Getting over a break even though youre the one that broke it off

[ayeshau]

I started dating the sweetest man in the world 5 months ago. He was unlike anybody I had ever dated before, he's the only good guy I ever dated after a series of dating absolute jerks. This was his first relationship and the first time he fell in love, he was very attached. We actually dated for a month while he was visiting home and he went off to school 4 hours away so it has been hardcore long distance. It has been a very rough 4 months and we wont be in the same city for quite some time as he has to do 5 years of service in a location that I may not end up. I guess if this was a love that swept me off my feet I'd be more willing, but theres something missing in our relationship. Something beyond the distance, were very different from eachother and the whole relationship I feel he is a lot more in love than I am, I feel mean saying that but he is crazy about it all and I'm not quite at his level. He treats me amazingly, and he's just the sweetest guy I feel terrible hurting him. Today I broke up with him and it was just painful to see him cry, I never wanted to hurt him, and even though I know I broke it off for reasons, its just so hard.

[mightycpa]

I guess it all goes to prove that it's not all about how you're treated, amirite? Listen up, dumpees. It wasn't all your fault, no matter what you think or the dumper says. You could have been amazing, like this poor guy, and it would have happened anyway. Sometimes, it just doesn't work for two people, that's all.

Edited December 21, 2015 by mightycpa

[NopeNah]

I guess it all goes to prove that it's not all about how you're treated, amirite? Listen up, dumpees. It wasn't all your fault, no matter what you think or the dumper says. You could have been amazing, like this poor guy, and it would have happened anyway. Sometimes, it just doesn't work for two people, that's all.

 

This!

I've been cheated on and left/or left(multiple times).

 

I've also done my fair share of being the dumper for the sole reason that I wasn't feeling it like they were.

 

It's the gamble you take when you open up emotionally to another human...You may get hurt.

[lauri]

I just want to say you did the right thing. Reading your post, it really sounds like you are not attracted to him anymore. And in my opinion, you cannot negotiate attraction. If someone isn't feeling you, there is very little that person can do.

 

So anyways, I want to let you know you did him a favour by doing this rather than him dragging it on. He will turn out better in the end and so will you.

 

Just do him a favour and go NC for his own good after a while to let him heal. Best of luck.

[Stressed_26]

I guess it all goes to prove that it's not all about how you're treated, amirite? Listen up, dumpees. It wasn't all your fault, no matter what you think or the dumper says. You could have been amazing, like this poor guy, and it would have happened anyway. Sometimes, it just doesn't work for two people, that's all.

 

So easy to say it didn't work. Well tell this to the guy who is hurting because someone can't make up her mind. I don't know if people fall in love the first minute, and if not then there is no reason to make someone fall in love with you if you aren't sure. If the love developed over 5 months then OP should take responsibility of her actions. Or choose the easy way that technology provides you - block his number or better change your phone number.

 

Peace to you !

[mightycpa]

So easy to say it didn't work. Well tell this to the guy who is hurting because someone can't make up her mind. I don't know if people fall in love the first minute, and if not then there is no reason to make someone fall in love with you if you aren't sure. If the love developed over 5 months then OP should take responsibility of her actions. Or choose the easy way that technology provides you - block his number or better change your phone number.

 

Peace to you !

Thanks Stressed! Perfect handle for you! So, just a couple things:

 

1) I did tell it to the guy who just got dumped. I said:

Listen up, dumpees. It wasn't all your fault...

referring to the fact that a) he's a member of the class "dumpee" and b) most dumpees blame themselves first and foremost.

 

2) What does this even mean?

then OP should take responsibility of her actions

How precisely would she do that, other than what she has already done? She's not making up her mind. She dumped him, and it is difficult for her.

Today I broke up with him and it was just painful to see him cry, I never wanted to hurt him, and even though I know I broke it off for reasons, its just so hard.

It sounds like she would not have dumped cold him if he hadn't been so invested in the relationship. Besides, they only actually dated for a month. Other than that, all they've done is stay in touch. Something tells he that he'll be alright.

 

3) And as for this:

there is no reason to make someone fall in love with you if you aren't sure

If we could actually make people fall in love with us, this forum wouldn't exist. And, I think it would follow that we could also make people fall out of love with us, which we cannot. So I reject the premise entirely. You fall in love, you don't get tricked into it by somebody.

 

Anyway, just wanted to give you my feedback. I think this thread is a really healthy one for dumpees everywhere to read and consider.

Edited December 22, 2015 by mightycpa

[lemondrop21]

Imagine how happy he will be when he finds someone who is just as head over heels about him, as he is about her. It will take awhile and you will feel guilty for awhile, but eventually you will know that you did the right thing.