NoDayButToday Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 So, here we go. Another typical dating dilemma and, of course, it involves texting. However, I will admit that I did search through pages and pages of threads to see if my question could be answered. No two dating circumstances are exactly alike, so that's why I'm giving this a go and asking away. An acquaintance posed interest in giving me his number back in June. Since I am clueless, I had no idea until a month ago, when he approached me and mentioned it. I said I truly had no idea, we exchanged numbers, and I texted him soon after. We started to text quite a bit and made plans to go on a date. Since we started talking, we have been on about four dates. On the third date, he made the first move and kissed me a number of times. It was actually really sweet, and he seemed really happy. The last time we got together was last Monday, but he actually had a miserable cold. I hadn't known beforehand, but I could tell he wasn't making it up, and he was crashing fast. However, he kept putting his arm around me and held my hand. He even said he wished he could do more, but didn't want to get me sick. After the sneezes and coughs seemed to be too much, we both agreed to call it a night. Fast forward to Wednesday. I had not heard from him, so I decided to text him and ask how he was feeling. The conversation died pretty quickly. I ended up texting him later on in the day, saying it would have been nice to get together again, if he was feeling better. No response. Texted him the next day, but decided to make it more casual and just sent an article about a movie we both like. No response. He has been active on social media. I know, I know. This sounds like a very typical "We had a great time and now I'm being ignored" thread, but it is very confusing because he was making all of the first moves and showed a ton of interest. I do not believe there is another girl involved. I know it is the holidays, but if you have the time for social media, you have the time for a simple text. Any advice? I have already texted twice in a row without hearing back. I really wish I could call, but we have never spoken on the phone and I kind of feel it would be easier to ignore a missed call than a text, which would be showing exactly what you want to say. Thank you in advance!
whattodo791 Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 I wish I had the answer for you. I'm going through sort of a similar situation as well. Although she is not ever active on social media when she doesn't respond. And when she does it's positive signs. I hate being left hanging though. I'm tempted right now to be upfront about the whole thing and ask if we should still communicate. I don't like being left hanging. I wish that people would be direct, and if they don't like someone than express that instead of not responding.
Author NoDayButToday Posted December 21, 2015 Author Posted December 21, 2015 I wish I had the answer for you. I'm going through sort of a similar situation as well. Although she is not ever active on social media when she doesn't respond. And when she does it's positive signs. I hate being left hanging though. I'm tempted right now to be upfront about the whole thing and ask if we should still communicate. I don't like being left hanging. I wish that people would be direct, and if they don't like someone than express that instead of not responding. Well, it's a comfort to hear I'm not the only one going through this, although I'm sorry this is happening to you, as well. That's exactly how I feel, I hate not knowing. It's confusing, and if it's something I did, I would like to know so I can try to not do/say whatever it was for the next time I date somebody. It seems like the person you're talking to answers at times? If so, maybe just ask if things are going anywhere?
Buddhist Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 Any advice? I have already texted twice in a row without hearing back. I really wish I could call, but we have never spoken on the phone and I kind of feel it would be easier to ignore a missed call than a text, which would be showing exactly what you want to say. Move on unless he contacts you. You've reached out twice. Crickets......
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 If he still wasn't feeling well then it is possible the texts might have made him feel pressured when he wasn't ready. Something as silly as that could have given him second thoughts. Whatever the reason, not replying makes him either a coward or a jerk. You dodged a bullet. 1
Toodaloo Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 Go silent on him. You have asked if he is OK. You have tried to contact him. Ball is in his court. However. Do not hang on in there. I can tell you now that I have been really ill for the past 3-4 weeks with a nasty cold and the guys I am interested in... I am still in touch with them. The guys I am not... its just fizzled out. He is fizzling by the sounds of things. Either that or has found another girl who takes his fancy more. Just move on.
salparadise Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 I know it is the holidays, but if you have the time for social media, you have the time for a simple text. Any advice? I have already texted twice in a row without hearing back. Two unanswered texts in row is a pretty clear signal. Sorry. It's a lot easier than telling someone in so many words that you're no longer interested. I know that people say they'd rather hear it directly, but this is often the way it's done these days. When I was meeting people online and doing coffee dates it seemed like standard protocol. If I wasn't interested I didn't text, if they weren't interested they didn't respond, and visa versa. How many times you have to see someone before you owe them an explanation is not defined. My opinion is that if you have not established a relationship then simply not following up isn't such a terrible way to move on without having an awkward conversation about something that really didn't exist in the first place.
d0nnivain Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 The combo of the cold & the holidays probably contributes to his silence. Him being active on social media does indicate that he has some free time so it's odd that he's not using it to contact you. But before the age of social media you would not have been privy to that info. I'd text Merry Christmas on Christmas Eve. . .if you want to be a little flirty, ask if he'll be in your stocking as a gift but I would not initiate again after that. Going forward, text less & talk more to any romantic prospect. It's more personal. I generally reserve texting for people I don't want to talk to.
Author NoDayButToday Posted December 21, 2015 Author Posted December 21, 2015 Well, considering pretty much everyone who responded said to not pursue it, I guess I'll suck it up and move on. I guess I was hoping to hear that calling or sending one more text wouldn't be the worst thing to do, but I definitely don't want to seem desperate. Disappointed that I won't find out what exactly went wrong and that it was a dead end, but I guess it'll just make room for someone new and better. :\
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 I know it sucks that you are left with unanswered questions, but in time you will see how lucky you were that you found out what he was like early. Imagine if he did it six months from now! It says a lot about his character that he thinks that it is ok to be like that with someone who was only trying to be nice to him. You are right though, now you can make room for someone much better than him. That is a good thing! 1
Author NoDayButToday Posted December 22, 2015 Author Posted December 22, 2015 I know it sucks that you are left with unanswered questions, but in time you will see how lucky you were that you found out what he was like early. Imagine if he did it six months from now! It says a lot about his character that he thinks that it is ok to be like that with someone who was only trying to be nice to him. You are right though, now you can make room for someone much better than him. That is a good thing! That is true! I have one more question. Although this may be pushing it. He and I do have a mutual friend. She does know him better than I do, but she and I do talk on occasion. Do you think I should reach out to her and ask if she knows what happened? Or is that really pushing it now? (And just to make it clear, they are just friends)
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 If he tells her he wasn't attracted to you anymore or met someone else, do you really want her to have to tell you that? Is it fair to put a friend in that position? Also, are you comfortable involving someone else in a private matter and have people talking about you behind your back? I'm sorry. I know it's hard and you want answers, but that sounds like a bad idea. 1
Zippy2000 Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 (edited) Sorry to hear what youre going through. However have you given him any clear sign you like him? I ve dated girls I gave up on as they didnt show any interest from them and things just fizzled out. Edited December 22, 2015 by Zippy2000
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 Sorry to hear what youre going through. However have you given him any clear sign you like him? I ve dated girls I gave up on as they didnt show any interest from them and things just fizzled out. She contacted him when he was sick to see how he was feeling (no reply) then contacted him the next day to express interest in seeing him again (no reply). There is no grey area here, she made her interest perfectly clear. He is the one not showing no interest. She deserves better than that.
Zippy2000 Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 She contacted him when he was sick to see how he was feeling (no reply) then contacted him the next day to express interest in seeing him again (no reply). There is no grey area here' date=' she made her interest perfectly clear. He is the one not showing no interest. She deserves better than that.[/quote'] I KNOW! I know she deserves better than that. Gees! Im only asking a question. The question was have you given ANY clear sign she likes him. The reason I ask is there is not enough information to go on. Has there been flirting, compliments. Also counter dates such as "Im sorry your not well but how about we meet next week or when your better". Im only asking a question to help. I find your response a bit insincere Scarlett to be honest.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 I didn't mean to offend you. I was just stating the facts. There was nothing insincere about it.
smackie9 Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 No contact for week without any explanation???? Give up on him already. He's a jerk, move on.
Author NoDayButToday Posted December 22, 2015 Author Posted December 22, 2015 I KNOW! I know she deserves better than that. Gees! Im only asking a question. The question was have you given ANY clear sign she likes him. The reason I ask is there is not enough information to go on. Has there been flirting, compliments. Also counter dates such as "Im sorry your not well but how about we meet next week or when your better". Im only asking a question to help. I find your response a bit insincere Scarlett to be honest. I apologize if I was not clear. He actually had responded when I asked how he was feeling. He said he was still feeing off, and then he said he hoped he did not get me sick. I said I was doing well so far, and the conversation didn't last too long after that. Later on that day was when I texted him again, mentioning I would have asked him to go out but I knew he wasn't feeling well. There was no answer to that. Then the next day, I texted him an article about a movie we like, no answer to that, either. I paid for about half of the dates and held him at one point instead of the other way around during one of our dates, which he seemed to be surprised by and definitely appreciated it. So, I'm pretty sure by doing all of those things, including mentioning I would have liked to have gone out if he was feeling better, I think I showed I was interested?
Zippy2000 Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 Yes, you showed enough interest. You also paid for half of the dates you went on. I think its a bit rude of him not to answer and give you the silent treatment. Id say leave it for now and let him come back to you. No asking questions wheres he`s gone or constant texting to say how he is. For us men it puts us off and sometimes we just want to retreat a while in our own man caves. If you leave it for now and give him space. I call it "damage limitation". It means you wont damage your relationship any further for you to connect back up in the future.
Author NoDayButToday Posted December 22, 2015 Author Posted December 22, 2015 Yes, you showed enough interest. You also paid for half of the dates you went on. I think its a bit rude of him not to answer and give you the silent treatment. Id say leave it for now and let him come back to you. No asking questions wheres he`s gone or constant texting to say how he is. For us men it puts us off and sometimes we just want to retreat a while in our own man caves. If you leave it for now and give him space. I call it "damage limitation". It means you wont damage your relationship any further for you to connect back up in the future. Thank you very much for your response. Your damage limitation rule makes sense. I just wonder if, after a certain amount of time after he's retreated and ready to talk again, he may assume I'm no longer interested and not bother. It seems like only time will tell. 1
czen Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 How old are you guys if I might ask? But yeah, normally if he doesn't respond, it's a clear indicator of disinterest. A slow fade with just not responding is the easiest way to break things off. I have done it a couple of times, never to direct questions like that, but just to conversations which I let die out, and then never reinitiate. It's easy and it avoids any kind of drama. But obviously it sucks more for the other person than one will realize. Just let it go, you did your job. If he responds, great. If not, well there you go. I would just live your life and try to not think about it.
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