Why do so many Asian men get mad when they see Asian women dating outside their race?

[AnAsianGirl]

As an Asian-American woman who dates solely non-Asian guys I feel that I get a lot of unwarranted criticism for who I choose to date. It's not just from my family but from Asian guys in my community as well.

 

They see me with my boyfriend and the first thing I see is a dirty look coming from them. And on many occasions racist comments. For example, "What a waste for her to date a black guy" and other similar things.

 

Why do they feel that it's their right to police my body and dictate who I can and can't date?

 

Why do they feel that I, as an Asian woman, am automatically "Asian property" because of what continent my parents happen to be from?

[TaraMaiden2]

The following is such a generalised statement, you can take it or leave it, but in my personal experience of the many "Asian" people I have known, it could be:

 

Asian guys have a sense of chauvinistic entitlement ingrained, that makes them believe they still have the right to control and dictate what their womenfolk do, in all spheres.

 

Asian guys have a strong prejudice against black people, and I know this to be true because I have actually been witness to several incidents when Asians, speaking about black people, have not had a good word to say about them.

 

Asian Muslims, for example, have an apparent disdain for black Muslims.

For example.

 

Asian guys feel perfectly entitled to date western women, because their subconscious considers them easy and available for sex.

These same guys end up marrying a 'good Asian girl' because it's expected of them, and she is likely (if she conforms) to be the ideal 'submissive' asian wife.

 

AN Asian girl who dates outside her race is making herself like a western woman. Easy and 'layable'. Therefore an Asian guy will disrespect you anf your choice.

[AnAsianGirl]

The following is such a generalised statement, you can take it or leave it, but in my personal experience of the many "Asian" people I have known, it could be:

 

Asian guys have a sense of chauvinistic entitlement ingrained, that makes them believe they still have the right to control and dictate what their womenfolk do, in all spheres.

 

Asian guys have a strong prejudice against black people, and I know this to be true because I have actually been witness to several incidents when Asians, speaking about black people, have not had a good word to say about them.

 

Asian Muslims, for example, have an apparent disdain for black Muslims.

For example.

 

Asian guys feel perfectly entitled to date western women, because their subconscious considers them easy and available for sex.

These same guys end up marrying a 'good Asian girl' because it's expected of them, and she is likely (if she conforms) to be the ideal 'submissive' asian wife.

 

AN Asian girl who dates outside her race is making herself like a western woman. Easy and 'layable'. Therefore an Asian guy will disrespect you anf your choice.

 

I live in the States so when I refer to Asians, I'm talking about people who come from China, Korea, Japan etc... East Asian countries... whereas I'm guessing you're in the UK where Asian means people from Pakistan/India. Irregardless both cultures kind of have a similar attitude towards women (e.g. treating them like Objects rather than PEOPLE).

 

I think one of the biggest things is CONTROL. In Asia, many women have to settle for an Asian guy because there aren't more options. Only a lucky few get to date non-Asians. However in America there is a benefit that women have more CHOICE and don't have to stick with Asian men if they don't want to.

 

And of course there is jealousy on the part of Asian guys towards other races...

[TaraMaiden2]

I take your point about the misunderstanding regarding the description 'Asian'....

 

But yes, I think culturally, there is an overlap with regard to social status and male/female expected stereotypical roles....

[jen1447]

I think it's just humanity's basic sociology, and it exists in segments across all ethnic groups, not just among Asians. There's always an 'old school values' core in any culture that doesn't like the idea of their members intermingling w/other ethnic groups. The last vestiges of tribalism I suppose.

 

I'm not a sociologist or biologist but I'd guess it's just down to jealousy over reproductive rights at it's most basic impulse.

[GorillaTheater]

I think it's just humanity's basic sociology, and it exists in segments across all ethnic groups, not just among Asians. There's always an 'old school values' core in any culture that doesn't like the idea of their members intermingling w/other ethnic groups. The last vestiges of tribalism I suppose.

 

I'm not a sociologist or biologist but I'd guess it's just down to jealousy over reproductive rights at it's most basic impulse.

 

 

That's it exactly, a form of tribalism that exists across gender and racial lines manifested as anger that some other tribe is "poaching" mates from their tribe.

[Imported]

I'm half-Asian half-white. My dad is white, mom's Asian. I date mostly white, Latina women or whatever, which includes Asians. It is not important to me what the race is, it is important that I am physically attracted and we get along.

 

I don't get mad at Asian girls dating white guys, I just think it shows them to be of weak character if they insist on ONLY white guys. It's like they think having a white guy on their arm proves they have accomplished something.

 

I see an actual attractive Asian girl on match.com and chances are good she will list "white/Caucasian" only. I see an attractive white girl on match.com and a pretty good chance she will list "no-preference". One of these women has confidence in themselves. The other is trying to be white.

[h57zf]

I don't get mad at Asian girls dating white guys, I just think it shows them to be of weak character if they insist on ONLY white guys. It's like they think having a white guy on their arm proves they have accomplished something.

 

I agree with this. I'm American of Asian descent, and I don't really care who dates who. In America, we're only about 3% of the population, so chances are if you don't have a preference you'll end up with someone who's not Asian.

 

What some Asian people take offense to - and this just isn't men - is that there are some AFWM couples tend to be very "in your face" about their relationships. Where I live, this tends to annoy many of the locals.

 

Also there are Asian women who go out of their way to denigrate Asian men. In my hometown there's an interracial dating/relationships get-together that happens once a month. They have a Facebook group which is run by an AFWM couple, and from the beginning Asian men were banned from the group. There were even several requests by non-Asian women who wanted to meet up with (local) Asian guys but the Asian female moderator told them to "look for black guys instead".

 

Long story short, we're not against Asian women dating anyone they want to date, but we are against the way some Asian women who date non-Asian men behave.

[SwordofFlame]

It's because a lot of Asian Men struggle to get non-asian women. Take a look around, the amount of white male/asian female couples greatly outnumber the asian male/white female couples.

 

I don't get mad at Asian girls dating white guys, I just think it shows them to be of weak character if they insist on ONLY white guys. It's like they think having a white guy on their arm proves they have accomplished something.

That's also true.

[loveweary11]

As an Asian chick, you should know the answer to this more than anyone.

 

Traditional values.

[dichotomy]

If your dating a black guy - I suspect you may or will hear a few negative comments from black women.

 

Many people are prejudiced outside their own race or culture.

[Wewon]

My general observation is that you can't pin this on any one gender or race.

 

The first messageboard I joined back in 2001 was specifically for people in interracial relationships. I was getting married and was curious about other people's experiences with IR relationships. There was always a troll that had a specific pairing that they were gunning for. Their reasons were always just slight variations of each other. There were consistent post from a guy name "Lyle" who had the strangest views of white women dating...anyone. He always had this weird belief that white women were always sharing laughs with their lovers at white men's expense. He freaked out when he found out that his wife had dated Native American and Black men in her college days.

 

He was an extreme example, but there were several versions of Lyle that were black, latino, Asian, Pacific Islander, male and female.

 

When you recognize it as a people issue it starts to get easier to see other patterns. The "offended" group often feels insecure or threatened in some way. There are usually feelings that they are being replaced, slighted, mocked or some short-coming is being exposed.

[Imported]

My general observation is that you can't pin this on any one gender or race.

 

The first messageboard I joined back in 2001 was specifically for people in interracial relationships. I was getting married and was curious about other people's experiences with IR relationships. There was always a troll that had a specific pairing that they were gunning for. Their reasons were always just slight variations of each other. There were consistent post from a guy name "Lyle" who had the strangest views of white women dating...anyone. He always had this weird belief that white women were always sharing laughs with their lovers at white men's expense. He freaked out when he found out that his wife had dated Native American and Black men in her college days.

 

He was an extreme example, but there were several versions of Lyle that were black, latino, Asian, Pacific Islander, male and female.

 

When you recognize it as a people issue it starts to get easier to see other patterns. The "offended" group often feels insecure or threatened in some way. There are usually feelings that they are being replaced, slighted, mocked or some short-coming is being exposed.

 

I don't think this is about that. I think it's about women that won't date their own race. You might not notice, but seemingly every Asian chick that is halfway decent will only date white guys. Even if it's some white guy that no halfway decent white girl would go near with a 10 foot pole. When it's a few here and there...whatever. But when you are more likely to see that than not?

 

It is not an "on noooooossss a chick of my own race is dating a white guy!!!!!"

 

Who cares.

 

But when you see time after time an Asian chicks profile, sometimes even talking about their heritage and then "white/Caucasian" only. I laugh. At them.

 

This is why I don't online date. Many women don't know what they want. They put down what Hollywood told them they want and that'd be the white guy, cause he's always the star.

Edited December 19, 2015 by Imported

[h57zf]

I don't think this is about that. I think it's about women that won't date their own race. You might not notice, but seemingly every Asian chick that is halfway decent will only date white guys. Even if it's some white guy that no halfway decent white girl would go near with a 10 foot pole. When it's a few here and there...whatever. But when you are more likely to see that than not?

 

Out where I live, you see this more often than you'd think, and I live in an Asian country. Many of them even claim that they aren't racist because they are open to blacks and (east) Indians, but will write "no East Asians" on the next line.

 

Many of these women are middle class, and college educated. I've always had a feeling that there are a good proportion of them, though it's certainly not all, that are doing this just to make a scene or to rebel against what they perceive to be a rigid social structure, rather than for true love.

 

There's another thing I should mention is that in my country if I'm seen with a white woman, I also get dirty looks, and sometimes even insults, even if she's a colleague or client. Ironically a lot of these are from white immigrant men or Asian local women, so it goes both ways.

[alphamale]

some white men don't like it when they see white chicks with brown guys

[changchewsoon]

I actually do not see any problems with my Asian friends dating outside of their race, in fact I actually attended some of their weddings!

 

I'm sorry that many Asian men are still judging you for who you date, and I wished there is something we can do about it to change their chauvinistic and immature thinking.

 

Please don't let them affect you. You are solely responsible for yourself, and you are perfectly free to date whomever you want.

 

However when it comes to your family, I guess you just have to keep communicating with them and let them know that you stand firm on your beliefs and viewpoints. If they can't accept it, well that's too bad but they should keep their opinions to themselves.

 

I mean for crying out loud we're already in the era of electric powered cars and 3D printing, and we can't accept our friends dating someone outside of our own race?

[lino]

Seems strange to me why you'd firmly want to date non Asian men ONLY.

 

The Asian guys reactions are probably due to confusion over such a restrictive attitude.

[CrystalCastles]

Seems strange to me why you'd firmly want to date non Asian men ONLY.

 

The Asian guys reactions are probably due to confusion over such a restrictive attitude.

 

She's free to date whoever she wants to, regardless of who finds it restrictive. And quite frankly it isn't any person's business to comment on another person's dating preferences, whether they make sense or not.

 

Its the same idea as a woman not wanting to date short guys, or a guy not wanting to date fat women. This girl doesn't want to date Asian men, and she is free to do so without some schmuck making a comment about it when its not his place.

[AnAsianGirl]

She's free to date whoever she wants to, regardless of who finds it restrictive. And quite frankly it isn't any person's business to comment on another person's dating preferences, whether they make sense or not.

 

Its the same idea as a woman not wanting to date short guys, or a guy not wanting to date fat women. This girl doesn't want to date Asian men, and she is free to do so without some schmuck making a comment about it when its not his place.

 

Thank you for this. It's really quite sad that in 2015 we have to point out something as obvious as this.

 

There's another thing I should mention is that in my country if I'm seen with a white woman, I also get dirty looks, and sometimes even insults, even if she's a colleague or client. Ironically a lot of these are from white immigrant men or Asian local women, so it goes both ways.

That's different. Usually Asian men who date outside their race are doing so because they'd really prefer to date an Asian woman except they can't find one. So they fetishize other races. It's creepy as heck.

[Els]

When this happens, it isn't a response that is solely or even mainly observed in single men. It's usually mostly older people (both men and women) who respond negatively, due to their more traditional perceptions. Traditionally people are expected to date within their race and culture.

 

Most of the more modern Asian dudes I know don't really care about it. They aren't very traditional and, besides, have girlfriends of their own, why would it bother them? My social circle has a few Caucasian guy/Asian girl couples, they're accepted just fine.

[Snakechammah]

It's a bit of a norm in my country, but dirty looks are still being casted once in a while. Even relatives would automatically assume the girl is a sl*t for going out with a man of different race (white man especially).

 

On the other end of the spectrum, other Asian girls would deem you a hero for being able to 'snag' a white man, especially if he's handsome, a good career, and not already married. It's really weird.

 

Love knows no colour. It shouldn't matter what complexion you fall for, people should just be happy for two HUMANS to be in love.

 

We are from the same planet!

[sweet_pea]

Yeah, I'm curious as to why you only date Non-Asian men. I always wonder why people who refuse to date anyone of their own race and have to assume that preference is based in some sort of stereotyping of the opposite gender. That's what I've seen at least. It would be one thing if you date non-Asian people due to coincidence or population, but to specifically and strictly leave an entire group of men out is a little odd. I mean, if you have your preference, cool, but I would be curious as to how that preference developed.

 

I also agree with others who say that it's a stereotype to say that they get mad and is something that every group hears (like Black women getting mad at Black men). I'm sure some Asian men do give you bad looks but definitely not all, and probably not even most.

 

But that's my .02.

[h57zf]

Yeah, I'm curious as to why you only date Non-Asian men. I always wonder why people who refuse to date anyone of their own race and have to assume that preference is based in some sort of stereotyping of the opposite gender. That's what I've seen at least. It would be one thing if you date non-Asian people due to coincidence or population, but to specifically and strictly leave an entire group of men out is a little odd. I mean, if you have your preference, cool, but I would be curious as to how that preference developed.

 

I also agree with others who say that it's a stereotype to say that they get mad and is something that every group hears (like Black women getting mad at Black men). I'm sure some Asian men do give you bad looks but definitely not all, and probably not even most.

 

But that's my .02.

 

I agree with this part too. I think there's a difference between being open to other races and excluding your own. But I guess there are some people in every race who do the same. I once knew a Swedish girl who said she couldn't see herself with a white guy.

 

I'm guessing there are some cases where it's not so much a dirty look, but more of a "how did those two get together?" kind of thing.