LilMama1097 Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 I have never ever gone more than 2 hours without texting him let alone 2 days. Today was the 2nd day of NC and it was rough, I've cried a lot today. Anyways, I was just sitting here reading this forum when I got a text from him out of nowhere and he was PISSED!!! Him: I want your phone back in the next few days Me: why? Him: Either give me the phone or give me the $700 for the phone Me: what the hell is your problem? Are you being an ass because there's someone else? Him: (sends an image of my Facebook status I posted two hours ago that is cropped to say "I have a new boyfriend!!" That someone cropped and sent him!!! My status actually said "I have a new boyfriend named WORK! WORK and my kids are my life") so he sends me that cropped image and says "no one else for me but obviously for you. I want that phone back within a few days or I will report it stolen. " Me: LOL SOMEONE CROPPED MY STATUS (insert real status) here's the real one. Him: well either way I think we should start detaching ourselves from each other. WHAT THE HELL DOES HE THINK A BREAK UP IS???? OF COURSE we need to detach ourselves, that's what I've been doing!!!!!! I haven't text him back and I'm not going to. 1. My phone was a gift from him so I'm not giving it back. 2 He made a total ass of himself believing that cropped picture and I think he knows that. 3. Why was he so mad if HE wanted the break up? Why didn't he ask for my phone back when we broke up if he wanted it back? And 4. What the hell does he mean by we need to "start" detaching ourselves from each other. I thought we already were doing that.
Amelie1980 Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 For a couple with a 4 year old daughter who were engaged to be married, you sound like a pair of adolescents. Why isnt he blocked on Facebook? 2
Author LilMama1097 Posted December 20, 2015 Author Posted December 20, 2015 (edited) HE IS blocked! Whoever sent him that cropped picture is the one that got it from my fb. I deleted a ton of people and I'm sorry but HE is the one acting like an adolescent! Not me!! I bust my ass at work everyday and raise my 3 kids by myself. I've been doing a lot of self healing, soul searching and focusing on providing for my children which is why my status said my new boyfriend is my work since it takes up all of my time. Also for him to use my phone of all things to try to "hurt" me. She Everything he text me was out of the blue and a lie. Apparently as I am over here doing what I need to for my children, he is off listening to anyone who will give him information about me rather than coming to me like a man and communicating. We are in our 30's THIS IS WHY I was relieved when we broke up, because he doesn't communicate and I got sick and tired of his games. Also he hasn't seen our daughter in TWO WEEKS!!! Nor has he asked to have her over night. I had to ask HIM and he said sometime this upcoming week but couldn't give me a day. I'm so sick of his uncertainty and inability to give me a straight answer ever about anything!! If I can't come to this forum for support vs. Bull **** criticism when I'm doing everything possible for my children and I while coping with this, then I'm going to go crazy. Edited December 20, 2015 by LilMama1097
Lily blue Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 I got it. No contact. No Cheese. North Carolina. No Coffee. No Cigarrette. No Cussing. No .....cut it out....lol 2
Amelie1980 Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 Well it's called NC (no contact) for a reason. You didnt have to reply to him! Dont engage him in future.
Author LilMama1097 Posted December 21, 2015 Author Posted December 21, 2015 I'm not going to respond to him again unless it's either "Can I see my daughter" or "can I call my daughter right now" Anything else I'm ignoring. My head is killing me from crying and stress today. I haven't cried since we broke up until today. Complete melt down.
Amelie1980 Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 I'm not going to respond to him again unless it's either "Can I see my daughter" or "can I call my daughter right now" Anything else I'm ignoring. My head is killing me from crying and stress today. I haven't cried since we broke up until today. Complete melt down. Yup. That is what the NC guide says. Restrict contact to about the children only. Ignore all else as he will only wind you up even more.
Author LilMama1097 Posted December 21, 2015 Author Posted December 21, 2015 Now that I've had time to stop crying and think about it, I am just upset because I know him and based on his messages today, he was thinking I would be here for when he decided to take me back which is why he said "we should start to detach." He honestly thinks he can throw me away like trash and I will run to him when he decides he wants me back. Like I said in the very first post I posted on LS, He's left me twice before this for a week at a tim and I took him back and kissed his ass both times. I think he thinks I will do that again this time but he's destroyed my trust and sense of security
Amelie1980 Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 Now that I've had time to stop crying and think about it, I am just upset because I know him and based on his messages today, he was thinking I would be here for when he decided to take me back which is why he said "we should start to detach." He honestly thinks he can throw me away like trash and I will run to him when he decides he wants me back. Like I said in the very first post I posted on LS, He's left me twice before this for a week at a tim and I took him back and kissed his ass both times. I think he thinks I will do that again this time but he's destroyed my trust and sense of security Screw him. Asking for a gift back is very low. Hes a waste of space. 1
Author LilMama1097 Posted December 21, 2015 Author Posted December 21, 2015 Thank you for understanding. I can't handle his games anymore. It sucks because we raised a family together for years, we have our daughter together. This isn't easy by any means and I've always given him 200% but had to deal with him being horrible to me, treating me like I'm disposable so many times. My self esteem was shot. It's been a bake getting that back and for me not to text him for two days when I'm used to having him HOME with me every day. It's been hard. .....I really depend on this forum right now for strength. I read posts on here with 97% of any free time I have.
mightycpa Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 Yeah. **** him. Maybe you should get a boyfriend if that's how he's going to act.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 Try and remain calm. I know it is hard but you are doing well. Your ex was just trying to get a reaction. For your own peace of mind it would be best to ignore him unless it is to do with your child. The fact that someone sent him that image shows that you still have people on your friends list that cannot be trusted and will go out of their way to cause trouble. You need to delete and block them. I'm sure if you look carefully you will be able to guess who they were. You don't need toxic people like that in your life. Take care.
Author LilMama1097 Posted December 21, 2015 Author Posted December 21, 2015 Sorry, I should of clarified. I meant that I deleted a bunch of people off my Facebook after his texting drama today. So I got that taken care of. I think I'm just going to deactivate it for a while.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 Under the circumstances that sounds like a good idea. It isn't worth all the drama.
mg4514 Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 I have never ever gone more than 2 hours without texting him let alone 2 days. Today was the 2nd day of NC and it was rough, I've cried a lot today. Anyways, I was just sitting here reading this forum when I got a text from him out of nowhere and he was PISSED!!! Him: I want your phone back in the next few days Me: why? Him: Either give me the phone or give me the $700 for the phone Me: what the hell is your problem? Are you being an ass because there's someone else? Him: (sends an image of my Facebook status I posted two hours ago that is cropped to say "I have a new boyfriend!!" That someone cropped and sent him!!! My status actually said "I have a new boyfriend named WORK! WORK and my kids are my life") so he sends me that cropped image and says "no one else for me but obviously for you. I want that phone back within a few days or I will report it stolen. " Me: LOL SOMEONE CROPPED MY STATUS (insert real status) here's the real one. Him: well either way I think we should start detaching ourselves from each other. WHAT THE HELL DOES HE THINK A BREAK UP IS???? OF COURSE we need to detach ourselves, that's what I've been doing!!!!!! I haven't text him back and I'm not going to. 1. My phone was a gift from him so I'm not giving it back. 2 He made a total ass of himself believing that cropped picture and I think he knows that. 3. Why was he so mad if HE wanted the break up? Why didn't he ask for my phone back when we broke up if he wanted it back? And 4. What the hell does he mean by we need to "start" detaching ourselves from each other. I thought we already were doing that. Wow. Where to begin. My very unscientific opinion is that he is very immature. I have never really quite understand how the dumper is so easily angered by the dumpee in these situations. I'll have to think on that some more... I would like to offer you a suggestion or two. As it relates to the phone, it is undeniably yours BUT I can already see that it will be the item/wedge that prevents your independence. He's gonna use that to keep constant contact, and nothing that comes from those exchanges is going to be positive. He's never gonna contact you and say, Give me the phone-I love you- I made a big mistake....so if I were you, I'd just let him have it and consider it a severance f-you gift. If you're on day two, and you're already asking yourself these questions I'm afraid you're process is going to be delayed. Finally, keep the text about the stolen phone. If he reports it, he can be arrested for false report of a crime. Every state has that law. Keep that card in your back pocket. Wink, wink.
Confusioncreepsin Posted December 21, 2015 Posted December 21, 2015 Ok, this guy is being a twat...sorry but true. He took the Facebook thing as HE WANTED TO TAKE IT, rather than how it truly was. His EGO got bruised and I bet he even festered on it to the point he was worried you actually moved on. Nothing invokes rage in a guy like a woman being with someone new, or even the thought of it. Some guys can get over it in seconds, but some others let it consume them. In any event, he lashed out to teach you a lesson in hurting his ego. Even though you hurt, try to keep NC and create a strong boundary on LC with discussion on kids only. AS SOON AS IT CHANGES to anything else...hang up or go silent. Do not give into anymore abuse. 1
Author LilMama1097 Posted December 21, 2015 Author Posted December 21, 2015 He text me this morning asking to meet on his lunch to bring our daughters stuff to him (he's taking her for the night and picking her up from pre school after work) I would of left the stuff at her pre school but it was too much since I had to bring extra clothes, toys etc for him to have at his new house. When I meet with him, I have him her stuff and as I turned to leave he hugged me :/ I made it short but my heart was breaking into pieces feeling him close to me for that second. Needless to say, I cried in my car as I drove away (he didn't see me cry) there's no excuse for me to meet him again since I gave him everything he will need for her. I know I can't see him again for a long time because that completely tore me up. I miss him so much : ( he mentioned that he's not looking for anyone and is focused on getting his **** together. Nice to know but if he doesn't want to be with me and is the one that broke my heart, I'm not going to look to him to fix my heart. I will repair it on my own regardless of how fkng hard it is. I have to go back to work but figured I would share this so I'm held accountable for every mistake I made today. I should of pulled away immediately from his hug but it felt like.......home in that moment. I hate him for what he's doing to me. I hate that I love him so much still. He's so immature and he knows he's hurting me : (
Captivating Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 LilMama, I don't think that he is playing games. He is hurting and as a man's man he is not supposed to show it to anyone that he is a mess He cannot and will not express his feelings, maybe? He lashes out because he is jealous. BECAUSE HE CARES! Encourage him to talk with you, if you want him back. You guys need to communicate much better especially for the kids' sake. Be patient with him and calm You guys can work this out. 1
Captivating Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 He text me this morning asking to meet on his lunch to bring our daughters stuff to him (he's taking her for the night and picking her up from pre school after work) I would of left the stuff at her pre school but it was too much since I had to bring extra clothes, toys etc for him to have at his new house. When I meet with him, I have him her stuff and as I turned to leave he hugged me :/ I made it short but my heart was breaking into pieces feeling him close to me for that second. Needless to say, I cried in my car as I drove away (he didn't see me cry) there's no excuse for me to meet him again since I gave him everything he will need for her. I know I can't see him again for a long time because that completely tore me up. I miss him so much : ( he mentioned that he's not looking for anyone and is focused on getting his **** together. Nice to know but if he doesn't want to be with me and is the one that broke my heart, I'm not going to look to him to fix my heart. I will repair it on my own regardless of how fkng hard it is. I have to go back to work but figured I would share this so I'm held accountable for every mistake I made today. I should of pulled away immediately from his hug but it felt like.......home in that moment. I hate him for what he's doing to me. I hate that I love him so much still. He's so immature and he knows he's hurting me : ( YOU GUYS LOVE EACH OTHER !!!! Come on Woman ! Do something about this What am I gonna do with you ?? Meet him again and make up. TALK things out !!! 1
Captivating Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 I read the other posts above suggesting NC ..... I don't understand this constant negativity and bitterness. We should work on fixing easy problems in a relationship instead of quitting it. The problem here is lack of communication and false assumptions. 1
Captivating Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 LilMama, He hugged you, this is his way of reaching out, maybe that he is sorry for lashing out and that he loves you. Now, it's your turn. Talk with him and be patient. He is proudful, tell him to open up for you. 1
Author LilMama1097 Posted December 22, 2015 Author Posted December 22, 2015 I'm so confused :/ he is like this when we are together also. If I push him to talk he will shut down. The only way he will open up is if I give him distance which I've been doing and this morning he text me at 6:30am!!! Telling me not to worry about giving him the phone back and he's excited to see baby today. He text me last night too with a funny picture and trying to make a joke. So he's coming around A LOT since I've backed off. I'm going to continue to give him his space and be respectful and see what happens. He doesn't process his feelings very well at all. It's always been a process like this. IF we end up back together or at least close as Co parents, I'm going to suggest counseling to him. I won't say it now because I don't want to hurt him or make him think I'm talking crap. : ( I just love him so much : ( I know he loves me but I can't stand this lack of communication crap
Author LilMama1097 Posted December 22, 2015 Author Posted December 22, 2015 JUST as I was sending this, he text me "good morning :)" He went from ignoring me for days to, texting me so much that I don't know how to respond because we've been distancing ourselves lately.
Captivating Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 LilMama, Continue being nice with your responses. Invite him over and talk with him.
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