Have you ever gone out with someone to give that person a chance?

[E-Squared]

It happened to me many years ago. I remember I was so bitter and lonely at the time, and I remember a friend of mine told me that this girl liked me. I was not sure to believe it because I did not catch any vibes until a day later, but then the girl tried to hide it in some way. Of course, she asked me out, I said yes, and we "dated." Note, the quotations are there for a reason. I thought that at the time, if a girl liked me, then I would easily be interested in her. Of course, in the end, I was mainly flattered, and I also thought that it was my ticket to getting lucky. However, we only "dated" for two weeks, as the girl saw that I was not all that into her. I did not make a move, and when she asked me to come over because she was sick, I told her that I could not because she lived too far and I had no car. She even suggested that I take public transportation but it would have taken hours for me to get there. She even claimed that I said something to the effect of not wanting to go "all the way out there." She lived a half-hour away from me, driving distance. It did not work out, by the way. At the time, I was not sure if I was into her or not, but not long after that I realized that I was not into her and I thought it was a chance to get laid. I know, that sounds messed up.

 

Have you ever dated someone to give that person a chance, only to realize that you weren't interested in that person?

[Snakechammah]

Thanks for sharing your story! I have, just this year.

 

A guy at work told everyone within earshot he has a crush on me. So his friend, a female colleague, bulldozed into my department and announced to everyone, including my boss, that so-and-so likes me and wants to ask me out.

 

That caught me totally off guard and I felt so embarrassed.

 

The thing is... he's a VERY nice guy, friendly, kind and my entire department was rooting for him. I felt so pressured by the other colleagues to "give him a chance", "he really likes you", yadda yadda yadda, that I forced myself to go out with him.

 

The truth is, I was crushing on another guy at work but he wasn't making a move. Nobody at work knew that I like someone else, so they assumed I was just single and desperate LOL.

 

So out of peer pressure, and not wanting to embarrass the dude, I agreed to go out with him. One date became four (I felt so bad I couldn't turn him down, we are colleagues!)

 

In the end, when I refused to sleep with him, he gave up. He still texts occassionally and when he sees me at work, he jumps at the opportunity to talk to me, all gooey-eyed, but that's all. No more dates!

 

I am now dating my crush from work, who, bless him, had no idea I was being pursued rigourously by our colleague. (now he knows though - I told him haha)

 

Sometimes it's ok to give people a chance, but always always follow your instinct! Don't give in to pressure!

[d0nnivain]

Sort of. When I tried OLD I went on 2 1st meets with guys I would not have agreed to go out with had I met them IRL 1st. I tried to convince myself that I was more mature now, that looks weren't everything & it didn't matter that I wasn't overly attracted to them & that the fact that we had a good conversation on the phone should be enough. Both were abject disasters.

 

 

In the sense that I always try to be polite to everyone, I give people a chance but that doesn't include agreeing to a date if I'm not really interested.

[GoodOnPaper]

As a guy, dry spells can really mess with your head. The urge to relieve the bitterness and loneliness and at least give the appearance that you're not a loser who can't get dates is powerful. My entire singlehood was lived as the "nice guy" who women thought they should be attracted but never really were. Then I meet my wife and for the first time the attraction imbalance was reversed. Well, after years of feeling like I was never given sufficient chances, I couldn't not give her one. Before long, you're in a months- long, then years-long relationship and you're in too deep to walk away.

[central]

Have you ever dated someone to give that person a chance, only to realize that you weren't interested in that person?

 

This is true of the vast majority of women I dated. That's what dating is - giving them a chance - and me a chance - for form an attraction worth pursuing. Usually, it's not worth pursuing. I only continued dating a few percent of all I met - that's how I found a truly great match that has lasted.

[thefooloftheyear]

I think its a dumb thing to do......Id never do that...

 

If you know for sure you aren't into that person, then all you are doing is giving them false hope by thinking they will grow on you...This isn't like the movies, that stuff never works in real life..

 

To think someone would cave to peer pressure and throw someone a bone, seems really immature to me...If you aren't into them, then there isn't anything really "sweet or caring" by jerking their chain..

 

Politely tell them you are flattered but aren't interested..

 

TFY

[losangelena]

As a guy, dry spells can really mess with your head. The urge to relieve the bitterness and loneliness and at least give the appearance that you're not a loser who can't get dates is powerful. My entire singlehood was lived as the "nice guy" who women thought they should be attracted but never really were. Then I meet my wife and for the first time the attraction imbalance was reversed. Well, after years of feeling like I was never given sufficient chances, I couldn't not give her one. Before long, you're in a months- long, then years-long relationship and you're in too deep to walk away.

 

Wait, are you saying you married your wife when you didn't want to?

[MissBee]

It happened to me many years ago. I remember I was so bitter and lonely at the time, and I remember a friend of mine told me that this girl liked me. I was not sure to believe it because I did not catch any vibes until a day later, but then the girl tried to hide it in some way. Of course, she asked me out, I said yes, and we "dated." Note, the quotations are there for a reason. I thought that at the time, if a girl liked me, then I would easily be interested in her. Of course, in the end, I was mainly flattered, and I also thought that it was my ticket to getting lucky. However, we only "dated" for two weeks, as the girl saw that I was not all that into her. I did not make a move, and when she asked me to come over because she was sick, I told her that I could not because she lived too far and I had no car. She even suggested that I take public transportation but it would have taken hours for me to get there. She even claimed that I said something to the effect of not wanting to go "all the way out there." She lived a half-hour away from me, driving distance. It did not work out, by the way. At the time, I was not sure if I was into her or not, but not long after that I realized that I was not into her and I thought it was a chance to get laid. I know, that sounds messed up.

 

Have you ever dated someone to give that person a chance, only to realize that you weren't interested in that person?

 

Yepp and NEVER again!

[GoodOnPaper]

Wait, are you saying you married your wife when you didn't want to?

 

I wouldn't put it that way -- just no head-over-heels infatuation at my end. High compatibility factor, though, and as much as I wanted to experience the kind of involuntary, purely physical attraction with a woman who actually felt the same toward me, I figured that for struggling guys like me, that sort of thing just isn't realistic. I think the OP is smart to not let bitterness and loneliness get the best of his relationship choosing.

[losangelena]

I wouldn't put it that way -- just no head-over-heels infatuation at my end. High compatibility factor, though, and as much as I wanted to experience the kind of involuntary, purely physical attraction with a woman who actually felt the same toward me, I figured that for struggling guys like me, that sort of thing just isn't realistic. I think the OP is smart to not let bitterness and loneliness get the best of his relationship choosing.

 

I see, so it's not like you're saying you'd rather NOT be married to her?

 

 

I ask because that is literally one of my worst nightmares, to be married to someone who perhaps is not all-in or would rather not be married to me or is "settling" in that regard. My brother did this to his ex-wife; I dated a guy for a while whose ex-wife admitted four years after they married that she'd never been in love with him; and even my ex seemed to be going through the motions a lot of the time. It's just scary to think that someone would feel lukewarm but still get married anyway.

[GoodOnPaper]

I see, so it's not like you're saying you'd rather NOT be married to her?

 

 

I ask because that is literally one of my worst nightmares, to be married to someone who perhaps is not all-in or would rather not be married to me or is "settling" in that regard. My brother did this to his ex-wife; I dated a guy for a while whose ex-wife admitted four years after they married that she'd never been in love with him; and even my ex seemed to be going through the motions a lot of the time. It's just scary to think that someone would feel lukewarm but still get married anyway.

 

My conflictedness is all about the insecurities and negative self-image I carried over from my single days. If it was about my wife personally, I would not have been in this for over 20 years.