What do women bring to the table in Marriage

[sambolini]

I noticed a pattern on LS.

 

Men who scoff at marriage and say things like "what do women bring to the table besides sex", which makes an entire gender sound like nothing worthy of more besides pleasure, are men who were married in the past and got taken to the cleaners because they were stupid enough to marry a bad person.

 

I adore posts like this. They only serve to further illustrate why men should never, ever, ever get married. Well done!

[CrystalCastles]

I adore posts like this. They only serve to further illustrate why men should never, ever, ever get married. Well done!

 

Well then don't get married. Nobody is saying you have to. I didn't read a single post where it says you have to. But I want to get married. My female friends want to. My male friends want to (the ones that aren't already married). Maybe you don't believe in marriage and that's fine. Nobody else has to conform to your beliefs.

[Shining One]

A person brings to the table exactly what you want them to bring. If they don't bring those things, then marriage is off the table.

[edgygirl]

He did assume you were a man :lmao:

 

Apparently wherever OPS is from, women don't (or shouldn't) make 6 figures or have a 3 bedroom condo

 

I don't understand your comment. Did you assume because I said I own my place, make six figures, and don't want kids that I'm a man?

[edgygirl]

Unfortunately at LS you get a lot of bitter men who are pissed with their exes (who sucked and tend to put every single woman in the same category), or about their lack of qualities making them unable to strike a good relationship with a good woman.

 

Well then don't get married. Nobody is saying you have to. I didn't read a single post where it says you have to. But I want to get married. My female friends want to. My male friends want to (the ones that aren't already married). Maybe you don't believe in marriage and that's fine. Nobody else has to conform to your beliefs.

[carhill]

You can do all that with cohabitation instead of legally getting married.

IME, the marriage license brought a bucket of otherwise pretty expensive and time consuming legal privileges in one document and signature. The one area I became most familiar with was medical-related and got a good schooling in what it costs and how much time, including court time, it can take to gain medical standing regarding a loved one not one's spouse. My wife, OTOH, could easily take control of my medical decisions should I be unable to, and with clear legal authority. Same with financial decisions. Most folks, hopefully, won't experience such challenges but if they do, marriage, the legal partnership, focuses power on the team and its members equally. A woman brings to the table that power and insight and, most importantly, care for her spouse. Having a dedicated spouse for an advocate when the chips are down is having a formidable ally.

 

Anyway, we've already had discussions here many times about the advantages and disadvantages of marriage versus cohabitation. I was covering the aspects women bring to any committed relationship, whether marriage, legal partnership, or other committed relationship. Their assets remain constant; the vehicle and its impact can differ.

[Got it]

What on earth is the point of threads like this? What does any gender, when trying to speak for millions of people together, bring to the table as a totality? Luckily neither myself or others I know looking at anything other than the individual.

 

So if you don't want to marry, then don't marry. I have no idea what women bring to the table in marriage. I know what I bring and that is good enough. Luckily I know what my husband brings to the table as well. And that is enough for us with no bitterness or dismissiveness.

 

Shrug.

[io2iio]

I noticed a pattern on LS.

 

Men who scoff at marriage and say things like "what do women bring to the table besides sex", which makes an entire gender sound like nothing worthy of more besides pleasure, are men who were married in the past and got taken to the cleaners because they were stupid enough to marry a bad person.

 

Its smart men who are running from the marriage train because the legal system is rigged against men. It has nothing to do with women. Iam sure they are wonderful in their own way. Fathers don't have any rights when it comes to children.

 

Men are waking up in reality!!

Edited December 19, 2015 by io2iio

[Woggle]

To be fair women who have been in bad marriages tend to bash marriage just as bad as the men. I know a woman who refused to even attend her daughters wedding because she won't be happy about her selling herself into patriarchal slavery. What is the difference between her and men like the OP?

[No Limit]

I have friends who lived together unmarried for 15 years until the woman broke her elbow. Because they weren't married, and she was a freelancer without adequate health insurance, they had to pay out of pocket for expenses that, were they married, would have been covered by his insurance.

 

They married a year later.

 

Heard of a similar case (they'd been living together for 7 years). Only difference is that she didn't want to pressure him for marriage, so she left him instead and found someone else later who was marriage-minded. Co-habitation just means "marriage with a backdoor" - for both men and women.

 

But OP, why are you so concerned by all this? It's obvious that you don't want to marry, and that is fine. Just mention it early on in dating so the other person knows prior to wasting lots of time (and there ARE women who don't want to marry; if you google a little you'll find as many "She won't marry me!"-threads as "He won't marry me!"-threads).

[xxoo]

Women bring all the things men bring, plus the gestating and nursing children trick.

 

Marriage makes us family. What could be more important?

[Samhain]

Well since your post on someone elses thread was "you don't confront her, you walk away and start flirting with a hottie right infront of her" I guess the real question here is, what do you bring to the table, with that mentality!?

[MissBee]

Lately i have been having second thoughts about what purpose does marriage serve to a man in this modern world. Women can do what they want , especially in the western world. Sleep with the bad boys in their 20's and than wait for poor looser guy when they turn 30 who is financial stable and get married.

 

Even though the world has progressed towards equality in pay, there is still the age old thing that men are supposed to pay for a date and should have a strong financial support and get ripped off in divorce by tax daddy and uncle judicial system.

 

So if a man were to marry in this era, what does the women bring to the table other than sex. In an age where women can do what they want even after getting married, the penalty is for the man to pay for child support and alimony, is it sensible to just shack up instead of getting legally married ?. The fact that the judicial system will make the father pay even for a child who is not his, under the assumption that it is the best interest of the child. Do men have anything they get out of legally getting married ?

 

Thoughts ?

 

The fact that the ONLY thing you can think of a woman being useful for in marriage is sex says it all really.

 

Shacking up has just as many, if not more, repercussions as marriage if it falls apart. The idea that say a couple living together for 10 years, with totally intertwined lives and kids can somehow say goodbye easier than those who are legally married is a total alternate reality viewpoint. It will be just as difficult.

 

In any event, marriage is not something other people can define for you. Outside of the legal/civic aspect the actual reasons for doing, how you do it, why, and the relationship you have are purely up to you. Therefore what "women" bring to the table is moot. The SPECIFIC WOMAN you're marrying, that's who you should worry about and what SHE SPECIFICALLY brings to your relationship. You're not marrying all women, you're marrying one woman, so that should narrow things down a ton for you.

 

Men and women can get screwed in love and relationships, it happens everyday and for every example of poor dudes who get screwed are examples of women who also get dealt the short end of the stick. All relationships are risky and you decide if the person is worth you taking the chance or not. However, if one is generally bitter, generally cannot see women as normal human beings beyond sex, doesn't see the point of marriage, thinks women sleep around with "bad boys" and "marry losers" then your own jaded viewpoints are already set in stone and it's best you not marry.

Edited December 20, 2015 by MissBee

[RecoveringSlowly]

Lately i have been having second thoughts about what purpose does marriage serve to a man in this modern world. Women can do what they want , especially in the western world. Sleep with the bad boys in their 20's and than wait for poor looser guy when they turn 30 who is financial stable and get married.

 

Even though the world has progressed towards equality in pay, there is still the age old thing that men are supposed to pay for a date and should have a strong financial support and get ripped off in divorce by tax daddy and uncle judicial system.

 

So if a man were to marry in this era, what does the women bring to the table other than sex. In an age where women can do what they want even after getting married, the penalty is for the man to pay for child support and alimony, is it sensible to just shack up instead of getting legally married ?. The fact that the judicial system will make the father pay even for a child who is not his, under the assumption that it is the best interest of the child. Do men have anything they get out of legally getting married ?

 

Thoughts ?

 

My thoughts are that you are not here to ask an honest question, you are here to argue.

 

Women bring the same thing to marriage that men do. Period. They bring the same thing to marriage that they bring to a cohabitation situation, which you already seem to understand....so?

 

Some people want to be married. For some people that commitment is important. It is important to BOTH my husband and I. If you don't want that for yourself, fine. Nobody is trying to force it on you, and, considering your attitude toward women you would make a piss poor husband anyway, so you are doing the women of the world a great favor by remaining single.

 

I am not going to trot out the benefits of marriage to men. You could have answered that question with a simple google search if that is what you actually wanted. It is simple enough. Go to Google, and type in "Benefits of marriage for men." There are actually recent studies that suggest that marriage is MORE beneficial to men than to women.

 

But that is not what you wanted. You wanted to come here and instigate any number of strange women into an argument, because you see women as interchangeable objects and you like to screw with us.

 

Go ahead. It is 100% a good thing that you don't plan on getting married again, because with your attitude I don't think you would bring anything beneficial to a marriage. Maybe you should ask why ANY woman would want to put up with you, and maybe then you could understand why marriage was or would not be a beneficial choice for you.

[Grumpybutfun]

I can't speak for anyone else, but a great marriage with an amazing person is my greatest accomplishment, and I'm a pretty damn accomplished man. When you see someone else as a reflection of your life, sharing all the large and small, good and bad and you breathe a sigh of relief when they are back by your side after being away for a while, you know that you have found everything you didn't know you wanted. I'm a traditional man married to feminist, and we live a very calm, passionate, respectful, and loving life together. I respect and adore her as a human being because she is amazing. Of course, not every person will want the same thing as us, but my woman brings joy, comfort, home, respect, intelligent discourse, fun, sexual pleasure, and is the mother of our three amazing kids.

This question can only be answered anecdotally because each experience is blueprinted by the two people involved.

Best,

Grumps

[central]

Since no-one can predict the future, marriage is a leap of faith or a gamble. No matter how well you know someone when you marry, they can change later, so there is no such thing as making the right choice for all time - unless you are very lucky. Given that the majority of marriages end in divorce or are unhappy, it is a risk for both men and women. There are some definite benefits to marriage (most are legally mandated), but also some significant risks in case of failure. Still, most people will marry at some point, and reproduce, despite the problems that may occur.

[The Way I Am]

Co-habitation just means "marriage with a backdoor" - for both men and women.

 

There's no reason to disparage other people's choices and preferences.

 

Both cohabitation and marriage have a front door. Either party is free to leave if they choose. Being married is not a guarantee that someone will stay with you.

 

And IMHO, anybody getting married in order to make it more difficult for the other person to leave is getting married for the wrong reasons.

Edited December 20, 2015 by The Way I Am

[No Limit]

And IMHO, anybody getting married in order to make it more difficult for the other person to leave is getting married for the wrong reasons.

 

That we can agree on! (And on the rest of your post too)

[BlueIris]

The same things a man does. It is about the individual rather than the gender of the person. There are some biases in the divorce court system that need addressing but that has nothing to do with the individual. Men and women should know who they are marrying and choose a spouse wisely if they want a happy and lasting marriage.

 

Totally agree. And other than American society’s belief that parents should be individually responsible for their children, everything else can be handled with a pre-nup, or if you’re cohabiting, a cohab agreement. If you have a baby with someone, expect society to hold you responsible for its care- that’s a basic value in the US. If you don’t want society, via the courts, imposing child support on you, don’t have children and take the available measures to ensure you don’t.

 

I noticed a pattern on LS.

 

Men who scoff at marriage and say things like "what do women bring to the table besides sex", which makes an entire gender sound like nothing worthy of more besides pleasure, are men who were married in the past and got taken to the cleaners because they were stupid enough to marry a bad person.

 

I agree that some people were taken to the cleaners by bad people. But not every divorced person who is anti-marriage was the victim of a bad person, even among us on LS. Some would be the ones assigned fault, if fault was still needed to get a divorce. And there are LOTS of marriages/divorces in which it would be very hard to decide who was the bad guy or at fault.

[burnt]

"What do women bring to the table?"

 

DINNER !!

 

(and lunch and breakfast).

 

(I myself suck at cooking though):sick:

[MissBee]

To be fair women who have been in bad marriages tend to bash marriage just as bad as the men. I know a woman who refused to even attend her daughters wedding because she won't be happy about her selling herself into patriarchal slavery. What is the difference between her and men like the OP?

 

She's not here making a thread about it under the ruse of trying to get discussion and for people to convince her otherwise is the difference.

[wheream_i]

So if a man were to marry in this era, what does the women bring to the table other than sex?

 

Lol, they don't even bring that to the table. They leave that at the doorstep.

[todreaminblue]

a woman brings to the table everything she believes a marriage should have and will have no more than the man or no less......it should be equal.....deb

[Tinche75]

Well, may I ask what you'd bring to the table?

What is it you're looking for in a woman?

Yes times have changed, women are more independent and are able to make as much money than men and all that...

If I was thinking about getting married it be more the thought of who will stand and stay by my side if life gets hard. It be important to me to have someone there I'll be able to count on. Not so much for financial reasons but rather someone who gets me through the emotional parts of life.

[Miss Peach]

Why do you assume the legal system is so pro-women? When I divorced I had to pay my XH alimony and child support even though we shared custody equally. Many states have moved towards equal splitting of the household money.

 

Even if you weren't married, you would still have to pay child support if there was a child and the woman petitioned it. The only difference is that since you aren't married paternity might need to be proved first. If either party is on support like food stamps, most agencies will require child support be set up.