Vilgefoz Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 Just a quick question for ideas: How do you gather confidence when around girls? That is, what makes you feel strong and confident? Like you are good enough for her and valuable asset in her life? Tips, opinions please?
mortensorchid Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 This is one of the biggest things I have encountered in life : People who have no confidence in themselves. We all have things we are insecure about, but we can't let it get in the way of how we can and can't do things. Risk taking is not easy, because otherwise it's not a risk. You can only try and fail or try and succeed. I have been told that I ooze confidence to others, I think that intimidates people. As to how a person can gain confidence (men or women)? Take a risk. Don't be afraid. It's ok to be afraid, it's not ok to be so intimidated by fear that it keeps you from doing things or hurts others or lets down others.
newt Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 I usually get confidence from the results I have in the dating or the money in the bank account So for me it's my account or how much positive feedback I get from women.
alphamale Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 How do you gather confidence when around girls? That is, what makes you feel strong and confident? my confidence comes from being good looking and smart
Author Vilgefoz Posted December 20, 2015 Author Posted December 20, 2015 (edited) This is one of the biggest things I have encountered in life : People who have no confidence in themselves. We all have things we are insecure about, but we can't let it get in the way of how we can and can't do things. Risk taking is not easy, because otherwise it's not a risk. You can only try and fail or try and succeed. I have been told that I ooze confidence to others, I think that intimidates people. As to how a person can gain confidence (men or women)? Take a risk. Don't be afraid. It's ok to be afraid, it's not ok to be so intimidated by fear that it keeps you from doing things or hurts others or lets down others. technically I agree with you, but also, our power of mind is not limitless. It's think more how it works is that you try, you understand where you fail and when you succeed (more or less) then you become confident. In other case, a try-hard guy is not confident, he is only try-hard repeating his attempts. This particularly goes with dating. NO ONE EVER got respect (from opposite gender) for trying hard. People get respected for being successful. That is HUGE difference in this matter, IMO, because here more then anywhere else our inherited predispositions predetermine success much more then anywhere else. Hey, I don't want to be the negative guy here. Just... stating the obvious, I guess... Let's look at the topic like adult people, critically and capable to admit everything is not romantic, shall we? Only kids ignore facts to make them feel better. Edited December 20, 2015 by Vilgefoz
Author Vilgefoz Posted December 20, 2015 Author Posted December 20, 2015 my confidence comes from being good looking and smart judging from your statistics (and avatar maybe) I think you are funny person, are you?
Author Vilgefoz Posted December 20, 2015 Author Posted December 20, 2015 By having confidence in yourself as a man, period. You have to find reasons to have respect for yourself. Eventually, instead of wondering if you are good enough for some woman, you will be wondering if she is good enough for you. true... but this does not tell difference between confidence and ego . You have arrogant people, who seek for plenty of reasons to respect themselves yet it does't really work out for them. Also, this same kind of people are very picky about people around them and their qualities. You know what is general name for them? Douches. There must be something more...
Wewon Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 Just a quick question for ideas: How do you gather confidence when around girls? That is, what makes you feel strong and confident? Like you are good enough for her and valuable asset in her life? Tips, opinions please? Knowing that people's opinion of you, until they know you and are invested in you, is meaningless. That doesn't mean that you're an antisocial jerk that is impervious to feedback, but simply that your opinion of yourself is the most important of all. When I consider my younger days (late teens early 20s) most of my lack of confidence came from the belief that if other people weren't impressed or rejected me (especially girls) that I was somehow a lesser person. Like a lot of young guys I was particularly susceptible to manipulations like "a real man does this or that" and always wanted to be included in the men that "got it". I was also constantly chasing nuggets like "chemistry" in hopes of being defined favorably. At some point I realized that this carrot and stick routine was leaving me with sense of worth outside of myself and could be taken away and rewarded on the whim of others. When I decided that my own values were my beacon and my worth was based on how well I aligned myself with them, my confidence went up dramatically. 1
Author Vilgefoz Posted December 20, 2015 Author Posted December 20, 2015 ... Little addendum: In Evolutionary psychology, there is a theory: we, human species (or all living organisms) are looking for best possible genes to trade with (calls mating). There is little time to properly judge which genes are good and which not. So, instead of some analysis, we generalize. For instance - what is pretty is good. Probably because it is healthy, fertile and physically strong, what is very important for surviving and reproduction. What else? If you do something and succeed without putting much effort to it, you are probably predisposed for it meaning you have good genes. If you have to try hard for the same result, you are probably not so gifted specimen. So, in terms of mating: not trying hard and being successful (or at least making illusion of this) is much more attractive then trying hard. It's a theory. But...makes some sense, right?
Ic1 Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 How do you gather confidence when around girls? I believe I'm good around girls. It started with believing I could be good around girls, so I tried. Then, as I tried and learned how, I found I was. I am good with girls.
Author Vilgefoz Posted December 20, 2015 Author Posted December 20, 2015 Knowing that people's opinion of you, until they know you and are invested in you, is meaningless. That doesn't mean that you're an antisocial jerk that is impervious to feedback, but simply that your opinion of yourself is the most important of all. When I consider my younger days (late teens early 20s) most of my lack of confidence came from the belief that if other people weren't impressed or rejected me (especially girls) that I was somehow a lesser person. Like a lot of young guys I was particularly susceptible to manipulations like "a real man does this or that" and always wanted to be included in the men that "got it". I was also constantly chasing nuggets like "chemistry" in hopes of being defined favorably. At some point I realized that this carrot and stick routine was leaving me with sense of worth outside of myself and could be taken away and rewarded on the whim of others. When I decided that my own values were my beacon and my worth was based on how well I aligned myself with them, my confidence went up dramatically. I perfectly understand and agree. Yop, appreciating your own values instead of seeking to be like other, popular people is a great way for confidence. But, as everything, it has it's downsides too: for instance, your surrounding must appreciate (at least in some point) your qualities otherwise you risk of being viewed as self-loving weirdo. Or at last you have to find people who share your perception. Which is sometimes difficult. Particularly if you live in a place with limited social diversities, like small towns. It big cities, it's much better.
Author Vilgefoz Posted December 20, 2015 Author Posted December 20, 2015 I believe I'm good around girls. It started with believing I could be good around girls, so I tried. Then, as I tried and learned how, I found I was. I am good with girls. yep, sometimes it works like that
Leucine Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 Start hitting the gym immediately if you're not doing that already. Your confidence is bound to rise when you look in the mirror and can be proud of what you see.
hasaquestion Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 Confidence comes from accomplishing things. How old are you?
Wewon Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 But, as everything, it has it's downsides too: for instance, your surrounding must appreciate (at least in some point) your qualities otherwise you risk of being viewed as self-loving weirdo. Or at last you have to find people who share your perception. Which is sometimes difficult. Particularly if you live in a place with limited social diversities, like small towns. It big cities, it's much better. Actually that completely negates what I said. 1) you control who you let into your life. You shouldn't be surrounding yourself by people that demand your conformity, especially if it conflicts with your own values. 2) Odds are (not always) your values aren't going to turn you into a "weirdo", unless you secretly want to be weird and are only restraining yourself to fit in. 3) Putting your own opinion of yourself first simply makes you less of a limp noodle in the face of adversity. At the end of the day you will never be confident so long as you let other people have such a tight grip on your esteem (can't really call it self-esteem since its coming from others).
Author Vilgefoz Posted December 20, 2015 Author Posted December 20, 2015 Confidence comes from accomplishing things. How old are you? 27 and you are right. What explains why I have no confidence with women
Author Vilgefoz Posted December 20, 2015 Author Posted December 20, 2015 Actually that completely negates what I said. 1) you control who you let into your life. You shouldn't be surrounding yourself by people that demand your conformity, especially if it conflicts with your own values. 2) Odds are (not always) your values aren't going to turn you into a "weirdo", unless you secretly want to be weird and are only restraining yourself to fit in. 3) Putting your own opinion of yourself first simply makes you less of a limp noodle in the face of adversity. At the end of the day you will never be confident so long as you let other people have such a tight grip on your esteem (can't really call it self-esteem since its coming from others). aggree with you on all points. But it's still very relative matter. We never have full control of anythinkg, like people invading our life. Or our own image. It's always to some degree influenced by surroundings. That's the catch. Let's be more practical and talk about particular issue: women. As a matter of fact, this is just my case: there are women in my surroundings that are most often different then me. Maybe it's hard for me to fully to appreciate their values and vice versa. Therefore, getting confidence when not having anybody to share it with is difficult. Possible, to certain degree but speaking in general perspective, not as efficient as having a group of similar minded friends. At the moment I live in small town. I used to live in big cities. In this town, people have no understanding for my mentality and so they call me weirdo (not openly, of course, but it's easy to see). So does women. I don't care, I have my own things to care of and people to work/play with. But, this is the fact too. I hope you get what I am trying to say... It's not as simple as it seems. Possibly, particularly by ones ho has limited experience with it, mostly their own. (Sorry for horrible grammar. I know...)
alphamale Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 judging from your statistics (and avatar maybe) I think you are funny person, are you? i am a funny person but that doesn't feed into my confidence
Xiomn Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 Sleeping with multiple women gives you confidence because then you know for a fact that women out there find you attractive enough to sleep with you so you feel more confident to approach and ask other girls out. Catch 22.
ZA Dater Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 Success gives one confidence and likewise failure kills that confidence stone dead, well, in my experience anyway. I have never had any of the former when it comes to dating.
Author Vilgefoz Posted December 20, 2015 Author Posted December 20, 2015 (edited) Sleeping with multiple women gives you confidence because then you know for a fact that women out there find you attractive enough to sleep with you so you feel more confident to approach and ask other girls out. Catch 22. You must be very good looking. Or completely lacking self-reflection. In any case, I envy you! And wish to have life like you! Edited December 21, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Civility & Respect ~ V
Art_Critic Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 One tip: I always found confidence in changing my dress, create a new image that you like and you feel good about and the confidence will show.
Author Vilgefoz Posted December 20, 2015 Author Posted December 20, 2015 One tip: I always found confidence in changing my dress, create a new image that you like and you feel good about and the confidence will show. yes, together with gym there is something about it. I presume you are woman?
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