Radil Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Ok now I need some advice since I have posted through 2nd chances and now hit the break up. This is my soulmate and we have been together for over 5 yrs and 10+ yrs as best friends. Now we are no longer dating because of my stupid mistake. I love her more than anything and my heart will allways be with her. My problem is being friends. I can't do it. I don't want to because it hurts. So I guess I am at the point of trying NC. I want to always be there incase she changes her mind so I am not sure how to go about all this. I have to talk to her during the day using instant messenger because we work at the same company but it is strictly work. How do I deal with this ?
Author Radil Posted June 1, 2005 Author Posted June 1, 2005 Ok now I need some advice since I have posted through 2nd chances and now hit the break up. This is my soulmate and we have been together for over 5 yrs and 10+ yrs as best friends. Now we are no longer dating because of my stupid mistake. I love her more than anything and my heart will allways be with her. My problem is being friends. I can't do it. I don't want to because it hurts. So I guess I am at the point of trying NC. I want to always be there incase she changes her mind so I am not sure how to go about all this. I have to talk to her during the day using instant messenger because we work at the same company but it is strictly work. How do I deal with this ?
justwantsmiles Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 I hear you man. I am in a "break" right now and my girl works with me as well. It makes it so much harder. We fortunately don't work together on anything (different departments). Technically, we don't even have to see each other since we're on different floors. It's hell though just seeing her car in the parking lot. When we see each other I feel like I've been shoved from an airplane. All I can advise is that after 5 years, she knows you're there. You don't have to make it known or obvious. If she needs to see you, or wants you back, she knows you're there.
Author Radil Posted June 1, 2005 Author Posted June 1, 2005 so I guess I should cut back on the contact ? I feel like I am not giving her a chance to heal and miss me even though we haven't seen each other in a month. We have talked everyday which I think is part of the problem.
justwantsmiles Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 That's where I'm tortured, too. The no contact space... is it making her miss you, or get over you? Ya know?
ConfusedInOC Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by Radil Ok now I need some advice since I have posted through 2nd chances and now hit the break up. This is my soulmate and we have been together for over 5 yrs and 10+ yrs as best friends. Now we are no longer dating because of my stupid mistake. I love her more than anything and my heart will allways be with her. My problem is being friends. I can't do it. I don't want to because it hurts. So I guess I am at the point of trying NC. I want to always be there incase she changes her mind so I am not sure how to go about all this. I have to talk to her during the day using instant messenger because we work at the same company but it is strictly work. How do I deal with this ? What was the stupid mistake?
Author Radil Posted June 2, 2005 Author Posted June 2, 2005 Well in a nut shell I cheated. Which it took a lot to see why I did and it wasn't worth it all. I let everything bad around get caught up into thinking I could have a better life doing this when nothing at all was wrong with my relationship with her. Once I did I couldn't live with myself so I had to let her know. I feel better for telling her but also I destroyed the best thing ever in my life. Now I am unsure what to do. She wants to remain friends and she still loves me but I don't think she will ever forgive me. I cannot be just friends with her. I love her too much. So it is looking like NC is something I have to try. This is a hard thing for me since I was always with her 24/7. We worked from home together and did everything together. Now nothing. We still talk but I haven't seen her in a month.
zep52 Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 I think all you have to do is give her time and space, i don't think NC is the way to go, she is hurt and needs to come to terms but you suddenly cutting all contact will in my opinion only make things worse, she needs you even though at the moment she is very upset, we all make mistakes, and you have made a really big one but loving someone is about forgiving, it may take her a while but she needs to know that you are still there, by pulling NC i think you will seem uncaring and that will only confirm her worst fear, Be there for her, but let it be at her pace, if she gets to a point that she feels she can forgive ( and i think she will ) then you can rebuild what you had, if she cant and tells you so, that will be the time to do the NC, we all mess up man, god knows i have also, but nothing is over until you quit, just give her time to get over the shock and hurt, good luck Dave
smile95 Posted June 2, 2005 Posted June 2, 2005 I understand that this is a hard time for you, but, having been on the other end of a cheater, how do you consider her your "soul mate" if you cheated. If she was your "soul mate" you never would have. Any breakup is hard and I am not disregarding your feelings, but why would you cheat on someone you loved?
Author Radil Posted June 3, 2005 Author Posted June 3, 2005 Beth I agree with what you are saying. I let the stress of so many other things influence me and I didn't think straight. I hate the fact for something like this to happen to clear my head so much on what I had. Honestly if she doesn't take me back I can understand that. I really just wish I could take the pain from her. I want her to be happy and I hate the fact I hurt her so. It upsets me every moment of the day and I just what if myself over and over. But I cannot change that now. So I believe I need to just give her time. I know she loves me still. She doesn't want to see me right now because it just reminds her of the issue at hand.
outdated Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 Time, lots and lots of time. If she is your soulmate, which frankly I'm not so sure about that for reasons that Beth outlined, than she will come back. She doesn't want to deal with the problems at hand right now. She needs to clear her head as well. Good luck. I wouldn't blame her either if she didn't come back. It would take a lot of pride swallowing to take back a cheater.
Author Radil Posted June 3, 2005 Author Posted June 3, 2005 I agree with you. I am getting my punishment tenfold now. I honestly don't think I will ever love another person because of what I did to her. I feel like I killed someone. I feel like trash. Ultimately the bottom line is I cheated and I should of done something else to cut that off. I let all the stress of everything else think this would help or I would have a better life when I the best life one could ask right in front of me. I screwed up and I can accept the consequences but I don't want to give up on her unless she tells me flat out to go away and move on.
ConfusedInOC Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 Originally posted by Radil Well in a nut shell I cheated. Which it took a lot to see why I did and it wasn't worth it all. I let everything bad around get caught up into thinking I could have a better life doing this when nothing at all was wrong with my relationship with her. Once I did I couldn't live with myself so I had to let her know. I feel better for telling her but also I destroyed the best thing ever in my life. Now I am unsure what to do. She wants to remain friends and she still loves me but I don't think she will ever forgive me. I cannot be just friends with her. I love her too much. So it is looking like NC is something I have to try. This is a hard thing for me since I was always with her 24/7. We worked from home together and did everything together. Now nothing. We still talk but I haven't seen her in a month. Moose pointed this out in another thread and though you aren't married it bears repeating: God HATES divorce. But, the only excuse he will accept for divorce is INFIDELITY. How much does that say to you that the Lord finds infidelity inexcusable? If a gracious, forgiving God will not excuse it, why would your girfriend? Own up to the mistake and realize she may never forgive you.
Author Radil Posted June 3, 2005 Author Posted June 3, 2005 Yes I know she may never forgive me but should I just walk away and never know ?
Author Radil Posted June 6, 2005 Author Posted June 6, 2005 I think all I can do now is give her space. She doesn't want to see me at all right now because it reminds her of everything. So we talk on the phone here and there. I do hope she lets me back into her life at some point.
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