Author ZA Dater Posted December 21, 2015 Author Posted December 21, 2015 Clearly you haven't figured out that your constant negative posting style and self-pitying displayed on here is likely preceding you everywhere in life. No-one and I mean no-one with any self esteem wants to be near that. I can be as happy as a daisy and makes no difference but thanks for your astute meaningful observation. Luckily the utopia preached here of good guys getting the girl is about as realistic as deciding one can suddenly walk on water.
DrReplyInRhymes Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 : Money : Hot body : Trendy Friends : Fancy car : Good job : Nice clothes I have not seen any evidence that debunks the theory that all the above feature highly on the average lady's want list. Your list is not the features that women desire and seek out to date, In fact, your list is arguably the product of those features they seek in a mate, Break your list down further, how do you accomplish those things in life? For these bi-products come when a man actualizes his potential through strife.
basil67 Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 I'll rather have nothing than something I don't want. All that finds me attractive are obese women with children. And you complain that the women you like are shallow. ZA Dater, have you ever heard of Karma? Because it's biting you quite firmly in the arse right now. 2
basil67 Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 Clearly I live on Mars because many of the so called attractive qualities mentioned in this thread I actually have and no matter how I sell them its never good enough. Oh well such is life. OK, so we're back to a lack of logic on your part. If you have the things all these girls want, then by your logic, they should be falling all over you. But they aren't falling all over you - so your logic is obviously flawed. It's probably something about your personality which turns them off. 1
anduina Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 My top priority for guys would be a lack of cynicism. Cynicism translates to a lazy mind, fraught full of hasty generalizations. 3
katiegrl Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 Alright so I am basically out of this game called dating but as a parting question, what exactly makes someone attractive or not, which are the qualities that ladies prize above all else. Yes, some will tell me you cant generalise but one can hazard a guess. I write down the things I am good at and the good qualities I have but at the end of the day, friends can tell me I am good guy but in the eyes of females I seem to lack something hence my total and utter lack of dates. So what's deemed to be attractive, my thoughts would be the following and I apologize in advance for the cynicism. : Money : Hot body : Trendy Friends : Fancy car : Good job : Nice clothes I have not seen any evidence that debunks the theory that all the above feature highly on the average lady's want list. Honestly and truly? What I personally find attractive are the connection and chemistry we share.... that is what I initially seek, and after that, of the things you list.... of course he must have a hot body (to ME as that is subjective), a good job, and take pride in his appearance. Don't give a rat's ass how much money he has as long as he is happy doing whatever it is he chooses to do (I have my own money)..."trendy" friends, uh no lol, don't care how "trendy" his friends are (that is funny), as long as he is capable of maintaining friendships, and don't care how "fancy" his car is either (another funny one). In fact, I once had a date with a guy who picked me up in a Lamborghini (sp?)....and I was mortified. I was so embarrassed the entire night, getting in and out of that car.... it is so NOT me nor what I'm about. I prefer men who drive jeeps, trucks and/or SUV's, and as long as they work and in decent condition, that's fine by me.
lino Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 In your list OP, the trendy friends, fancy car and clothes aren't as important as the other ones. If you have the others you wrote, the other three I mentioned aren't needed and you will do fine. In a city where owning a car isn't essential women want care so much about a fancy one. Women definitely prefer a guy not to be a loner but his friends don't necessarily have to be trendy. Clothing style becomes less important to them if the guy has money and is good looking so long as he isn't getting around in a potato sack. Heck if you have enough money even good looks become less important. However if you're an absolute fat slob you will risk being used as a sugar daddy while the woman porks other guys behind your back. You won't get an honest answer from women on a topic like this to be fair. Just observe those around you who are doing well with the girls and that tells you all you need to know. 3
georgia girl Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 : Money : Hot body : Trendy Friends : Fancy car : Good job : Nice clothes I have not seen any evidence that debunks the theory that all the above feature highly on the average lady's want list. I would hazard a guess that I am a lot older than you and I am recently married, so I am not in the pool of potentials, but let me respond as I would have when I met my husband: Money - I have my own, pay my own way. I don't need or want anyone else's. The only issue is that you shouldn't mind if I make more - as I likely do... I am a CEO. Hot body: I am a runner. I wanted someone who had some of my same interests around physical activity. Doesn't mean you have to have a hot body, but you better like to be active. Trendy friends: nope. Don't care. Genuine friends with whom you share like values so I can see you with them and enjoy them, too, sure. That's it. Fancy car/nice clothes: I really don't care. Clean clothes and reliable transportation, sure. But what you drive and what label you wear doesn't matter. Good job: are you proud of the effort you put in? Do you enjoy what you do? That's what matters. So, since actually none of the above would have made my list of preferred attributes, what would have? A sense of self. Do you know who you are? What you stand for? Do you believe in yourself? Compassion and humility. A sense of humor is wickedly attractive. Being happy. And here, may I say may be where I would question if you are? Your post comes off as a bit frustrated and angry. If you project that when you try to date, it would be a turnoff. Get to a happy place and then see who you meet.' Then, be yourself. You are more than enough for the right girl. And while my husband and I often joke that we were both the last unopened size small son the shelf, I promise there are plenty left for you to find your right partner. 1
apefu Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 if you really want to know go sit at a bar or club next to a table of girls. listen in on their conversation discreetly. believe me you won't be happy what you hear. shallow is an understatement. 1
bson1257 Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 1. Be handsome 2. Be attractive 3. Don't be unattractive 2
HeartDesires Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 Been studying your list OP, and well...... A good job and nice clothes is a plus in my books. The other stuff I'm not remotely interested in.
HeartDesires Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 if you really want to know go sit at a bar or club next to a table of girls. listen in on their conversation discreetly. believe me you won't be happy what you hear. shallow is an understatement. I kinda knew that is what this thread would become - an opportunity to diss women.
basil67 Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 I kinda knew that is what this thread would become - an opportunity to diss women. And on the positive - an opportunity to appreciate the great guys we have in our lives. Honestly, when I read what some people write, I'm not surprised that they are single.
Imajerk17 Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 Alright so I am basically out of this game called dating but as a parting question, what exactly makes someone attractive or not, which are the qualities that ladies prize above all else. Yes, some will tell me you cant generalise but one can hazard a guess. I write down the things I am good at and the good qualities I have but at the end of the day, friends can tell me I am good guy but in the eyes of females I seem to lack something hence my total and utter lack of dates. So what's deemed to be attractive, my thoughts would be the following and I apologize in advance for the cynicism. : Money : Hot body : Trendy Friends : Fancy car : Good job : Nice clothes I have not seen any evidence that debunks the theory that all the above feature highly on the average lady's want list. I don't see it man, if you were to look outside your door, or even read the threads here on LS, I guarantee you that the guys whom the women are lusting after are typically NOT the good-looking rich guys. My list: 1. Masculine 2. Able to "get" her 3. Knows how to make her feel special 4. Knows his way around power tools/the world/the bedroom 5. At ease with himself 6. Not creepy or desperate 7. Good at leading the mating dance OP, you've written a bunch of threads on here. Have you ever considered that it is the energy you are putting out into the world. I am trying to put this as nicely as possible here. You come across as rather judgemental and closed-minded, just not a fun guy, sorry to say. 6
StBreton Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 Perhaps a more useful tack would be to look at what makes a man especially unattractive. Complaining is my number one turn off. Laziness is my second one. Exactly... Complaining is my number one turn off. Translated as: Woe is me Laziness is my second one Translated as: you do it for me because I don't want to waaaaaaa 2
StBreton Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 I don't see it man, if you were to look outside your door, or even read the threads here on LS, I guarantee you that the guys whom the women are lusting after are typically NOT the good-looking rich guys. My list: 1. Masculine 2. Able to "get" her 3. Knows how to make her feel special 4. Knows his way around power tools/the world/the bedroom 5. At ease with himself 6. Not creepy or desperate 7. Good at leading the mating dance OP, you've written a bunch of threads on here. Have you ever considered that it is the energy you are putting out into the world. I am trying to put this as nicely as possible here. You come across as rather judgemental and closed-minded, just not a fun guy, sorry to say. IMJ...you continually get it. Very impressed. ZA...please take these things into account...most of all, have a sense of confidence, a sense of purpose that you have a concrete purpose in your life. I have not known any man in your predicament ... except those who have not shown "manly" characteristics or those who complain/are negative/resentful. Please look at what you project to the world. 1
apefu Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 I kinda knew that is what this thread would become - an opportunity to diss women. girls say these things from their own mouths all the time when they don't think guys are listening
apefu Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 1. Be handsome 2. Be attractive 3. Don't be unattractive that's necessary but isn't enough
apefu Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 I don't see it man, if you were to look outside your door, or even read the threads here on LS, I guarantee you that the guys whom the women are lusting after are typically NOT the good-looking rich guys. My list: 1. Masculine 2. Able to "get" her 3. Knows how to make her feel special 4. Knows his way around power tools/the world/the bedroom 5. At ease with himself 6. Not creepy or desperate 7. Good at leading the mating dance OP, you've written a bunch of threads on here. Have you ever considered that it is the energy you are putting out into the world. I am trying to put this as nicely as possible here. You come across as rather judgemental and closed-minded, just not a fun guy, sorry to say. to elaborate 1. that includes being strong and showing few emotions 2. that includes being able to read her mind. she might say nothing is wrong but he better know what is actually wrong 3. that includes knowing what to do even when she doesn't ask 4. no second chances for poor performance. must lead 5. be light and fun 6. perception is very important here 7. this may be the most important item 1
WomenWubber Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 "What makes a person attractive?" Being healthy in mind and body would be a start. 1
PrettyEmily77 Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 You could also look at it the other way, OP, and focus on the few universal traits that are unattractive, seeing as attraction is a very individual thing: 1. complete lack of humour 2. over-sensitivity 3. no self-awareness 4. no sense of initiative 5. lack of self-discipline (in any area) 6. lack of outside interests 7. a tendency for self-pitying 8. not taking any responsibility (in both actions and words) / blaming others for stuff that is completely in your control 9. self-defeating attitude Any two of these things combined will make it tricky for you to find happiness (in yourself and as part of a couple), even if you owned a garage-full of lamborginis and a ton of tailor-made Italian suits... 6
StBreton Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 I write down the things I am good at and the good qualities I have but at the end of the day, friends can tell me I am good guy but in the eyes of females I seem to lack something hence my total and utter lack of dates. Who are these friends? What is the definition of a "good guy"? There were "good guys" who were friends but seemed to be pushovers as men...that was not an attractive quality. Why? Because when push comes to shove, I want a man...who stands as a man...not a pushover...in case there's a zombie apocalypse:laugh: So what's deemed to be attractive, my thoughts would be the following and I apologize in advance for the cynicism. : Money : Hot body : Trendy Friends : Fancy car : Good job : Nice clothes I have not seen any evidence that debunks the theory that all the above feature highly on the average lady's want list. ZA...with whom are you hanging out?? : Money...the man I married was just barely making it when we met...he's now in the top 1% income earners...I saw the man in him...the determination...the intelligence...the work ethic...the similar lifestyle...I knew we'd be ok. FYI...I've always had my own $$ : Hot body...oh dear...for me, it's been about active lifestyle from day one...not going to date an obese person...average is fine : Trendy Friends...yes friends/social circle...important because I'm social...trendy?? really?? oh dear...I'm trendy enough lol : Fancy car...the man I married had a sad car...but within a few years he bought a mercedes...much to my chagrin...I'm a practical girl...give me a guy with a pick up that has a hitch : Good job...yes a consistent job...in a similar field...where he can afford his lifestyle and lives within his means : Nice clothes...most of the time we're in comfy clothes anyway so who cares...though a nice suit/tux for certain occasions is a necessity ... Important: a pair of runners, a pair of hiking shoes, a pair of ski boots...those are activity items and not shallow like "nice clothes" ZA...it might do the posters who read your threads good to know how YOU measure up on the items you've listed. Who are you looking for? Like...are you looking for a girl who cares what you wear? I guarantee you, if the man I married thought I cared about most of the items you think are important, we would not have married..he would have been turned off. Most guys, not all, but most guys will fall for a girl who cares for none of what you list....in fact they would run the other direction. FYI...I live in a very affluent area and that is the way it is...who wants to marry a gold digger?? A man wants to be loved for who he is...not what is on the outside. So it is for me...I do not want to be loved for how I look but who I am on the inside. Still...I take care of myself and want the same for someone with whom I'm involved. 2
thecrucible Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 There are certain traits that I am drawn to in men above all others. I like guys that are thoughtful, laid back and kind with a backbone - the type of guy who is personable and gets on with many people but doesn't feel the need to socialise all the time (I am introverted and huge extroverts are a bad match for me). I like men with an interest in the world around them - he would enjoy learning for learning's sake, spending time outdoors and take an interest in culture and current affairs. Finally I like a man who's intelligent. He has integrity and values he considers important to adhere to. He is independently minded, has nothing to prove, and comes to his own conclusions about subjects (not by any means easily led). As for physical qualities, all I ask is that he must be taller than me and not skinnier (as I don't want to feel like a heifer next to him).
thecrucible Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 to elaborate 1. that includes being strong and showing few emotions 2. that includes being able to read her mind. she might say nothing is wrong but he better know what is actually wrong 3. that includes knowing what to do even when she doesn't ask 4. no second chances for poor performance. must lead 5. be light and fun 6. perception is very important here 7. this may be the most important item You got it down to a tee. I don't think I'm different from most women then in terms of what I like in a man. I hope I am not going to offend anyone by saying this but I prefer a guy to be emotional in the right way (I don't like overly emotional guys) and definitely not desperate for a gf (big turn off as it makes you feel like it's a box ticking exercise for them). I want to feel that the guy has some strong character as I don't want to lead the relationship (you want to feel safe and looked after and not like you have to be the guy's mother - life is stressful enough as it is).
Qboro90 Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 to elaborate 1. that includes being strong and showing few emotions 2. that includes being able to read her mind. she might say nothing is wrong but he better know what is actually wrong 3. that includes knowing what to do even when she doesn't ask 4. no second chances for poor performance. must lead 5. be light and fun 6. perception is very important here 7. this may be the most important item What is this a list you copied off seventeen magazine for "qualities to look for in a man" lol. 1. Not true. The emotionless wall might initially get the girls interest but I guarantee you that after 4 months, you will inevitably hear "why don't you ever want to share what you're going though or feeling with me!?" "You don't care that's the problem!!" "It doesn't even look like you're bothered by what I told you, how come you never show any sense of emotion?!!" ...could write a book on those little arguments lol. 2. If this is a quality that any man possesses that man needs a medal. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that when you ask a girl "what's wrong?" And she says "nothing it's fine I'm over it" , you're going to have a long night. 3. Another vague quality. I know I should clean the bathroom but I'm going to finish this task first because it's more pressing..... That won't stop hearing the loud voice coming up the stairs "Are you going to clean the bathroom like you said or not!!". 4. No second chances? Look through this forum and try to count how many women stay with absolutely horrific partners and men and have an endles supply of chances to give. 5. Pretty sure that's what everyone in the world wants unless you're a miserable psychopath who likes dark and downtrodden people to be around. Za - there's no checklist anyone here can give you. You seem to be asking and basing your perceptions on the reality TV females between 21-28 and the immature club goers with their minds focused on the next Chanel purse to add to their collection as opposed to the next reference that can add to their resume. Oddly enough, the majority of women that you'd want to pursue dating wise, would be nothing like this. The teacher or marketing director who carries herself with class and maturity are the actual "dream girls". One of the most important qualities I think a woman can have is independence and self sufficient. I'd never want to marry someone whom I had to carry financially. I'd much rather be with someone who had goals of their own which they went after and achieved to be a source of inspiration and pride I can be around. You're not the typical "head turning" well dressed, deep pocketed, charismatic male. You never will be. That's not a bad thing at all. I don't see why you're so set on shutting yourself out psychologically from the dating circuit. If a guy was wearing $500 Gucci shoes, designer colored pants and a fashionable shirt or jacket after arriving in his Lambo with a sub 100lb platinum blonde on his arm.... I'd give him one look and think "wow what a huge deuche, I'm gonna go flirt with his girl and drop the tail end of my beer on his kicks just cuz he deserves it for wearing that and thinking he's cool" 3
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