Chahy377 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 I invited someone that I used to date out for drinks to celebrate the end of the semester. He ended up taking me home and initiating a very sexual make out. I resisted and told him that unless he could be more consistent I wasn't interested. He agreed to try again with me and try to be more consistent . He also said that he missed me. I still did not make out with him. The next day I texted a good morning and he wasn't really responsive. It was Friday....Later that night I asked him if he had remembered our conversation or if it was alcohol induced....I asked in a light and playful way. He didn't respond so around 11pm I I texted "ok. Goodnight" he texted back immediately and Said he remembered. I replied and said I hadn't been sure. He said that he remembered and thought it wasn't a good idea. What did I do wrong?
Ic1 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 I invited someone that I used to date out for drinks to celebrate the end of the semester. He ended up taking me home and initiating a very sexual make out. I resisted and told him that unless he could be more consistent I wasn't interested. He agreed to try again with me and try to be more consistent . He also said that he missed me. I still did not make out with him. The next day I texted a good morning and he wasn't really responsive. It was Friday....Later that night I asked him if he had remembered our conversation or if it was alcohol induced....I asked in a light and playful way. He didn't respond so around 11pm I I texted "ok. Goodnight" he texted back immediately and Said he remembered. I replied and said I hadn't been sure. He said that he remembered and thought it wasn't a good idea. What did I do wrong? A sign he will not be consistent. As soon as he reads a message from you that says "I'll stop trying" he jumps in. Says a lot about his intentions. 1
frus69 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 You didn't do anything wrong. He just was never interested 1
Author Chahy377 Posted December 19, 2015 Author Posted December 19, 2015 So if I had given into him and had sex because he said he wanted to try again and missed me....I would've gotten majorly played? Who does that to someone? 1
Ic1 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 So if I had given into him and had sex because he said he wanted to try again and missed me....I would've gotten majorly played? Who does that to someone? Unfortunately, many. 1
Yookie Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 Never ask deep relationship questions in the heat of passion. They will always tell you what they think you want to hear. In those moments, they aren't thinking with the right head. 1
Author Chahy377 Posted December 19, 2015 Author Posted December 19, 2015 Just sucks....he didn't mean it...and had no intention of telling me he didn't mean it...he could've chalked it up to the alcohol...which I would perfectly understand and is an easy out. But he never said that. I don't understand
frus69 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 Just sucks....he didn't mean it...and had no intention of telling me he didn't mean it...he could've chalked it up to the alcohol...which I would perfectly understand and is an easy out. But he never said that. I don't understand What difference does it make whether he gave you an excuse or not? You shouldn't have had any expectation on him at the first place 1
Author Chahy377 Posted December 19, 2015 Author Posted December 19, 2015 Why wouldn't I have any expectation? He said he wanted to try again. No one forced him to say that
frus69 Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 Why wouldn't I have any expectation? He said he wanted to try again. No one forced him to say that No you have expectations even before he said that that's why you asked him out right? You used to date and it didn't work out and for whatever reason you expect it to work again, don't "No one force him to say that"-thats rather naive. Guys can say whatever to get sex
FeelingFireworks Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 Why wouldn't I have any expectation? He said he wanted to try again. No one forced him to say that You're not looking at the silver lining here...which is that your self control won out. Sure, you feel sh*tty now. But can you imagine how much more sh*tty this situation would've been if you'd engaged in a very sexual makeout with this player? Pat yourself on the back you held out enough to see his true colours and move on from him. In future - Be very careful believing what a man who is not committed to you says (notably when give compliments and offer promises) in a sexually charged atmosphere. 3
xcupid Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 You didn't do anything wrong. All he wanted was sex with you. Next!
Sunlight72 Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 I will try and break this down more for you. I know it can be confusing...I resisted and told him that unless he could be more consistent I wasn't interested.Good Job!! Now the 'best' thing to have done would be to leave, graciously. He cannot be more consistent tonight. He can be lonely &/or horny, but consistency takes time (weeks, months) to put in practice and prove. You told him where you stand, and now he'll need time to digest it. It is quite unreasonable to expect him to process it honestly in a few minutes. You would be kidding yourself if you 'listen' for his 'answer' at this time. He agreed to try again with me and try to be more consistent.Well sure he did. His words in this moment aren't worth much. He might have "meant the words" at this moment, but he's had how long to really weigh them? 2 seconds? 3? He's had no time to reflect on your statement, how he feels about your statement, how he feels about you (except he's already turned on), or what it would take for him to really change his ways and if that is worth it to him ultimately. No one can really review all that and reach a conclusion in less than several days At Least. It was Fairy-tale Dreamy of you to lie to yourself and accept his words as truly significant. That part is your own fault.Why wouldn't I have any expectation? He said he wanted to try again. No one forced him to say thatOh no honey, no one forced him. . . Of course he had one of the strongest motivations in the history of humanity - the lure of impending romance, connection and sex if he gave the right answer, but it's true no one forced him. You got the important parts right (YAY!!). Remember, the secret ingredient in almost Everything is .... time. You forgot to allow time for him to show (by his actions) who he is & what he values - before - you got invested in him. Observe, evaluate, then if it's all good, invest. Repeat, getting a deeper investment each step. Weeks in between each step is 'best'.
katiegrl Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 (edited) Why wouldn't I have any expectation? He said he wanted to try again. No one forced him to say that Sweetie, come on , he wanted sex. That is why he accepted your invite, that is why he wanted to go back to your place, that is why he initiated the sexual make-out session, and that is why he told you he *missed you* and wanted to try again. It was all BS because he wanted sex. You said no ...good for you! So he's moving on. He did not change his mind, because he never wanted more than sex in the first place. Your mistake? Inviting a guy you "used" to date, who I presume was inconsistent when you dated him the first time... out for drinks again. Edited December 20, 2015 by katiegrl
ExpatInItaly Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 You didn't do anything wrong, per se, other than believing what a previously-inconsistent man told you in the heat of the moment. He wanted to get some action and said what he thought you wanted to hear. He was, apparently, being insincere. But he realized he still wasn't going to give you what you want. Action always speak louder than words. Let this one go.
BonerFide Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 A sign he will not be consistent. As soon as he reads a message from you that says "I'll stop trying" he jumps in. Says a lot about his intentions. This is pretty much accurate. While it's really unbelievable how many people will lie out of their ass just because they think they'll get sexual favours out of it, it DOES happen, and it DID happen with this guy. Just be thankful you didn't give him anything and find someone who's actually going to take you seriously, because that person is not this guy.
Author Chahy377 Posted December 20, 2015 Author Posted December 20, 2015 I honestly had no expectations when I had met up with him...he had told me that we should be Platonic friends...so that was my mind set going into getting drinks. I'm so glad I didn't make out with him...even though he was saying all that stuff I held back because I wanted him to actually show me he could be consistent. It's so crazy because in the past he wanted me to do sexual things with him even though he wasn't consistent. I would tell him I was not interested in that....which he saw as "difficult"...so he would say he didn't want to deal with me because of that....and I would tell him if he was more consistent we wouldn't have any issues but he refused to hear that. So basically if I had let him do whatever he wanted, performed sexual favors on him, and let him come around when he wanted without saying anything then I would be "worthy" of dealing with him. The nerve of some of these men smh....but the sad thing is that we allow it to hapoen
Survivor12 Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 I honestly had no expectations when I had met up with him...he had told me that we should be Platonic friends...so that was my mind set going into getting drinks. I'm so glad I didn't make out with him...even though he was saying all that stuff I held back because I wanted him to actually show me he could be consistent. It's so crazy because in the past he wanted me to do sexual things with him even though he wasn't consistent. I would tell him I was not interested in that....which he saw as "difficult"...so he would say he didn't want to deal with me because of that....and I would tell him if he was more consistent we wouldn't have any issues but he refused to hear that. So basically if I had let him do whatever he wanted, performed sexual favors on him, and let him come around when he wanted without saying anything then I would be "worthy" of dealing with him. The nerve of some of these men smh....but the sad thing is that we allow it to hapoen Think about what you are saying...you KNOW that he's not "consistent" (whatever that means) but if he PRETENDS to be what you want him to be, it's okay but his refusing to ACT like you want is wrong? Look, you should feel lucky that he did walk away instead of stringing you along by making you believe that he's something he isn't. Use this as a lesson learned. People can change but not because someone demands it. You contacted him. He didn't come to you claiming that things would be different, that he'd changed nor that he wanted you back--and you had no reason to expect that he he had. Good for you for standing your ground. Just accept that he did the same & don't look back.
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