She's too busy...

[blackout02]

So I need help here because I don't know what to make of it...

 

So like my title says, I'm dealing with a girl who constantly says she's too busy. And it's not the first time I meet a girl, who's too "busy". Most woman who say that aren't interested and its their way of rejecting you without being mean. So when a girl tells me she's "too busy" to see me or whatever I take the hint and move on. Simple.

 

But with this girl, circumstances are a bit different and I'm not sure what to do or make of it...

 

So we met through a mutual friend at a wedding and hit it off. We then went on a date, which was really good. We spent all day together and kissed. Good date. The date was a month ago.

 

So here's the deal. She recently got a new very demanding job in the emergency medical field. She's been out of state 2 times for a week both times, for training. And when she's in town, she works two 24-hr shifts and a lot of training to go with it.

 

So we had made plans to go out on our 2nd date, last week but she had to cancel because she had to go to another state for more training. She said she felt bad but really likes me and wants to see me.

 

So this weekend I text her that I hope everything is going well, and that I couldn't wait to see her. She replied saying something along the lines of...

 

"I'm sorry, but this job is so stressful. I still have a lot training left, no free time for the next month and I don't think I can focus on dating at this point in my life. I don't like the pressure of someone wanting to see me when I'm so busy. I really do like you and want to see you but I'm just too busy, hope you understand...."

 

I replied "I'm not pressuring you to see me, I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you. That's all, so relax. I'm in no hurry for us to hangout. Your career is important and you gotta do what you gotta do. If you need someone to talk too, I'm here for you. So if you ever change your mind, let me know. Have a good one."

 

Insta reply back. "OMG you don't know what that means to me and how much I appreciate you. You are a great guy and I want to continue talking to you and seeing you! I'm thinking next weekend I free time!"

 

So I'm like "WTF" you had no free time for a month and now next weekend you have time? I'm a firm believer that no one is "too buy". But she seems super busy from what I've heard and her job does require a lot of training. So I don't know what to make of all these.

 

Can someone be that busy? Is she just stringing me along? Do I move on? I don't know what to make of her sudden change of heart.

[io2iio]

"You aren't worthy of my time to take time off" - take home message. No one is too busy if they are interested in some one. It means her interest level is too low or she isnt interested.

 

Get busy with another woman

[Zippy2000]

I getting the feeling with a girl Im trying to see who works as a checf and does 50 hours a week and I m getting used to the phrase Im busy.

 

I think its a load of rubbish.

 

She just means she doesnt want to see you but just wants to be friends and doesnt want to hurt your feelings.

 

Women are tactile that way however its all in her actions.

 

For her its all talk and no action.

 

No one is EVER too busy!

[hasaquestion]

So I'm like "WTF" you had no free time for a month and now next weekend you have time? I'm a firm believer that no one is "too buy". But she seems super busy from what I've heard and her job does require a lot of training. So I don't know what to make of all these.

 

Can someone be that busy? Is she just stringing me along? Do I move on? I don't know what to make of her sudden change of heart.

 

You already know the answer. She rejected you. Now stop talking to her.

 

She knows where to find you if she wants.

[spiderlily12]

I think that she does have a certain level of interest in you but theres also something holding her back. Her job probably is genuinely very busy but like the other poster said, there's no way if she had a high interest in you that she wouldn't make time.

 

I also used to study/work in a highly stressful medical field and what I can say about that is it does eat up your life and make you hyper focused on the job. That and the people you train with become your life because you feel only they really understand what you're going through - hence very close/intense friendships and often relationships eventuate.

 

So I think right now she's not interested enough in you to make time for you as a top priority - maybe there's another guy on the horizon she's into more but isn't sure about, or maybe not and it really is just the job. Either way the high level of interest isn't there.

 

At the same time she does have a certain interest in you - she wants to keep you around as a back up in case maybe her feelings grow and/or things with the other guy don't work out. So when she responded so calmly and gentlemanly it really made her rethink her initial unwillingness to commit, hence suddenly "maybe" becoming free next weekend. She probably thought; hmm maybe I'm letting go of a pretty good catch, maybe I should rethink it.

 

So it's up to you whether you want to keep things going and hope her feelings increase. It will be a bit uphill for you since she's made it clear that you're not her top priority right now. If you do decide to go for it for goodness sakes don't rush her/push her. Just sit back, relax, see other girls as well (you don't need to tell her - this will make her withdraw), and just go at her pace when she's ready. If her interest grows you will sense it and begin to make more time for you.

[blackout02]

I think that she does have a certain level of interest in you but theres also something holding her back. Her job probably is genuinely very busy but like the other poster said, there's no way if she had a high interest in you that she wouldn't make time.

 

I also used to study/work in a highly stressful medical field and what I can say about that is it does eat up your life and make you hyper focused on the job. That and the people you train with become your life because you feel only they really understand what you're going through - hence very close/intense friendships and often relationships eventuate.

 

So I think right now she's not interested enough in you to make time for you as a top priority - maybe there's another guy on the horizon she's into more but isn't sure about, or maybe not and it really is just the job. Either way the high level of interest isn't there.

 

At the same time she does have a certain interest in you - she wants to keep you around as a back up in case maybe her feelings grow and/or things with the other guy don't work out. So when she responded so calmly and gentlemanly it really made her rethink her initial unwillingness to commit, hence suddenly "maybe" becoming free next weekend. She probably thought; hmm maybe I'm letting go of a pretty good catch, maybe I should rethink it.

 

So it's up to you whether you want to keep things going and hope her feelings increase. It will be a bit uphill for you since she's made it clear that you're not her top priority right now. If you do decide to go for it for goodness sakes don't rush her/push her. Just sit back, relax, see other girls as well (you don't need to tell her - this will make her withdraw), and just go at her pace when she's ready. If her interest grows you will sense it and begin to make more time for you.

 

 

Thank you for the reply. It's not the first time or the last time a girl will use that excuse on me. It's part of dating and how some woman deal with things.

 

After my text I pretty much thought to myself "time to move on" lol. So it's not a big deal but the way she replied threw me off. If she didn't want to see me, she wouldn't have made this more complicated and offered to see me next weekend.

 

And to add to this.. So last week, I was starting to get the feeling she wasn't interested, since she's so "busy". So I told her "just to be honest with me and not to waste my time. If she's truly busy with work then I can wait, but if she's not interested. Just tell me." She replied...

 

"I want to continue seeing you. I know my actions do not back it up but its the truth. I wish things weren't so crazy right now and I had more time to see. I really like you."

 

So yeah.. that's why I came here. I'm confused. I guess I will wait it out and she knows where to find me. I wont be backup for nobody haha.

 

Thanks!

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I think she made it perfectly clear how she feels. She told you she doesn't like the pressure of someone wanting to see her when she is so busy. It stresses her out. The profession she is in is hugely demanding, especially considering all the ongoing training involved.

 

She can't commit to anything right now. Your understanding response made her feel relieved. You can see by her response. Now that the pressure is off she feels that she can make time to see you without the commitment of the next date.

 

I hope you were sincere with what you said because a casual arrangement is what you have offered her and she is happy with that arrangement for now.

 

In answer to your questions,

Can someone be that busy?

 

In her line of work, absolutely!

 

Is she just stringing me along?

 

No, she has been very straight forward with you about how she feels.

 

Do I move on?

 

If you want something more serious then yes, but if you like her and want to give it some more time to see where things go then no.

 

I don't know what to make of her sudden change of heart.

 

Like I said the pressure is off. She is relieved and therefore more open to seeing you without all the usual expectations of a relationship.

[blackout02]

I think she made it perfectly clear how she feels. She told you she doesn't like the pressure of someone wanting to see her when she is so busy. It stresses her out. The profession she is in is hugely demanding, especially considering all the ongoing training involved.

 

She can't commit to anything right now. Your understanding response made her feel relieved. You can see by her response. Now that the pressure is off she feels that she can make time to see you without the commitment of the next date.

 

I hope you were sincere with what you said because a casual arrangement is what you have offered her and she is happy with that arrangement for now.

 

In answer to your questions,

 

In her line of work, absolutely!

 

 

 

No, she has been very straight forward with you about how she feels.

 

 

 

If you want something more serious then yes, but if you like her and want to give it some more time to see where things go then no.

 

 

 

Like I said the pressure is off. She is relieved and therefore more open to seeing you without all the usual expectations of a relationship.

 

 

Thank you for the reply as well. That's why I came here, to get other's perspectives. And try to not jump to conclusions so fast. You and spiderlily12 have very valid points.

 

So thank you.

 

I just got out of a very serious/bad relationships. So taking things super slow works well for me. So I guess I will just relax and see where things go.

[karokarol]

do you want a relationship with someone who is so 'busy' that you will always be left wondering whether she will have time for you this week, and next week, and the week after?

 

aside of this, a couple of considerations.

 

you already offered yourself to her in a very explicit way (if you need me, I'm here). her answer is a little extreme, given where she stands and that makes it sounds like she is in either one of these situations, or both:

 

-she is a mood-swinger and has issues with dating in a regular way, or

 

-she now felt like she could use some fun to take some work pressure off.

 

If you are unsure, give her one date. watch out and evaluate. know what you are willing to put yourself into in the name of the one good date you had.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I just got out of a very serious/bad relationships. So taking things super slow works well for me. So I guess I will just relax and see where things go.

 

I think that's a good idea.

[io2iio]

I think she made it perfectly clear how she feels. She told you she doesn't like the pressure of someone wanting to see her when she is so busy. It stresses her out. The profession she is in is hugely demanding, especially considering all the ongoing training involved.

 

She can't commit to anything right now. Your understanding response made her feel relieved. You can see by her response. Now that the pressure is off she feels that she can make time to see you without the commitment of the next date.

 

I hope you were sincere with what you said because a casual arrangement is what you have offered her and she is happy with that arrangement for now.

 

In answer to your questions,

 

In her line of work, absolutely!

 

 

 

No, she has been very straight forward with you about how she feels.

 

 

 

If you want something more serious then yes, but if you like her and want to give it some more time to see where things go then no.

 

 

 

Like I said the pressure is off. She is relieved and therefore more open to seeing you without all the usual expectations of a relationship.

 

Lets cut the rubbish. Dont chase her and cut all contact with her. She has clearly indicated that she does not have time. She is probably one of those career woman or she just is stringing you.

 

Her words mean nothing unless followed up by actions. Trust her actions. Her actions speak louder than her words.

 

She isnt worth your time unless you want to waste your time

[dobielover]

Before, you were putting the heat and pressure on her. Here. Pressure:

 

I was starting to get the feeling she wasn't interested, since she's so "busy". So I told her "just to be honest with me and not to waste my time. If she's truly busy with work then I can wait, but if she's not interested. Just tell me."

 

To which she eventually tells you she's, "too busy to date" stuff.

 

When you go with the no pressure tactic, that is, this:

 

I replied "I'm not pressuring you to see me, I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you. That's all, so relax. I'm in no hurry for us to hangout. Your career is important and you gotta do what you gotta do. If you need someone to talk too, I'm here for you. So if you ever change your mind, let me know. Have a good one."

 

She calms down and is comfortable to ease back into a normal, less pressured pace.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Lets cut the rubbish. Dont chase her and cut all contact with her. She has clearly indicated that she does not have time. She is probably one of those career woman or she just is stringing you.

 

Her words mean nothing unless followed up by actions. Trust her actions. Her actions speak louder than her words.

 

She isnt worth your time unless you want to waste your time

 

I believe her words were backed up by her actions. She ended things when it became too stressful, she was honest with him and wasn't going to lead him on. When he took the pressure she felt more comfortable making time. She isn't making any promises, but neither is he. As he said, taking things super slow will work well for him given the fact that he is getting over a recent breakup, so there is no harm in seeing where things go for now.

[insert_name]

I've been in a similar position and have been reading a lot of threads like this to see if I can find a 'one-size-fits-all' type of behaviour so I can find out what her motivation really is.

 

99% of the time people advise the tough love approach of moving on cus 'they just aren't into you' and 'if you looked like <insert celebrity name here> they would find time for you'. I am not sure now that this should be so unanimously the right course of action, especially after reading Gaeta's thread about how it can take a number of dates with some girls to build a connection. Not everyone dates at the same speed and some girls will genuinely be busy or feel that you are not yet important enough to shelve other plans with and actually, when you put your ego aside and think about it it makes a great deal of sense. If your best friends are doing something fun and there is a guy you aren't yet sure about wants a date at the same time I think its reasonable that you would choose your own personal situation over it. Again, Gaeta's thread shows that for some women it isn't sparks or chemistry at first, you have to go on those first 4 dates and then they will be thinking about you and THEN they will be shelving plans with their friends. Its not something that will appeal to everyone but if you like the girl enough then I don't think you are selling yourself short or allowing yourself to be disrespected by just taking it as it comes and seeing how it pans out over a number of dates however long those dates take to materialise. I don't agree with multi-dating usually but in cases like this where the going is slow it goes without saying that you should be multi-dating in this circumstance, it will help keep an open mind and if the girl does keep coming back for more dates and it all pans out then so much the better.

 

The problem with this sort of scenario is how you stop yourself from being Mr Dependable. I don't think it would hurt to re-arrange a date with a girl like this just to show that it is not running totally to her schedule.

 

I certainly don't think instances like this are the lost cause a lot of people claim them to be, it just takes a bit of intuition from you and some intent from them that they do genuinely want to see you.....just maybe not as much as you would like initially. No harm in that just make sure you do move on if there is no escalation in intimacy or speed by the 5th or 6th date.

[Leucine]

So last week, I was starting to get the feeling she wasn't interested, since she's so "busy". So I told her "just to be honest with me and not to waste my time. If she's truly busy with work then I can wait, but if she's not interested. Just tell me." She replied...

 

"I want to continue seeing you. I know my actions do not back it up but its the truth. I wish things weren't so crazy right now and I had more time to see. I really like you."

 

There's your answer. You don't need to overcomplicate it any more. These "dating gurus" seem to have so much time on their hands that they forget other people might actually lead busy lives, and might not want to go on dates under time constraints when you're only starting to get to know the person and would prefer to do it at your own pace without the pressure. If they're interested, they will start arranging time for you once you're official and before you get to that stage, it's useless to speculate.

 

I would keep my other options open and not focus on her too much until it's a done deal. Actually, that's kind of the situation that I'm in myself right now.

[Matt Uchiha]

I replied "I'm not pressuring you to see me, I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you. That's all, so relax. I'm in no hurry for us to hangout. Your career is important and you gotta do what you gotta do. If you need someone to talk too, I'm here for you. So if you ever change your mind, let me know. Have a good one."

 

I'm sorry but this is just so desperate. "If you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you"????

 

WTF? She can't even be there for you. Have some self respect, man. You're just putting yourself in the friendzone with statements like this.

 

You simply say "Okay. It was nice meeting you" and move on to another woman who will be more invested in you, value your time and actually have concrete interest in you.

 

Stop teetering around with this one.