Author Faldve Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 This is probably one of the worst relationships I've read about. How is it that you and your husband just don't sit down together, talk about how unhealthy your relationship is and leave each other. It's obvious that you to make each other unhappy and aren't good for one another. There's a lot of hate, abuse and resentment in your relationship. I read your previous posts, about you cheating on your husband numerous times a few years ago, you flirting with his friend, you having cheated on him recently, you being pregnant now with another man's child (or maybe it's the friend you mentioned in your previous posts), him being emotionally abusive, his addiction to pornography and now rape. I don't know how you two got to be in such a bad place but if he's exhibiting anger and abuse towards you that could stem from his unresolved feelings of you cheating on him and his inability to confront and work on his feelings. He is handling them horribly your environment and life together is toxic. Also, are you sure that your children, especially your first child, is your husband's since you said you were cheating on him before then? This marriage is sick and it needs to be euthanized. Tell your husband that you two could be much happier not being together. That he'd be free to pursue other women and have time alone at times. That the both of you will have space to just be, and figure s*** out. You married way too young. I don't think that either of you should be dating or involved with anyone (including each other) for a while. My only advice and I PRAY that it is one that you follow, is that you two work out some way to separate and divorce and each see an individual counsellor and seek therapy to help you be parents. You do not want to waste your lives, especially your twenties, being miserable. Seek happiness. I've tried to talk to him but he ignores me or tells me that it's my fault and I need to change ___ or ____ for it to work. He tells me I'm tearing our family apart. I've stayed because I'm afraid of losing everything I guess. Or he threatens suicide. I didn't talk to his friend after that and I told my husband he made me uncomfortable. According to him I was wrong and his friend didn't mean it like that. I'm sure my behavior triggers him but he has always had problems expressing his emotions. I'm not the first. I'm positive both of our children are his. I told him what you said pretty much and he got pissed off and left to go to his father's house. There's a lot of guns there (20+). I freaked out worrying he was going to kill himself or me. So, the topic was dropped. Then, yesterday I woke up to him laying next to me where I was sleeping (in a recliner). He was pulling at my clothes and touching me. I just feel so guilty. You're right, though. We both need to let it go and focus on being healthy, and apart.
Author Faldve Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 Start recording and filming your husband's abusive outbursts. Borrow money for a lawyer if need be. Talk to your parents!! You need to divorce him and get away from him if he is as abusive as you say then he shouldn't have custody of the kids, even if he's has connections. You say the baby could be someone else's, so that means there's a tiny chance it's your husbands? I will start doing that. I never have my camera ready so I think I'll start recording every interaction. There is a small chance it's his.
Author Faldve Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 I hope that you have been looking for a job? I had a temporary job in November. I haven't looked for one at the present time because I start nursing school next month.
Author Faldve Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 Are you in therapy? If not please get therapy asap. Your abusive H didn't cause you to make such poor life decisions. Something within you needs fixing. I was going but I stopped when I went back to him. I do have things I need to fix. I was abused most of my childhood and I moved out at 14 to escape abuse.
Itspointless Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 A little background before I get to my questions; I'm 23 married to my husband that I've been with since the age of 14. We have two young children together. Just wondering what country are we talking here about? 2
Author Faldve Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 Probably having marks or an injury is required to have your H arrested or removed from the home unless their are witnesses. Can you go back to the precinct and ask to speak to a detective rather than one of the police officers? How old is your husband? What did your child say that made you believe she was sexually abused? The officer was an investigator. He's 27. I walked into the living room and she was sitting sideways on his lap. I went to pick her up and she was pulling her pants up. I took her into my son's room and I asked if she was okay and she said daddy hurt my "private area". My son has told me things before this but when I'd ask my husband he's say he was lying. My son is older but he has a speech delay so it's difficult to understand him sometimes. He's told me his dad tied him up, and that he put a screw driver on my daughter's privates. She recently started peeing on herself and my son still wets the bed. I told the investigators, and DHS all of this. He has nightmares about a monster chasing him. My husband has masks that are for when it's cold I guess but he never wears them. I've been finding bungee cords and things like that in my husband's things. Of course he tells me I'm just crazy.
Author Faldve Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 Just wondering what country are we talking here about? I live in America.
DKT3 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Educations and condoms. I feel bad for the kids. That's all I got. 1
velvette Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 You need to take control of your life ASAP. If you are smart enough to be in nursing school and almost completing that course, you are smart enough to get out of the toxic life you are living. That needs to be your number one goal for yourself and your children. Everything should be devoted to that goal. Whatever you do, do not leave nursing school. That is your ticket out of this if you cant get out any other way. It will also be the means to support your children if you can get custody of them. Does the school have any sort of therapist that you can see for free or reduced rate? If you told your H you wanted to go to therapy would he pay for it? I'm not sure you can hold down even a part time job with school and kids to take care of, but if there is any way then do it. You need an exit plan. Again, I am going to suggest that you go to the nearest womens shelter and ask them to help you come up with one or tell you were you can go to get free help. Can your grandmother help you? Go to a local church and ask to speak to the pastor. Some pastors are also counselors, but regardless many of them are familiar with resources to help you. You need to start building a support system. You need to find a way not to leave your kids alone with your H. Put a camera to film your bed so if your H rapes you again its on tape. Make sure you are saying No or Stop and trying to resist him. You need to put every penny you can get your hands on into a fund for your exit. Put your grandmothers address on the account and have paper statements go to her house. Either go back to the counselor who saw your child or google signs of childhood sexual abuse. If you observe behaviors that appear to be acting out abuse get your child into therapy. 6
autumnnight Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 The officer was an investigator. He's 27. I walked into the living room and she was sitting sideways on his lap. I went to pick her up and she was pulling her pants up. I took her into my son's room and I asked if she was okay and she said daddy hurt my "private area". My son has told me things before this but when I'd ask my husband he's say he was lying. My son is older but he has a speech delay so it's difficult to understand him sometimes. He's told me his dad tied him up, and that he put a screw driver on my daughter's privates. She recently started peeing on herself and my son still wets the bed. I told the investigators, and DHS all of this. He has nightmares about a monster chasing him. My husband has masks that are for when it's cold I guess but he never wears them. I've been finding bungee cords and things like that in my husband's things. Of course he tells me I'm just crazy. I do not know where you are and do not have to know, but check and see if there are any child advocacy centers in your area. They have lots of resources that may be able to help you. Almost every state has several of them. 1
Itspointless Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 (edited) I live in America. I was going but I stopped when I went back to him. I do have things I need to fix. I was abused most of my childhood and I moved out at 14 to escape abuse. Thank you for your answer. Somehow I am not surprised with your background. I am really sorry to hear that, as that also means that you really had bad models when you were young when you needed good support. It does not and should not keep you from taking responsibility as some posters have said. But unfortunately it makes it so much harder for you making healthy choices selecting people. Somehow and unfortunately we attract what we have known. The good news is that with effort we can change! I do not know you and why the professionals near you made the choices they did. It sounds puzzling to me as even a rumour of sexual abuse should be enough for formal instances to keep eyes on a family. As I live in Europe I do not know at what instances you can go there, but there must be instances on the internet that can give you free legal advice what you can do when your husband is abusive and when your suspect sexual abuse with your children. I hope others here can help you with this. Take care of your children and yourself. Edited July 15, 2015 by Itspointless
turnera Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 What state are you in? You need to be researching legal help. Have you gone to any womens' shelters? Researched ANYTHING? You're in America. I get that you've been sheltered but there is a TON of help you can get to escape this, if you just look. If he has the local cops in his pocket, EXPAND your range. County officials, state officials, government officials. Nonprofits. Churches. Organizations that exist just to get women and their kids away from sexual abusers. AND HE IS A CHILD SEXUAL ABUSER. Look for that help. It's out there. Before he does something WORSE to your son and daughter. 4
veggirl Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I'm sorry but why the F*CK are you so nonchalant about your husband SEXUALLY ASSAULTING your children???? Are you kidding????? Why in the world are you even leaving them alone with him??? And long enough for you to have sex with another man? THAT is your priority? you should abort ASAP, you SHOULD NOT be bringing more children into this world. WTF! :sick::sick::sick::sick: 6
velvette Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 You mentioned you left before. How did you do that? Where did you go? Did you take your children with you? What made you go back?
66Charger Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I dont get your previous threads. 6 weeks ago you were thrilling on your husbands best friend. If someone sexually assaulted my daughter, they would be a dead man walking. And I am male. Women I know would not be looking for more dick. They would be looking for a lawyer or a gun. 6
goodyblue Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 (edited) You need to get to a shelter with your children. Jesus that guy would be in prison or dead if that w as my kid. If he is looking up kiddie pornography get his dampened computer/device and take it to the police. Edited July 16, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 7
velvette Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I dont get your previous threads. 6 weeks ago you were thrilling on your husbands best friend. If someone sexually assaulted my daughter, they would be a dead man walking. And I am male. Women I know would not be looking for more dick. They would be looking for a lawyer or a gun. I know you mean well and I understand your sentiments, but talking about guns is reckless. This woman is already probably at the highest risk she will ever be for being murdered.........abused, pregnant, and ready to leave. Her potential murderer has threatened suicide and is a real live version of the man we see on the news taking his whole family out before he kills himself or doesn't. 3
velvette Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 (edited) You need to get to a shelter with your children. Jesus that guy would be in prison or dead if that w as my kid. If he is looking up kiddie pornography get his dampened computer/device and take it to the police. Bad idea unless she talks to the shelter first. The system has already failed her and her children with regard to the current abuse allegations. OP should go talk to the shelter ASAP and ask them what they advise. They will know the system in their state better than any of us. Alternatively, she should take the kids and go to a shelter in a different state that is more aggressive about protecting children. The last thing she needs is for DHS to remove the kids from her and return them to the husband or his family where he has access to them. Edited July 16, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
elaine567 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 The OP is the product of abuse, her responses to trauma will be blunted and her capacity for putting up with just about anything will be huge. Numbness and Emotional Blunting. This is an extremely useful survival tool which enabled us to keep going, especially where the abuse is still ongoing. 7
velvette Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Faldve Is your grandmother capable of watching your kids temporarily? Can you get your husband to agree to let them go stay with her for a visit? Even if you tell him something ridiculous like you want the two of you to have more free time to work on things?
velvette Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 The OP is the product of abuse, her responses to trauma will be blunted and her capacity for putting up with just about anything will be huge. Yep and verbally abusing her further will not help or resolve this for herself or her children. 7
velvette Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 (edited) You need to get to a shelter with your children. Jesus that guy would be in prison or dead if that w as my kid. If he is looking up kiddie pornography get his dampened computer/device and take it to the police. As to the bolded, may or may not be a good idea and probably needs legal advice. First, the local police have already declined to do anything about kiddie porn on the computer. Whose computer is it and who has access to it. This man plays dirty and could just as easily say she pulled the kiddie porn up. If she can protect herself in that regard, the she should call the local FBI office and talk to them, telling them she tried to get the locals to act and they wont. Edited July 16, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author Faldve Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 You need to take control of your life ASAP. If you are smart enough to be in nursing school and almost completing that course, you are smart enough to get out of the toxic life you are living. That needs to be your number one goal for yourself and your children. Everything should be devoted to that goal. Whatever you do, do not leave nursing school. That is your ticket out of this if you cant get out any other way. It will also be the means to support your children if you can get custody of them. Does the school have any sort of therapist that you can see for free or reduced rate? If you told your H you wanted to go to therapy would he pay for it? I'm not sure you can hold down even a part time job with school and kids to take care of, but if there is any way then do it. You need an exit plan. Again, I am going to suggest that you go to the nearest womens shelter and ask them to help you come up with one or tell you were you can go to get free help. Can your grandmother help you? Go to a local church and ask to speak to the pastor. Some pastors are also counselors, but regardless many of them are familiar with resources to help you. You need to start building a support system. You need to find a way not to leave your kids alone with your H. Put a camera to film your bed so if your H rapes you again its on tape. Make sure you are saying No or Stop and trying to resist him. You need to put every penny you can get your hands on into a fund for your exit. Put your grandmothers address on the account and have paper statements go to her house. Either go back to the counselor who saw your child or google signs of childhood sexual abuse. If you observe behaviors that appear to be acting out abuse get your child into therapy. Thank you so much for the advice. I never even thought to try to get him hurting me on video. I was seeing a therapist close to my school but when he took the car I quit going. He would pay for it I believe, he will document that I'm going and what medications I'm on. He loves to prove that I'm crazy. I emailed a therapist in another town a little while ago to make an appointment for my oldest.
velvette Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Thank you so much for the advice. I never even thought to try to get him hurting me on video. I was seeing a therapist close to my school but when he took the car I quit going. He would pay for it I believe, he will document that I'm going and what medications I'm on. He loves to prove that I'm crazy. I emailed a therapist in another town a little while ago to make an appointment for my oldest. Good for you. But, with the info that you provided about his abuse of your children, you need to go to the nearest shelter ASAP and talk to them about your options (without letting him know you are going). They will know the most about all the resources that are available to you....possibly for free. There is no crime in going to a therapist. Getting help when you need it is a sign of strength not weakness to most rational people. Talk to your therapist about documenting your sessions sufficiently and whether or not she will be available to testify on your behalf and/or your children if necessary. 3
Author Faldve Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 What state are you in? You need to be researching legal help. Have you gone to any womens' shelters? Researched ANYTHING? You're in America. I get that you've been sheltered but there is a TON of help you can get to escape this, if you just look. If he has the local cops in his pocket, EXPAND your range. County officials, state officials, government officials. Nonprofits. Churches. Organizations that exist just to get women and their kids away from sexual abusers. AND HE IS A CHILD SEXUAL ABUSER. Look for that help. It's out there. Before he does something WORSE to your son and daughter. Last summer I saw two different lawyers, they couldn't help me because I didn't have the money to pay up front. I did contact the sheriff department. I was in contact with child protective services, and a woman who deals with internet crimes against children (he threw away one of his laptops before the whole ordeal happened, and hid the others) He also disconnected the internet service and opened a new account. I talked to a social worker. I contacted a women's shelter. I got no where.
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