jorja Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 Look I still love my boyfriend, I don’t really know why, but I do. It’s just that he’s too quick to react to situations and as a result gets the wrong idea of what is happening too often. The last straw was a week or so ago. I found some “sexy Santa” pictures and videos in our history. I’m not really worried that he looks at that sort of stuff, in fact I used it to my advantage. I bought a skimpy Santa outfit to wear for him. He came early from work and it was just when I was trying it on. I had heard his car so I answered to door to him wearing it. Embarrassingly he was with two of his mates so I ran off into the bedroom. He followed me in and instead of having a good laugh with me about it he accused me of cheating. That I was opening the door to my lover. I couldn’t have been opening it to him because he wasn’t meant to be home. No matter how much I protested my innocence he wouldn’t listen and left with his mates for the whole weekend. I had enough so I packed my stuff and moved in with a girlfriend. Now he rings and begs to have me back. Too many times have I done things like this for him, sometimes things I was wary about and he treats me this way. I am done and I won’t go back but my feelings for him are still strong. I had an awesome present for him for Christmas as well. It was a holiday at a resort. I doubt I’ll be able to return it so I might have to have a girlfriend tag along. My question is how long until I am over him? I mean I still wake up every morning wanting him next to me. I nearly call him every day. I haven’t and I will remain strong with my friends’ help but I want to so much. I don’t even know why after the way he has treated me. Sorry, I'm just feeling down at the moment. All my friends have partners and it's the time of the year when we should be spending it with them. My friends invite me along but being the third wheel is awkward. I fear I will get back with him just because it's convenient and then regret it later.
neowulf Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 Look, it sounds like he's pretty insecure and bone headed. Yet, at the same time.. he's woken up and realised "Jesus.. I'm bone headed and it's going to cost me my relationship!" At the same time, you clearly still have strong feelings for him. Instead of throwing in the towel, why not sit down and have an honest conversation about your expectations of him? Make it clear to him you won't put up with his bull**** any more and that his insecurity is killing the relationship. Perhaps he can't change. Perhaps this has happened enough times that you're done. But usually at that point, people are "over it". Generally when a breakup sticks, it's because at least one party is *done*. Neither of you really seem to be at that point. Maybe some relationship counselling would help? Depends how seriously you want to patch things up with the relationship. As for "how long will it take to get over him?". Well, that' really depends on a lot of different factors. One's things for sure. If you still have strong feelings for him.. it's going to be a while yet.
Author jorja Posted December 19, 2015 Author Posted December 19, 2015 Perhaps he can't change. Perhaps this has happened enough times that you're done. It's happened enough times to concern me that it's a behaviour that wont change. A guy tried to kiss me at a party and he blamed me, I wasn't even talking to the guy, he came out of nowhere. We went to a party where some of the girls ended up topless. I asked if I could too and he said no so I accepted that. One of my friends pulled my top off and he blamed me for letting her. I could write more, it is a recurring theme. But when we are alone he is the best guy I have ever known. He puts me on a pedestal and treats me like a queen. He's romantic, he's generous, he's empathetic, I love who he is. It's almost like he just doesn't trust me to be faithful even though I have given him no reason to feel that way. The him in public and the him in private are two different people. I don't think I can ignore that public person anymore but the private person has such a strong pull on me.
introverted1 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 We went to a party where some of the girls ended up topless. I asked if I could too and he said no so I accepted that. One of my friends pulled my top off and he blamed me for letting her. I could write more, it is a recurring theme. What exactly is the recurring theme? That you can't keep your top on? Or that you wish to portray your bf as controlling b/c he objects that you can't?
wb1988 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 When I first read about what happened I thought it was crazy, immature in insecure of him to act like that BUT then I tried to imagine if I was in his shoes. You don't really do this sort of thing (I assume). He was with his friends so he probably thought that you had bad timing (i.e. you were waiting for someone else). He knows that you're not expecting him. You had energy and enthusiasm when answering the door that he hasn't seen in a long time (I assume). I agree with you that he jumped the gun but at the same time I actually get where he's coming from after visualising it. It's pretty funny but I think it could also be misunderstood easily, embarrassing and humiliating.
wb1988 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 We went to a party where some of the girls ended up topless. I asked if I could too and he said no so I accepted that. One of my friends pulled my top off and he blamed me for letting her. Ok this is messed up, I think you might be part of the problem. So if other girls are taking their tops off you think that you should too? I think even asking the question would set many guy's heads off. I think you forget that you're in a relationship. Like if a friend of yours cheats on her bf does that mean that you should too? If you let someone else take your top of then you are also to blame as you are your own independent person not a sheep.
Author jorja Posted December 19, 2015 Author Posted December 19, 2015 If you let someone else take your top of then you are also to blame as you are your own independent person not a sheep. I knew this would have been taken out of context when I posted it. I should have deleted it straight away. I didn't let anyone take my top off. It was a pool party, I was wearing a bikini, a girlfriend came up from behind and ripped it off and ran off with it. It was supposed to be a joke. What was I supposed to do? It was totally out of my control.
introverted1 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 Do you do this sort of blame shifting with your bf? First you said: We went to a party where some of the girls ended up topless. I asked if I could too and he said no so I accepted that. One of my friends pulled my top off and he blamed me for letting her. I could write more, it is a recurring theme. Then: I knew this would have been taken out of context when I posted it. I should have deleted it straight away. I didn't let anyone take my top off. It was a pool party, I was wearing a bikini, a girlfriend came up from behind and ripped it off and ran off with it. It was supposed to be a joke. What was I supposed to do? It was totally out of my control. The fact that you first asked if you could, too, tells me you are comfortable with this sort of behavior and only stopped because your bf (presumably) objected. Plus, who has friends who act this way? Why are you associating with people who would ignore your personal boundaries... unless, of course, your friend knew you actually wanted your top removed, heard you acquiesce to your bf, and then "solved" the problem for you so you could later say it was out of your control. I'd be pretty upset if my bf suddenly found himself half naked at a party where some other girl randomly kissed him (or was the kissing at a different party?). I'd definitely be wondering how he managed to get himself involved in so many shady situations that were beyond his control. 1
Author jorja Posted December 19, 2015 Author Posted December 19, 2015 The fact that you first asked if you could, too, tells me you are comfortable with this sort of behavior and only stopped because your bf (presumably) objected. We were at a party. We are young. It happens. There was many girls there topless and yes I wanted to join in the fun. I asked, he said no and I respected that. I did not give my permission nor want my girlfriend to rip my top off. I can't be blamed for this. Plus, who has friends who act this way? Why are you associating with people who would ignore your personal boundaries... unless, of course, your friend knew you actually wanted your top removed, heard you acquiesce to your bf, and then "solved" the problem for you so you could later say it was out of your control.Why are we making this about me? I did nothing wrong. I'd be pretty upset if my bf suddenly found himself half naked at a party where some other girl randomly kissed him (or was the kissing at a different party?). I'd definitely be wondering how he managed to get himself involved in so many shady situations that were beyond his control. The attempted kiss was at a different party. The guy cam from nowhere and tried to kiss me. I pushed him off, our lips never touched. We later found out that it was a dare. Again, how can I be blamed for that? Sure these situations can look dodgy at first glance but there is nothing in them at all. Maybe people might have an issue with me being prepared to go topless but it's not 1930 anymore. In any case after my bf said no I still honored his wishes like a good 1930's housewife. If anyone wants to discuss the actual point of this thread I am listening.
introverted1 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 If anyone wants to discuss the actual point of this thread I am listening. What is the point of this thread? Yes, your bf's response to your Santa suit greeting seems OTT, but it also seems that there is more back-story here that may frame his actions differently. Perhaps it is for the best. You believe that keeping your top on in public makes you a "1930's housewife." Apparently, he does not. It seems you have different views of the world, appropriate behavior in a relationship, etc. It is likely for the best that you've split if you cannot come to terms on your differences.
No_Go Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 Hey, a constantly jealous BF is not a good thing. I'd be scared he can turn violent by the way he overreacted. However, you act provocative and do not think over your actions. Opening the door with a skimpy outfit when you don't know who is on the other side is... not smart, it could be anyone on the other side. Do you drink a lot at the parties? Just can't imagine a random stranger coming to kiss you if you are calmly staying in the company of your own BF. The pool as well... if you're over 20, explanation young & fun doesn't fit... you're a woman in a relationship and sure your BF will not be happy everybody to see you naked. Would you be happy if he pulled his bottoms off ?
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