Mugen Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 So yeah, my gf told me this. She said I'm super sweet and that she loves how sweet I am. She's afraid to ask me this because she doesn't want me to over do it (as what her ex husband had done) but that she likes polite mysognistic requests. She likes pleasing me and likes to make me happy and would like it if I requested her to do things so she can do this. I'm not entirely sure what kinds of things she is asking me for. A little later, I was being a bit demanding to test it out (She was looking for something on her laptop to put on while we snuggled on the couch) and I told her to hurry the **** up. She reminded me she liked requests, not orders. So I asked her to please hurry the **** up. She said that was about the right level. So later I'm thinking, and I ask her, like what kinds of things, she said something about making me a sandwhich.. so I was like "Video game mysoginistic requests? Like, "Would you please get in the kitchen and make me a sammie, woman?" She said yeah, spot on. Now, wtf kind of woman wants this? And now I've got to try and ignore the years of advice given to me by all other women in the world to be a respectful gentleman. I am used to being more of a real man who works a job with goals, dreams, and charisma. Now she wants me to be a dick, but like only part dick. I mean, I have ******* in me, and she has seen it twice and respect it. Anyone have any fun ideas of things that I might request? Not overly sexual. That comes later.
Toodaloo Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 I would just tell her what you want. Simples. Can you go grab me a glass of water. Hey can you change the channel to XYZ so I can watch ABC Could you make me lasagne for supper tonight... I doubt she wants you to be an a-hole but probably just wants to be able to give you what you want (her way of showing she cares) and also give you the "man of the house" role.
MightyPen Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 (edited) Dude, you are a totally sweet spot. Let me brainstorm and send you some suggestions. I like using my creativity to help others! Edited to add: Definitely cleaning. Ask her nicely...but firmly...to clean the house (perhaps in a nightie or something like that). Not overly sexual but damn hot. Edited December 18, 2015 by MightyPen
TaraMaiden2 Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 The psychology of this is utterly alien and baffling to me.... Is this a sexual turn-on for her, or is she actively working towards being a doormat? Seriously, I'm asking..... 2
jen1447 Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 It sounds like a bizarre niche frankly - be jerky but also polite. Don't think I've ever quite seen that profile. If you don't have a clue what she wants, you'll just have to keep asking til you get a feel for it. 1
Wewon Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 A little later, I was being a bit demanding to test it out (She was looking for something on her laptop to put on while we snuggled on the couch) and I told her to hurry the **** up. She reminded me she liked requests, not orders. So I asked her to please hurry the **** up. She said that was about the right level. So later I'm thinking, and I ask her, like what kinds of things, she said something about making me a sandwhich.. so I was like "Video game mysoginistic requests? Like, "Would you please get in the kitchen and make me a sammie, woman?" She said yeah, spot on. I guess that I'm not understanding this, is any request considered misogynistic or just ones that have a domestic element to them? If this is what makes you happy then fine, I would personally feel like she was giving me enough rope to see if I will hang myself with it.
MightyPen Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 I don't see what's so complicated. It sounds like she has a bit of a "1950s housewife" fetish. Nothing wrong with that. OP, I'd just make sure your requests are phrased in such a way that it's assumed she'll comply. Picture yourself reading the newspaper and you just casually, "I'd like pot roast for dinner, honey." If I'm reading the situation correctly, I think she'd like something like that. Or the cleaning thing I mentioned.
katiegrl Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 She may feel you have been a bit too passive and, hate to say it, but *too nice*. She prefers a more dominant, forceful, take charge man. What stands out to me is that she's trying to change you into someone she wants you to be ....and does not respect nor like the man you *are*. This is insulting. JMO, but you shouldn't have to change into someone you are naturally not for anyone. She probably loved the the movie "Fifty Shades of Gray" too. That's next. 1
hasaquestion Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 She may feel you have been a bit too passive and, hate to say it, but *too nice*. She prefers a more dominant, forceful, take charge man. What stands out to me is that she's trying to change you into someone she wants you to be ....and does not respect nor like the man you *are*. This is insulting. JMO, but you shouldn't have to change into someone you are naturally not for anyone. She probably loved the the movie "Fifty Shades of Gray" too. That's next. Why is it insulting? What would be insulting would be if this gf kept this to herself. She's helping him out. He can choose to behave differently if he wants. He can choose to ignore it. But now he knows more than he did. There's no downside to having more information. And it might help him become a better man or understand himself better.
katiegrl Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 (edited) She may feel you have been a bit too passive and, hate to say it, but *too nice*. She prefers a more dominant, forceful, take charge man. What stands out to me is that she's trying to change you into someone she wants you to be ....and does not respect nor like the man you *are*. This is insulting. JMO, but you shouldn't have to change into someone you are naturally not for anyone. She probably loved the the movie "Fifty Shades of Gray" too. That's next. Also wanted to add that the mere fact you are willing to acquiesce to her request (uh, demand) that you change who you are to please HER .... indicates that SHE is actually the dominant one ...and this little plan of hers to turn you into the dominant one would never work. A truly confident, dominant, take charge man would say "no, this is who I am ....if you don't like it, there's the door." THAT attitude may turn her on! :) Edited December 18, 2015 by katiegrl 2
katiegrl Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 (edited) Why is it insulting? What would be insulting would be if this gf kept this to herself. She's helping him out. He can choose to behave differently if he wants. He can choose to ignore it. But now he knows more than he did. There's no downside to having more information. And it might help him become a better man or understand himself better. It is insulting because clearly she does not like him nor accept him for the man he IS now.. No one should be twisting themselves around to change who they fundamentaly are for someone else. What's next? Surely no one thinks it stops here, do they? You either love and accept your partner for who he/she is right now ...or you move on to find someone else who is more to your liking. These may sound like simple requests but they are not. They speak volumes as to how she feels about the man he is now.....and who she would prefer him to be. How is this not insulting? I can see already he is tied up in knots trying to figure out what she means, what she wants, and how to implement these changes ..... all in an attempt to please her.... otherwise this thread wouldn't exist. No ....he is who he is! Let her go find someone else, someone more dominant and take charge, to whom all of what she likes and wants in man comes naturally. JMO .. we can agree to disagree, I'm cool with that. Edited December 18, 2015 by katiegrl
RedRobin Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 Being dominant and take charge has nothing to do with misogyny. You can be respectful while also being a no nonsense person. If she is asking you to be disrespectful, that may not be a habit you want to develop just for her sake. I dated a guy briefly who wanted me to slap him during sex... I would have done other things to 'dominate' him in bed... But I am opposed to violence. I have never slapped my dog, much less a human being. Still, my dog has no doubt who is in charge. Same thing with your GF... If that is what she is looking for.
katiegrl Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 Being dominant and take charge has nothing to do with misogyny. You can be respectful while also being a no nonsense person. If she is asking you to be disrespectful, that may not be a habit you want to develop just for her sake. I dated a guy briefly who wanted me to slap him during sex... I would have done other things to 'dominate' him in bed... But I am opposed to violence. I have never slapped my dog, much less a human being. Still, my dog has no doubt who is in charge. Same thing with your GF... If that is what she is looking for. I am sensing from what he has posted that what she is asking of him are not misogynistic in nature, she just would prefer himto be more demanding and dominant ala Fifty Shades of Gray... They have not have sex yet ....but I would guess this will apply in the bedroom too. These types of *requests* have a tendency to escslate... This is not who he is. He is sweet. She said she loves that he is sweet.... but then asks that he change...into someone not so sweet...someone more demanding, but not ordering her around. Talk about walking on eggshells! Is this the "right" thing to say? Will she like it? Should I say that instead? I don't think she knows what the hell she wants. Be careful with this one OP.
Wewon Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 She may feel you have been a bit too passive and, hate to say it, but *too nice*. She prefers a more dominant, forceful, take charge man. What stands out to me is that she's trying to change you into someone she wants you to be ....and does not respect nor like the man you *are*. This is insulting. JMO, but you shouldn't have to change into someone you are naturally not for anyone. She probably loved the the movie "Fifty Shades of Gray" too. That's next. The more that I read the OP the more that it reminds me of a thread that I read when I first came to LS. There was a guy whose girlfriend was directly comparing him to the Shades of Grey guy, wanting him to be more like that. I also find this to be too much of a hot-potato for my liking. Asking someone to work on being prompt is one thing, a complete change in temperament is another. The fact that she associates assertiveness with misogyny is also troubling. 1
Author Mugen Posted December 18, 2015 Author Posted December 18, 2015 Good points here but I'm on my phone so please allow me to skip quoting and excuse my brevity. First, as a man, I've Ben trained to be misogynistic and at one point was told to change by every female. Its in my nature. So she's hardly asking me to change.. plus telling your partner their needs is what you should be doing if you want to have a satisfying relationship. To those who think I'm not dominate- I am. No way to put it in words. As into the bedroom, I **** her hard, throw her around, choke spank and pull her hair. I make her know that I own her there. She just mentioned this but was kind of sheepish to ask because she loves my sweetness and is afraid I'll take it too far. She once said I could be a little more selfish and than this. Otherwise she loves the man I am. She wasn't so resolute with the word mysogonistic... could not be the best word. I think the 50s housewife idea is the most solid. Would fit because she is always telling me that she can do the domestic things like cook and clean and said she needs to shape up. That and I make 3 times as much as her and I think she does want a man to take care of.
Wewon Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 Good points here but I'm on my phone so please allow me to skip quoting and excuse my brevity. First, as a man, I've Ben trained to be misogynistic and at one point was told to change by every female. Its in my nature. So she's hardly asking me to change.. plus telling your partner their needs is what you should be doing if you want to have a satisfying relationship. What is your definition of the word misogyny?
Author Mugen Posted December 18, 2015 Author Posted December 18, 2015 Being sexist. And trust me, culturally, we're all trained to be so.
katiegrl Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 Good points here but I'm on my phone so please allow me to skip quoting and excuse my brevity. First, as a man, I've Ben trained to be misogynistic and at one point was told to change by every female. Its in my nature. So she's hardly asking me to change.. plus telling your partner their needs is what you should be doing if you want to have a satisfying relationship. To those who think I'm not dominate- I am. No way to put it in words. As into the bedroom, I **** her hard, throw her around, choke spank and pull her hair. I make her know that I own her there. She just mentioned this but was kind of sheepish to ask because she loves my sweetness and is afraid I'll take it too far. She once said I could be a little more selfish and than this. Otherwise she loves the man I am. She wasn't so resolute with the word mysogonistic... could not be the best word. I think the 50s housewife idea is the most solid. Would fit because she is always telling me that she can do the domestic things like cook and clean and said she needs to shape up. That and I make 3 times as much as her and I think she does want a man to take care of. Apologies Mugen..... I misinterpreted your original post. This certain does change things (at least my perspective).... so thanks for clarifying!! Bowing out of discussion but hope it works out for ya....
Wewon Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 Being sexist. And trust me, culturally, we're all trained to be so. Well, we're all entitled to our opinions. 1
Author Mugen Posted December 18, 2015 Author Posted December 18, 2015 Well, we're all entitled to our opinions. Oh. My bad. Didn't realize sexism isn't a culturally and societally enforcesd gender role
Wewon Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 Oh. My bad. Didn't realize sexism isn't a culturally and societally enforcesd gender role Me either. Gender roles are in and of themselves sexist?
Ic1 Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 Me either. Gender roles are in and of themselves sexist? But healthy relationships can be with swapped gender roles.
Wewon Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 But healthy relationships can be with swapped gender roles. And the point? Swapping roles or not doesn't make them sexist one way or the other, just swapped.
Author Mugen Posted December 18, 2015 Author Posted December 18, 2015 What's your point with these qs wewon?
Wewon Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 What's your point with these qs wewon? Trying to get clarity on the OP. Misogyny, according to the dictionary is the hatred or disdain of women, it didn't jive that politely asking for a sandwich was misogynistic. Let alone the fact that "polite" hatred of women being requested seems odd and contradictory. But it appears that the definition being used is anything that might possibly, maybe be interpreted as traditional, maybe, possibly. In which case, it sounds like she simply wants you to be assertive and know how to make your request with civility.
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