MadKurlz Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 I eneded things with my so called "friend" on Friday night. Let me give you a bit of history. One year ago, we hooked up and got along great. After a month he was coming over almost every night and would spend the night. About two months later he told me he loved me. I was ecstatic. Two months after that I notice that he becomes distant and he tells me that we are moving too fast and we should just remain friends and that his feelings for me were'nt the same. I was devastated. Only to fall into the same pattern again. Getting back together, going over each others houses, having sex, etc, all the things that couple do. but we were still labeled as "friends". He never intorduced me as his girlfriend, but we did everything togehter. I would even go to his house and spend the night all the time. His family loves me, and I of course love them. I have formed a bond with his mom too. Okay so now I could feel that there were times that he wasnt as into me, so he once again around the Valentines day he told me that we should be friends, that his feelings werent the same as mine were for him. that mine were deeper for him and it just wasnt fair to me. I said okay. Of course devastated again. A few weeks later, we are hanging out again, im chilling with the family, my birthday rolls around, I get great gifts form him and he is very affectionate, loving, caring, and we are having sex again. So once again, we are acting like a couple. Funny thing too is that when we would sleep together,(i dont mean sex) he was so affectionate, kissed my cheecks my eyes, but outta the privacy of his bedroom, he was a diffrent person, not affectionate at all. He was never one to express his feelings. Well Friday nght rolls around, and im at his house watching tv and I roll over to kiss him and cuddle, when he has this look on his face, i sd to him, you really dont like kissing do you? He sd well no, its just that im watching tv. Right then and their I realized that I deserved somone who wanted to kiss me. He wants to love me the way I love them. Someone to give me the affection im starving for. I told him I could no longer do this anymore. He sd he understood and he sd that I will never know how he feels about me and how much he cares. I sd for him to tell me, He sd he couldnt cuz he didnt know how to express himself. So I left. Sometimes I ask myself if I did the right thing for myself? I miss him terribly. I miss him holding me at night.
outdated Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 You didn't make the wrong decision if you felt it was right for you. By wrong decision, inherently you mean did you react too quickly or without enough thought. Maybe some time away will put the focus back on you and give you time to reflect. Honestly it's too early to know if you made the right decision. You need to wait until the dust settles. It seems like he was taking you for granted from what you said and that is never good, and maybe this time will allow him to notice that, and then you guys can start over new. HOpe this helps, I feel like I'm rambling a bit.
NiCoLe20 Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 i think u made the right decision too. he's playin games with your heart and thats not a really cool thing to do u know?! even though it hurts, im sure u'll find someone who is that much into you , as u are into them... i did! and if i can, im sure you will.... just stop contacting him from here on out... itll b hard but let himwonder about what ur doing, who ur with, where ur at?! by him wondering this, he might start to fall for u harder
Marshbear Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Right then and their I realized that I deserved somone who wanted to kiss me. He wants to love me the way I love them. Someone to give me the affection im starving for. Yes you do. He has told you that he does not have the same feelings for you that you do. Stop having sex with him. He is using you and you don't deserve it. You need to drop him ( no friends ) and find a guy who responds like you want them too. You are wasting your time with him. Find another guy. Peace...
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by outdated You didn't make the wrong decision if you felt it was right for you...Honestly it's too early to know if you made the right decision....HOpe this helps, I feel like I'm rambling a bit. No kidding, outdated. Wanna try that again, but in English? MadKurlz, let me make this simple: he's not into you. He likes you, he likes your body, but he feels guilty for using you. Don't accept half a relationship. Don't settle for scraps. Find someone who isn't ashamed to be your bf. Backing off this guy may even make him think. But it may not.
outdated Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo No kidding, outdated. Wanna try that again, but in English? No speaka da ingleesh...
Author MadKurlz Posted June 1, 2005 Author Posted June 1, 2005 MadKurlz, let me make this simple: he's not into you. He likes you, he likes your body, but he feels guilty for using you. Romeo, I think ur right. Thanks for being upfront and simple with me. I think thats one of the reasons why he didnt want to tell me how he felt bout me. Cuz he knew it would hurt me and he would loose his casual sex thing.
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by MadKurlz Thanks for being upfront and simple with me. My pleasure Move on, girl. You deserve more.
Author MadKurlz Posted June 3, 2005 Author Posted June 3, 2005 Well, I am having a hard time coping with this. I think im starting to feel more and more insecure. In the past week, I have seen him, but there has not been any romantic involvement. Sunday and Tuesday & Thurs we were at at bar with other friends to watch the heat game. On Wednedsday I went to his house to pick up some things , stayed over for dinner, cuz his mom & dad dont know anything and he sd he didnt want to say anything to them and also sd that I am still friends with his mom and him and there is no reason why we all still cant be friends, blah blah blah. Well after dinner his mom and I chatted and all was dandy. His mom had mentioned how the family was going out to dinner on Friday night cuz some family is coming from outta town. She is assuming that I am going. My friend, lets call him E. was next to me while she mentioned this. Well E hasnt sd anything to me bout the dinner. Should I assume that im not going to go? Should I mention something if I should go. Of course I want to go, but I dont want to look clingy and I hate it when i overanalyze things. I went to E's bedroom to go laydown and wait till "the parents" went to bed, I didnt want them to see me taking my stuff and asking questions. well I fell asleep there, I awoke and he was holding me in his arms. Tight, sqweezing. Gosh, the feeling I felt . It was so secure. I felt so safe. All the hurt that I had been feeling was numb. It was such a releif to stop hurting even if it was only a temporary feeling. I knew that if I had sex with him, I would just make things worse formyself. So I made sure that I wasnt going to fall into that. I just concentrated on that safe and secure feeling. So last night at the bar her mentioned that he was going to be bringing this stripper friend of his to join the "M.I.L.F." contest on tuesday night they have at the bar. While we dated for a year, I have heard about her. Her name is K. But I was never intorduced. We always spent our time together, and like I sd he never really had any of his friends come hang out with me, only our mutual friends. He never hung out with her for the whole year we were toghether. So I had asked him previously if had had any past history with her, he sd that she is beautiful with a banging body and has a daughter, but that she was not interested in him. He sd that if she looked at him diffrent then maybe they wouldve had something, so he never hit on her and they were just friends. Anyways I am feeling so insecure, Is it cuz I keep hanging out with him? Should I go Tuesday night to go meet K and see what that is like or am i gonna put myself thru torture? Should I mentione something tonight about dinner or wait for him to say something. Im having a hard time letting go. JEEZ this sucks
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 3, 2005 Posted June 3, 2005 Originally posted by MadKurlz Well, I am having a hard time coping with this. I think im starting to feel more and more insecure. Is it cuz I keep hanging out with him? Should I go Tuesday night to go meet K and see what that is like or am i gonna put myself thru torture? Honey, you're making this even more difficult than it needs to be. Hanging out with his family, sleeping in his bed, meeting this stripper friend of his... if I were trying to think of ways to deliberately make it worse for you, I couldn't come up with a "better" combination. Two words: No Contact. Mark a date in your calendar - I'd recommend 2 months from now or something similar, but you can start with 1 month if this is all you can manage. Between now and then you are not going to ring him, go round to his parents, meet his love interests and definitely not sleep in his bed. If he or his family contact you, make it brief and just explain that you don't mean to snub them, but because of the change in relationship you need a little time and space. Be gentle and polite, but stick to your guns. Anyone with an ounce of kindness will understand your needs at this point.
Recommended Posts