Two men love me...

[heylovey22]

This might be a little long, so bear with me.

 

Guy #1, we dated for a year. He was the love of my life, unlike any other I'd felt before. A bit older than me (I'm 25), we lived together. I became a mother figure for his daughter. His family was my family. He understands me in ways I don't understand myself, is very caring and my best friend. To make a long story short, he was going through a really bad time in his life and started treating me badly. It got hot and cold, we would fight over nothing, he would yell at me. I don't know who he was but he wasn't himself. Things just got ugly and he left me and broke my heart. I struggled because I envisioned my life with this man, despite how "short" our relationship was, it was just different and real. It was over before it was over and I had no choice but to move on and try to find my happiness again.

 

Guy#2, Met very shortly after this breakup. I originally really had no plans of jumping back into the dating world so quickly, but we have a really beautiful connection. Hes older than my ex and went through a nasty divorce a couple years back. I stayed with guy #2 for a couple weeks while I was waiting for my new apartment to be available, his idea but I felt very comfortable. It's only been two months but our relationship has grown beautifully, despite how unconventional it all is. He makes me smile like no other, makes me feel beautiful, shows me off to his friends and family, supports me and comes to every show I play at (singer-songwriter). Talks to me about my past, my life, our future, etc. I've been in my new apartment for almost two weeks now and he's pretty sad that I moved out, seeing as things are going so nicely. He's told me that he didn't think he would ever marry again, but that he wants to now that he's met such a wonderful woman and he told me first that he loved me. I do love him too. According to his friends, he hadn't dated very seriously since the divorce but it's different with me. He's really shown me a different side of love, one that I didn't really know existed. We dance around the living room and order pizza and drink cheap wine and laugh. It's pretty great. I think because he's older and has been married that he has learned from his mistakes and knows what he wants, feels, etc at this point in life.

 

So here's where it get tough. Guy #1 comes back into my life and is now this wonderful man. Had apparently hit rock bottom after I left, and some unfortunate things happened to him on top of that, things I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Basically, he had his wake-up call. He knows I'm dating this other guy and wants me to be happy if that's what I've chosen, but he also in the back of his mind will not give up on us. He told me he would marry me in a second and fix everything if given the chance. He wants a future with me and a house and to do all the things he foolishly hadn't done in the past. He wants to go out with me and show me off, dance with me, support me, take me places, love me unconditionally and show me that he's different now. He even gave me a check for my first month's rent saying that it was just money and he owed me so much more that that in life and love, that I was the best thing that ever happened to him, that even if I never spoke to him again he'd be thankful for the time and love I gave him. He doesn't force himself upon me, just lets me know that he loves me more than anything and that if I change my mind, he will be there waiting. I've seen him a few times (nothing more) and talk to him almost every day, which I partially hate myself for because I'm lying to guy #2, but guy #1 is also pretty much my best friend and I'm not doing anything physical at all with him. I do honestly believe that guy #1 has changed for the better, he even quit drinking and smoking (I had a friend verify that).

 

I'm having such a hard time, on top of it all I feel like I'm a terrible person. Never in my life did I EVER think I'd be this girl, in this position. While guy #2 is absolutely wonderful and I feel lucky every day, he has also let me down a couple times. He said he would quit smoking when we first got together and hasn't. He didn't even help me move into my apartment, which he feels bad about but still. I need a man I can count on. I know he wants to do things on his own time too and I try to respect that. He also always wants me to take care of him and I sometimes don't feel it reciprocated; after work he'll want me to rub his shoulders and kiss all over him, which I do and enjoy making him feel good, but then he'll fall asleep in my lap and eventually go to bed early when I'm not tired. I want to be kissed, I want to be cuddled too. Also, sex is great but not the same as with guy #1. Guy #1 and me are very, very emotionally connected and intimate and guy#2 thinks there's something wrong with him or I'm not satisfied because I can't cum every time we have sex. He also won't let me tell him anything to do that I know feels good, because he wants to be the man and in control. And sometimes he finishes so fast that I'm just left there wanting more. Most importantly, Guy #1 is VERY lovey and would hold me all night long and kiss me and love me, run his fingers through my hair and squeeze me and I miss that part more than you could know.

 

I understand some men are just different and I shouldn't even be comparing. I believe they could both could be great life partners. I love them both in different ways. Me and guy #1 have a real history, but my fam and friends also might not approve of me going back. But it's also my life. But I also do love guy #2, I don't know that I want to leave him honestly. I think I could be happy with either one of them but I'm really struggling. They would both provide me a good life and future, and I think I'm having a hard time because guy #1 has now become the man I've always wanted and knew he was deep down. Part of my says he had his chance, and the other part of me believes in 2nd chances. Yet, I'm very happy with guy #2 and can't believe I found such a wonderful, handsome, funny and hardworking man.

 

I'm going home for a week for the holiday so I will def have some space to think at that point. Please try not to attack me, please be nice. I'm in a really tough spot and my family is back home really sick and I just lost my one job and I'm just trying to get myself together and love myself again. Do I just forget guy#1 and move on? What if guy#2 lets me down? What's wrong with me? Any input or opinions or thoughts are very welcome and I'm very thankful for anyone taking the time to read and help. xo

[Hopeful30]

If you really wanted guy #1, you wouldn't have developed an interest in guy #2.

 

Guy#1 had his chance. Now give guy#2 his.

[Glass Hut]

I don't know how long you've dated #2 but definitely get to know him before you throw him away and go back to #1. I wouldn't make a snap judgement especially because you are in a relationship with #2 not #1. At least give him a good relationship. If you lose #1 because of #2 then it wasn't meant to be. When things are more clear between you and #2 then figure out what your options are.

[GemmaUK]

For me personally there's too many gut feelings with both guys.

I wouldn't date either of them.

I would stay well away.

[Leucine]

I get the feeling that you're going to end up with #1 before long, either spontaneously or when things with #2 turn sour due to the presence of #1, so I say you might as well go back to him sooner rather than later.

 

Also, #1 got his stuff together and proved that he is able to change. Honestly, that is one of the best qualities you can find in a person, and not many have it. Waiting on you is the sweetest thing he can possibly do, even though he is probably dying on the inside while putting your happiness ahead of his. #2 still smokes and doesn't understand you in the bedroom? Neeext