sufigirl Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Okay, I posted a couple weeks ago, and have been surfing the forum since.......lots of info.........a few things I even saved to reread to remind myself........ But things can change so quickly.......the other night, he said he is really pushing things at home seeing me as much as he is, and asked me if I thought he should tell her he was seeing someone, and if he should say it is me. I said I don't know, and said she probably knows, and she probably knows its me......... Why do they act like they want to get caught? I think he is, he takes outrageous chances to be with me, go places with me ( and we live in a small town) I don't know if its just because he can't decide, and hopes to force a confrontation, or what.............. I told him that I would want to be with him all the time - he thought up until then that I wanted my own space I guess; because that is valuable to me,and because initially before he went back to his wife, I couldnt commit that much. Now I'm almost a bit scared he will tell her. Part of me would be happy - I would so love to have an open relationship with him, and not have to hide it as much. Part of me would be scared, for sure This isn't a very logical post, I am just confused. I don't know what I want, and I don't understand what he is doing.
seagirl Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Of this guy gets caught them he doesn't have to make any sort of decision, the decision is made for him. He sounds like a game player to me and I feel sorry for you and his wife.
kkat Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Sufigirl, I understand how you feel. I don't know your history, but I have gone through the feelings you are having. Consider that when we are involved with MM we are, subconsiously or consciously, involved with someone who is unavailable. Some of us are drawn to that (again maybe not consciously) because it therefore doesn't require us to commit fully or have true intimacy. And therefore, as much as we feel rejected, angry, etc. by the aspect that we are not the priority in the MM's life from many perspectives, when that boat is rocked by him exposing the affair, leaving the wife, etc. - all of a sudden - oops - he might now be available. And that's scary. In my history with my ex-MM, he absolutely rolled the dice to get caught, and in our first relationship, ultimately exposed our relationship to his wife, family and friends, children, etc. soon after he left home so that he could live with me openly. But before he left and exposed the relationship (and then again 2 years ago when he initiated the relationship again) he absolutely did stupid, careless things that could have led him to be discovered. Absolutely. I think that many men are cowards - they are unhappy in their marriages and want out - but they don't have the backbone to address the issues honestly with their wives. Instead, look - if they get caught in an affair - poof - they don't have to address it. Very passive aggressive but happens frequently I think. Watch out for this guy you are with. Look into your future realistically, even with a tinge of optimism. What do you see coming of this? Is it what you want and deserve?
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