ilovemusic3 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 I'm a 26 yr. old female. I'm on Pof, and Okcupid. I'm average in looks and weight. And my profile isn't funny, and doesn't say too much, but I'll write some things about some of my interests and stuff. I've had no luck. Nobody ever really contacts me. Not too many people respond. When I am talking to guys, they rarely ever ask me questions. And nobody ever ask me out, they just stop talking. And when they do ask me out, they never end up going. Is this what it's like for other women like me?
Buddhist Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 I'm a 26 yr. old female. I'm on Pof, and Okcupid. I'm average in looks and weight. And my profile isn't funny, and doesn't say too much, but I'll write some things about some of my interests and stuff. I've had no luck. Nobody ever really contacts me. Not too many people respond. When I am talking to guys, they rarely ever ask me questions. And nobody ever ask me out, they just stop talking. And when they do ask me out, they never end up going. Is this what it's like for other women like me? Yes. My brief one time experience of old was like this. I'm not classically pretty the way many women are. I am, for want of a better description...odd looking. The result is that I tend to polarise. People are either sooo....not interested or they are the rare folk that stick to me like glue. I have a striking appearance, but it doesn't always strike others as particularly attractive. And I do not photograph at all well. My short dalliance on old turned up only only men over 60 who were the desperate types contacting anyone. I never experienced the flood of messages from men, many people on here claim is the lot of women. In fact I never even experienced getting a reply to any message I sent. I had a lower batting average than most men who grumble about the lack of interest. For me, I realised that my matches in the world are limited, far more so than for most people. So it does me no good to try and put myself out there, mingle and try my luck. That only leads to frustration and lowered self esteem. The sweet spot for me is when I just go about my business and wait for the rare fan, and then I chase him down like a gazelle and pin him to the ground..... 2
TheArtist Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 Yeah, I'm pretty sure everyone has these problems. The trouble with dating sites is that you're trying to base the potential for a relationship on a couple of photos and a bit of text which, especially if they're rubbish at writing, isn't ever going to replace human interaction. You might want to look over your profile and, although I'm only speaking from my own preferences here, make sure you have something unique in there that a man can use to start a conversation. Don't ever just put, 'I'll fill this in later', or, 'Just ask', because that gives us NOTHING to base a conversation on. Always come across as positive too. Don't start with, 'I'm not looking for liars or cheats', because that makes me think you're not over your last relationship and you're never going to trust me. Have some good photos too, less of the duck face nonsense and more of the smiles. A smile is the most attractive thing everyone has, so use it! A lot! 2
Snakechammah Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 Oh trust me, we all have some problems when it comes to OLD. I've only dated 2 guys off OLD. One became my boyfriend after 11 days (then we broke up 5 months later - it was LDR) and the second one is the guy I'm semi-dating now. First time I joined (the 11 days one), I had about 70 messages but I chose the boyfriend. (in hindsight, what a stupid move LOL). Most of the guys who messaged me were very incompatible - I replied to EVERY single message, mind you - they didn't get my jokes and weren't very gentleman-like or just didn't seem 'healthy' for me. After I broke up with the LDR ex, I rejoined OLD thrice. Two were unsuccessful - didn't even go out with anyone - and the 3rd time, just recently, I only received 4-5 messages? Mostly from incompatible guys (they could also be robots or scammers) but one of them turned out sweet and I'm currently dating him right now. So yeah, the choices are very limited in OLD. I have a habit of replying to every single message so it takes A LOT of my time. I usually delete my account after 2 weeks (or earlier if I met someone) Don't worry if you've not received many messages - it's probably not you - it's the lack of supply!
Xiomn Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 (edited) I NEVER get any replies on OLD and I incorporate stuff from their profile as an opener. I took the time to make a detailed profile too but NO ONE ever looks at it. (You get notifications when someone views your profile) I'd say I'm better than average looking too. Edited December 19, 2015 by Xiomn
SwordofFlame Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 Most women don't even need to write a profile. If you're not getting messages, it's probably because your pictures are bad or you are physically unattractive. 3
Buddhist Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 Most women don't even need to write a profile. If you're not getting messages, it's probably because your pictures are bad or you are physically unattractive. What a load of rubbish. It's crap like this perpetuates bitterness and negativity in the world. Yes OP please base your self esteem on whether or not you get message off OLD. If you're not deluged then clearly you just look hideous! Everyone else can just post a pic or two and get offers with no effort. 1
io2iio Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 What a load of rubbish. It's crap like this perpetuates bitterness and negativity in the world. Yes OP please base your self esteem on whether or not you get message off OLD. If you're not deluged then clearly you just look hideous! Everyone else can just post a pic or two and get offers with no effort. The whole idea that someone will like you for who you are on an online dating profile in utter rubbish. Your pics are your marketing skills. Invest in some good pictures and see the returns 2
xcupid Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 The whole idea that someone will like you for who you are on an online dating profile in utter rubbish. Your pics are your marketing skills. Invest in some good pictures and see the returns Agree. Most men will look at photos and not even read a profile. It's the photos that spark the interest.
Gaeta Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 That has not been my experience. I need 5 minutes online to get a date BUT it's rare that I get a GOOD date. There is 2 themes online. You can have rare dates but good ones or you can have tons of dates and all mediocre. 1
Buddhist Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 The whole idea that someone will like you for who you are on an online dating profile in utter rubbish. Your pics are your marketing skills. Invest in some good pictures and see the returns And did I say anything about being liked for who you are on old? No. I was pointing out that OLD is hardly a good indicator of one's self worth. I'm average and have no problem getting interest IRL, sure no-ones beating down my door but I've had relationships as often as I've wanted them. If I based my self esteem off some randoms interest online I would have killed myself by now. The rubbish part is the idea that OLD is any indicator of your worth as a person or that women universally get a lot of interest unless they are ugly. Those are blanket statements that bear little resemblance to reality.
ZA Dater Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 Its really simple, OLD as a platform is fundamentally flawed, nothing wrong with your profile its the fact OLD is just like a shop where the majority of the items stay on the shelf.
TunaCat Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 I refuse to tie my self worth to online dating, but I was having NO luck so I stopped doing the online thing. It wasn't giving me any kind of good results. I was getting very few messages and even fewer messages of actual substance.
HillValley Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 Yeah, I think people's expectations of OLD are a bit skewed. If a person wasn't getting dates in real life, it's not that putting up a profile will suddenly swing things in an opposite direction.
Natalie8 Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 Yeah, I think people's expectations of OLD are a bit skewed. If a person wasn't getting dates in real life, it's not that putting up a profile will suddenly swing things in an opposite direction. I disagree. One can go through the entire day of not having any contact with men so consequently wont be asked out but if she puts up a profile where is says 'im looking for a rs' then there will be guys messaging her/asking her out. All of my relationships /short flings/dates came from online apart from my first serious relationship..online dating was not a thing then. Imagine if someone works from home and has no chance of interacting with guys, or lives in a remote location or in a tiny village where everyone knows everyone. That person wont get dates by meeting men IRL. I get the train to work but make no eye contact with anyone then go to a workplace where there are no guys. After work i go to the gym where im so focused on my workout that noone dares to approach me. Im very reserved and fond it hard to interact with new people so i dont exactly go out of my way to get people approach me. The only guys who chat me up are drunks and guys who collect phonenumbers as a hobby... I get lots of messages online..rarely end up on a good date with chemistry but thats another story
Natalie8 Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 I'm a 26 yr. old female. I'm on Pof, and Okcupid. I'm average in looks and weight. And my profile isn't funny, and doesn't say too much, but I'll write some things about some of my interests and stuff. I've had no luck. Nobody ever really contacts me. Not too many people respond. When I am talking to guys, they rarely ever ask me questions. And nobody ever ask me out, they just stop talking. And when they do ask me out, they never end up going. Is this what it's like for other women like me? Yes and no. A lot of guys just disappear mid-convo or chat forever without asking me out. But I get a lot of messages. I use the same sites as you. I also tried Eharmony and Match just to see if guys on paying sites are more serious. Eharmony gave me very few matches so i didnt like it. Match was a mixed bag. I put a lot of effort into my profile because online dating is pretty much my only source of men. I might have to change that in the new year and make more effort in real life. I rewrite my profile regularly. I also change my main profile pic if i feel it is not getting much attention. I get about 20-30 messages /day. Half of those are just "hi" or "hey babe your fit". I message guys every now and again but i rarely get a response. Very few conversations end up in a date despite of me making it clear in my profile that i dont want to chat for ages, i prefer meeting up to determine chemistry. Lots of guys cancel shortly before a date as well. Im not sure what im doing wrong. I feel i put a lot of effort in and get little success.
bathtub-row Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 I'm assuming you're posting a pic of yourself? If so, what's the context of the picture? I have personally sworn off of dating sites. I attract so many weirdos it's unreal. I have begun to think that those sites only attract the worst kind of men. I have never had a normal person contact me. Not once. Either they're extreme needy right away, get angry very quickly, or they're just plain weird. I have known a couple of people who have had better success than me, but that's it. The best thing to do with your profile is to make it reflect who you really are. For instance, you say your profile isn't funny. Are you by nature funny? Then it should reflect that. Google some ideas on how to post a profile. I always say to make sure it's who you are and don't over-sell yourself, but don't under-sell yourself either.
RBLL Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 Yeah, I think people's expectations of OLD are a bit skewed. If a person wasn't getting dates in real life, it's not that putting up a profile will suddenly swing things in an opposite direction. Probably true, but for many people dating websites are all there is. It's been my only option up until now, but I'm getting ready to try some in-person speed dating next year. I get zero interest online.
Zippy2000 Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 I'm a 26 yr. old female. I'm on Pof, and Okcupid. I'm average in looks and weight. And my profile isn't funny, and doesn't say too much, but I'll write some things about some of my interests and stuff. I've had no luck. Nobody ever really contacts me. Not too many people respond. When I am talking to guys, they rarely ever ask me questions. And nobody ever ask me out, they just stop talking. And when they do ask me out, they never end up going. Is this what it's like for other women like me? I ll answer your questions for you and Im a man. Its the same for us. Nobody responds to me or when we talk we just chat for days or weeks. When I make a move or ask them out they disappear. lol The problem with OLD is people are HOLDING out for "the one", so they hold out thinking the next date is going to be better than the one before. The problem here is date after date you become de-sensitised to dating. People dont realise as we are human we arent perfect and that check list you hold on to for a perfect mate. Every box wont be ticked. As humans were not infallible. Ive dont OLD for up to 10 years on and off. I ve only had one serious relationship out of it and looking back. Out of maybe the 20 odd dates I ve been on. I would only consider 3 people I was compatible with. Hindsight is a wonderful thing though. 1
Bobbi7 Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 Yeah, this happens to me alot! The guys will tell me how "Pretty" I am, start complimenting me, will ask me a question or 2, I respond, then I ask them questions...everything is one-sided. They don't bother suggesting to meet up or anything..and what really pisses me off, is when they want to exchange numbers...well, duh, what it gets to "that point" of giving them my number its because I want to meet up. Then to top that off, it just ends there, thinking they will suggest meeting up no. WASTE OF TIME.
crederer Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 Most women don't even need to write a profile. If you're not getting messages, it's probably because your pictures are bad or you are physically unattractive. This is probably true...or your profile comes off as thretening. Post your profile (edit out the pics) and I can give a more accurate answer. e.g I've seen profiles that start out, "I'm a bitch, most people hate me but they're just haterz! cus dey don't have what I got". or varying other types of script that are turn off's.
Toodaloo Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 The problem with OLD is thus 1. People assume its a one stop solution to finding a partner... Like shopping on Amazon or ebay... 2. People are people... there is a wide variety of them and some we will like, some we will not. OLD opens up the oppourtunity to interact with more of both kinds! As most of us only get on with probably around 2-5% of the people we know and consider them "close" why should it be any different with OLD? 3. People forget that OLD is a tool to meet people. That is all. It does not guarantee that they will be the right people, at the right time or that you will have a Disney wedding in 6 - 12 months... Personally I have found it goes in waves. I will meet no one for a while then a whole load of great sounding guys will come along at once. 1
salparadise Posted December 22, 2015 Posted December 22, 2015 It's not an either/or kind of deal. The better your pics and writing, the more attractive you will seem. There are many people you wouldn't be interested in either. The problem is that people think that info matching should produce chemistry when it's actually the opposite... in real life we filter for chemistry intuitively and when we find it we tend to go with it. You'll probably get out of it what you put into it, but that doesn't mean this week or next week. It took me a year this last time, and it was worth it. You have to be willing to date mere mortals- princes and movie stars tend be not more available online than they are in real life. Be real, patient, persistent... and lucky. 1
Recommended Posts