Why do people in relationships say such mean things to each other?

[Lobouspo]

What causes people who supposedly love each other say such hurtful things to each other in the heat of an argument? How do you stop yourself from doing this in your relationships?

[Gloria25]

Unfortunately, I think some people when they get comfy/familiar with someone, they take certain liberties with them....

 

They may also believe that cuz they are a SO, relative,"friend" that they should be easily forgiven if they fall out of line...

[Lobouspo]

I guess to be more precise, have you ever been with someone that just pushed your buttons so much, that out of anger and frustration you would say mean and hurtful things to get back?

[No Limit]

Learn restraint, and to never take someone you really like/love for granted. Don't let any situation get heated, sit down and say what bothers you. Don't give verbal violence a chance, and if someone throws hurtful words at you you should leave. Don't put up with it, and don't say things you don't really mean just to get back at another person. Fighting fire with fire won't get you anywhere.

[Gloria25]

I guess to be more precise, have you ever been with someone that just pushed your buttons so much, that out of anger and frustration you would say mean and hurtful things to get back?

 

Why would you want to be with someone who always is trying "push our buttons" and fight?

 

I guess if you haven't figured it out yet, snapping back by saying mean/hurtful things isn't changing them.

 

I had a "friend" like this and I put up with her crap for a few years. I got rid of her cuz in this cruel world, last thing I need is for my "friends" to give me grief.

 

Each time I tried to confront her and point out the crappy thing she did to get a rise out of me, she played the "what do you mean?" game. So, unlike you, I didn't go into shouts/insults, I'd just let it go cuz otherwise we did share some great times together. But yea, got tired of it and one day hit the "eject" button.

[carhill]

What causes people who supposedly love each other say such hurtful things to each other in the heat of an argument?

Emotions impel thoughts and thoughts impel words, the milieu conditioned by evolution, genetics and socialization.

How do you stop yourself from doing this in your relationships?

IME, a lot of it can result from nurture overriding or supplanting genetics, as particular to the individual, which means that, when the brain was forming, if 'hurtful things' were socialized as unacceptable and inappropriate from before one knew, cognitively, what unacceptable and inappropriate meant, the basic programming in the brain would be there to not go there. Of course, one might *want* to go there but the boundary would always be tugging at them. It's pretty much the same programming we can receive not to kill people we have conflicts with. That's inappropriate and unacceptable. Of course, people are programmed in various manners.

 

 

 

I guess to be more precise, have you ever been with someone that just pushed your buttons so much, that out of anger and frustration you would say mean and hurtful things to get back?

 

Yeah, sure, but very rarely, I think only once or twice in my decade long marriage, and near the end, that the programming got breached and behaviors banged up against the death being inappropriate boundary. That's it though. Why? The person's behavior identified them as the enemy and no longer a loving spouse so enemy protocols went into effect.