ISPY222 Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 I was seeing a guy for a month who led me on, big time. Everything he told me said he wanted a relationship. Not too long after we had sex, he started to fade out. I asked him if he was looking for a relationship, because I was. He gave me the "I can't do it right now I'm just so busy" I accepted it, but was very hurt and disappointed. And I told him that. I also asked him to please leave me alone so I could get over it. We have mutual friends and will be seeing each other from time to time. I want to make sure it won't be weird. We've been no contact for over 2 weeks now. Last week I saw him at a Christmas party and he completely ignored me, and even avoided being around me. Which was probably for the best. I do truly want to be able to get along with him and have no weirdness. We didn't date for long, so I know it's possible. I see Christmas as a perfect opportunity to let him know there are no hard feelings. (I think that he thinks I hate him, especially since I asked him to leave me alone. I don't hate him, I just needed space to get over it) I'm basically over it now, and have fully accepted that he doesn't want to date me for whatever reason. So, my question is.... If I send him a simple "Merry Christmas" text on xmas day, would it come off the way I want it to? I want it to send him the message that I don't hate him and we can be friendly. It will almost be a month no contact by that point, I think that's enough time to show him I'm no longer interested in him romantically either. I just don't want the text to come off as my being desperate or seeking his attention. I do just truly want to dissolve the weirdness and let him know I don't hate him. What do you think?
brokengirl85 Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 No need to send him anything. He'll think you still want him. Do not reach out to him, there's no need. You told him to leave you alone, he's doing exactly what you said. Two weeks is nothing in a breakup and you probably want to try again with him. Don't make excuses to contact him. Let him go, ignore, and move on. 4
Author ISPY222 Posted December 18, 2015 Author Posted December 18, 2015 (edited) No need to send him anything. He'll think you still want him. Do not reach out to him, there's no need. You told him to leave you alone, he's doing exactly what you said. Two weeks is nothing in a breakup and you probably want to try again with him. Don't make excuses to contact him. Let him go, ignore, and move on. Normally if we did no have mutual friends, and we're not going to have to be at a wedding together next year I would just leave it. But for the sake of our mutual friends and saving awkwardness, I need to dissolve the weirdness. Even after he told me he "couldn't" be in a relationship he still continued to text me. I was the one that had to put a stop to it for my own sanity. He apologized many times and insisted he really liked me but just couldn't do it. Regardless of what he said or feels, I need to find a way to be friends. There can't be super awkward separation of males and females every time we are at a gathering together that's just dumb. I told him before I asked him to leave me alone that I'd like to be friends but he can't be texting me constantly. I would rather text him at Christmas with a generic text to show him I don't hate him and we are cool, then send him one at a random time in the future. Someway, somehow we are going to have to be friendly. My friend who is having the wedding already made this clear. So I feel this is the easiest way to do it. I don't desire him romantically. I'm not going to chase after a man who won't commit, no matter how much I like him. That's why I walked away. Doing anything else would have been a waste of time and emotionally draining. Edited December 18, 2015 by ISPY222
Glass Hut Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 Time heals all wounds not texts. I would take a text like that as you wanting me, even if it just says Merry Christmas. 5
katiegrl Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 Normally if we did no have mutual friends, and we're not going to have to be at a wedding together next year I would just leave it. But for the sake of our mutual friends and saving awkwardness, I need to dissolve the weirdness. Even after he told me he "couldn't" be in a relationship he still continued to text me. I was the one that had to put a stop to it for my own sanity. He apologized many times and insisted he really liked me but just couldn't do it. Regardless of what he said or feels, I need to find a way to be friends. There can't be super awkward separation of males and females every time we are at a gathering together that's just dumb. I told him before I asked him to leave me alone that I'd like to be friends but he can't be texting me constantly. I would rather text him at Christmas with a generic text to show him I don't hate him and we are cool, then send him one at a random time in the future. Someway, somehow we are going to have to be friendly. My friend who is having the wedding already made this clear. So I feel this is the easiest way to do it. I don't desire him romantically. I'm not going to chase after a man who won't commit, no matter how much I like him. That's why I walked away. Doing anything else would have been a waste of time and emotionally draining. How will you feel if he does not reply back and ignores it? Which is very possible. Have you thought about that? Can you honestly say you would not care? Sweetie, he pursued you hard, leading you to believe he wanted a relationship with you, then essentially dumped you after sex. Why do you want to be *friends* with this person? I sure wouldn't, that's for damn sure. I understand you have mutual friends, so if you see him out and about, be polite of course... but there is no need for you to be friends with him ...or let him know ...no hard feelings. He does not deserve a scrap of your time or energy ....let alone your *friendship* or anything else. Forgive him in your heart ....but move on. Merry Christmas email = bad idea! And trust me ..HE will think you ARE still into him...do you really want him thinking that? So no do not do it. 3
Mjm1014 Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 Personally I wouldn't send him anything. If he didn't want to date you, and you turned around and sent him this (even though you accept it and just want to be friends) then his first thought will be that you're trying to "create an opportunity". Not really sure how else to put it, but I don't think he will take it as a text as "friends". Plus, like someone else said-if he doesn't respond that could ruin your holiday or make it even more awkward in the future. If you really want to be friends instead of sending him a text, next time you and a group of friends are together, especially if you do for the holiday, invite him out with you guys and say "you're more than welcome to tag along". That would go much further I think. Just my two cents
hippychick3 Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 Any kind of text at this point will leave the impression that you are still interested and attempting to resume communication with him. If you were truly over him with no residual feelings, you would not be stressing over this and posting on a message board for advice. You would just act normal when you run into him at a mutual friend event (say a polite hello and greeting and move on to next acquaintance/friend). Voilà...not awkward for anyone! 2
Versacehottie Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 Any kind of text at this point will leave the impression that you are still interested and attempting to resume communication with him. If you were truly over him with no residual feelings, you would not be stressing over this and posting on a message board for advice. You would just act normal when you run into him at a mutual friend event (say a polite hello and greeting and move on to next acquaintance/friend). Voilà...not awkward for anyone! Yes, I was going to say to do this. Don't reach out with Merry Christmas text; it's unnecessary and will give the wrong impression--especially since just two weeks ago you told him to give you space to get over it. I would just wait until you are at another mutual friend gathering and then go up to him to say no hard feelings and that you can be cordial (worded better of course). That's as if he's on your mind ONLY because you ran into that night--anything other than that gives the impression to him that you are still ruminating on him/it. I think if you are really honest with yourself you will realize that's exactly why you are having this internal debate about wishing him a Merry Christmas. It will look and be needy, which will just start the whole cycle all over again most likely. take the space you need for real. Good luck
anna121 Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 Do not send a text wishing him Merry Christmas. Being "friendly" does NOT mean you need to be "friends" with him. Your friend cannot demand that of you. All you DO need to do is be civil when you see him. Treat him like a distant acquaintance. Smile and nod. If your friend questions you about him, just brush it off. "Everything's cool. Don't give it another thought."
Erik30 Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 Don't text him a Merry Christmas. Or only do it if he texts you first. (Which he probably won't)
Blanco Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 Whether it's Christmas or Columbus Day or Secretary's Day, there's no need to use a holiday as an excuse to contact a former lover. 1
Zippy2000 Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 Why on earth do you want to send him a Merry christmas when you told him to leave you alone for your own sanity. Have you though if you text him and he starts bombing your phone with messages youll be back to square one. I beleive in my opinion you miss the attention. Leave this alone or youll open up another can of worms. Also consider what Katiegirl mentioned above. Think about what happens if he doesnt respond to your text. Remember you did tell him toi leave you alone and what kind of message this will send. You dont own him anything.
Bom Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 "Dreaded Merry Christmas Text" Not so dreaded thought is it? You're making excuses to contact him. No matter what you say or how you go around it chances are he will see it as an opportunity for you to try be with him again. 1
FancyFace Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 Can we also include "Happy New Year", "Happy Valentines Day" and "Happy Birthday". No need to send any variation of the above to a recent or even an old ex. NC means exactly that.
jen1447 Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 The way I'm reading this, he was the one who faded on you, avoided you at the party, and generally went belly up on the vibes he was sending you initially. That means that in reality here, he's the one who dislikes you, not vice versa. If that's the case, then a Christmas text will indeed be a dreaded "oh no" moment for him, when it's obvs he wants no contact from you. You seem to be wanting and trying to manufacture an outcome here but the fact is you already have one - he's avoiding you and doesn't want friendship. You have no choice but to live w/that, so that means awkward encounters at future get-togethers are sth you'll have to live with, not pretend your way around. Nothing more needed at those than a cordial "hello" or even just total avoidance.
mightycpa Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 I'm going to part with the crowd on this one. If I understand correctly, he's avoiding you because you asked him to. You're going to continue to bump into him at events, and so I guess at some point, purposeful avoidance is worse than just being able to be cordial. Also, whatever hurt you felt is now gone, and you're not going back for Round 2. Is that about right? Under those circumstances, I'd send a text something like this: I just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate you giving me the time and space I needed to feel better. I'm over it now, so you don't have to avoid me anymore. I'd be happy to say hello, but I'll understand if you don't. I'll follow your lead next time I see you around. Friends?But no bull**** "Merry Christmas" text.
Recommended Posts