solotravel Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 After many weeks of looking through this forum, this is my first post. Long story short, I was in a LTR (5+ years) with someone I thought that I could spend the rest of my life with. We were supposed to get married. One month before the wedding, he showed up at my house and told me he didn't want to get married (to me, he was very specific about this) so we called the wedding off and broke up our relationship. This was about two months ago. We have been NC ever since, except for dealing with administrative matters (e.g., money matters). I have been struggling, a lot. I would be good at times, but then the feelings would just come rolling back in like a tsunami. From everything that I have read, I know that is this a good thing. Being in a doomed marriage is worse than anything that I had gone through in the past two months. I haven't accepted it completely but I know that I will get there. All i know is, I was dealt with a ****ty hand in life. I know it will be better. I wish that it was not the holidays, as I haven't been alone for the holidays in a really long time, but I am getting there. I just wanted to write this post because I think I'm finally ready to say, to the world, that I was in love, I was hurt, I don't know if I will ever be ok, but I am willing to give it a shot. I really hope that it gets better. 3
LostInNC Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 One month before the wedding? I am so sorry that happened. I am at almost 2 months after 7 and a half years together and everything I keep reading says it is a good thing and opens the potential for someone who will stay but it really hurts in the mean time. I am like you I don;t know if I ever will be fully ok but I have to have hope. I just wanted to let you know that this is a great place to come and everyone is so helpful. Big hug! Keep your great positive attitude! It will help you massively. 2
mg4514 Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 Great post! I know it made me feel better to know I wasn't alone, I hope it makes you feel better to know you're not alone. We share a lot of similar experiences, both in terms in length of relationship, and the amount of time broken up and NC. I too feel an overwhelming rush of emotion from time to time. Like a tidal wave that starts in my stomach, and rushes up toward my chest. And I have thought about the upcoming holidays, the fact that giving gifts this year will be sparse. She said for years we would always be together, forever. I bought the ring, the plans were there. But I have to tell myself this: she thinks life will be better without me. She thinks the pastures will be greener. And this, This is what drives me to live my life to the fullest, to soldier on, and be happy. But you know what? WE will be okay. Let me be the first to wish you the HAPPIEST of holiday. 1
mightycpa Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 Honestly, having gone through similar a couple of times, I think it's fair to say that mostly what you're dealing with is the sudden change in your reality. It's not easy to wake up one day, and learn that the sky is green, not blue. Your fundamental beliefs have been turned upside down, and before you can even properly deal with the loss of love, you've got to deal with that. Blindsided breakups are the worst as a result, and they take the most time. It's really hard, and you have to take it day by day. You'll be tempted to worry about what he is thinking.... don't. Worry about yourself. If he's worried about you, then you'll find out soon enough. 1
Author solotravel Posted December 21, 2015 Author Posted December 21, 2015 Thank you for you comments. I am definitely experiencing a crazy change in reality. The thing about LTRs, I think, is that your life becomes almost wholly intergrated with that of the other that at the end of one, you are faced with having to question and redefine who you really are (for instance, do I truly like X for myself or have I liked it because my ex-partner did). That is the case for me anyways. This part has been a truly painstaking and long process for me and I know it will continue for a while. After spending the past few weeks being depressed and hungover (I know, terrible), I have realized that I should take better care of myself. The sick thing is that I am worried about him too. I don't really know how to explain it. Despite everthing that he has put me through, I still care for him on a deep level.
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