What makes a person attractive?

[casey.lives]

someone who would make a great father

[ZA Dater]

 

OP, you've written a bunch of threads on here. Have you ever considered that it is the energy you are putting out into the world. I am trying to put this as nicely as possible here. You come across as rather judgemental and closed-minded, just not a fun guy, sorry to say.

 

I have actually and seeing as no matter what sort of energy I put out there the result is still the same. Yes, I am not a fun guy, kudos for noticing that, nor I am a funny guy, again kudos for noticing.

 

We become a by product of our experiences.

 

As for the topic at hand, well I have been around long enough to know that success tends to attract ladies, DESPITE the total supposed "its not true" mantra in this thread.

[ZA Dater]

 

ZA...it might do the posters who read your threads good to know how YOU measure up on the items you've listed.

 

Most guys, not all, but most guys will fall for a girl who cares for none of what you list....in fact they would run the other direction. FYI...I live in a very affluent area and that is the way it is...who wants to marry a gold digger?? A man wants to be loved for who he is...not what is on the outside. So it is for me...I do not want to be loved for how I look but who I am on the inside. Still...I take care of myself and want the same for someone with whom I'm involved.

 

I am not taking about who guys fall for, I am specifically talking about who ladies fall for. Nothing I have ever experienced has ever suggested that anything more than purely superficial qualities is desired.

 

If what you say is true then why is it I never see mismatches, its always like with like, I don't see many models dating fat guys do you?

 

How do I measure up

 

: 5.9, 65 kg's (sorry USA), athletic, blond hair, blue eyes

: reasonably successful

: good job, senior management position

 

People in this thread ALL seem to say its about caring and attitude and assertiveness etc.

 

Yet I have NEVER EVER found anyone in person who has ever cared about any of those attributes, those WHO do are typically beyond desperate for male attention, late 30s and desperate to find a guy, late 30's and have one or two kids. Or alternatively its any person who is hugely over weight.

 

Put simply I'd like someone substantially better than the above three categories of people.

[Buddhist]

Proof is in the pudding. If you're not getting interest then you aren't nearly as attractive as you think you are. Full stop. If your logic was actually valid then you would be beating women off with a stick as you (by your own account) match all the qualities a woman wants. So, there can only be two conclusions here....

 

- Your logic is flawed and that isn't a laundry list for getting a partner.

- You don't actually match that list and your perception of yourself is flawed.

 

But what your posts on LS really say is....I've got it all figured out and am a helpless victim of a cruel world that won't bring me my due. And I blame women.

 

That attitude will most definitely keep sane, stable and attractive women away. They have plenty of suitors, why pick one with this attitude? And you can pretend this isn't your attitude all you like, but the fact is, people get your vibe. It's so strong we can even get it hundreds of miles away over the internet. I can clearly see what kind of vibe you have in person, and all the nice words in the world won't help you with that. Words are only 7% of communication. Your vibe is being transmitted through every gesture, facial expression no matter how minor, and general attitudes. It can't be hidden.

 

Ever met a really insecure person? And when they smile it looks forced and feels false. That can't be hidden. Sooner or later, probably sooner, the true nature of someone shows through. My astute observation is that the nature we are all seeing on here, is being seen everywhere you go and attractive women are running a mile. If they weren't, you wouldn't be single.

Edited December 22, 2015 by Buddhist

[ZA Dater]

Proof is in the pudding. If you're not getting interest then you aren't nearly as attractive as you think you are. Full stop. If your logic was actually valid then you would be beating women off with a stick as you (by your own account) match all the qualities a woman wants. So, there can only be two conclusions here....

 

- Your logic is flawed and that isn't a laundry list for getting a partner.

- You don't actually match that list and your perception of yourself is flawed.

 

But what your posts on LS really say is....I've got it all figured out and am a helpless victim of a cruel world that won't bring me my due. And I blame women.

 

That attitude will most definitely keep sane, stable and attractive women away. They have plenty of suitors, why pick one with this attitude? And you can pretend this isn't your attitude all you like, but the fact is, people get your vibe. It's so strong we can even get it hundreds of miles away over the internet. I can clearly see what kind of vibe you have in person, and all the nice words in the world won't help you with that. Words are only 7% of communication. Your vibe is being transmitted through every gesture, facial expression no matter how minor, and general attitudes. It can't be hidden.

 

Ever met a really insecure person? And when they smile it looks forced and feels false. That can't be hidden. Sooner or later, probably sooner, the true nature of someone shows through. My astute observation is that the nature we are all seeing on here, is being seen everywhere you go and attractive women are running a mile. If they weren't, you wouldn't be single.

 

Thanks for your comment.

 

Maybe you are right, who knows. I certainly don't.

 

Depends really how you define what is attractive but for the sake of this lets just say everyone is attractive, that would then mean you are correct as I get no female interest whatsoever.

 

When I see the people who do get interests and do have choices its amazing.

 

They all conform

They all have trendy friends

They all drink

 

As for "pity is me", well last time I checked there was nothing wrong with telling it how it is. Admittedly I reserve those thoughts for the written word only, though I think of them often, more so when I am sitting on my own having dinner at a restaurant or when I am watching a movie on my own, or when I am standing in a store with couples around me and yes you guessed it, I am on my own.

 

Based on this thread being a loner is a turn off anyway as much as having no friends is a turn off.

 

Probably the greatest feeling one can have in life is to feel attractive, unfortunately some of us never feel that way and please don't tell me its something you can feel on your own because you cant, I can feel as good as I like but so long as people just ignore me it doesn't matter a jot how I feel because nobody agrees.

[ZA Dater]

And I blame women.

 

Who do you suggest I blame? Myself, don't worry I do that each and every day. Each day I wake up on my own and I wonder "if only I had done that, if only I wasn't better, if only I hadn't sacrificed those years, if only I wasn't so inexperienced and shy people run a mile.

 

Women have a lot to answer for yes, on numerous occasions I have been treated with utter contempt, ignored, stood up, lied to. Never have I seen the nice side in the dating context. Mostly I just don't get given a chance but seeing as you so astutely pointed out I am terribly unattractive its no small wonder why.

Edited December 22, 2015 by ZA Dater

[HeartDesires]

With all that negativity floating in your head it must be hard for you to relax and just be yourself.

 

I'm concerned about your mental health.....you appear to suffer social anxiety.

 

You don't know how to just be yourself around women...and they can sense that.

 

You've got that silly "list" on your mind and you're judging women.

 

I know a guy kinda like you. He went to his doctor and was put on Paxil. It's the one antidepressant that studies have shown to be of great benefit for social anxiety.

 

You should see him now!...he really opened up. He talks and laughs with everyone and his personality shines through. Women find him attractive.

[Qboro90]

Thanks for your comment.

 

Maybe you are right, who knows. I certainly don't.

 

Depends really how you define what is attractive but for the sake of this lets just say everyone is attractive, that would then mean you are correct as I get no female interest whatsoever.

 

When I see the people who do get interests and do have choices its amazing.

 

They all conform

They all have trendy friends

They all drink

 

As for "pity is me", well last time I checked there was nothing wrong with telling it how it is. Admittedly I reserve those thoughts for the written word only, though I think of them often, more so when I am sitting on my own having dinner at a restaurant or when I am watching a movie on my own, or when I am standing in a store with couples around me and yes you guessed it, I am on my own.

 

Based on this thread being a loner is a turn off anyway as much as having no friends is a turn off.

 

Probably the greatest feeling one can have in life is to feel attractive, unfortunately some of us never feel that way and please don't tell me its something you can feel on your own because you cant, I can feel as good as I like but so long as people just ignore me it doesn't matter a jot how I feel because nobody agrees.

 

You started a thread asking for what qualities women find attractive in men after listing your own conclusions. Nearly 100% of those who replied have said your list in the Op was completely incorrect and not at all what attracts women. Specially needing "trendy clothes, trendy friends, lots of money, and fancy cars to go along with a CEO like career". It sounds like your list came straight off a stereotypical cliches list about what women want.

 

Have the humbleness to accept that you're idea of what women find attractive is just flat out inaccurate/wrong. You're being given the answers to your questions. Stop fighting them with an unwavering stance.

 

In all of your threads you're given scores and scores of advice, suggestions, ways to go about approaching dating, etc. Its net time and time again with your rebuttal and why you think differently based on the unsuccessful dating life you've had till now and who girls gravitate towards.

 

That's like me going to Spain having never spoken a word of Spanish, asking the locals how to say certain phrases, then once they do, I correct them and tell them why I think it should be pronounced the way I'm saying.

 

For someone who doesn't visit bars, or clubs , or meet women in public, it's befuddling to hear how many immoveable stances and conclusions you've come to with such a limited range of subjects to observe in person during your life.

 

Amazingly enough, there are billions of people in the world. You're saying that only the financially first class men with fit gym bodies, a sports car, oozing self confidence and social skills are the only ones who stand a chance at meeting a single interesting woman with avg-model type looks.

 

Serial Killers have girlfriends and get married in prison!! surely your list isn't being checked off for them lol

[Buddhist]

Who do you suggest I blame? Myself, don't worry I do that each and every day. Each day I wake up on my own and I wonder "if only I had done that, if only I wasn't better, if only I hadn't sacrificed those years, if only I wasn't so inexperienced and shy people run a mile.

 

Women have a lot to answer for yes, on numerous occasions I have been treated with utter contempt, ignored, stood up, lied to. Never have I seen the nice side in the dating context. Mostly I just don't get given a chance but seeing as you so astutely pointed out I am terribly unattractive its no small wonder why.

 

I get why you're frustrated, really I do. For the longest time I held the stance that men were the devil and guess what? I was single for the entire time I held that stance (9yrs in total, a 5yr period and another 4yr period). Not a single man would look at me, ask me out or express any interest at all. And the only person who knew I held that stance was me and my internet rants. I had a size (US 2) body, clear skin, long hair. Decent features. Nothing physically off-putting.

 

What I'm trying to tell you here is that holding these kinds of beliefs are extremely self limiting. Whether you express them or not, doesn't matter. They mess with your ability to attract someone just by being present in your head. I can't scientifically explain to you why this is the case, but my own experience and those of others, definitely points to this being true. I suspect it really does show on the outside somehow and that people can subconsciously read it and therefore give you a wide berth.

 

The most unattractive thing about you, is in all likelihood just these beliefs that you hold. I do believe that very few people in the world are so physically unattractive they can't get any sort of mate. In actual fact if I had to guess I'd say you probably are average - good looking, but this stuff in your head is ensuring all of that is going to waste. And it's such a waste.

 

Perhaps you only need to accept that if you hold contempt for women, as I once held contempt for men, then it's unlikely one will ever enter into your life.

Edited December 22, 2015 by Buddhist

[ZA Dater]

You started a thread asking for what qualities women find attractive in men after listing your own conclusions. Nearly 100% of those who replied have said your list in the Op was completely incorrect and not at all what attracts women. Specially needing "trendy clothes, trendy friends, lots of money, and fancy cars to go along with a CEO like career". It sounds like your list came straight off a stereotypical cliches list about what women want.

 

Have the humbleness to accept that you're idea of what women find attractive is just flat out inaccurate/wrong. You're being given the answers to your questions. Stop fighting them with an unwavering stance.

 

In all of your threads you're given scores and scores of advice, suggestions, ways to go about approaching dating, etc. Its net time and time again with your rebuttal and why you think differently based on the unsuccessful dating life you've had till now and who girls gravitate towards.

 

That's like me going to Spain having never spoken a word of Spanish, asking the locals how to say certain phrases, then once they do, I correct them and tell them why I think it should be pronounced the way I'm saying.

 

For someone who doesn't visit bars, or clubs , or meet women in public, it's befuddling to hear how many immoveable stances and conclusions you've come to with such a limited range of subjects to observe in person during your life.

 

Amazingly enough, there are billions of people in the world. You're saying that only the financially first class men with fit gym bodies, a sports car, oozing self confidence and social skills are the only ones who stand a chance at meeting a single interesting woman with avg-model type looks.

 

Serial Killers have girlfriends and get married in prison!! surely your list isn't being checked off for them lol

 

 

FYI I have been carted off to clubs and bars for years, at least 7 in fact on and off and I am qualified to comment as to what I see.

 

I don't think I am wrong and am not going to concede this particular point, there is enough evidence to suggest the 7-10 range of ladies have ultimate choice and they wont ever go for a 3-6 unless he has something tangible about him.

 

My point really is attraction has nothing to do with personality for most people, if it did there would not be millions dying on their own, millions more spending there entire life hoping to find someone and millions more on dating sites. If this dating world defined by attraction is so perfect why do dating sites exists at all it should be so easy if attraction is defined based on personality traits alone.

 

Because it is, its only/primarily based on what you see and nothing more, yes I don't care for obese people so I am as guilty as the rest but my point still remains.

[ZA Dater]

I get why you're frustrated, really I do. For the longest time I held the stance that men were the devil and guess what? I was single for the entire time I held that stance (9yrs in total, a 5yr period and another 4yr period). Not a single man would look at me, ask me out or express any interest at all. And the only person who knew I held that stance was me and my internet rants. I had a size (US 2) body, clear skin, long hair. Decent features. Nothing physically off-putting.

 

What I'm trying to tell you here is that holding these kinds of beliefs are extremely self limiting. Whether you express them or not, doesn't matter. They mess with your ability to attract someone just by being present in your head. I can't scientifically explain to you why this is the case, but my own experience and those of others, definitely points to this being true. I suspect it really does show on the outside somehow and that people can subconsciously read it and therefore give you a wide berth.

 

The most unattractive thing about you, is in all likelihood just these beliefs that you hold. I do believe that very few people in the world are so physically unattractive they can't get any sort of mate. In actual fact if I had to guess I'd say you probably are average - good looking, but this stuff in your head is ensuring all of that is going to waste. And it's such a waste.

 

Perhaps you only need to accept that if you hold contempt for women, as I once held contempt for men, then it's unlikely one will ever enter into your life.

 

Believe me, you have no idea how irritated I am.

 

Here on this very forum we had an example of someone who didn't like a guy she met but took him out on 4-5 dates and ended up liking him a lot. My point is simple all I want is simply those 4-5 dates with someone I like, if it doesn't work then great I can give up completely safe in the knowledge I tried and that I was attractive enough to be seen with for 5 dates.

 

When I cant even get one date, how do you expect me to fee.

[road]

Believe me, you have no idea how irritated I am.

 

Here on this very forum we had an example of someone who didn't like a guy she met but took him out on 4-5 dates and ended up liking him a lot. My point is simple all I want is simply those 4-5 dates with someone I like, if it doesn't work then great I can give up completely safe in the knowledge I tried and that I was attractive enough to be seen with for 5 dates.

 

When I cant even get one date, how do you expect me to fee.

 

 

 

 

Observing the daring world through the loveshack lens it appears those that having dating problems:

 

 

Seek out those way out of their rating.

 

Do not have the social skills required to pull in the one's they want.

 

 

Have to many prerequisites.

 

 

Or all.

 

Just look at the show millionaire matchmaker. Lots of people with money and they can not buy a relationship.

 

 

I can't understand why she won't date me: ROTFALMAO

 

 

https://www.google.com/search?q=alessandra+ambrosio&biw=1366&bih=673&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&sqi=2&ved=0ahUKEwjU_

[Buddhist]

Believe me, you have no idea how irritated I am.

 

Here on this very forum we had an example of someone who didn't like a guy she met but took him out on 4-5 dates and ended up liking him a lot. My point is simple all I want is simply those 4-5 dates with someone I like, if it doesn't work then great I can give up completely safe in the knowledge I tried and that I was attractive enough to be seen with for 5 dates.

 

When I cant even get one date, how do you expect me to fee.

 

You know what you're doing here don't you? It has something to do with repeating the same behaviour and expecting different results. Insanity.

 

You're basically throwing a tantrum and saying.....I'll never let go of my negative beliefs about women until they give me 4-5 dates and fall in love with me. Not going to happen. You're welcome to waste half your life in this way if you want, but I don't recommend it. More frustration will be the result.

 

As a woman let me tell you. I don't give any guy 4-5 dates hoping I'll fall for him. I know within about 2 mins of meeting him whether or not that is possible. It's called intuition and many women do the same. I don't waste my time, or his if attraction and potential aren't there on first meeting.

 

Your inability to listen, stubborn refusal to let go of self-liming beliefs and obvious contempt for women are what's making you unattractive. You can't fix that with cars or clothes, sorry but you can't.

[GravityMan]

"Trendy" friends??? Lol. I haven't met a single reasonable man or woman who gives a damn about that. The few people I know who DO seem to care about that are a bit....iffy in the personality department, and quite immature.

 

As long as you have at least some sort of a social life and maybe have at least one or two good and true friends, that's good enough for most people.

 

OP - if you could just somehow lighten up, don't be so negative and be able to "live in the moment" and "get out of your own head" from time to time...I think more women would find you attractive, and I also think that you'll have a much easier time making and building friendships with both women and men. Uptight people tend to suppress themselves...there's probably a pretty decent guy locked and hidden within that self-imposed dark and dreary mental fortress of yours.

 

Many people tend to be a bit wary and apprehensive of those who radiate uncomfortable, repulsive or otherwise negative energy. Most people prefer being around happy people who are pleasant and fun to be around and comfortable with who they are. That goes for both genders.

[ZA Dater]

You know what you're doing here don't you? It has something to do with repeating the same behaviour and expecting different results. Insanity.

 

You're basically throwing a tantrum and saying.....I'll never let go of my negative beliefs about women until they give me 4-5 dates and fall in love with me. Not going to happen. You're welcome to waste half your life in this way if you want, but I don't recommend it. More frustration will be the result.

 

As a woman let me tell you. I don't give any guy 4-5 dates hoping I'll fall for him. I know within about 2 mins of meeting him whether or not that is possible. It's called intuition and many women do the same. I don't waste my time, or his if attraction and potential aren't there on first meeting.

 

Your inability to listen, stubborn refusal to let go of self-liming beliefs and obvious contempt for women are what's making you unattractive. You can't fix that with cars or clothes, sorry but you can't.

 

Yet guys are constantly told they need to even try dates ladies they find unattractive because 'she might have a great personality", sounds like double standards to me.

 

You right dating is a waste of time.

 

No, the only thing I am repeating is trying to be a nice guy but discovering its far more important to be superficial, a view you supported perfectly with the above reply.

[ZA Dater]

and fun[/b] to be around and comfortable with who they are. That goes for both genders.

 

I am never going to be fun so may as well accept my fate.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

it changes every week for me. When I am feeling confident I want confident men. When I realise I'm 32 and quite close to never becoming a mother or finding the right man, I just choose someone that doesn't repulse me and finds ME attractive to pursue me.

[deckard11]

Alright so I am basically out of this game called dating but as a parting question, what exactly makes someone attractive or not, which are the qualities that ladies prize above all else. Yes, some will tell me you cant generalise but one can hazard a guess.

 

I write down the things I am good at and the good qualities I have but at the end of the day, friends can tell me I am good guy but in the eyes of females I seem to lack something hence my total and utter lack of dates.

 

So what's deemed to be attractive, my thoughts would be the following and I apologize in advance for the cynicism.

 

: Money

: Hot body

: Trendy Friends

: Fancy car

: Good job

: Nice clothes

 

I have not seen any evidence that debunks the theory that all the above feature highly on the average lady's want list.

 

From my experience (or lack of)it seems to be all about looks and body. The whole it's what's on the inside that counts is complete bull****. I've been told how much of a "great guy I am" yet I have never gotten so much as a date in my life. It's a shallow world we live in with shallow people. Dating and relationships are only meant for the beautiful people.

[Redfisher]

I'm not sure about all this hogwash..... I'm told daily by women I'm the nicest dude around and I have no issues pulling tail if need be. You know what works for me? Be a strong man, Have morals, Make them feel safe, Listen a lot.....Most of all when they are down you hold them tight. And having a beard and tattoos does not hurt.... Good luck dude.

[normal person]

 

As for the topic at hand, well I have been around long enough to know that success tends to attract ladies, DESPITE the total supposed "its not true" mantra in this thread.

 

There is some validity to what you're saying. For some women, a guy being successful isn't as big of a priority as much as liking what he does, and they're likely to pipe up in here and make their voice heard -- what they mean is that they aren't materialistic or shallow. That being said, there's no argument that can be made that being successful is bad or unattractive.

 

I am not taking about who guys fall for, I am specifically talking about who ladies fall for. Nothing I have ever experienced has ever suggested that anything more than purely superficial qualities is desired.

 

Superficiality is a large part of attraction. It's instinctual biology. But it's not the whole story. And your knowledge of it is limited, so just because your anec dotal experience suggests one thing doesn't make it fact. Like this:

 

When I see the people who do get interests and do have choices its amazing.

 

They all conform

They all have trendy friends

They all drink

 

Plenty of people who don't conform, don't have "trendy friends" (whatever that means) and/or don't drink have found success. To me you're just describing the average person. And the average person has had some degree of success.

 

Probably the greatest feeling one can have in life is to feel attractive,

It's not.

[ZA Dater]

There is some validity to what you're saying. For some women, a guy being successful isn't as big of a priority as much as liking what he does, and they're likely to pipe up in here and make their voice heard -- what they mean is that they aren't materialistic or shallow. That being said, there's no argument that can be made that being successful is bad or unattractive.

 

 

 

Superficiality is a large part of attraction. It's instinctual biology. But it's not the whole story. And your knowledge of it is limited, so just because your anec dotal experience suggests one thing doesn't make it fact. Like this:

 

 

 

Plenty of people who don't conform, don't have "trendy friends" (whatever that means) and/or don't drink have found success. To me you're just describing the average person. And the average person has had some degree of success.

 

 

It's not.

 

Depends really how you define success.

[basil67]

Yet guys are constantly told they need to even try dates ladies they find unattractive because 'she might have a great personality", sounds like double standards to me.

 

You right dating is a waste of time.

 

No, the only thing I am repeating is trying to be a nice guy but discovering its far more important to be superficial, a view you supported perfectly with the above reply.

 

Buddhist mentions nothing about looks in her post. The fact that you assume quick attraction is about looks speaks volumes.

 

I'm not as quick as Buddhist to make a decision - I need a few hours. But his looks don't come into it. For me, it's about his smile and his attitude to life. If he's friendly, likes a laugh, is fun, interesting and compassionate I'd continue seeing him.

 

I was looking at men in the street recently and pondering the thing about looks. Of the men in my age group, I couldn't find any who were so repulsive that I wouldn't consider them as a prospective date.

[basil67]

From my experience (or lack of)it seems to be all about looks and body. The whole it's what's on the inside that counts is complete bull****. I've been told how much of a "great guy I am" yet I have never gotten so much as a date in my life. It's a shallow world we live in with shallow people. Dating and relationships are only meant for the beautiful people.

 

So when you look around on the street, do you only see beautiful people dating? Because this is certainly not what I see.

[Buddhist]

Buddhist mentions nothing about looks in her post. The fact that you assume quick attraction is about looks speaks volumes.

 

Correct. What struck me in the first moments of meeting my current partner is he seems to glow from the inside out. There is just an energy about him that is incredibly admirable. Mind, body and spirit are all aligned and it's evident in him. As far as looks go, he's got a perfect body, not because he was born with it, but because he worked for it. I've seen photo's of him younger without the work and he was entirely ordinary. After some serious work, dedication and effort though he is incredibly striking and many, many people admire him.

 

I am the same. When I was chubby and without any direction in my life I would have rated a 5...tops. Put some serious effort in though and I find my prospects incredibly improved. There is something about people with purpose and follow through that is very attractive to others. The perfect body that is the result, is just that. The outcome, not the main attractor. I still have my 5 rated face, but it appears much more appealing with the other work behind it.

[Rejected Rosebud]

OP, you don't know very much about women. Maybe if you pay attention and listen to women you could learn. This is a good place to do that - even though you have said several times on this very thread that you will NOT under any circumstances listen to what any of us women on here say. So what is it you're looking for???:confused: