What makes a person attractive?

[ZA Dater]

Alright so I am basically out of this game called dating but as a parting question, what exactly makes someone attractive or not, which are the qualities that ladies prize above all else. Yes, some will tell me you cant generalise but one can hazard a guess.

 

I write down the things I am good at and the good qualities I have but at the end of the day, friends can tell me I am good guy but in the eyes of females I seem to lack something hence my total and utter lack of dates.

 

So what's deemed to be attractive, my thoughts would be the following and I apologize in advance for the cynicism.

 

: Money

: Hot body

: Trendy Friends

: Fancy car

: Good job

: Nice clothes

 

I have not seen any evidence that debunks the theory that all the above feature highly on the average lady's want list.

[carhill]

Attraction on a personal level varies by person. If you're interested in what's universally attractive in men, meaning what kind of man consistently stops rooms and turns heads wherever he goes, simply acquire one and follow them around and see how they do what they do. Observe. IME it's a combination of appearance and personal charisma that projects an image or aura which is immediately attractive to strangers.

 

Such attractiveness, whether on a wide or personal level, is what opens the door. What happens next is up to the person themselves; their emotional makeup, their intellect, their life experiences and journey, how they interact in interpersonal relationships. Attractiveness, at whatever level, gets the interview.

[Buddhist]

So what's deemed to be attractive, my thoughts would be the following and I apologize in advance for the cynicism.

 

: Money

: Hot body

: Trendy Friends

: Fancy car

: Good job

: Nice clothes

 

I have not seen any evidence that debunks the theory that all the above feature highly on the average lady's want list.

 

Well I'm an average lady (although probably not in the age bracket you are thinking about) so let me tackle that list for you....

 

Money - got my own, as long as he's employed and paying his own bills I do not care about the bank balance.

 

Hot Body - yes of course. Do you really think men are the only ones entitled to want a physically attractive mate? My only caveat here is that I generally go for men with an equivalent body to mine. Therefore I work hard at being in peak physical shape. I'm not reaching beyond my own level.

 

Trendy friends - nope, have no care factor about this. I'm an introvert, I'm not dating him for his social circle.

 

Fancy Car - again no care factor. As long as his vehicle isn't a total embarrassment to be seen near (broken down heap filled with rubbish or some wanky V8 with chrome and spoilers) I do not care.

 

Good Job - lets rephrase that to regular job. As long he gets off his arse and does something useful. I rarely care what that is exactly nor do I need a certain pay scale.

 

Nice Clothes - yes of course. Again it's not only a woman's job to look good. Why would I spend hours dressing myself and keeping myself in top physical condition to be seen with someone who looks like they don't care? It's all about finding a mate with a similar care and attitude in life.

[todreaminblue]

every woman is different in what attracts her...what attracts me personally is altruism a guy willing to do things for others with no payback or expectations, a guy who treats the women he knows well......kindness compassion .....a heart......a guy willing to stand up for others....and who accepts i do the same thing is highly attractive.....which is actually harder to find in a guy.....a guy who accepts i have taken or would risks or stand up for people who dont really care...for me....apparently its frustrating..deb

[Buddhist]

Perhaps a more useful tack would be to look at what makes a man especially unattractive.

 

Complaining is my number one turn off.

Laziness is my second one.

[LLQ1986]

: Money- I earn my own money so I don't mind sharing/splitting the bills or even paying at times.

 

: Hot body- I have quite an active lifestyle and I workout regularly so I would expect my SO to be fit and strong as well.

 

: Trendy Friends- Nah, more like cool and like-minded friends who have interesting stories to tell.

 

: Fancy car- As long as there's a car to get around, I actually don't mind if he doesn't.

 

: Good job- A job that pays is fine.

 

: Nice clothes- Pretty important, not necessary branded but decent taste in clothing is much appreciated.

 

I appreciate a sense of humor in guys a lot and guys who can impress and inspire me with his wisdom & passions/interests.

 

i.e. I love traveling so I'm very much attracted to well-traveled guys.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

a sense of purpose is one. That's attractive to me. Willing to be flexible and adaptable to changes. Not entirely set in his ways that he cannot accommodate for new ideas and new ways of living.

[basil67]

 

: Money

: Hot body

: Trendy Friends

: Fancy car

: Good job

: Nice clothes

 

I have not seen any evidence that debunks the theory that all the above feature highly on the average lady's want list.

 

If you haven't seen any evidence to the contrary, then I suggest that you are extremely lacking in commonsense. Very few men fit the description you've given. So, if majority of women only wanted that handful of men, it stands to reason that there would be a glut of single women. But there's not.

 

Have a look around at all the couples on the street. Are you suggesting that the majority of women who have a male partner who fits this description? Because I don't see it. I see regular men in regular clothes who drive regular cars. Yes, a good job tends to be fairly standard, but most women will want a man who's employed.

 

As a woman, the only thing on your list which is important to me is that he's employable. But I can tell you that if a man is cynical or lacks commonsense, he's off my radar.

[ZA Dater]

If you haven't seen any evidence to the contrary, then I suggest that you are extremely lacking in commonsense. Very few men fit the description you've given. So, if majority of women only wanted that handful of men, it stands to reason that there would be a glut of single women. But there's not.

 

Have a look around at all the couples on the street. Are you suggesting that the majority of women who have a male partner who fits this description? Because I don't see it. I see regular men in regular clothes who drive regular cars. Yes, a good job tends to be fairly standard, but most women will want a man who's employed.

 

As a woman, the only thing on your list which is important to me is that he's employable. But I can tell you that if a man is cynical or lacks commonsense, he's off my radar.

 

Well the list is highly cynical but sadly I must lack common sense because I have yet to find any lady who wont chase the money and physical looks over someone is

: honest

: caring

: intelligent.

 

As I say I must clearly lack common sense. Granted I am talking about ladies who are intelligent, smart, driven and NOT the usual type one finds on OLD. There is a huge distinction between the two.

[Bom]

: Money

: Hot body

: Trendy Friends

: Fancy car

: Good job

: Nice clothes

 

Money - I don't really mind to be honest, I couldn't be with someone who lived off of my money, and I couldn't with someone who's money I lived off of.

 

Hot body - I'm much more attracted to face not body, none of my boyfriends have been toned or had abs and I don't mind, I find their bodies hot because of who they are

Trendy Friends - I would much rather my boyfriend have a good, nice family than trendy friends.

 

Fancy car - Again, I don't care about that as long as it's not a terrible car that breaks down all the time. I should be more worried about whether I have a fancy car

Good job - As long as he's happy and is bringing in the amount of money he wants, why do I care? Also, as long as he's not a porn star since no way.

 

Nice clothes - Yes, but I'm not into expensive designer clothes (handbags and make up, yes). So I don't expect him to be wearing designer clothes, just clothes that fit nicely and suit him.

 

 

Now for my actual list:

Funny - He needs to make me laugh

Loving/Caring - I love a guy who isn't afraid to be romantic.

Nice face - I'm not that picky, one of my exes wasn't that good looking but when I feel in love with him, he was the most attractive man to me.

Intelligent - BIG turn on when a guy is intelligent, but not cocky about it

Body that I like - I find toned men attractive, I find chubby men attractive. The only thing I don't find attractive is a man who is very obese.

[Vilgefoz]

Alright so I am basically out of this game called dating but as a parting question, what exactly makes someone attractive or not, which are the qualities that ladies prize above all else. Yes, some will tell me you cant generalise but one can hazard a guess.

 

I write down the things I am good at and the good qualities I have but at the end of the day, friends can tell me I am good guy but in the eyes of females I seem to lack something hence my total and utter lack of dates.

 

So what's deemed to be attractive, my thoughts would be the following and I apologize in advance for the cynicism.

 

: Money

: Hot body

: Trendy Friends

: Fancy car

: Good job

: Nice clothes

 

I have not seen any evidence that debunks the theory that all the above feature highly on the average lady's want list.

 

I'm gona by dry and boring here but Pay Attention because the is virtually the only theory that so far seems to be consistent on everybody:

 

Us human we are biological specie and we act according that (yeah, I know - boring). There are 2 primary approach: Alpha approach which attract females based on quality of genes (broadly spoken) and Beta approach that invests resources. Human are partially monogamous, partially polygamous.

 

Alpha Qualities:

-Look

-Wealth, resources, social status

I.E. "He appears to be good company. His children will be strong and able to survive"

 

Beta Qualitoes

- willingness to care of partner and her children, above all.

I.e. "He appears to invest into partner. Maybe not so strong, but he will secure survival of my and my child".

 

So you have to ask "What is woman looking for - a relationship or causal hook up", what stage of life is she - looking for prestige, fun, excitement or prosperity, stability, family? Also the question is: what stage of getting to know each other are you in? It's easy to attract with expensive car and close as it is something that is easily recognized as value, much more difficult with intelligence or some personal traits - how does she know and appreciate that? You have to be closer (practical hint).

 

Etc.

 

It's really easy to derive the rest, all is needed is common sense.

[basil67]

Well the list is highly cynical but sadly I must lack common sense because I have yet to find any lady who wont chase the money and physical looks over someone is

: honest

: caring

: intelligent.

 

As I say I must clearly lack common sense. Granted I am talking about ladies who are intelligent, smart, driven and NOT the usual type one finds on OLD. There is a huge distinction between the two.

 

 

In your initial post, you said "in the eyes of females". You made no reference to the fact that you are only talking about certain subset of women.....and that you dismiss the rest of the women as not being worthy of your consideration. It sounds like you've been punching above your weight - and that never ends well.

 

Fact is, like attracts like. The woman you describe probably has a life similar to what she wants in a man. She has a great career, she can afford a nice car and has clever, fashionable friends and probably has a body to die for. Why wouldn't she want a guy values the same things as her?

 

If you want a girl who values a man who's got a more down to earth personality, then stop looking at women who are such a high calibre. If you want her to not be shallow about looks, or clothing, elite friends or cars, then start by looking for women who are more down to earth. If you want a girl who doesn't care how hot you are or how you dress, then you'd better make alter your choices about which women you date.

[Cherryz]

Personality/ character is the key.

 

You often see unattractive guys but girls are crazy about him.

 

You can have all of those things but if you have bad personality no woman will want to be with you or long term.

[introverted1]

Well the list is highly cynical but sadly I must lack common sense because I have yet to find any lady who wont chase the money and physical looks over someone is

: honest

: caring

: intelligent.

 

As I say I must clearly lack common sense. Granted I am talking about ladies who are intelligent, smart, driven and NOT the usual type one finds on OLD. There is a huge distinction between the two.

 

I fit the category I bolded above (athough likely not your age range). Your original list of what is attractive is pretty boring:

 

Money - as long as he can support himself

Hot body - has to be hot to me, but that doesn't mean conventionally hot

Trendy Friends - could not possibly care less about this

Fancy car - current bf drives his work truck

Good job - as long as he's happy and it pays the bills

Nice clothes - don't want him to look like a throw-back to the 1980s and he should have a sense of what's appropriate (no flip-flops at the company holiday party) but otherwise, meh

 

Now the real list:

 

• Thoughtful - by this I mean someone who thinks, not someone so locked into a preconceived view of things he is unwilling to consider new ideas and opinions
  
• Smart - Can take many forms but intelligence is hot.
  
• Curious - Interested in the world around him. If he's a reader, that's a big plus.
  
• Consistent - No questions about who he is or how he'll act. Shows up every time.
  
• Happy - A guy whose overall outlook is positive
  
• Trustworthy - I know he'll take good care of my heart
  
• Genuine - Knows who he is (and who he isn't) and isn't swayed by the fad of the moment
  
• Giving - Can give of himself to others. This can take the form of everyday kindness, donating to a favorite cause (time or money) or generosity of spirit.
  

 

Seems like a long list but these men do exist.

[Redfisher]

I asked my girl what it was about me she loves..

She said You care for me, You desire my body, You make me feel wanted... And I keep a clean house and cook like a mofo.....

[ZA Dater]

Clearly I live on Mars because many of the so called attractive qualities mentioned in this thread I actually have and no matter how I sell them its never good enough.

 

Oh well such is life.

[WaitingForBardot]

Clearly I live on Mars because many of the so called attractive qualities mentioned in this thread I actually have and no matter how I sell them its never good enough.

 

Oh well such is life.

I will agree with the other poster that implied your reach simply exceeds your grasp. I find it hard to believe that absolutely no women are interested in you given your self description, instead thinking you just don't like the options available to you.

 

I think it's useful to consider the women that do appear to like you. Throw out the best one and the worst one, and look at the average of the remainder; these are the choices most readily available to you. There's nothing wrong with reaching, just realize the stakes are higher and the options fewer.

[losangelena]

Here's mine, an intelligent woman with a masters degree (in no particular order):

 

Confidence

Kindess

Sense of humor

Intelligence

Moral backbone

[ZA Dater]

I will agree with the other poster that implied your reach simply exceeds your grasp. I find it hard to believe that absolutely no women are interested in you given your self description, instead thinking you just don't like the options available to you.

 

I think it's useful to consider the women that do appear to like you. Throw out the best one and the worst one, and look at the average of the remainder; these are the choices most readily available to you. There's nothing wrong with reaching, just realize the stakes are higher and the options fewer.

 

I'll rather have nothing than something I don't want. All that finds me attractive are obese women with children.

[normal person]

Clearly I live on Mars because many of the so called attractive qualities mentioned in this thread I actually have and no matter how I sell them its never good enough.

 

Oh well such is life.

 

Having "attractive qualities" is a nice start. But at the end of the day they're all for nothing if you can't implement them correctly or if they're all you have. Having a generic list of qualities isn't anything special, in fact it's par for the course. For example, if I told you there's a girl who's decent looking, has a nice job, and is caring. Do you like her? How do you feel about her? Obviously you have no idea because all you have is some vague list.

 

To get a woman to like you, you have to make her feel something. All those qualities you have are irrelevant if you can't use them to accomplish this. The odds are that you can't just be a vanilla, run of the mill, every day, "basic," man. It just not a recipe to set off any fireworks.

 

Joy, laughter, mystery, excitement, fun -- these are the sort of things you need to focus on creating rather than just having a decent job/car. Your Porsche isn't going to take you too far with women if you're boring as hell.

[Haydn]

I`m as gorgeous as i believe i am. (Monday`s can be problematic though)

 

 

Dragging the kids to school....Wild hair. Crazy eyes... Erratic but `safe driving`

 

(Bloody hell it works)

[Gaeta]

I am highly attracted to smiles.

 

If you smile and your upper lip curls! my knees will go weak !!

[htx]

my ex has the face of a troll, is 5'5, pudgy and pasty, yet when single seems to be sleeping with a new chick every week. why? because he's emotionally manipulative, drama-filled, romantic yet distant, a man's man who fixes things and is passionate about his passions but rarely falls in love. it makes women weak at the knees to have an opportunity to be *THE ONE* that changes him...

 

not that this is much better than what you're proposing, but I guarantee you're off - I know good looking, rich guys who can't get a DATE because they're boring as F***. Can't make eye contact, confidence seems forced, they give off an aura of desperation.

 

meanwhile I know dudes just swimming in chicks...because that's not what they're focused on. dating is pressure and for a lot of women like myself, if a guy seems too keen at first it makes us run. no, I do not speak for all women, and admit that there is something wrong with me that I am attracted to men who don't commit easily. but I'm just saying, a lot of women are like that, and you'll probably encounter a few of them.

[Buddhist]

Clearly I live on Mars because many of the so called attractive qualities mentioned in this thread I actually have and no matter how I sell them its never good enough.

 

Oh well such is life.

 

Clearly you haven't figured out that your constant negative posting style and self-pitying displayed on here is likely preceding you everywhere in life. No-one and I mean no-one with any self esteem wants to be near that.

[PrettyEmily77]

Attractive to me is, well, whatever's attractive, to me....

 

No one in my social circle has the same idea as I do as to what is attractive in someone, but not one of my friends has money, hot body (means different things to different people anyway) or fancy cars in mind, if that helps. Friends and clothes, yes, but neither trendy nor nice (well yes for nice, but for friends rather than clothes...).