to reach out in a time of emotional need and laughing at how angry you all still are, I wish the best for you.

[Bom]

I was busy and waited to ensure I actually wanted to respond, seemed like a mature and reasonable decision. I'll respond when I want to respond.

 

I see ex #1 for what she is - pathetic and needy. When I was dating girl two there is zero chance I was going to contact ex 1, yet ex 1 reaches out to me continually even when she has a bf, so weak. Her "can I see our dog to give him presents?! Or just take him on a walk?!" Followed by a "never mind" is just embrassing, I am 100% fine with that answer and happy to not see her. It's all good brothers, calm the F down.

 

I'm doing my own thing, happy and meeting new women. If I want to take 5 seconds to respond to an ex reaching out, I will. It doesn't hurt my progress or change my feeling for them (indifferent and happy without them).

 

Just laughing at the neediness of them both to reach out in a time of emotional need and laughing at how angry you all still are, I wish the best for you.

 

You're getting a bit defensive... Matter of the fact, both exes contacted you for the pure fact of feeding their ego, and damn.. You fed them so much.

 

Just don't reply to them in the future.

[PegNosePete]

calm the F down.

Nobody here is un-calm except for you. You're the one throwing "F" bombs around.

 

If I want to take 5 seconds to respond to an ex reaching out, I will.

Well go on then.

 

Why are you posting?

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah dude, if she's as pathetic and needy as you say (Ex 1 that is), I don't understand the point of engaging her at all.

[ravfour4]

Ex 1 asked me 5 times to see my dog, I ignored the first 4 and on the 5th time I said maybe and then she backed away. Doesn't seem like any ego feeding for her, she fed my ego by contacting me when she has a bf when I see her as a needy woman I would never want to date. She pathetically offered to bring presents for our dog, he obviously doesn't care if he gets presents from her, it's just her wanting me to not forget about her. I have zero desire to contact her, if she reaches out again I'll play it by ear. I have zero emotions for her.

 

Ex 2 - I think she went to someone else after she ended things with us, only thing that makes sense. We were casually dating so it's not a huge deal, I assume they fought or broke up and she checked to see if I was still around, thinking "maybe he wasn't that bad after all". Her initial text screamed "I want to meet up", I do not have her charger (she knows that) and she said I have your book AND told me when she was free. Why she backed away? Not 100% sure, and I don't need to know - maybe things are better with the new guy or maybe she realized how needy she was looking.

 

Reacting to them this way is far more efficient then some week long BS "hey! How are you!?", it solely expedites the conclusion. Want to meet up? No, ok see ya, back to living my life and talking to women who are excited to see me.

[Simon Phoenix]

Not answering also expedites that without the psychoanalyzing. That's far more efficient then "answer, have conversation, then go online and ask what it all means/vent". I've seen you go down similar rabbit holes many times. You're once again playing with fire unnecessarily, at least in terms of Ex 1. Ex 2 I really have no opinion on because I'm not sure she was really a girlfriend to begin with.

[Stercrazy]

What are the chances? 50/50.....fact is once the fall hits the holiday season begins....so probably feeling nostalgic.

 

WTF are they thinking? Who knows and who cares? Time to move on to better people and relationships.

[ravfour4]

Well, I can't deny that Simon I know why ex 1 did what she did, she sucks, that one is not perplexing me. She's a mess.

 

Also agree that it doesn't matter why ex 2 did what she did and that other women with less baggage are better.

 

Me and ex 2 were dating casually, never 100% official bf/gf, I'd like the opportunity to see her again and just hangout and have fun, I wouldn't mention "us" at all, there barely was an "us" before.

 

Her replies just perplex me. Her initial text was the same stupid needy text id send to ex 1 "hey! Do you have my vacuum? I have your iPod charger!", that was code for "I'm needy and insecure and want to see you but am too afraid to ask you in fear of getting denied".

 

Here's what went down:

"Hey! Hope everything is good! Do you have my charger by chance? I have your book"

60 min later "Hey! Hope all is well with you too. No charger, wouldn't mind getting that book though, you free this week?"

5 min later "Weird...I wonder what I did with it. Yep I'm free until Wed morning"

30 min later "I'm free Tues night, want to come over after your work?"

 

2 days later...nada.

[Simon Phoenix]

Well, I can't deny that Simon I know why ex 1 did what she did, she sucks, that one is not perplexing me. She's a mess.

 

Also agree that it doesn't matter why ex 2 did what she did and that other women with less baggage are better.

 

Me and ex 2 were dating casually, never 100% official bf/gf, I'd like the opportunity to see her again and just hangout and have fun, I wouldn't mention "us" at all, there barely was an "us" before.

 

Her replies just perplex me. Her initial text was the same stupid needy text id send to ex 1 "hey! Do you have my vacuum? I have your iPod charger!", that was code for "I'm needy and insecure and want to see you but am too afraid to ask you in fear of getting denied".

 

Here's what went down:

"Hey! Hope everything is good! Do you have my charger by chance? I have your book"

60 min later "Hey! Hope all is well with you too. No charger, wouldn't mind getting that book though, you free this week?"

5 min later "Weird...I wonder what I did with it. Yep I'm free until Wed morning"

30 min later "I'm free Tues night, want to come over after your work?"

 

2 days later...nada.

 

You need to stop this. Your problem -- which is why you were playing a cat and mouse game with Ex 1 for way longer than you should have, why things with Ex 2 died before they got started and why you started this thread on both -- is that you live in your head way too much. Too much analysis, too much trying to divide by zero, just too much wasted time and breath. You make things infinitely more complicated than they already are.

 

Stop acting like everything is this equation or riddle that need to be cracked. Stop sticking your hand into the fire. Just stop. You say there are women that are interested in you, but yet you keep circling back. It's just foolish man. I would hope by now that you would have realized it, but here you are again.

 

Not only do you need to turn your brain off for a bit, you need to put the keys away and just sit a few plays out. Most people on here get in trouble because they let emotions lead them and they don't use their brain to balance it out. You are the other extreme -- you overthink things to such a degree that you end up tripping all over yourself.

 

No more Ex 1 (who you should have blocked long ago). No more Ex 2 either. You make it way too easy for these people because you overthink everything to such a degree. Instead of trying to figure these people out (which you're awful at, as most people are) you need to figure out why you can't stop scratching these itches.

[ravfour4]

Well put. I do see this as a game/riddle that needs to be cracked.

 

My overthinking is a blessing and a curse, it's the key reason I've got promoted 6-7 times at my job, and work with the VP and CEO of a 9000 person company where most people burn out within a year or two, but it's a killer when it comes to failed relationships.

 

I've been watching Corey Wayne videos, the dude nailed exactly what happened with both of these ex's and as he said, pulling away made them both wonder and then contact me.

 

I do have new women and have been on a handful of dates, they all go well, but no real perspective interests me at this exact moment. I have 5-6 women who are going to let me know when they're free after the holidays, may only hear from 2-3 of them but that's fine. I had hoped ex 2 would contact me eventually but had given up hope, the way it ended was weird and confusing and I realize a couple occasions where I was overly needy and too honest about myself. Her text meant let's meet up and idk why she backed away (nor will I know unless she tells me). Just wondered if you guys had any thoughts.

Edited December 22, 2015 by ravfour4

[Simon Phoenix]

The day you realize that it's a fool's errand to try to find logic in the illogical, which feelings are, the better off it'll be. Even if we did have thoughts, that's all they are -- thoughts that may or may not have any relevance. And even if the thoughts were correct, then what? You aren't a Jedi, and there isn't a step-by-step process with a manual where if you do X, Y happens.

 

It's best to know nothing and it's best to just forge along. Blocking is the way to go, if anything to protect yourself from overanalyzing everything like you continously do.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Her text meant let's meet up and idk why she backed away (nor will I know unless she tells me). Just wondered if you guys had any thoughts.

 

From what you have described, she doesn't want to meet up in the sense that she misses you and wants to hang out, but just to return your book. If that is the case it probably won't rank high on her list of priorities during Xmas season.

 

If you really want to get your book back and see her then send her another message to confirm a time and place.

[ravfour4]

Not to continue the trend that Simon accurately pointed out, but...

 

She started asking if I had her charger, she only had 1 charger. She's obviously been charging her phone the month we've been broken up, it makes zero sense. It's just a blatant excuse to contact me.

 

That book is a piece of crap that I clearly didn't care about, why go out of her way to tell me she has it unless she wants an excuse to meet up? If I cared about it I would have asked for it, I didn't even know she had it. And why tell me a month later? She probably found it the day after we broke up, it was just an excuse to text me. she also logged onto the dating site I met her on for the first time since we broke up shortly after texting me, I think whatever guy she went to after me didn't turn out to be so great after all. Ha

[Simon Phoenix]

Not to continue the trend that Simon accurately pointed out, but...

 

She started asking if I had her charger, she only had 1 charger. She's obviously been charging her phone the month we've been broken up, it makes zero sense. It's just a blatant excuse to contact me.

 

That book is a piece of crap that I clearly didn't care about, why go out of her way to tell me she has it unless she wants an excuse to meet up? If I cared about it I would have asked for it, I didn't even know she had it. And why tell me a month later? She probably found it the day after we broke up, it was just an excuse to text me. she also logged onto the dating site I met her on for the first time since we broke up shortly after texting me, I think whatever guy she went to after me didn't turn out to be so great after all. Ha

 

Ugh ugh ugh.

[BC1980]

Not to continue the trend that Simon accurately pointed out, but...

 

She started asking if I had her charger, she only had 1 charger. She's obviously been charging her phone the month we've been broken up, it makes zero sense. It's just a blatant excuse to contact me.

 

That book is a piece of crap that I clearly didn't care about, why go out of her way to tell me she has it unless she wants an excuse to meet up? If I cared about it I would have asked for it, I didn't even know she had it. And why tell me a month later? She probably found it the day after we broke up, it was just an excuse to text me. she also logged onto the dating site I met her on for the first time since we broke up shortly after texting me, I think whatever guy she went to after me didn't turn out to be so great after all. Ha

 

She contacted you to get attention, and it worked. You made a thread about all of this nonsense, so well done on her part. You've talked about how pathetic she is, but she did something very innocuous that has you spinning.

[mightycpa]

She contacted you to get attention, and it worked. You made a thread about all of this nonsense, so well done on her part. You've talked about how pathetic she is, but she did something very innocuous that has you spinning.

Maybe she's a poster here, and enjoys reading about herself.

[ravfour4]

Lol whatever, I find women, the way they think & act and relationships interesting. I don't mind brainstorming motives behind people's actions, I find it fun and it's also a huge part of why I've been successful at work. You understand what motivates someone and you can motivate them to be successful and phrase things in a way they understand best.

 

I met a cute girl today at work and got her number, I'm excited to get to know her better, it doesn't mean I can't have fun logically brainstorming someone else's motives.

 

Ex #1 is a joke, I just like to update my story since I was chasing her for months and months and months and now she is pathetic and asks to see my dog 5 times when she has a bf, I won and am better off without her, I know that. It's a great feeling and I want others to know they'll get there too.

 

Ex #2s actions are perplexing and I have fun trying to understand them now that the feelings have faded. Everything in the end does makes sense if you have all the facts, love/lust/relationships aren't random, unpredictable and unreasonable, they're just complicated and you can't know what the other person is thinking unless they tell you.

 

If you want to guess at their motives, go for it. That's why I created the thread, to brainstorm, educate, better understand, reflect and laugh. If you want to bash me because "omg he's texting them and omg he's THINKING about what they said", I'd prefer you saved your time. Do I think a lot? Yes, but I do that in all aspects of my life and in most of them, it's very helpful.

[Simon Phoenix]

Now comes the hyper-defensiveness and spin, another phase of the ravfour cycle. We're trying to help you dude. Just because something works at work does not mean it's going to work in a relationship. I mean, go re-read some of your threads on here. The amount of mental gymnastics and overthinking you do is just not productive in this aspect of your life. Use this as an opportunity to be more well-rounded in your thought processes. Your threads on ex 1, and your thread on the dating board on ex 2 while that was going on, were second-guessing trainwrecks.

 

Have you ever been diagnosed with OCD? Serious question.

Edited December 23, 2015 by Simon Phoenix