Samantha07 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 I don't know why I do this to my boyfriend, honestly. I am 20 years old, female, I have cheated on my boyfriend 3 times, I know obviously I am not good enough for him. We have been together 3 years since I was 16, and I have cheated on him out of curiosity, I think. For some reason, I find him boring, we never do anything besides sit around the house, and he doesn't want to spend time with me, he needs a lot of alone time, and whenever i try to spend time with him, he shoves me away and call me an "attention whore". He loves me and I love him, but I think we are still together purely out of comfort and habit. We also have lived together for over a year now, and I am in no place financially to break up and move out. I just don't know what to do, and I realize a lot of you will say break up with him and I'm horrible because i have cheated. But I can't tell if we are "in" love, or just comfortable? Or maybe I have cheated on him because subconsciously I am unhappy?
soph-walker Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 I don't know why I do this to my boyfriend, honestly. I am 20 years old, female, I have cheated on my boyfriend 3 times, I know obviously I am not good enough for him. We have been together 3 years since I was 16, and I have cheated on him out of curiosity, I think. For some reason, I find him boring, we never do anything besides sit around the house, and he doesn't want to spend time with me, he needs a lot of alone time, and whenever i try to spend time with him, he shoves me away and call me an "attention whore". He loves me and I love him, but I think we are still together purely out of comfort and habit. We also have lived together for over a year now, and I am in no place financially to break up and move out. I just don't know what to do, and I realize a lot of you will say break up with him and I'm horrible because i have cheated. But I can't tell if we are "in" love, or just comfortable? Or maybe I have cheated on him because subconsciously I am unhappy? We could all speculate over this and try and come up with an answer, however, it's up to you to answer this yourself.
Ic1 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 There could be many reasons and/or causes for this. But one I think is quite possible at your age is wanting what you don't have. "Grass is greener on the other side." I would still recommend leaving him if possible because you haven't lived life much yet and you learn a lot from dating many different people. He could be the perfect fit for you, but you'll always wonder how the others are. Break up with him and see if he is really the better of the selection. I actually made the same mistake as you, dating long-term with someone I had started dating in high school and keeping it going as I grew to be an adult.
Author Samantha07 Posted December 19, 2015 Author Posted December 19, 2015 I appreciate your replies. But why was it a mistake for you to keepay dating a person you were with in high school? I am afraid that he may be my perfect fit, but if I end things, I wouldn't be able to get him back? How do you know if it's love or comfort?
Ic1 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 I appreciate your replies. But why was it a mistake for you to keepay dating a person you were with in high school? I am afraid that he may be my perfect fit, but if I end things, I wouldn't be able to get him back? How do you know if it's love or comfort? Sorry, but the chic'flick script of meeting someone when so young and staying together happily forever is fiction except for 0.00000000000001% of the time. You probably won't be able to get him back, and you won't be able to know if it's love, comfort, or just reliable sex schedule is something you don't know yet. That's why dating others is what you should do. You can only really understand relationships from first hand experience. No amount of reading can match that knowledge.
Glass Hut Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 I am always curious about people who live together when they were 20. I assume these are people that never stay single long? For the record I am much older, have never had the pleasure of living with a significant other, and am just curious. I wish you good luck but I can't really give you advice because I can't relate!
DoesntGetIt Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 I appreciate your replies. But why was it a mistake for you to keepay dating a person you were with in high school? I am afraid that he may be my perfect fit, but if I end things, I wouldn't be able to get him back? How do you know if it's love or comfort? Better for any possible future by ending things now before he finds out you've cheated on him 3 times. What do you think will happen then? And do you plan on just keeping it a secret forever and not being honest with him? You've already ended things, you just haven't gone through the motions yet.
HillValley Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 I don't know why I do this to my boyfriend, honestly. I am 20 years old, female, I have cheated on my boyfriend 3 times, I know obviously I am not good enough for him. We have been together 3 years since I was 16, and I have cheated on him out of curiosity, I think. For some reason, I find him boring, we never do anything besides sit around the house, and he doesn't want to spend time with me, he needs a lot of alone time, and whenever i try to spend time with him, he shoves me away and call me an "attention whore". He loves me and I love him, but I think we are still together purely out of comfort and habit. We also have lived together for over a year now, and I am in no place financially to break up and move out. I just don't know what to do, and I realize a lot of you will say break up with him and I'm horrible because i have cheated. But I can't tell if we are "in" love, or just comfortable? Or maybe I have cheated on him because subconsciously I am unhappy? You answered your own question. You said you aren't in a good financial place to break up. People who love their situation aren't thinking about the financials of getting out. So instead of doing something about your financials you do something about your emotional needs by sleeping around since you can't make him be more affectionate. You aren't subconsciously anything. You are unhappy and think you'll be unhappy if you leave. He's just a warm body at this point. You might as well be holding a bag of potatoes.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 I hate to break it to you, but there's no way your boyfriend is the perfect fit for you if you're cheating like this, describing him as boring and admitting that finances are what's holding you back from moving out. You cheat because your relationship is pretty much dead in the water but you haven't found the courage to end it yet. But make no mistake, this isn't the right relationship for you anymore. Does your boyfriend know you're cheating?
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