Matt Uchiha Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 I’ve been in a relationship for a long time. Seven years to be precise. And to tell you the truth, I’ve always been happy in love. We met in college and she flirted with me for a few months before I finally gave her the nod. And things could never have been better for both of us. We even joined the same workplace and shared every moment happily with each other. But about six months ago, I joined another organization with a better paycheck. And that’s when things started to spiral out of control. If you would have asked me then if I would have ever cheated on my girlfriend, you would have heard me banish the thought in a flash. But life, as they say, can take interesting and unpredictable turns along the way. Experiencing my freedom At first, I was nervous to not have her around me to depend on. But within a couple of weeks, I fit right into my new workplace and everything was perfect. The people were great and a lot of fun. At the same time, I met a great girl in my new workplace who had a huge crush on me. She constantly asked me out and flirted with me. It was a laugh at first, and soon enough, I was having a lot of fun flirting back with her. It was harmless and a new experience, and that thought excited me. Life with my girlfriend My girlfriend and I wanted to move in together, but we put that thought away for a few more months because of my new job and its schedule. We spent our evenings together and an occasional weekend too, when she wasn’t hanging out with her girls. I don’t know where we went wrong, but somewhere along the way, things started to get on edge. She started asking me a lot of questions about my workplace and I started getting annoyed with her constant calls during my busy work hours. Somehow, we just weren’t getting used to the fact that we weren’t around each other anymore. When I missed her, she was busy. When she missed me, I was busy. It was very frustrating. Soon, we started fighting over petty things. Eventually, I started to believe that my girlfriend had been taking me for granted all this while. She wouldn’t like meeting me over weekends because she was busy doing something else or hanging out with her friends. So I started taking her for granted. I pretended like I was busy during the weekdays. I started to like the attention And in the midst of all this confusion in my love life, the girl from office who had a crush on me started flirting with me more often. Eventually, I yielded one evening and we went out for a drink. And it was so awesome! I had such a nice time with this girl who was really beautiful and I just seemed to connect with her. I couldn’t stop thinking about her and was secretly waiting for when she would ask me out again. She did ask me out again for lunch the next day. Soon enough, this girl who liked me started openly flirting with me. We went out on fancy dinners and splurged on extravagant gifts and presents. We watched movies and had candle light dinners. But my girlfriend had no idea of any of this. Taking the next plunge into lust One day, after a bitter fight with my girlfriend over the phone, I called this girl who had a crush on me and asked her out because I wasn’t feeling too good. She drove to my place immediately and we went to get a few drinks. I liked this girl a lot because she was always there for me. She cared for me and treated me well, something my girlfriend seemed to have forgotten recently. And on the way back home, we shared our first kiss. I really liked it. I invited her back to my place and the next thing I knew, we were making drunken love on my bed. I felt better than I felt for the last seven years with my girlfriend. I felt weak and passionate, like a fire that has awakened within me. I loved every single emotion I was feeling. She wasn’t my girlfriend, but I just liked her a lot. But deep inside I loved my own girlfriend and knew this girl could never take my girlfriend’s place. But each time I made love with this girl who had a crush on me, it made me feel good because I felt like I was getting back at my girlfriend for treating me badly. Stepping deeper into the fields of lust I knew I cheated on my girlfriend, but somehow, it didn’t feel bad. Instead, I felt bold and empowered. I even felt powerful. I wanted more. There was a girl from my university who used to like me. I liked her too, but I couldn’t do anything about it because I was dating my girlfriend. And she knew that. I called her up and started flirting with her. Soon enough, we planned a date that evening. That very night, I got her into my bed and had the best sex of my life, for the second time in a week! I was having so much fun juggling three girls in bed, my girlfriend, a girl from work and a girl from college. It felt like a dream come true. At that point, I knew I only loved my girlfriend and no other girl, but the buffet of sex I was having was making me delirious. All of a sudden, I loved my life. My ignorant girlfriend comes back It’s easy to see why I stop caring about my girlfriend and our petty fights anymore. I told my girlfriend I wanted a break from the relationship. She thought I was upset about the petty fights. My girlfriend had no idea it was because I hated getting her calls while I was having sex with my new lovers. She tried to woo me back. She came to me in tears and asked me if we could work on our relationship. I loved her, but I was confused. Did I really want to go back to that lifestyle again? Experiencing my new sexy life I liked my life. It was too frisky at times, and soon, I started getting bored of all the fake dates and the sex. It started to feel just the same again. It was just sex after all. But it was still better than staying with just one girl all your life! But one night, the girl from my university didn’t turn up for a sleepover at my place. I found out the next morning that her boyfriend had come over to her place and she couldn’t leave him. I was annoyed at first. But then, I realized who I had become. I was a behaving like a slvt, jumping from one bed to another. My mind was a confused mess all over again, I didn’t like what I was doing. I had great sex, but I felt empty all the time. I didn’t know what was wrong with my life all of a sudden. My girlfriend comes my way One evening, I was sitting alone at home and being moody on my couch. The doorbell rang and I saw my girlfriend. As soon as I saw her, I was filled with happiness and gratitude. I don’t know what happened next, but she hugged me, and I just hugged her back. For the first time in several months, I felt loved and safe. I felt so good just resting my weight on her shoulders. It felt like nothing could harm me or trouble me anymore. It was a moment that I can never forget. We got back together and made things up again. I ended my illicit affairs with the other women in my life, and realized that nothing really was worth the love that my girlfriend has for me. I never told my girlfriend anything about those few months. I don’t see why she has to know any of these details. It would only hurt her more. Learning from my lessons My girlfriend has no idea I cheated on her with two girls in no time. She’s still blissfully happy to have made things up with me. I, on the other hand, now know how easy it is to cheat and get away with it. I could always cheat if I wanted to, but I’ve now understood that cheating doesn’t really fill any emotional void. It just creates a lusty confusion that magnifies any void in your head, and confuses you further. If you’re just looking for sex and fast love, well, cheating works just fine. But a few months down the road, it’ll feel like a stagnated relationship all over again. And the only way to get the excitement back again is to cheat with another person. And the cycle goes on and on forever. You can be a serial cheater. Or you can work on a relationship and make it better. It’s true that the infatuation and excitement won’t last forever in long love. A lasting relationship can lose the zest of infatuation and the sizzle of lust eventually. But it can give new meaning to your life and to togetherness. After all, a warm hug from the one who loves you can feel so much better every day than an insecure shag with a stranger who’ll be boring in a week’s time.
losangelena Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 OK ... what's the point? Are you going to continue cheating or not? 3
PrettyEmily77 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 Looks to me like the only lesson you've learned is that cheating on your 7 year old GF didn't bother you too much, conscience-wise. Pretty common lesson to have learned, going by this forum alone... Tell the GF and let her figure out if she wants to stay with a cheating guy, then see her reaction - that would probably be a better lesson. 4
Leucine Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 I could always cheat if I wanted to, but I’ve now understood that cheating doesn’t really fill any emotional void. It just creates a lusty confusion that magnifies any void in your head, and confuses you further. If you’re just looking for sex and fast love, well, cheating works just fine. But a few months down the road, it’ll feel like a stagnated relationship all over again. This is very true. I also went down that path at one time, cheated on ex-girlfriend with two different women on several occasions. It appeared to have rejuvenated my relationship with her on a temporary basis, but it crumbled before long anyway because I had no idea what I actually wanted any more, and simply took her for granted. It was my first long-term relationship and these days I know better. She was and still is unaware about my cheating, and I'm not planning on cheating again in future relationships either. Don't make the mistake of telling her about your escapades if everything is OK now and you've got yourself figured out, despite what every female here is going to insist. Sometimes it's in everyone's best interest to have the ability to not feel bad about something you did, if the end justifies the means. "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is simply something that people who are unable to change themselves would say.
smackie9 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 OP you may feel happy in discovering your revelation that a loving relationship is more fulfilling BUT you have left a few witnesses out there to your infidelity. I assure you she will stubble upon the evidence in time. Your narcissist attitude may not be able to bail you out. To the other posters: Hmmmm funny how Specter is always absent from this type of thread. 5
PrettyEmily77 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 Don't make the mistake of telling her about your escapades if everything is OK now and you've got yourself figured out, despite what every female here is going to insist. Sometimes it's in everyone's best interest to have the ability to not feel bad about something you did, if the end justifies the means. "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is simply something that people who are unable to change themselves would say. Dude, don't fool yourself or the rest of the world - not telling your partner the truth about your 'escapades' and avoiding 'feeling bad about something you did' is in the interest of one person only - you. 5
Space Ritual Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 This is very true. I also went down that path at one time, cheated on ex-girlfriend with two different women on several occasions. It appeared to have rejuvenated my relationship with her on a temporary basis, but it crumbled before long anyway because I had no idea what I actually wanted any more, and simply took her for granted. It was my first long-term relationship and these days I know better. She was and still is unaware about my cheating, and I'm not planning on cheating again in future relationships either. Don't make the mistake of telling her about your escapades if everything is OK now and you've got yourself figured out, despite what every female here is going to insist. Sometimes it's in everyone's best interest to have the ability to not feel bad about something you did, if the end justifies the means. "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is simply something that people who are unable to change themselves would say. You, just like the OP are an incredible pussy and a moron. 3
soph-walker Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 OP I hope the guilt eats you up, you won't live with this kind of heavy secret for long. Unless you are completely devoid of all conscience. In an adult relationship, you work through your differences, not get back at each other by cheating. If you want to be with other people, you do the decent thing and finish the relationship. I don't think you deserve to be in a relationship. Are you aware how hurtful your actions will be once your girlfriend eventually finds out? 1
Glitters Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 It will come back to bite you then all the wisdom that will flow out of you will have no audience.
Doublegold Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 This post is like reading The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. Daydream much?
Leucine Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 Dude, don't fool yourself or the rest of the world - not telling your partner the truth about your 'escapades' and avoiding 'feeling bad about something you did' is in the interest of one person only - you. It's certainly in the best interest of them both if he learned a lesson from what he did and uses that knowledge to avoid replicating his mistakes in the future, making their relationship stronger. Your statement would make sense if he learned nothing from it and continued on the same path, but I know that in any case, your type is going to wallow in the idea that when a person makes one mistake, it will suddenly turn him irreversibly evil. The world would be a terrible place with such a mindset if you were able to read people's thoughts.
Leucine Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 You, just like the OP are an incredible pussy and a moron. Why, thank you for your intelligent and well-reasoned response.
czen Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 Obviously what you did was VERY wrong. If you have issues with a partner, then talk it out. Don't let it fester, that will lead to an unhappy life, cheating, and probably a divorce 10 years down the road. Also, how are things different now? Yeah, you have seen that sleeping around does not make you happy, but aren't your issues with your girlfriend still there? You need to talk it through. I would not tell her about the cheating though. I know it's not the popular opinion around here, and I do agree cheating is terrible, but as long as you are now committed to her, telling her will only make her feel terrible.
PrettyEmily77 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 It's certainly in the best interest of them both if he learned a lesson from what he did and uses that knowledge to avoid replicating his mistakes in the future, making their relationship stronger. Your statement would make sense if he learned nothing from it and continued on the same path, but I know that in any case, your type is going to wallow in the idea that when a person makes one mistake, it will suddenly turn him irreversibly evil. The world would be a terrible place with such a mindset if you were able to read people's thoughts. No, what you're doing is that you are LYING to your partner. The decent thing to do is to tell her the truth because, you know, she deserves to know the type of guy she's with, regardless of whether you're planning on doing it again or not. Don't know what 'my type' is, so I can't comment on that front.
Leucine Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 No, what you're doing is that you are LYING to your partner. The decent thing to do is to tell her the truth because, you know, she deserves to know the type of guy she's with, regardless of whether you're planning on doing it again or not. Don't know what 'my type' is, so I can't comment on that front. As the poster above you pointed out, telling her would only make her feel terrible. There is a chance that they could continue happily instead. It's not worth it. Your type is exactly this: you are immediately judging him as a certain "type of guy". Let's say he genuinely doesn't have any intention of cheating on her again, what "type of guy" does that make him? Or do you not believe that this kind of scenario is even possible?
smackie9 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 OP your GF wasn't the problem. You emotionally disconnected from her because your penis was pointing at another girl. Your GF was frustrated confused upset and hurt by you emotionally shutting her out.....that is why there was fighting, you were creating the situation not her. You have such tunnel vision. 3
PrettyEmily77 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 As the poster above you pointed out, telling her would only make her feel terrible. There is a chance that they could continue happily instead. It's not worth it. Your type is exactly this: you are immediately judging him as a certain "type of guy". Let's say he genuinely doesn't have any intention of cheating on her again, what "type of guy" does that make him? Or do you not believe that this kind of scenario is even possible? Yeah she would feel bad (bc of the OP's actions) but then she would have a choice: stay and work on the R for her own reasons or leave bc to her, cheating is a deal-breaker. Because what she thinks should matter too. I don't judge the OP, or you for that matter. I go on what I read, which is a guy who cheated on his 7 y GF with a few randomers without bothering to come clean to her. You can both be perfectly nice guys - the bottom line though, is that lying to your partner is pretty ****ty thing to do.
smackie9 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 It's certainly in the best interest of them both if he learned a lesson from what he did and uses that knowledge to avoid replicating his mistakes in the future, making their relationship stronger. Your statement would make sense if he learned nothing from it and continued on the same path, but I know that in any case, your type is going to wallow in the idea that when a person makes one mistake, it will suddenly turn him irreversibly evil. The world would be a terrible place with such a mindset if you were able to read people's thoughts. It was not ONE mistake. Having a drunkin one night stand is a mistake. This was full on self entitled selfish act x all the different women, and the amount of times they had sex. And to top it all off, there is no remorse/real guilt. 3
Leucine Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 Yeah she would feel bad (bc of the OP's actions) but then she would have a choice: stay and work on the R for her own reasons or leave bc to her, cheating is a deal-breaker. Because what she thinks should matter too. I don't judge the OP, or you for that matter. I go on what I read, which is a guy who cheated on his 7 y GF with a few randomers without bothering to come clean to her. You can both be perfectly nice guys - the bottom line though, is that lying to your partner is pretty ****ty thing to do. Fair enough, but lying and simply not mentioning something that the person doesn't have to know are different things. The OP didn't say anything about his GF suspecting anything, unless I missed something. If it gets to that stage where you're being confronted about it and you straight up lie about it to their face, then it's a ****ty thing and your relationship is screwed either way.
casey.lives Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 Good for YOU - AMAZING!!!! Is that what you want to hear???????!?!?!?!!@! 1
mssweet Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 So, what is this? The diary of a sociopath? 4
PrettyEmily77 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 Fair enough, but lying and simply not mentioning something that the person doesn't have to know are different things. The OP didn't say anything about his GF suspecting anything, unless I missed something. If it gets to that stage where you're being confronted about it and you straight up lie about it to their face, then it's a ****ty thing and your relationship is screwed either way. It is the same thing, actually: it's called lying by omission. Your relationship is already screwed when you have to carry such a burden for any length of time, and probs no better if you can live with the guilt and shrug it off (which says a lot about your character). It's not healthy and / or extremely selfish and callous, IMO. I never cheated and wasn't cheated on (to my knowledge, obviously) but I have had a very difficult R with someone who was cheated on and found out by a third party (it happens, OP) and the havock it created in my ex's emotional and mental health was awful. My BF got cheated on too but survived it a little better bc he at least had an inkling. 1
mssweet Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 This is very true. I also went down that path at one time, cheated on ex-girlfriend with two different women on several occasions. It appeared to have rejuvenated my relationship with her on a temporary basis, but it crumbled before long anyway because I had no idea what I actually wanted any more, and simply took her for granted. It was my first long-term relationship and these days I know better. She was and still is unaware about my cheating, and I'm not planning on cheating again in future relationships either. Don't make the mistake of telling her about your escapades if everything is OK now and you've got yourself figured out, despite what every female here is going to insist. Sometimes it's in everyone's best interest to have the ability to not feel bad about something you did, if the end justifies the means. "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is simply something that people who are unable to change themselves would say. Just wondering - if the tables were turned, such as, you found out your girlfriend had an affair with two to other men and she never told you. How would you feel? 1
Leucine Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 No, it's called lying by omission. Your relationship is already screwed when you have to carry such a burden for any length of time, and probs no better if you can live with the guilt and shrug it off (which says a lot about your character). It's not healthy and / or extremely selfish and callous, IMO. I never cheated and wasn't cheated on (to my knowledge, obviously) but I have had a very difficult R with someone who was cheated on and found out by a third party (it happens, OP) and the havock it created in my ex's emotional and mental health was awful. My BF got cheated on too but survived it a little better bc he at least had an inkling. By the same token, everyone who has ever gone on a date, trying to get to know someone new, only put their best qualities on display and omitted the negatives, is guilty of lying. Using your own words, "they deserve to know what type of guy/girl you are". Luckily the world doesn't work quite that way, eh? You don't need to bring up all the bad stuff about yourself to anyone, unless you want to end up completely alone.
Leucine Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 Just wondering - if the tables were turned, such as, you found out your girlfriend had an affair with two to other men and she never told you. How would you feel? Nice try, but I would use logic and try to understand what has actually happened. What has led to the situation of her not being content with me, and making my final decision based on the present situation rather than the past.
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