How long till you give up?

[LooperDooper]

This weekend I was at my parents' house, I live alone but still depend financially from them (currently a student). My parents aren't old (just under 60) but for some reason we were talking about life and they happened to mention what they would like to see before their time came, if it came prematurely. I have an older sister who has settled in life, in independent, married, own house and has given birth to a beautiful girl last year.

 

My sister asked my mom what she would love to see before she passed away, and she said seeing me get married so she knows I'm in good company for the rest of my life. I'm not going to lie, the comment went deep inside of me.

 

I am currently single and have been for 11 months. I have not had even one prospect in that time, I did take a good 3-4 months to recover and chose to be as single and as far away from girls as possible. I am 25, not young, not old, but the thought of being alone does tend to creep in every so often. My problem is I don't find anybody attractive anymore, I don't feel like trying to find a date when I don't have much hope in it working, etc.

 

I can tell you I am a very good catch, I just want the one woman who will be there for me for the rest of my life when I need motivation, when I need cheering up and to celebrate my achievements with. Physically I'm average, not a model, not hideous looking. I have a huge heart which has been broken a couple of times and I've become "numb" or seem to care less about what people think or trying to leave a good impression, which makes me come off as either narcissist or anti-social. I'm not easy to be with for these reasons, but I know what I want in my future relationship and I know when it comes I can be the best boyfriend out there.

 

I guess I need a pick-up. I mean I don't mind being alone as long as my next relationship is meaningful, supportive and actually worth the time and love I invest. But it does hurt to maybe know I might not find somebody for me.

[brandon26003]

25 isn't old at all. I'm 35 and feel in the same way that you do. I've had my heart broken more time that I can count. I know the right one will come along at some point, but refuse to sit back and not try, even though I've had numerous failed attempts. I ask myself, "What am I doing wrong?" "Why do I always seem to attract the wrong type of women?" I am an only child and wonder if I'll ever bless my mother with grandchildren.

 

The thing that you can't do is accept defeat. Don't change who you are or act any differently when you are around women.

 

Also, it's very possible that you are depressed and not over your previous relationship. You not finding women attractive is a bit worrisome which indicates depression. I'm divorced, and the hardest break-up I've ever had was a 4 month relationship that I had. It was hard because I had so much hope for the relationship. It ended and I was a mess. It took me 6 months to recover.

 

I would recommend counseling to get to the root of your depression. You have to fix yourself first.

 

Best wishes. I'll keep you in my prayers.

[ashy555]

25 is still young. Trust me I know how you feel. I am also 25 with two siblings who are both married with children. I date men but have never been in anything serious. My heart has been bruised more times than I can even count. I can't even imagine what it would feel like to have your heart broken. The pressure from your parents doesn't help either. You just have to live your life for you and the right person will one day hopefully walk in. Your mum just wants you to be set up for life and happy(not alone). Its a hard situation to be in but you still have age on your side.

[JustGettingBy]

Your parents are still young enough that anything happening to them is slim. You have plenty of time. If you're a student, you're taking steps towards getting a career. Your mistake seems to be "I need something now", which is frankly not true. Focus on progressing in other aspects of life. If you're already a good catch, doing that will make you a spectacular catch when you're 28.

[LooperDooper]

Your parents are still young enough that anything happening to them is slim. You have plenty of time. If you're a student, you're taking steps towards getting a career. Your mistake seems to be "I need something now", which is frankly not true. Focus on progressing in other aspects of life. If you're already a good catch, doing that will make you a spectacular catch when you're 28.

 

You might be right, I mean I consider myself a good catch because if I do meet somebody I won't be playing around with their feelings and I'm very serious when I get into a relationship (no cheating, no lies, etc.). But I think you might be right, maybe I'm just anxious as to my future and would love to have it resolved now without really needing to. Part of the reason I haven't dated is because my schooling is very time consuming and the few times I am free I use to study and/or sleep and hang out.

 

Also, side note, while I may not be 100% happy with my life right now I don't consider myself depressed. I have felt it before a few years ago but right now I'm very content with my life, just busy enough to not seek out women. Mind you I have had flings, but I don't enjoy them so I prefer something serious.

[smackie9]

You are numb and not interested because you are still healing. I feel your family has seen your grief from your loss, and just want to see you happily in a relationship again. You are not ready you are not ready so what....you will get out of your slump and be ready to meet someone new. We never know when love will find us, you just need to know it will happen.

[brandon26003]

I seem to approach dating the same way that you do. I am chivalrous, show women respect, and treat them the way that women "say" they want treated. I am your typical nice guy. The problem is, and it sounds cliche, is that nice guys do finish last. We are boring and don't present a challenge to women.