Rejected Rosebud Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 As for my personality being unattractive, noted and taken on the chin. Body can be slimmed down etc. but personality cannot be changed. Guess I drew the short straw when those were being dished out or perhaps I am rendered bitter after years of dating failure. Personality CAN be changed. Were you born bitter, or didn't you just say you are "rendered" bitter? See, it changed. Successful people almost always identify the weaknesses in their personality or "persona" and work to improve them.
Author ZA Dater Posted December 24, 2015 Author Posted December 24, 2015 It's not so simple. Attraction is just the prerequisite. Chemistry is the real test. Oftentimes there really isn't chemistry. And the other times, it's more polite for people to blame chemistry than blame your looks. My advice is that you need to get over your opinions about how shallow and superficial people are; it's irrelevant. Society will continue to operate like this regardless of how bad it makes you feel. The world hasn't "become" that way. It is that way and always been. Your mistake was believing fairy tales rather than observing actual human nature and learning from it. Men are more complex than the binary characterization of "gentleman" or "bad." All women aren't saints, either. People are flawed and nuanced. Nice women are perfectly capable of treating men poorly in their own way. Have you ever dated a woman and treated her perfectly only to have her screw you over somehow? It happens. People treat each other poorly. It isn't pleasant, but it's the reality. Complaining about it isn't going to help. If you want to abstain from the process, I commend you. But regardless of gender, once you get involved in the dating scene you're going to to both cause and experience undeserved pain. More sour grapes. Everyone learns the ropes through trial and error. Step out of your comfort zone and stop blaming the circumstances for things everyone else has figured out the hard way. Answer to the bold bit: I have never dated anyone. I agree everyone learns through trial and error but when exactly does one learn if one is constantly rejected? Its not as if one is getting any positive critique to help one improve, no, it seems one must just simply know what was wrong. I was told it was my hairstyle and I needed to bulk up, I did that. I was then told it was because I was too quiet, I spoke out more. I just don't feel like I have improved at all, I still feel as anonymous as I always have, I am as shy as I have always been, I am as inexperienced as I have always been. Maybe I just expect too much but for me improvements needs to be measurable and its next to impossible to determine if my change of style, change of clothes has had any effect at all. Bottom line is I just want to be attractive enough for someone I like to go on a date with me, that's all I want, nothing more. She doesn't need to sleep with me, kiss me, do anything with me, just talk to me and spend time with me. Actually re reading that it sounds really sad. I refuse to believe I am a bad person and I know I have a lot to offer someone but just getting to the point where I am attractive seems extremely hard, hence my asking what people actually find attractive.
Imajerk17 Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 (edited) ZA, to get back to your OP on this thread, your money, job, physique and style, and I'm sure by extension, your car, are probably fine. You keep insisting that those are your root causes when it comes to not getting dates, and you refuse to listen to everyone tell you how THAT IS NOT IT. It's a huge reason for your continuing struggles. --You want something that will show you results TODAY here it is: You come across on here as stubborn and self-righteous. You even turned off your tinder (or was it OKCupid, I forget) matches in a single message exchange. Why don't you lose that stubborn judgmental view of things. At least consider that what people on here are telling you about how attraction works is more accurate than your view of attraction. And for your tinder matches, come up w a fun date idea that don't involve alcohol, if you don't drink. --I don't get the sense that ANYTHING brings you joy. Would you like to travel? Not to see all the sights that everyone else sees when they visit but to actually go off the beaten path and talk to people there. You'll come back w different perspectives and stories. That is what makes someone interesting--they have interesting perspectives on things. --I gave you the suggestion to join a CrossFit box--full of like-minded health-conscious people by the way. What ever came of that? You can meet a bunch of likeminded people without ever having to do a single cold approach. Some thoughts for now. Merry Christmas. Edited December 24, 2015 by Imajerk17 1
normal person Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 I agree everyone learns through trial and error but when exactly does one learn if one is constantly rejected? That whatever you're doing isn't working and you should recalibrate your efforts. I was told it was my hairstyle and I needed to bulk up, I did that. I was then told it was because I was too quiet, I spoke out more. I just don't feel like I have improved at all, I still feel as anonymous as I always have, I am as shy as I have always been, I am as inexperienced as I have always been. Aesthetics help, for sure. They can get you a foot in the door. But being shy won't do you any favors. Meekness in a grown man is about as big of a strike against as anything. No one will care how you look if you're a total pushover without any confidence. Bottom line is I just want to be attractive enough for someone I like to go on a date with me, that's all I want, nothing more. She doesn't need to sleep with me, kiss me, do anything with me, just talk to me and spend time with me. Actually re reading that it sounds really sad. Worry less about being attractive enough and focus more on being interesting/exciting/funny/entertaining enough. A girl is more likely to go out with you because she thinks you're fun and interesting than she will because you've got a nice haircut and nothing else. I refuse to believe I am a bad person and I know I have a lot to offer someone but just getting to the point where I am attractive seems extremely hard, hence my asking what people actually find attractive. I'm sure you're a good person, but that's not really the crux of the issue. You don't have to be "bad" to get someone's attention. See above for the things you should focus more energy on.
Author ZA Dater Posted December 24, 2015 Author Posted December 24, 2015 ZA, to get back to your OP on this thread, your money, job, physique and style, and I'm sure by extension, your car, are probably fine. You keep insisting that those are your root causes when it comes to not getting dates, and you refuse to listen to everyone tell you how THAT IS NOT IT. It's a huge reason for your continuing struggles. --You want something that will show you results TODAY here it is: You come across on here as stubborn and self-righteous. You even turned off your tinder (or was it OKCupid, I forget) matches in a single message exchange. Why don't you lose that stubborn judgmental view of things. At least consider that what people on here are telling you about how attraction works is more accurate than your view of attraction. And for your tinder matches, come up w a fun date idea that don't involve alcohol, if you don't drink. --I don't get the sense that ANYTHING brings you joy. Would you like to travel? Not to see all the sights that everyone else sees when they visit but to actually go off the beaten path and talk to people there. You'll come back w different perspectives and stories. That is what makes someone interesting--they have interesting perspectives on things. --I gave you the suggestion to join a CrossFit box--full of like-minded health-conscious people by the way. What ever came of that? You can meet a bunch of likeminded people without ever having to do a single cold approach. Some thoughts for now. Merry Christmas. Firstly I wont ever go back to OLD simply because over the last 7 years I have yet to find a suitable match, like everyone I have my likes an dislikes and frankly speaking people on OLD don't tick those boxes, I think 7 years is a fairly long run to be rejected the few who were 50/50 in my view, i.e. worth a chance. Granted the ones I did try with were not impressed with me, either by what I had to say via whats app or when they met me and to be fair all bar one didn't impress me either. I agree people here may have a valid point but equally I reserve the right to have a point of view based on what I have seen, is it accurate? Probably not but I don't think there is a big line which differentiates between right and wrong. What brings me joy, its really very simply, I set out to challenge myself at whatever I do, I enjoy accomplishing things. Each day I start with an objective, for a few weeks it was to talk to random people and I accomplished that. I work around 9-10 hours a day, again I set target and goals and work towards them, all the time measuring my progress and I try keep moving forward. What does bring me a considerable amount of joy is the car club I belong to, the writing work I do for the club, the events I arrange, the cars I often get to drive, the places I go to, the food I eat. Joy should be something we try to achieve each day. Joy is me helping someone out of a jam, if there is one thing I cant be accused of its being selfish and self centred. A great drive brings me joy as does a great ocean wave. My life isn't devoid of joy its just a very lonely place which is clouded severely by dating and all the bad things dating has always brought me. People either grab me or they don't, looks probably count 35% in my total attractiveness scale but obese is totally out. The chick I keep waxing lyrical on her about, according to my friends she isn't pretty, to me she is gorgeous, the whole package is fantastic and therein for me is the problem always, I go for the all around, slanted towards the intelligent over ultimate physical attraction. I knew within 5 minutes of meeting her this was someone I wanted to date and that's NEVER happened before ever, nor has 4 hours gone so quickly chatting to her. Again I like to be challenged and she does that. I have tried these meet up type things but I just cant relate and it just becomes frustrating trying to small talk about nothing of any particular interest. At the end of the day as mentioned I just want to be attractive to the people I like.
Author ZA Dater Posted December 24, 2015 Author Posted December 24, 2015 That whatever you're doing isn't working and you should recalibrate your efforts. Aesthetics help, for sure. They can get you a foot in the door. But being shy won't do you any favors. Meekness in a grown man is about as big of a strike against as anything. No one will care how you look if you're a total pushover without any confidence. Worry less about being attractive enough and focus more on being interesting/exciting/funny/entertaining enough. A girl is more likely to go out with you because she thinks you're fun and interesting than she will because you've got a nice haircut and nothing else. I'm sure you're a good person, but that's not really the crux of the issue. You don't have to be "bad" to get someone's attention. See above for the things you should focus more energy on. I agree with the bold totally, just unfortunately I am not really any of those things, I try to be, I can talk about almost anything which I guess is a bonus but for some reason it just never seems to "work". Again all I want to be is attractive enough to at least get a foot in the door, one date, that's all. Been reading today how to try and get that foot in the door. By the way I am really not a push over by any means, I am very assertive when it comes to expressing a point of view just extremely loath to get rejected......again.
LookAtThisPOst Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 A girl is more likely to go out with you because she thinks you're fun and interesting I've actually had some women do this with me, but only wound up in the friend zone. Got the, "You're so funny and interesting, but I don't think of you in that way." It's like, they like me "as a person", but nothing in the romantic realm. That comment would always blow my mind. Seems to put the kibosh on the whole, "Women just love a man who can make her laugh." They'd basically list the characteristics I have that in the dating world are "considered" attractive to women, but it's missing the whole "Think of you in THAT way" element. "You're great, funny, interesting, etc..." but..there's always a "but" that follows that.
normal person Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 (edited) I think humans the most sophisticated living things on Earth. However, being able to introspect and rationalize our own thoughts doesn't deny our basic instincts. Why do you think women are attracted to successful, rich men? Why do you think passive "nice" guys are turned down in favor of more assertive men? Why do you think men are attracted to thin, good looking women? Why do you think people have kids? You can think what you want. Things have worked out pretty great for me so far so I'm in no rush to change my thoughts on any of this. Edited December 24, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
hasaquestion Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 I think humans the most sophisticated living things on Earth. However, being able to introspect and rationalize our own thoughts doesn't deny our basic instincts. Why do you think women are attracted to successful, rich men? Why do you think passive "nice" guys are turned down in favor of more assertive men? Why do you think men are attracted to thin, good looking women? Why do you think people have kids? You can think what you want. Things have worked out pretty great for me so far so I'm in no rush to change my thoughts on any of this. Precisely. Men (specifically, "struggling guys") construct this big duality in their head between looks and personality. Looks are shallow, personality is deep. Looks are an immediate impression, personality takes a long time to show. Looks are superficial, personality is not. Women don't make this any better, for what its worth. They often preach about how they want men with great personalities, but when asked to define a great personality they describe only the long game of things. Meanwhile they're giving numbers to people whose personalities appeal to them on a whim. 1
Rejected Rosebud Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 Precisely. Men (specifically, "struggling guys") construct this big duality in their head between looks and personality. Looks are shallow, personality is deep. Looks are an immediate impression, personality takes a long time to show. Looks are superficial, personality is not. Women don't make this any better, for what its worth. They often preach about how they want men with great personalities, but when asked to define a great personality they describe only the long game of things. Meanwhile they're giving numbers to people whose personalities appeal to them on a whim. I don't agree with the idea that "personality is deep." Personality IS the face we show the world, it's not the same as our character or our emotional intelligence. We CAN get attracted to a personality "on a whim." It's a HUGE part of initial attraction for me and for most women, I believe. I mean you can have a totally gorgeous guy and an not so gorgeous guy who engages you in a particular way that you find compelling, you are NOT likely to reject that guy in favor of the more gorgeous guy (please note: I am not talking about gorgeous guy with NO personality vs terrible looking guy with ENGAGING personality) - Physical attraction IS important, nobody is saying it's not. And there is nothing wrong with it - the OP himself rejects fat girls on that basis. So, it should be NO problem for him to understand why a girl may reject a short guy, or a fat or skinny guy or whatever. Right?
hasaquestion Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 I don't agree with the idea that "personality is deep." Personality IS the face we show the world, it's not the same as our character or our emotional intelligence. We CAN get attracted to a personality "on a whim." It's a HUGE part of initial attraction for me and for most women, I believe. I mean you can have a totally gorgeous guy and an not so gorgeous guy who engages you in a particular way that you find compelling, you are NOT likely to reject that guy in favor of the more gorgeous guy (please note: I am not talking about gorgeous guy with NO personality vs terrible looking guy with ENGAGING personality) - Physical attraction IS important, nobody is saying it's not. And there is nothing wrong with it - the OP himself rejects fat girls on that basis. So, it should be NO problem for him to understand why a girl may reject a short guy, or a fat or skinny guy or whatever. Right? Oh I totally agree. My point is that duality between looks/superficial and personality/deep, that a lot of "struggling guys" take to be true, is both artificial and symptomatic of not understanding most of the nuance in human interaction. 2
Author ZA Dater Posted December 24, 2015 Author Posted December 24, 2015 If I read here perhaps my issue really is a rather simple one, I don't actually vocalize enough of what I am thinking, I have got into a pattern of "I am going to get rejected, I am not going to put too much out there because if I do and I get rejected its going to hurt badly, so rather I wont project too much". Granted that's not very attractive way to go about things now that I sit here and think about it, maybe something to work on. Would a person who vocalises feelings more be deemed more attractive, for example I have always battled with complimenting people, strange but true. Ultimately maybe attraction is more of looks getting you to the door and what you vocalise getting you through the door. Not sure anyone really agrees with that? Again I have read here one should be assertive, something I don't have a problem with when it comes to other areas of life. How far does one go with that? For me its always about manners and perhaps opening doors, pulling out chairs is too old school to be deemed an attractive quality. At some point one needs to make a move of sorts and maybe I have been wrong all along, maybe one does need to simply go after one what wants as opposed to thinking around different scenarios. The irony is high pressure work things scare me considerably less than saying the following. "Hi, would you like to grab a lunch sometime and can I get your number?" What is pretty obvious is, based on past experience I am not good at that sort of thing, what's also obvious is one must ask verbally as opposed to text or e mail. Clearly I spent too much time reading about this, I just really want to be seen as attractive and make something work for the change! Happy Holidays everyone. 2
losangelena Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 Well, if I may, ZA ... I know you haven't always cottoned well to what I have to say, but I do think you're getting close to something with this notion. If I read here perhaps my issue really is a rather simple one, I don't actually vocalize enough of what I am thinking, I have got into a pattern of "I am going to get rejected, I am not going to put too much out there because if I do and I get rejected its going to hurt badly, so rather I wont project too much". Another term for this notion is "shooting oneself in the foot." It may be a cliche to say, but attitude really is everything. If you go in expecting to get rejected, you're probably going to get rejected. Granted that's not very attractive way to go about things now that I sit here and think about it, maybe something to work on. Would a person who vocalises feelings more be deemed more attractive, for example I have always battled with complimenting people, strange but true. Ultimately maybe attraction is more of looks getting you to the door and what you vocalise getting you through the door. Not sure anyone really agrees with that? Generally speaking, yes. I agree that initial, physical attraction can initially open doors, but after that, your personally has got to shine through. What you say, how you say it, expressing wants/feelings/needs/views/opinions is, in another word, conversation. You're letting the other person know who you are, and if you don't give them anything to go off of, or you refuse to reveal yourself, I think it's hard for the other person to really get an impression of you. I don't think it's a matter of needing to say the "right" things, but yes, just saying the agreeable thing, or not saying much of anything at all can be something of a turn-off. At some point one needs to make a move of sorts and maybe I have been wrong all along, maybe one does need to simply go after one what wants as opposed to thinking around different scenarios. The irony is high pressure work things scare me considerably less than saying the following. "Hi, would you like to grab a lunch sometime and can I get your number?" Umm, yes. Assertiveness is good; continuously mulling over scenarios hasn't really gotten you anywhere, has it? And yes, asking IS scary. NO ONE, not one person, likes rejection. I liken it a bit to hearing a recording of your own voice—it's uncomfortable at first, but the more you hear it, the more used to it you become. Clearly I spent too much time reading about this, I just really want to be seen as attractive and make something work for the change! ZA, I bet you are attractive, but based on what you've written here, I think you need to work on being assertive and then being real and open. Simply being "attractive" does not create interest. You've got to express yourself, let someone actually get to know you—your thoughts and opinions, etc—that's called being a compelling individual, and that ultimately WILL make you more attractive. 2
Author ZA Dater Posted December 26, 2015 Author Posted December 26, 2015 Well, if I may, ZA ... I know you haven't always cottoned well to what I have to say, but I do think you're getting close to something with this notion. Thanks. Basically I don't ever feel attractive at all. If anything I just feel self conscious all the time. Did some reading as to what an attractive person is, read a few stories about people who have also battled and what they did to try turn things around. I then looked at what I can do or more specifically what I have to offer a potential gf and simply realised I have nothing to offer at all. When I look at others, there is nothing especially special about me, nothing to really draw a person or interest them, never mind attract them.
Qboro90 Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Thanks. Basically I don't ever feel attractive at all. If anything I just feel self conscious all the time. Did some reading as to what an attractive person is, read a few stories about people who have also battled and what they did to try turn things around. I then looked at what I can do or more specifically what I have to offer a potential gf and simply realised I have nothing to offer at all. When I look at others, there is nothing especially special about me, nothing to really draw a person or interest them, never mind attract them. You did some reading on what an attractive person is? And who authored that Bible if I may ask. Attractive is completely subjective to each individual person so no book or article can tell you the definite list of answers. Someone here tried giving you a compliment and you belittle yourself as a reply. You might not think so but I guarantee that when you go out and talk to women's, your self pity and inability to see the positives around you become evident very quickly and that's why they don't hang around. If people can see it through your words, imagine what your body language and how you carry yourself must come across? You're on a forum asking for advice regularly. Why not actually do something for once? You can say you've gotten more confident but that's a blatant lie because your replies say otherwise. Go out, interact with someone, and let us know how that goes and what you did specifically.
kassy Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 I know plenty of wealthy guys with swanky suits and pretty much everything on your list who are very very single. It may open more doors but if you're a cynical downer to be with then doors close pretty fast! Work on your attitude and negative thoughts as well as social skills and you'll go further with friends and dating. There are lots of valuable pieces of advice on all the threads you start... Time to start acting on some of it. I'm going on a second date tonight with a guy who spent most of our first date throwing up after going on a horrific ride at a carnival. It was literally the worst first date I've ever been on. But he seems lovely, charming and lots of fun (when not vomiting lol). Women don't want perfection they want a person who is real and comfortable with who he is and can be a great person to spend time with. My advice is if you work on yourself, and are a good guy, we forgive a lot (even spending the date vomiting)
Author ZA Dater Posted December 28, 2015 Author Posted December 28, 2015 I know plenty of wealthy guys with swanky suits and pretty much everything on your list who are very very single. It may open more doors but if you're a cynical downer to be with then doors close pretty fast! Work on your attitude and negative thoughts as well as social skills and you'll go further with friends and dating. There are lots of valuable pieces of advice on all the threads you start... Time to start acting on some of it. I'm going on a second date tonight with a guy who spent most of our first date throwing up after going on a horrific ride at a carnival. It was literally the worst first date I've ever been on. But he seems lovely, charming and lots of fun (when not vomiting lol). Women don't want perfection they want a person who is real and comfortable with who he is and can be a great person to spend time with. My advice is if you work on yourself, and are a good guy, we forgive a lot (even spending the date vomiting) That doesn't sound like a good first date at all but I am glad that you also saw the positive in him, enough to go on a second date. Unfortunately I am cynical, time has created that mind set, experience has increased it. When I do find someone I like I do try, up to a point. That point unfortunately never seems to be an actual date. Its incredibly tough to look at yourself in the mirror, go and buy new clothes, feel better about yourself and still realise that for all the changes there isn't really anymore attraction. I am yet to find any lady who I like who gives me that benefit of the doubt so I am glad you do because whoever he is he should be really thankful to have met someone who does give chances.
Author ZA Dater Posted December 28, 2015 Author Posted December 28, 2015 You did some reading on what an attractive person is? And who authored that Bible if I may ask. Attractive is completely subjective to each individual person so no book or article can tell you the definite list of answers. Someone here tried giving you a compliment and you belittle yourself as a reply. You might not think so but I guarantee that when you go out and talk to women's, your self pity and inability to see the positives around you become evident very quickly and that's why they don't hang around. If people can see it through your words, imagine what your body language and how you carry yourself must come across? You're on a forum asking for advice regularly. Why not actually do something for once? You can say you've gotten more confident but that's a blatant lie because your replies say otherwise. Go out, interact with someone, and let us know how that goes and what you did specifically. They say the definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. With that in mind I canned all OLD sites, deleted my profile, kept tinder going but as usual anyone who I find attractive isn't interested, status quo remains. Whatever reason they don't hang around, I cannot change my personality, that I don't sing the positives of everything is unfortunate but I pragmatic and realistic. I'd love a tall athletic brunette gf but the reality is I cant get one because someone like that wont want someone like me, that's not being negative its the truth. I am probably just best off leaving this whole scene entirely.
Rejected Rosebud Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Whatever reason they don't hang around, I cannot change my personality, but you CAN change your personality. Didn't we already cover that? that I don't sing the positives of everything is unfortunate but I pragmatic and realistic. A person can be "pragmatic and realistic" without wallowing in self pity and negativity. You CAN make the choice to STOP wallowing in self pity and negativity. That is 100% in your hands. Since you evidently prefer to maintain that status quo, I guess you can continue to see what benefits you reap from it. I'd love a tall athletic brunette gf but the reality is I cant get one because someone like that wont want someone like me, that's not being negative its the truth. There is nothing wrong with liking what you like - but I do have trouble grasping how you can be SO resentful about other people having preferences (that are not you) when you are so clear about your own preferences. I would think you would be very understanding about that.
Author ZA Dater Posted December 28, 2015 Author Posted December 28, 2015 but you CAN change your personality. Didn't we already cover that? A person can be "pragmatic and realistic" without wallowing in self pity and negativity. You CAN make the choice to STOP wallowing in self pity and negativity. That is 100% in your hands. Since you evidently prefer to maintain that status quo, I guess you can continue to see what benefits you reap from it. There is nothing wrong with liking what you like - but I do have trouble grasping how you can be SO resentful about other people having preferences (that are not you) when you are so clear about your own preferences. I would think you would be very understanding about that. I agree everyone has the power of choice, what however is frustrating are the people I do attract. Nothing I seem to do gets me more attractive people. I get this really, you want me to spin some positivity about being a 31yo virgin who has never been kissed or been on two dates with the same person. When you find a positive way to spin that please let me know because I cant think of one.
Author ZA Dater Posted December 28, 2015 Author Posted December 28, 2015 What I've seen women want 1. Be light and fun 2. Be physically strong 3. Be tough, control emotions 4. Have energy 5. Have lots of friends 6. Have sales skills 7. Be good looking Being tall and making a lot of money can help but aren't essential Of those I maybe have 3, 4 and some of 2.
Author ZA Dater Posted December 28, 2015 Author Posted December 28, 2015 but you CAN change your personality. Didn't we already cover that? A person can be "pragmatic and realistic" without wallowing in self pity and negativity. You CAN make the choice to STOP wallowing in self pity and negativity. That is 100% in your hands. Since you evidently prefer to maintain that status quo, I guess you can continue to see what benefits you reap from it. There is nothing wrong with liking what you like - but I do have trouble grasping how you can be SO resentful about other people having preferences (that are not you) when you are so clear about your own preferences. I would think you would be very understanding about that. In other words I need to force myself to be something else because being a loyal, honest, generous, good guy isn't enough.
DrReplyInRhymes Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 In other words I need to force myself to be something else because being a loyal, honest, generous, good guy isn't enough. To have the success you fantasize about and are looking for, the short answer is yes, I don't go to China expecting everything to be in English, I must confess, Not attracting the women you deem desirable with the traits you DO possess, Is akin to getting angry at the questions you didn't know when passing a test. I agree everyone has the power of choice, what however is frustrating are the people I do attract. Nothing I seem to do gets me more attractive people.In other words I need to force myself to be something else because being a loyal, honest, generous, good guy isn't enough. Seems like you know the answer to your own question you pose, Hardly an answer you agree with, however, it's an answer I suppose, Being superficial gets your the foot in the door, the attention at first, But just because they're more attractive doesn't mean it won't turn out for the worst. 1
Rejected Rosebud Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 (edited) I agree everyone has the power of choice, what however is frustrating are the people I do attract. Nothing I seem to do gets me more attractive people. Do you consider yourself to be as physically attractive as those people you want to attract? Quote: In other words I need to force myself to be something else because being a loyal, honest, generous, good guy isn't enough.I think I have been off track during this whole thread. Is the problem that you are trying to be loyal, honest and generous and good in order to "get more attractive people"? :confused: I'm afraid it just doesn't work that way. You might attract other loyal, honest and generous good people, but not necessarily "more attractive" ones. Maybe you are shooting out of your league?? I hate to go there, I usually don't think in terms of "leagues" but very attractive people tend to end up with others the same ... Edited December 28, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge
Author ZA Dater Posted December 28, 2015 Author Posted December 28, 2015 To have the success you fantasize about and are looking for, the short answer is yes, I don't go to China expecting everything to be in English, I must confess, Not attracting the women you deem desirable with the traits you DO possess, Is akin to getting angry at the questions you didn't know when passing a test. Seems like you know the answer to your own question you pose, Hardly an answer you agree with, however, it's an answer I suppose, Being superficial gets your the foot in the door, the attention at first, But just because they're more attractive doesn't mean it won't turn out for the worst. At least maybe being attractive would at least get me a date, which is more than I can get at the moment! Ok, glad its been cleared up, I need to walk around being something I am not in the hope I attract something I want. Great got it.
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