Guilt, confusion, sadness

[LostRicky]

Hi all, hoping to glean some insight here.

 

GF and I dated for 5 years, are both in our late twenties.

 

Around a year ago we started talking seriously about getting married. I always thought we should get married, she is a fantastic person, I was attracted to her, and we wanted similar things out of life. So I had no problem talking about marriage. I looked her in the eyes and said I was SURE about it. She even went with her friends to look at wedding rings, at my suggestion.

 

Shortly after the ring shopping expedition, I started having OH **** moments. In retrospect, I see that I don't think I ever loved her enough to get married, but I thought she was great and I was happy with her and happy to be in a serious relationship. I also liked making her happy so i probably subconsciously avoided conflict. I didn't know there was some other warm fuzzy feeling to be looking for. I realize how horrible and selfish this was.

 

Over the course of the next three months, I slowly realized that this didn't feel right, I wasn't excited to marry her, and that it wouldn't be right to continue. Over those months I thought as much as I could about whether it was just cold feet or scared of commitment. I don't think it was. I think I either a) changed and stopped loving her b) never loved her enough or c) don't know what love is and never had it.

 

Here's the thing though: throughout that inner turmoil, I never expressed it to her. I thought if I could just spend time, act normal, try to love and receive love, that I would snap out of it. I didn't and I broke up with her, citing most of these reasons here. I apologized for wasting her time and hurting her. I knew it would suck, and it has. We haven't been talking, but i believe that she is crushed. I am an absolute mess.

 

Here is what I need some help with:

 

1) how egregious is what I did? I honestly feel like I don't deserve to move on from this and am walking around with a scarlet letter. I feel like I can never be happy again due to the guilt and shame. Part of this is possibly due to the strength and anger of her reaction to the break up.

 

2.) I know I should have a) been more in touch with my OWN feelings and b) be more communicative about them with her. This is the source of extreme extreme guilt. Am I being too hard on myself.

 

3.) The reason for the break up was a lack of a feeling on my part. A lack of a certainty or excitement. Even if I wasn't a complete ass and had discussed this, is it really something that can be fixed?

 

4.) How the hell did it take me 5 years to figure all this out!! This is tearing me up as well and also a source of guilt.

 

I am really struggling and would appreciate any thoughts. Thank you.

[mightycpa]

Hi all, hoping to glean some insight here.

 

GF and I dated for 5 years, are both in our late twenties.

 

Around a year ago we started talking seriously about getting married. I always thought we should get married, she is a fantastic person, I was attracted to her, and we wanted similar things out of life. So I had no problem talking about marriage. I looked her in the eyes and said I was SURE about it. She even went with her friends to look at wedding rings, at my suggestion.

 

Shortly after the ring shopping expedition, I started having OH **** moments. In retrospect, I see that I don't think I ever loved her enough to get married, but I thought she was great and I was happy with her and happy to be in a serious relationship. I also liked making her happy so i probably subconsciously avoided conflict. I didn't know there was some other warm fuzzy feeling to be looking for. I realize how horrible and selfish this was.

 

Over the course of the next three months, I slowly realized that this didn't feel right, I wasn't excited to marry her, and that it wouldn't be right to continue. Over those months I thought as much as I could about whether it was just cold feet or scared of commitment. I don't think it was. I think I either a) changed and stopped loving her b) never loved her enough or c) don't know what love is and never had it.

 

Here's the thing though: throughout that inner turmoil, I never expressed it to her. I thought if I could just spend time, act normal, try to love and receive love, that I would snap out of it. I didn't and I broke up with her, citing most of these reasons here. I apologized for wasting her time and hurting her. I knew it would suck, and it has. We haven't been talking, but i believe that she is crushed. I am an absolute mess.

 

Here is what I need some help with:

 

1) how egregious is what I did? I honestly feel like I don't deserve to move on from this and am walking around with a scarlet letter. I feel like I can never be happy again due to the guilt and shame. Part of this is possibly due to the strength and anger of her reaction to the break up.

 

2.) I know I should have a) been more in touch with my OWN feelings and b) be more communicative about them with her. This is the source of extreme extreme guilt. Am I being too hard on myself.

 

3.) The reason for the break up was a lack of a feeling on my part. A lack of a certainty or excitement. Even if I wasn't a complete ass and had discussed this, is it really something that can be fixed?

 

4.) How the hell did it take me 5 years to figure all this out!! This is tearing me up as well and also a source of guilt.

 

I am really struggling and would appreciate any thoughts. Thank you.

I think you acted pretty normally.

 

1) You did her a solid by figuring this out BEFORE you got married. Yes, it might have been done X years ago, but better late than too late.

 

2) Too hard on yourself? Yes. There is a natural resistance to the feelings you experienced. Most people, when they feel them, resist these feelings, and they try to talk themselves out of feeling the way that they do, just like you did. At some point, they reach the moment of epiphany, and they realize they're done. You're just unusual in that you feel guilty about it.

 

3) You start out "in love" and eventually that will fade. In most circumstances, you're done after that. Sometimes though, you'll see the person for who they really are, warts and all, and you'll still be taken with them.. not in a state of illusion, but more like rationally, that this person will add to your life, and you're grateful that they are in it, and you'll do what it takes to keep them there. If you're not feeling that, then somewhere deep down inside, you realize she's just like everybody else. That's not a reason to commit your life to someone.

 

4) 5 years beats 20. Think of it that way. Moreover, all married people will tell you that there are times in the marriage that you hang on simply BECAUSE you're already married. The times where you feel "MEH", and those times will pass; but it may take years. But there are also are many stretches of time later on where you're glad to be with your spouse. I suppose it is possible you're in one of these doldrum phases right now, and if you were married, you'd hang on because it's easier than divorce. But if you can walk away clean, without feeling regret for YOU (not for her), you're probably doing the right thing.

 

The real question for you is whether any question exists in your mind. There's a difference between natural doubt and knowing that this isn't for you. As bad as she may feel now, if you are not committed to her, then you're not doing her wrong.

[minimariah]

you did the right thing, absolutely.

 

why did it take you 5 years to realize it...? probably because you never had to really think about it until faced with the possibility of spending the rest of your life with this person. you never really thought about it, as simple as that.

 

you do deserve to move on and you will... so will she. best of luck!

[LostRicky]

I think you acted pretty normally.

 

1) You did her a solid by figuring this out BEFORE you got married. Yes, it might have been done X years ago, but better late than too late.

 

2) Too hard on yourself? Yes. There is a natural resistance to the feelings you experienced. Most people, when they feel them, resist these feelings, and they try to talk themselves out of feeling the way that they do, just like you did. At some point, they reach the moment of epiphany, and they realize they're done. You're just unusual in that you feel guilty about it.

 

3) You start out "in love" and eventually that will fade. In most circumstances, you're done after that. Sometimes though, you'll see the person for who they really are, warts and all, and you'll still be taken with them.. not in a state of illusion, but more like rationally, that this person will add to your life, and you're grateful that they are in it, and you'll do what it takes to keep them there. If you're not feeling that, then somewhere deep down inside, you realize she's just like everybody else. That's not a reason to commit your life to someone.

 

4) 5 years beats 20. Think of it that way. Moreover, all married people will tell you that there are times in the marriage that you hang on simply BECAUSE you're already married. The times where you feel "MEH", and those times will pass; but it may take years. But there are also are many stretches of time later on where you're glad to be with your spouse. I suppose it is possible you're in one of these doldrum phases right now, and if you were married, you'd hang on because it's easier than divorce. But if you can walk away clean, without feeling regret for YOU (not for her), you're probably doing the right thing.

 

The real question for you is whether any question exists in your mind. There's a difference between natural doubt and knowing that this isn't for you. As bad as she may feel now, if you are not committed to her, then you're not doing her wrong.

 

 

Thank you, I appreciate the reply. Regarding your last sentence: a major reason for my difficulty (and for her thinking I am an unbelievable prick) is that I feel like I WAS "committed." I told her I wanted to spend our lives together and suggested she look at rings with her friends. Just makes me feel horrible horrible to go back on that.

 

Any tips there? It feels like me walking back that promise is a felony or something.

 

Thanks all.

[mightycpa]

Yes. As harsh as this sounds, you haven't promised yourself until you say "I do." Everything up to that point is just a promise to make a promise. I assume you did want that when you said it, but timing and reality caught up to you. I'll tell you this much - you're not the first guy to feel like that. It happens, and again, better now than later. At least you didn't do this purposefully, so it's beyond difficult to declare that you're somehow "wrong" for having done it.

Edited December 20, 2015 by mightycpa

[LostRicky]

Noted. I am trying hard to believe that. The fact that she doesn't see it that way is hurting my efforts to believe it I think. Its like I think I don't deserve to feel the freedom along with the pain. Also irrational probably.

 

The best way to sum it up is that it feels like this isn't a normal breakup where you try it out and it doesn't work. This one was full of me breaking promises and commitments and because of that it is criminal and horrible and I don't deserve to move on and she won't because of how awful I was.

 

Intellectually I get that at least part of that is over the top and irrational but the feelings keep coming. Paralyzing.

[allofme]

I'm sorry but what you did sounds horrible. You gave her false promise and even asked her to shop for rings. I don't believe that you just had an epiphany and realised you can't marry her. There is just Mr.Big and Carrie Bradshaw written all over it. You did the right thing for yourself but unfortunately you probably have ruined her life

[allofme]

Yes. As harsh as this sounds, you haven't promised yourself until you say "I do." Everything up to that point is just a promise to make a promise. I assume you did want that when you said it, but timing and reality caught up to you. I'll tell you this much - you're not the first guy to feel like that. It happens, and again, better now than later. At least you didn't do this purposefully, so it's beyond difficult to declare that you're somehow "wrong" for having done it.

 

 

People should always take responsibilities for what they say and what they do, no matter what the situation is.

[mightycpa]

You did the right thing for yourself but unfortunately you probably have ruined her life

I don't know the OP, but I can't imagine that he has the power to bring an entire life to ruin. She'd have to be a willing participant in making that come true. She sounds like a great girl, a catch for somebody. I'm sure she'll be fine.

 

People should always take responsibilities for what they say and what they do, no matter what the situation is.

Of course, but promise to girlfriend = prison sentence? No. Would it be better that they marry and then a few years later, the doubts he kept secret since before the wedding can no longer be ignored, and boom, they divorce? I can't imagine she'd take that option, given the choice.

 

That's why there is a marriage ceremony, rather than just making it a done deal at the moment of the original promise. It gives everybody some time to be thoughtful, to think things through and to change their minds, if that's in someone's best interests. She had just as much right as he did to put the brakes on the process right up until the time it is official. Besides, he didn't even give her a ring. He just asked her to look at some. At the most, he promised to promise her a promise. Very preliminary.

 

That's the difference between official and unofficial, by the way.

[solotravel]

Why do you think it took so long for you to realize that you didn't want to get married to her?

[Meli22]

You're going to feel guilty for a while no matter what. Yes she will be in pieces now but she will get over it and probably thank you for letting her go so she can meet someone who DOES completely love her.

 

There's nothing you can do to ease the guilt. Just keep telling yourself it was the right thing, and know that it will subside eventually. As for why it took 5 years, who knows? Maybe being faced with the reality that this is it, shook some part of you and made you evaluate things. Whatever it was, time will tell. I'm a believer of fate to an extent, and things will turn out however they're supposed to.

[casey.lives]

i think you should stop thinking about this and move on

[allofme]

I don't know the OP, but I can't imagine that he has the power to bring an entire life to ruin. She'd have to be a willing participant in making that come true. She sounds like a great girl, a catch for somebody. I'm sure she'll be fine.

 

Of course, but promise to girlfriend = prison sentence? No. Would it be better that they marry and then a few years later, the doubts he kept secret since before the wedding can no longer be ignored, and boom, they divorce? I can't imagine she'd take that option, given the choice.

 

That's why there is a marriage ceremony, rather than just making it a done deal at the moment of the original promise. It gives everybody some time to be thoughtful, to think things through and to change their minds, if that's in someone's best interests. She had just as much right as he did to put the brakes on the process right up until the time it is official. Besides, he didn't even give her a ring. He just asked her to look at some. At the most, he promised to promise her a promise. Very preliminary.

 

That's the difference between official and unofficial, by the way.

 

 

Yes he could've ruined her life. For people like me who has clinical depression for years, i would not be surprised if they chose to commit suicide.

 

I'm not saying he should marry her because he made a promise. Im saying he didn't think before he speaks. According to OP, nowhere did he mention he thought it through before he made a promise. He even said that shortly after the ring shopping, he regretted it. It feels like he didn't think about the whole thing from start till end. How would you feel if your guy asked you to shop for a ring then said by the way I am having a second thought maybe we should call the whole thing off? If I were her I'd feel fooled. Nowhere did I mention OP should feel like a prisoner just because he made a promise. I am just amazed that OP can make such an important promise to someone who loves him dearly without thinking carefully if he can actually fulfil the promise.

Just because they are not married it doesnt mean OP shouldn't take care of her feelings. That's what i call responsibility. And now damage has been done. Im just hoping she can get over it and start a new life soon

[mightycpa]

Yes he could've ruined her life. For people like me who has clinical depression for years, i would not be surprised if they chose to commit suicide.

You might want to fully consider the words you wrote which I have highlighted, and how their meaning corresponds to responsibility.

 

If you have a diagnosed clinical depression, it is especially important for you to understand this.

[allofme]

You might want to fully consider the words you wrote which I have highlighted, and how their meaning corresponds to responsibility.

 

If you have a diagnosed clinical depression, it is especially important for you to understand this.

 

My point still stands. Everybody has to take responsibility for their actions. OP will have to take responsibilities for what he's said and done. OP's ex will have to take responsibilities for how she chooses to react to the situation. By your logic, people can just go around making rash decisions and get away with it

[solotravel]

Having been on the receiving end of a breakup similar to yours, all I can say is (raging personal feelings aside) that she is probably going through a **** time right now but she will eventually recover and move on. People are generally more resilient than you know.

 

Accept the guilt and dont pull that **** again (dont let it get that far, seriously) when it comes to the next person.

[mightycpa]

My point still stands. Everybody has to take responsibility for their actions. OP will have to take responsibilities for what he's said and done. OP's ex will have to take responsibilities for how she chooses to react to the situation. By your logic, people can just go around making rash decisions and get away with it

I'm still trying to understand what OP's responsibility is, if OP's ex is indeed responsible for how she reacts. He says his piece, she reacts however she does. What's left? I don't know that he's "gotten away" with anything. He does feel a little guilt, so that's something. She'll probably never have him again, and that's big. The only question is whether or not that will ever bother him.

 

What if she meets the love of her life today? Does he get credit for making her available? It's mind boggling.

[VeveCakes]

allofme - no womans life is over because they got dumped - even at the alter.

 

Please give this woman more respect that she has more in her life than a man who dumped her.

 

OP - its better to realize now than later. Such is life, no more moping.

[katiegrl]

 

Around a year ago we started talking seriously about getting married. I always thought we should get married, she is a fantastic person, I was attracted to her, and we wanted similar things out of life. So I had no problem talking about marriage. I looked her in the eyes and said I was SURE about it. She even went with her friends to look at wedding rings, at my suggestion.

Shortly after the ring shopping expedition, I started having OH **** moments. In retrospect, I see that I don't think I ever loved her enough to get married, but I thought she was great and I was happy with her and happy to be in a serious relationship.

 

Obviously the OP is not responsible for how his ex reacted....but he IS responsible for his role in how hurtful and devastating this was to her.....

 

He needs to be aware of his actions here.... otherwise this will become a pattern and he will continue leading women on ....and then after getting what he said he wanted....what he was SURE he wanted....what HE pushed for actually... doing a complete 180 and suddenly and without warning changing his mind and/or realizing that what he thought he felt....wasn't actually what he felt at all.

 

OP..... I am curious to what your thought process was after the ring shopping expedition.

 

I mean, till then you said you were SURE you loved her and wanted marriage. You pushed for it....actually encouraging her to go look at rings.

 

Then literally overnight (or sooner)... you do a complete 180 and realize you don't love her and don't wish to marry her? What's going on there... cause surely it was nothing SHE did to change your mind.... clearly it was something within you that caused this sudden shift.

 

IMO this is your classic case of guy thinking he wants something.....pushing for it, then after getting what he said he wants... doing a complete 180, leaving the woman hurt, confused, devastated, especially after getting to this level. There are many many threads on this board created by women who have experienced this same thing....

 

Yes of course it was better you realized this before marriage, but for the love of god, you need to get more in touch with your own feelings and reactions, and FEARS.....so this does not happen again with the next woman and any woman after that.

 

Clearly the FEAR of something was present -- whether it be fear of commitment (forever after commitment)...or fear of something else, because NO ONE has a sudden shift of feelings like that, again literally overnight, without some sort of fear being present.

 

And I know from experience that often times commitment fears don't creep up UNTIL marriage is discussed and enters the picture....which can an does cause the person with the fear to lose feelings, attraction, etc.

 

Please explore this OP, for your own good and the good of any woman you meet and get involved with in the future.

Edited December 21, 2015 by katiegrl

[Itspointless]

IMO this is your classic case of guy thinking he wants something.....pushing for it, then after getting what he said he wants... doing a complete 180, leaving the woman hurt, confused, devastated, especially after getting to this level. There are many many threads on this board created by women who have experienced this same thing.... [...] Clearly the FEAR of something was present -- whether it be fear of commitment (forever after commitment)...or fear of something else, because NO ONE has a sudden shift of feelings like that, again literally overnight, without some sort of fear being present.

katiegrl is voicing what I was thinking yesterday when reading this. This thread me think again about this post by GreenPolicy from 2010: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/253770-my-fiancee-left-me-out-blue His misses turned out to be dismissive-avoidant attached.

 

You also are not the first one with sudden regret. Usually it goes something along the lines of, oh buy, now I am stuck with her. And when she (or he) is disposed. I boy now I cannot have her, but she was so much better than the rest. The second typed described here always wants to have what it does not have and over-romantizes that.

 

I hope you will follow up Katies tips. Take care!

 

(not intentionally put that smiley up there, but cannot remove it)

[AndyMovingOn]

You know I came to this forum few days ago just being as a lurker until I see this thread, feeling crushed, literally crying now and decided to register an account and leave my thoughts here.

 

Yes, it is because my situation is exactly the same as OP's except that I was the receiving end of this s*** and I can honestly tell you how devastated and hurtful it is causing by some selfish person like you.

 

We've been together for 4.5 years and she always promised me that she love me and will never leave me... until 5 months ago I realized her indifferent to me - that's when I sensed something was wrong and when I tried to communicate with her she said she was just having bad mood.

 

However two months ago she wanted to break up with me out of the blue because she said she doesn't have the feeling with me anymore. She simply feels numb when being together with me and thought it is good for us to part way. I was left in shock, denial, devastated, and then seriously depressed after the event.

 

I still remember everything happened that night when she wanted to break up with me, I mean every single thing. I cried like mad and asked her why her attitude towards me can change all in a sudden? She asked me didn't I feel that she has started to be indifferent with me since a few months back? I said yes and I did ask you about that but you never admitted the truth to me. She said she was afraid to let me know about it so she hides it for that long until that night, which makes me feel like I was completely blindsided and she has broken every single trust I have to her from that moment on.

 

The weeks before this happened we even discussed about how many kids we want to have in the future and how are we going to educate our kids. See, it is people like you who give us false hope and make us blindsided for whatever s*** you have already planned in your head! Yes, it's not cheating, but as allofme and katiegrl said I don't think people like you are responsible person - You have issues with yourself and you should deal with it, or at least communicate with your partner effectively which may possibly resolve the issue or doubts that you have. However you didn't process it properly and you let your immature act to hurt someone who love you so dearly!

 

And this is really selfish. People like you only think what is best for yourself, how is your own feeling, who suit you the best... but have you ever spent a moment to consider the fact that EVERY SINGLE move you make can bring significant impact to your partner? Remember that someone is tightly attached to you now while you never bring them into consideration! All you did was "I lost feeling to this person", "I cannot commit to this person anymore", "I'm afraid getting married with this person"... See? You only have the big "ME" in your head!

 

Did you communicate effectively with her about what's running in your head before this? I know some people may have this kind of "phobia" before marriage, but sometimes it is not that big of a deal and if both of you did communicate effectively things might be different and you might even realize that you are actually still loving her and it's just a short moment that you thought you didn't. From your post it seems like you did not communicate with her effectively AT ALL because, look, you just gave her a big "surprise"!

[Jax13]

Ugh this thread really strikes a chord with me as well. My girlfriend and I were together for 4.5 years. About 5 months ago, we started talking about more about our future, getting set up financially, and career wise to live comfortably together, get married, how many kids we'd have, etc.

 

 

In October I could kind of sense that she was a little indifferent to me but still told me that she loved me and we still talked about the future.

 

 

Well at the end of October she just drops everything and tells me that she has been having doubts and fears for a few months and that we can't be together. She said that she has been bottling up her fears, and feelings for awhile now but they finally won out and SHE JUST QUIT!

 

 

To me, this is the most selfish thing that someone can do in the world. I loved her with my whole heart and I feel that she had these feelings at one point too. But to go from loving me, to starting to have doubts and not tell me about them and not be willing to work through anything together just drives me up the ******* wall! For her to think that she could handle everything between us on her own and then just give up drives me crazy because I know that I would have always been willing to work on anything she brought to me... But she just gave up! To me, giving up is not in my vocabulary, that's just not how I was raised.

 

 

Nowadays, lots of people just give up the second something starts getting difficult, or they start having fears. They give up instead of trying to work things out because with social media and being connected all the time, they think there's so many other options around. My grandparents and parents would never have just given up if things got hard... They work through things together and that's how I was brought up too.

 

 

Ugh rant over!

[AndyMovingOn]

I'm sorry but what you did sounds horrible. You gave her false promise and even asked her to shop for rings. I don't believe that you just had an epiphany and realised you can't marry her. There is just Mr.Big and Carrie Bradshaw written all over it. You did the right thing for yourself but unfortunately you probably have ruined her life

 

I know there are other people on this forum who is trying comfort the OP and give him reasons not to blame himself, but coming from a receiving end myself I can tell you this - YES, you can probably ruin her life (depending on her emotional strength level)!

 

I'm not even joking when I say this.

 

That day I actually went for a job interview in my dream company and I actually got the job offer - But when I arrived home I received her text saying that she wanted to let go of our relationship because of all the s*** that I mentioned above (or you can refer to the OP's reasons, they are just similar).

 

Words can't describe how devastated I was - It happened too quick as we were having fun the week before. It makes me feel like I am just some trash and being dumped by her just like that. I would even go to the extent to say that it even feels like an insult to me (almost as bad as cheating).

 

It's a good thing that I got a good job offer in a good company, but I was going through a really dark period of time and having depression - I couldn't eat, sleep and function like a normal person at all, I was completely crushed and destroyed. Before I started working all I did was just hiding in my room all day and cried, screamed... I don't know, things were just too tough.

 

After I started working I still had to deal with all the pain (thanks to her), every single day; I couldn't even focus on the job and my performance at work wasn't great, and I hate myself for that; All these make me collapse already (in all honesty my job isn't bad at all and the colleagues are good, but I literally have to FORCE myself to work every morning), and I even came to a point that I told my parents I don't want to go on living like this anymore (wanting to suicide) and they hugged me and cried with me as well.

 

This is exactly how being hurt and blindsided feels, AND some people on this forum still have the gut to say that "her life shall not be affected", "you did great for both of you", "she is responsible for her own good", "you are not responsible for anything before marriage"... I don't know where these people are coming from, maybe it's just for the sake of comforting OP?

 

I really feel sorry for that girl who got dumped by you. I hope she is recovering okay now and I wish her the very best and she will find someone who is worthy for her love.

Edited December 22, 2015 by AndyMovingOn

[AndyMovingOn]

He needs to be aware of his actions here.... otherwise this will become a pattern and he will continue leading women on ....and then after getting what he said he wanted....what he was SURE he wanted....what HE pushed for actually... doing a complete 180 and suddenly and without warning changing his mind and/or realizing that what he thought he felt....wasn't actually what he felt at all.

.

.

.

Yes of course it was better you realized this before marriage, but for the love of god, you need to get more in touch with your own feelings and reactions, and FEARS.....so this does not happen again with the next woman and any woman after that.

 

Clearly the FEAR of something was present -- whether it be fear of commitment (forever after commitment)...or fear of something else, because NO ONE has a sudden shift of feelings like that, again literally overnight, without some sort of fear being present.

 

And I know from experience that often times commitment fears don't creep up UNTIL marriage is discussed and enters the picture....which can an does cause the person with the fear to lose feelings, attraction, etc.

 

Please explore this OP, for your own good and the good of any woman you meet and get involved with in the future.

Well said Katiegrl.

 

People like the OP is selfish and immature when it comes to handle issues.

 

OP, please listen to Katiegrl before you (possibly) make a innocent, lovable human being commit suicide in the future.

 

I am not exaggerating, I've been there. If it wasn't my friends and family who are willing to stay with me, support me and give me the strength I need most probably I wouldn't be living today and replying to your post here.

 

When we truly love someone we always let down our guard completely in front of them, being completely vulnerable and give our soul to our loved one to keep; If they take advantage of our openness to them and crushing our soul into pieces, then we are only left with dead body without soul.

[katiegrl]

Well said Katiegrl.

 

People like the OP is selfish and immature when it comes to handle issues.

 

OP, please listen to Katiegrl before you (possibly) make a innocent, lovable human being commit suicide in the future.

 

I am not exaggerating, I've been there. If it wasn't my friends and family who are willing to stay with me, support me and give me the strength I need most probably I wouldn't be living today and replying to your post here.

 

When we truly love someone we always let down our guard completely in front of them, being completely vulnerable and give our soul to our loved one to keep; If they take advantage of our openness to them and crushing our soul into pieces, then we are only left with dead body without soul.

 

I agree and I am going to sound harsh here, but people like the OP should not be entering into long term relationships, let alone discuss marriage ...as obviously they are completely out out of touch with their own feelings and emotions, and have no clue what the emotional ramifications of what this disconnection from themselves and what they want can do to another human being.

 

I mean .... to believe you are in love with someone, be sure of that, be sure you wish to marry that person....push for it, encourage that person to look at rings ......to waking up and realizing you neither feel nor want any of those things, is nothing short of sociopathic IMO.

 

Yes that is harsh, but that is how I feel about it.

 

People like the OP, with no empathy, no regard or even awareness of the emotional damage they can do to another person with whom they shared years of their life, should not be dating....or stick to casual dating or FWB, as they are completely out of touch with themselves and their feelings/emotions and are therefore dangerous to society IMO.

 

Good luck.

Edited December 22, 2015 by katiegrl