red.velvet Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 Hi all, need some advice. Wen t on a first date with a very nice good looking man. We have known each other for a week or so now. Did the first date, it was amazing, then we went out and met up with a group of his friends, on the same night. It was nice, had fun. 2 days later he invited me out to hang out with his friends again. It was okay. But we didn't talk one on one much. He checked on me sometimes, looked to make sure I was ok, but no one on one time. Now, between the 2 times we have hang out, and now, he texts me daily. Couple of times a day. Just to tell me what he is up to and how his day is going. I do the same. However, I feel like he is not very conversational.. In group settings and even on text. Sometimes I'm finding myself wondering what to respond to his messages. He texts me statements. Not necessarily questions. I like some things about him, but I'm not sure how to proceed. Like now, I have left a message unanswered because I just don't know what to say back. Should I minimize talking? If he is not as conversational, why is he texting me so much? So confusing... What do you all think?
smackie9 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 I wouldn't stick around. He's being generic, not emotionally invested.....he's a dud.
katiegrl Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 (edited) Just wondering, but have you attempted to engage him at all? By asking **him** questions? If you're interested, try it. He could be flat and needs drawing out. Asking him questions should help in doing that ... Many women feel the guy should be the one asking the questions and engaging, but many guys simply don't know what to say, are nervous, shy or whatevs. There is no rule that says the woman can't do it. If he is texting often and asking you out, he sounds interested. So try engaging him a little, see how he responds. That is what I would do! I am a huge question-asker ....it really breaks the ice and gets the convo going! Good luck! Edited December 19, 2015 by katiegrl 2
smackie9 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 To add i would put much stock in a guy that doesn't take you out on, one on one dates. He is combining dates, and his social time with his friends, which lacks investment in you. His focus is more on his friends IMO. To make up for the lack of one on one, he texts you instead, thinking that is sufficient effort. This is the way he is, and I truly believe first impression is key. Like I always say, date those who treat you that way you want to be treated. If you are not liking how he is treating you, stop wasting your time.
GemmaUK Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 Two dates with his friends... I wouldn't be going on a third date. 4
smackie9 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 Two dates with his friends... I wouldn't be going on a third date. I agree^^^^ If a man is really intrigued with you, hanging out with his friends would be the last thing on his mind. 2
SoThatHappened Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 wow... bitter people on here. "Very nice good looking man" who contacts you daily. .. what a d-bag.. And you wonder why you women are single... 4
katiegrl Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 wow... bitter people on here. "Very nice good looking man" who contacts you daily. .. what a d-bag.. And you wonder why you women are single... My post wasn't *bitter* dude ...gave her a viable option, and second ... I am not single.
Author red.velvet Posted December 19, 2015 Author Posted December 19, 2015 I'm very interested, it's just that he is not making it easy for me to have a conversation with him. Also because of the group invites, I can't tell how interested he is.
smackie9 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 I'm very interested, it's just that he is not making it easy for me to have a conversation with him. Also because of the group invites, I can't tell how interested he is. Group invites ARE NOT DATES. You are just hanging out. 1
Author red.velvet Posted December 19, 2015 Author Posted December 19, 2015 Group invites ARE NOT DATES. You are just hanging out. Our first date was one on one.
GemmaUK Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 My post wasn't *bitter* dude ...gave her a viable option, and second ... I am not single. I don't think the post was directed towards you so no worries there. Hopefully all goes well for you and you become single soon. Good luck KG! Back to topic, someone dating me needs to be interested in 'me'. I am not into going out with his friends until I know him. I've always been that way.
Ic1 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 (edited) wow... bitter people on here. "Very nice good looking man" who contacts you daily. .. what a d-bag.. And you wonder why you women are single... I'll be bitter/realistic. Girls shouldn't go out with a 'man' who's only good looking and texts daily. Idiotic, abusive, and many other negative adjectives can apply to someone in a relationship fulfilling just these parameters. In text, never asking about her and only telling her how he's doing. In person, simply bringing her and spending time with 'her' to hang out with his friends. These are signs of his intentions being solely about him. A woman would be better single than with someone like that... Edited December 19, 2015 by Ic1 3
katiegrl Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 I don't think the post was directed towards you so no worries there. Hopefully all goes well for you and you become single soon. Good luck KG! Back to topic, someone dating me needs to be interested in 'me'. I am not into going out with his friends until I know him. I've always been that way. No it was directed towards **all** the women who responded, including me... And yes I will be single soon ....thanks for your well wishes! :bunny:
soph-walker Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 Just wondering, but have you attempted to engage him at all? By asking **him** questions? If you're interested, try it. He could be flat and needs drawing out. Asking him questions should help in doing that ... Many women feel the guy should be the one asking the questions and engaging, but many guys simply don't know what to say, are nervous, shy or whatevs. There is no rule that says the woman can't do it. If he is texting often and asking you out, he sounds interested. So try engaging him a little, see how he responds. That is what I would do! I am a huge question-asker ....it really breaks the ice and gets the convo going! Good luck! I had a similar experience of this over summer. A guy I was seeing..I felt like he wasn't very chatty in person and didn't seem to be able to hold a long or particularly interesting conversation. He would glaze over after a couple of minutes, or leap from one topic to an entirely different subject at random. After several failed attempts at making conversation the next number of times we saw each other, I deduced that we simply didn't have a mental rapport. I felt like I had to dumb myself down all of the time, couldn't talk about current affairs- he didn't even know who the prime minister is. I think as important as physical chemistry is, mental chemistry is equally as important. I would give him a couple more chances and keep open minded, but know when to quit as you will waste both of your time trying to find if there's any cerebral connection. 4
oberkeat Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 wow... bitter people on here. "Very nice good looking man" who contacts you daily. .. what a d-bag.. And you wonder why you women are single... THIS^. I agree completely. This must be pointed out. I made the same point in a thread on this recently that generated a fair amount of outrage: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/561721-women-who-like-unavailable-men It seems as if some women are only truly able to maintain their excitement when the guy is some type of bad boy or a jerk who is aloof, shows little interest in them, or is otherwise unavailable. The guy OP talks about is attractive, demonstrating interest and has done nothing terrible inappropriate (aside from the strange avoidance of spending one one one time with her). But since he has none of these bad boy qualities, her interest and excitement in him is dwindling. I think it's unfortunate.
mssweet Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 (edited) Hmm, I think you need to have another one on one date with this guy. But as far as texting goes... there's no tone of voice, so its so easy to misunderstand someone, especially if your just getting to know them. I wouldn't write a guy off right away just because he wasn't a good texter. How about you call and actually talk on the phone? lol But what was it about the 1st date that made it amazing? Was he a good conversationalist during that date? Edited December 19, 2015 by mssweet 1
oberkeat Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 wow... bitter people on here. "Very nice good looking man" who contacts you daily. .. what a d-bag.. And you wonder why you women are single... We've seen this pattern repeatedly: nice guy demonstrates interest = woman gets bored. Nice guys with nice guy behavior simply do not create or maintain excitement for most women. A man must be an aloof jerk or bad boy to have any hope of being successful with girls these days.
Saracena Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 Hi all, need some advice. 2 days later he invited me out to hang out with his friends again. It was okay. But we didn't talk one on one much. He checked on me sometimes, looked to make sure I was ok, but no one on one time. However, I feel like he is not very conversational.. In group settings and even on text. Sometimes I'm finding myself wondering what to respond to his messages. He texts me statements. Not necessarily questions How old are you both? You mention the first date was amazing so I'm assuming you two had a good rapport and conversation flowed naturally? This is what matters most and given it's the early stages he may feel a bit awkward with you (this applies to you too) in the group setting. Did he actually sit next to you? The fact he's communicating with you (albeit in a rather stilted manner) is also a good sign. Why not suggest you talk as opposed to texting and see if this improves things? Regarding the immersion with his friends, I'm actually wondering if he already had prior plans to meet them and decided (since you all appear to have gotten on fairly well) to ask you along at the last minute? In addition, it's possible at this point, he's a) seeing what his friend think of you and b)with guys (especially younger ones) can mean a lot if you get along with his friends. However, you're going out with him and not his friends you do need 1:1 dates, which hopefully he's planned next time. My current boyfriend behaved in a similar manner on our second date, because he wanted me to meet his friends, but on the third one it was exclusively us two.
Saracena Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 Hmm, I think you need to have another one on one date with this guy. But as far as texting goes... there's no tone of voice, so its so easy to misunderstand someone, especially if your just getting to know them. I wouldn't write a guy off right away just because he wasn't a good texter. How about you call and actually talk on the phone? lol But what was it about the 1st date that made it amazing? Was he a good conversationalist during that date? Snap! Since I've only just seen this!
edgygirl Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 If guys "hide" the girl from friends and family, everyone says he's not interested. If guy introduces her to friends and gets in contact everyday, he's also d-bag? Come on now. Maybe he's just an introvert. Just tell him you'd love to go on 1:1 dates as well. 1
Author red.velvet Posted December 20, 2015 Author Posted December 20, 2015 The first date was amazing because mostly of him. The restaurant he picked was really nice, but the company was great. We had a lot to talk about, I really got to know him, he treated me really well, he was respectful... It was amazing. When we went to meet his friends he didn't introduce me per say. We just met them. Hang out. This second time we met his friends, yes, he had prior plans to meet them, and since he wanted to see me he asked me to just join him and his friends for dinner and drinks. I just didn't feel that attention from him while I was there. I didn't see any interest. Then soon as he left, he started texting me. What's up with that? I got so confused by his behavior so I started taking long to respond to his messages, also, they were very brief so... Now it seems he thinks I am not interested because he has stopped messaging me all together. I think he and I need to talk, but he has travelled to see his family for the holidays .
Matt Uchiha Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 Such terrible advice from some of the women on here. "Dump him because he took you out with his friends". lolwut OP, maybe he's simply not much of a talker. The fact he texts you regularly is a good sign but from the looks of it, you don't engage him much in conversation either.
Author red.velvet Posted January 4, 2016 Author Posted January 4, 2016 So the guy got back today from his holidays. We have not seen each other for 2 weeks but messages daily. He has been back for a few hours now. He sent me a message saying he is at work. He didn't call or even suggest for us to meet up. I am busy tonight, so I told him 'would have loved to have dinner tonight but I have a prior engagement ' His response 'oh no, that sucks!' Why not ask about tomorrow? Or how long my engagement will be? I am traveling for work in 2 days, and I will be gone for 9 months, and he knows this. Surely he can put a little more effort. I think he is not that in to me. What does everyone think? As of now? He will not be hearing from me again.
Maxtor Posted January 4, 2016 Posted January 4, 2016 Oh my god, guys these days. Just dump him, no one wants a good looking man who takes you out on dates, invites you to hang out with his friends or makes conversations. Everyone wants that bad boy who just invites you to screw around and only messages when wants the sexy time. 1
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