Redhead14 Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 How can a happy relationship take such a nose dive? Was it my fault or an overreaction on her part? Probably a bit of both but that doesn't make me feel any better Going back a while, I had split with my girlfriend in March 2014. She hadn't taken the breakup well but we stayed in touch for a time. I had paid her back for things she had bought our house etc and arranged the delivery vans. Trying to do the right thing? She still occasionally texted me and we were amicable. This all changed in Febuary this year when I met someone else. The texting became worse and it came to a head when my ex came to my house uninvited to collect some plates. She hadn't known I would be there so I realised she had a key. Seeing me with a new girlfriend made her lash out and hit me across the face. This was the last time I saw her. I decided to make sure the police were informed and placed a no contact restraining order on her. My current girlfriend didn't seem too fussed about it all which was a huge relief. Over the next few months I heard very little from my ex. I had the occasional text which would be something inconsequential or mundane such as, "looks like I need to change the name on this form" or something along those lines. I could of gone back to the police but I guess I hoped that it would stop, she would get the message etc. And I simply ignored them all. I had already blocked her on Facebook but decided not to block the phone in case she did start saying something worse and I could go to the police with it? Fast forward to today, my birthday. My girlfriend and I had been going great for 10 months now and everything was fine. Our first Christmas together etc. I wake up to her showing me a Happy Birthday text on my phone from my ex. And that, as they say, was that. I hadn't told her about my ex texting me and I hadn't done anything about it with the police. I had betrayed her trust and she doesn't know if she can be with me now. She has taken some bags and gone back to her flat now for a few days. I have no idea if she'll give me another chance or if I've blown it. I feel especially bad as, in my heart, I try to be one of the good guys. I've never cheated on anyone and would never start with a girl this good. But we're my actions (or in-actions) enough dishonesty to destroy this relationship? I could really use some advice here. Was I completely in the wrong? How can I rebuild this trust between us?? This is one reason for maintaining NO CONTACT after a break up. If I were you, I would block her number from your phone and let your current girlfriend know that you've done that. This will be an olive branch at least. 1
smackie9 Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 As for my gf going through my phone, no. I am sure she doesn't snoop and she only saw this because she was near the phone when the message arrived and looked down. I have no worries that she has been going through my things. If the situation was reversed? I have thought about it a lot and in all honesty I would be annoyed, angry but I think I would take on board the lack of response, the fact this ex is blocked on FB etc. as a clear sign there isn't anything going on and it was a stupid mistake. I mean, she does keep some of her exe's as Facebook friends and I really don't have a problem with it. The difference being I don't believe she is in regular contact with them where this situation is my ex trying to keep in contact and I'm ignoring them. Would she tell me if one of her exe's sent her a FB message - even if it was innocent and mundane or would she just ignore it and move on? I don't know. Would others feel that they should report that to their current partner (honest question). @Smackie - I know I screwed up and I take full responsibility for not telling her about it when I clearly should have. But I just don't feel as if her reaction truly fit's the crime. Are you saying if it was you who found this you would walk out of an otherwise good relationship? I would if I was prospecting you as a possible future husband yes.
smackie9 Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 The "lovely lady" ruins her BF's birthday over a birthday wish... That's beyond sociopathic of her. This girl has been nothing but kind, caring, giving and considerate through the whole relationship. She is gutted/devastated, not a sociopath. It's not a just a birthday wish....it's from an ex that he had a restraining order on, and he never did anything about her contacting him again...and let it continue. The OP needs to move on because they both will never see eye to eye on this matter......ever.
No_Go Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 Unless you're referring to data from another threads, I see nothing caring in the attitude of the woman currently dating OP. The restraining order to my understanding was issued by the OP and has nothing to do with his current dating partner. She is taking rights that she doesn't have, violating his privacy and controlling his social interactions. Again, unless I'm missing additional info, the current GF is immature (being devastated over a text?!), needy (drama queen) and controlling... and showing no respect for his decisions This girl has been nothing but kind, caring, giving and considerate through the whole relationship. She is gutted/devastated, not a sociopath. It's not a just a birthday wish....it's from an ex that he had a restraining order on, and he never did anything about her contacting him again...and let it continue. The OP needs to move on because they both will never see eye to eye on this matter......ever. 1
Poutrew Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 Unless you're referring to data from another threads, I see nothing caring in the attitude of the woman currently dating OP. The restraining order to my understanding was issued by the OP and has nothing to do with his current dating partner. She is taking rights that she doesn't have, violating his privacy and controlling his social interactions. Again, unless I'm missing additional info, the current GF is immature (being devastated over a text?!), needy (drama queen) and controlling... and showing no respect for his decisions Sounds like Smackie's triggering...sorry.
Author Stoneski Posted December 23, 2015 Author Posted December 23, 2015 Well, it's 3 days now since she left Sunday morning. I sent her a text today apologising, admitting it was a stupid mistake and hopefully she can give me a change to apologise in person and we can talk about it. No response so far though. I think one of the worst parts is the limbo feeling I have right now. The last thing she said to me was that she did not know if we were over or not. I can't seem to get my head anywhere right now. With Xmas around the corner and family plans to consider? Do I move her gifts to another room or keep them under the tree? Do I tell my sister not to set her plate or make other arrangements so I'm not by myself of Xmas day? I have sort of told myself now to consider I'm single and I need to make the right arrangements as if I won't hear from her. But I just can't commit to that train of thought right now as there is still a chance she'll contact me???
Poutrew Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 You know, the more I ponder this thread, the darker my thoughts concerning her 'reaction' get. I at first thought it was just trust issues, but now I am thinking there is someone else involved... I really really hope I am wrong, but it seems that she has maybe someone she wants to spend Christmas with, and it isn't you. Her 'reaction' may be her way of justifying trying on another man for the holidays because it gives her the excuse she needs. If the fit is better, well, you'll never hear from her again. If she realizes the grass isn't greener on the other side of the hill, then after the holidays she'll give you a call and give you another chance, that she has magically forgiven you your horrible transgression and is ready to come back to you...Like I said, I really want to go back to my old position that she just has trust issues, but something really is beginning to stink in Denmark and it isn't the head cheese. I'd bet a fiver that she isn't alone right now. Sorry to be such a downer so close to the holidays, dude... 1
introverted1 Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 What are we missing, OP? You say you were able to get a restraining order ater your ex slapped you across the face. I dont claim to know a whole lot about restraining orders, but I've always thought a lot more than that would be required. I just get the sense that there is more to this story than we're reading. The fact that your gf left 3 days ago and you waited those 3 days before getting in touch with her also speaks volumes. What's the scoop?
Author Stoneski Posted December 23, 2015 Author Posted December 23, 2015 The slap was across the face as she swung around with the back of her hand. After that she got in her car and left. I contacted the police, not out of feeling threatened as much as wanting to get it on a report so in the event something else happened the incident would be 'on paper'. The police informed me that I could place a 'no contact' order on her which lasts 6 months. In the event she did try to contact me again she would be warned and then if it continued, arrested. The reason I waited 3 days to contact her is that she has left abruptly before. Under a completely different set of circumstances though. Out of the blue she started to be a bit withdrawn and I asked her what was wrong. SHe did not tell me but I knew something was the matter. I asked her if it was something to do with us and she did not answer. I did try to get her to open up but she withdraw, said she needed a few days apart and left. I was fearing the worst but did not have anything to go on. She contacted me the day after and explained. You see, she does not have any family that she is close to where as I do have family relationships. There was a point when my family involvement started to make he feel unhappy as she wasn't able to experience that with her own. It served as a reminder to her that she did not have those relationships. That's why she withdraw for a little while to get her head in the right place. She had told me then that if she is feeling down to give her a few days to get it straight and she does not want any added pressure from me to get it out of her. So I waited a few days to allow her to think before trying to contact her.
No_Go Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 Oh wow. Your GF of 10 months is leaving you for a second time for no reason (the family reason is beyond ridiculous).... I think you should think very long and hard before getting back with her if she shows back up.... You're seeing the tip of the iceberg and it will only get worse... The slap was across the face as she swung around with the back of her hand. After that she got in her car and left. I contacted the police, not out of feeling threatened as much as wanting to get it on a report so in the event something else happened the incident would be 'on paper'. The police informed me that I could place a 'no contact' order on her which lasts 6 months. In the event she did try to contact me again she would be warned and then if it continued, arrested. The reason I waited 3 days to contact her is that she has left abruptly before. Under a completely different set of circumstances though. Out of the blue she started to be a bit withdrawn and I asked her what was wrong. SHe did not tell me but I knew something was the matter. I asked her if it was something to do with us and she did not answer. I did try to get her to open up but she withdraw, said she needed a few days apart and left. I was fearing the worst but did not have anything to go on. She contacted me the day after and explained. You see, she does not have any family that she is close to where as I do have family relationships. There was a point when my family involvement started to make he feel unhappy as she wasn't able to experience that with her own. It served as a reminder to her that she did not have those relationships. That's why she withdraw for a little while to get her head in the right place. She had told me then that if she is feeling down to give her a few days to get it straight and she does not want any added pressure from me to get it out of her. So I waited a few days to allow her to think before trying to contact her. 1
PogoStick Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 OP you didn't do anything wrong. Smackie is way out there on this one. So your crime is NOT responding to texts from an ex. To hell with that. That's the kind of BS that teenage girlfriends pull. I'm a grown man. I wouldn't deal with that BS. You, on the other hand, are being a little puppy and apologizing for nothing. Apologizing when you're wrong is being mature. Apologizing when she's wrong just means she owns your ass.
TunaCat Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 I tend to agree with Smackie, but in this case, I have to disagree with her. You don't owe your girlfriend a rundown of who you talk to/what you talk about etc. If she doesn't trust you, that's her issue. I am a bit disappointed that you apologized. You had nothing to apologize for and yet you did it to make your girlfriend happy. Don't ever apologize unless you GENUINELY think you were in the wrong.
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