Author Velveteen Jared Posted December 22, 2015 Author Posted December 22, 2015 After reading your responses, I have decided that I'm going to hire a PI. I've lost so much sleep and weight (weight loss actually a good thing) and I'm just tired of digging and not knowing. I'll be contacting someone today. This seems like it's a dream, a bad dream that I wish I could wake up from. I hope she isn't cheating.
Author Velveteen Jared Posted December 22, 2015 Author Posted December 22, 2015 Ok now that I'm fully awake, I'm starting to reconsider getting a PI. They work together, how can a PI possibly know what they're talking about or doing? Does anyone have any experience in investigating a possible WW who may be having an affair with a coworker?
66Charger Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 (edited) [quote=Velveteen Jared;6696508 They also talk about mountain climbing, which she is into and I'm not, and that worries me because I feel like I don't measure up. That's one of the things she loves most in life and I'm scared to death of it. I go along but I know I hold her back, but she doesn't want to do it without me. She says it wouldn't mean as much without me. . I am going to go into the other direction. You have had access to her private communications and so far you have found NOTHING. It does look like one of them is crossing a line but it doesnt appear to be your wife. Without speculation and using just what you wrote here, my suggestion is to hire the PI if you wish, You have her Facebook password, and that is where they communicate in private. Thats all a PI needs. I think you may be wasting your money, but the main thing you should do is .. GO ON THE TRIP WITH HER BRO!!! Get in shape. You have time. It doesnt matter if you will hold her back, SHE WANTS YOU TO GO WITH HER! Suck it up and do this for your wife. The bonding experience may give you years of appreciation. You guys will have so much time to talk. It will be a BIG mistake to miss this trip. So. Confront the drunken fool (dont punch him in the face) Tell him to cut it out. Get in shape Tell her today you are going to Alaska. Sometimes it is dirt, sometimes it is not. Edited December 22, 2015 by 66Charger 5
sandylee1 Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 It could be that she's trying to resist temptation if he comes on the trip ..... trying not to place herself in a difficult situation because she can't guarantee what will happen if he's there. You need to tell her what he said to you... not in a threatening manner.... but just like I said in my earlier post. Some men get great pleasure from the chase and having sex with another man's wife. Even if you don't climb the mountains..go on the trip. I don't believe you have to do every hobby your spouse does.. but that doesn't give them a licence to cheat. I'd hate to think that because I don't play golf or go scuba diving.. my husband takes up with a woman who does. Good grief.
happyman64 Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 Time to plan a visit to the base camp at Denali to cheer her on. Surprise!!! 1
Just a Guy Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 Hi Velveteen, I'm sorry I haven't really read your previous post, but I do have a question for you. How long have you been married and how did you and your wife meet in the first place? Also, do you have children? Your wife being a psychologist/ psychiatrist makes me wonder how she could be so naive in her behaviour as to discuss your shortcomings with another man (Psychologist/ psychiatrist) without first talking to you about it and taking you into confidence. As a mental health professional she should be the first person to differentiate between appropriate and inappropriate behaviour and communication. I'm sorry I really cannot offer much advice to you but I would certainly advise you to do a lot of spade work to find out if your wife is actually in an affair or on the brink of having one. Hiring a PI may be a good idea if you can afford one as a professional in the field will be able to uncover information using methods and means that you may not even be aware of. You have to take proactive action because your gut has given you a warning and you can ignore it at your peril. Warm wishes! 2
LifesontheUp Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 Your wife being a psychologist/ psychiatrist makes me wonder how she could be so naive in her behaviour as to discuss your shortcomings with another man (Psychologist/ psychiatrist) without first talking to you about it and taking you into confidence. As a mental health professional she should be the first person to differentiate between appropriate and inappropriate behaviour and communication. This is what I wondered about too. 2
Oberfeldwebel Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 I logged into her Facebook and found correspondence between them and they were discussing a trip to Alaska this February. My wife has been planning to climb Denali this coming February with a group of fellow climbers. I would say that something is fishy in Denmark. You don't climb Mt Denali in February. The climbing season is late Apr-Jul and still is a bear to climb at high altitudes. Even if they are climbing the Western Buttress, the success rate is only 40% to make the summit and is strictly controlled. She may be going somewhere in Alaska with somebody, but she nor anybody else is climbing at that time of the year.
uneek74 Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Reading some of the advice and comments makes me pause. Some have given advice to expose to a wife, that is not even mentioned.. I believe (ROAD)made that presumptuous comment. The poster clearly states that the man is asking his wife about a woman he has just begun dating. Someone else said she needs to understand boundaries and to read a book about such. I believe he said his wife is a Psychologist. I think she is well aware what boundaries and EA are about. I personally, feel that this is an over reaction to something a person who has had too much to drink and was out of line. This is indicative of behaviors of people who can't handle their alcohol. The poster has snooped and found nothing that is incriminating to suggest that this man and his wife are or will cross the line. Who is to say she is even attracted to the guy in this way. It bothers me when people who are relationship police give bad advice. Poster, I would talk to my wife about you have found and go from there. Please don't hire a PI, call the friend of the man or anything that will make you look paranoid and out of control. Just my two cents. Additionally, I would seek advice from a professional or a trusted friend. I find some of these folk here are only supportive when they want to destroy and conquer. I find better advice on TS.
Mirage10 Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Hi, I have been lurking for quite a while here. I agree with the majority of posters. Something is definately off center here. I would say definately the start of an EA. You may have caught it in time. You had a lucky break with him spilling his thoughts to you in a drunken state. What an utter *******. He is definately grooming your wife. I would be most concerned if I were you. Odds are that he has zero interest in animals and mountain climbing, he is just faking interest as part of the grooming process. As another poster said, toughen up, go climbing with her. She wants to share her interests with you, that is a good sign. What can you do to share more of here interests of animals, climbing, etc. Get involved. I agree with gaining more knowledge. Do not let her know where you are getting you info from. As others have said VAR, keyloggers, data loggers on laptops, PC's and phone. Hire a PI. She has to go NC with this guy. Put the above mentioned gadgets in place before you talk to her about him, so that you can monitor what she says about you after you have had a discussion. Maybe go and see a lawyer. He could advise you on possibly approaching HR, as the company could possibly be held liable for any affairs, marriage break-ups as a result of a co-worker. They would not want that. And seeing as this guy is grooming your wife at work as well.... The guy told you he is in love with your wife, you know he is grooming her for an affair.
Whoknew30 Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 I have to ask is this how you handle all the problems with your wife? If so I can understand why youre not the one she's communicating with. As of right now you're the one that's untrustworthy in the marriage. You're doing all this spying, not really finding anything & you want to do more & what justification do you feel you have to do this, bc another therapist say maybe you don't belong together. If you're doing all of this bc of one statement & you haven't even really spoken to her, maybe you don't belong together. You've stated you don't want to rock climb, I'm sure you knew of your wife's trip. She's obviously telling this guy she doesn't want him to go, what else do you want? Why does she not get your benefit of doubt? Has your wife cheated before, has she ever really given a reason to not to trust her? If she hasn't you better really be careful how you handle this bc if I wasn't having an A & I found my H with through such lengths to prove I was with no prior reasons to do so, it'd make me think one of two things...what is he doing or has done for him to be thinking like this & or he's so insecure he felt the need to do this, which id loose all respect for him & my trust in him would be broken. 1
turnera Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 IIWY, I would (1) hire a coach to help you become a better mountain climber and to help you lose your fear of it, (2) start hitting the gym (women are attracted to the T-shape), (3) start showing up at her work now and then and whisking her away for romantic lunches or some afternoon delight, (4) figure out how to work fewer hours, (5) start spending at least 10-15 hours a week with her doing non kid/chore/electronics stuff (lunches, jigsaw puzzles, coffee, hiking, new restaurants, high school musicals, picnics, etc.)...and THEN after you've made this your new lifestyle for a month or so, THEN go visit this guy and tell him to back off and stop contacting her. So that when the sh*t hits the fan, when she looks at you, she sees the husband she wishes she had, and isn't just mad at this boring, overweight, overworked husband who's not floating her boat. Because if you do it now, given all her issues with you, she's likely just to tell you to F off.
merrmeade Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Hi Velveteen, I'm sorry I haven't really read your previous post, but I do have a question for you. How long have you been married and how did you and your wife meet in the first place? Also, do you have children? Your wife being a psychologist/ psychiatrist makes me wonder how she could be so naive in her behaviour as to discuss your shortcomings with another man (Psychologist/ psychiatrist) without first talking to you about it and taking you into confidence. As a mental health professional she should be the first person to differentiate between appropriate and inappropriate behaviour and communication. I'm sorry I really cannot offer much advice to you but I would certainly advise you to do a lot of spade work to find out if your wife is actually in an affair or on the brink of having one. Hiring a PI may be a good idea if you can afford one as a professional in the field will be able to uncover information using methods and means that you may not even be aware of. You have to take proactive action because your gut has given you a warning and you can ignore it at your peril. Warm wishes! In fact, it would be instructive to read his previous threads and weigh all the input he's offered on their relationship and story. Here's a summary I compiled in thread #2 , which addresses OP's disturbing take on their history of domestic violence, a factor never to be ignored in anyone's history imo. But don't take my word for it; read the whole thing. It's short.
aliveagain Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 I would say that something is fishy in Denmark. You don't climb Mt Denali in February. The climbing season is late Apr-Jul and still is a bear to climb at high altitudes. Even if they are climbing the Western Buttress, the success rate is only 40% to make the summit and is strictly controlled. She may be going somewhere in Alaska with somebody, but she nor anybody else is climbing at that time of the year. This, why would she be climbing a mountain 2 months before it is safe to do so? They have to register and pay the mountaineering special fee at least 60 days in advance of the climb to Denali National Park, has that been done, have you confirmation and a copy of payment?
turnera Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 So does OP just keep starting new threads every time you expose his crap?
Marc878 Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 I am going to go into the other direction. You have had access to her private communications and so far you have found NOTHING. It does look like one of them is crossing a line but it doesnt appear to be your wife. Without speculation and using just what you wrote here, my suggestion is to hire the PI if you wish, You have her Facebook password, and that is where they communicate in private. Thats all a PI needs. I think you may be wasting your money, but the main thing you should do is .. GO ON THE TRIP WITH HER BRO!!! Get in shape. You have time. It doesnt matter if you will hold her back, SHE WANTS YOU TO GO WITH HER! Suck it up and do this for your wife. The bonding experience may give you years of appreciation. You guys will have so much time to talk. It will be a BIG mistake to miss this trip. So. Confront the drunken fool (dont punch him in the face) Tell him to cut it out. Get in shape Tell her today you are going to Alaska. Sometimes it is dirt, sometimes it is not. Great advice here. You deal with this up front not after the fact. This is your life, wife, family, future. You have the right to protect it. Do not wait.
merrmeade Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 So does OP just keep starting new threads every time you expose his crap? No, he did that on his own.
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