duckycat Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 Hi Guys, My ex and I were in a relationship for 9 years and 1.5 years out of that 9 is a long distance relationship. I have been giving him been asking him for 1.5 years what is his plans and when he is coming back but never gave me a timeline. If he had plans I couldn't agree with it and asked him to find an alternative but he never could find one. I told him to decide once and for all where I stand. Around November he could not decide if he wants me in his life or not. After trying to convince him for about a week i got frustrated and a friend made me realize he might he be having a quarter life crisis and begged him to seek help but he refused and called it off. I have been waiting 9 years and he cant even accommodate a request for help at even as a last request. I think I am better off with out him since I have always been doing the giving on Major stuff, he couldn't even compromise and even used my faults to not love me fully and get out of the relationship. Anyway this brings me to this point, I found out that he is going to be dating through him when I tried talking to him and I was wondering if it is that easy to get over a 9 year relationship? My friend said it is a rebound but not sure. Ever since that day I implemented a no contact rule and cut off all contact. He did something similar before but before it was just a break and he went on a date. The difference this time he we broke up and he said he wants to be friends but I refused as I don't want to be an option and proceeded with the no contact. Any advice. I am not here to get him back. I just wanted to figure out what is going on his head.
Amelie1980 Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 Normally I would say no it isnt easy. But you have been long cfor 1.5 years. During which time he was non-committal about future plans. It sounds as though in the time you were long distance he had space from you, checked out during that time and so it may not be so hard to get over now. He's already used to you not being there for 1.5 years.
Author duckycat Posted December 18, 2015 Author Posted December 18, 2015 I forgot above that he did commit to me and we were engaged until I called it off. It was really hard to know what to do when the person changes minds year after year. I think he was just immature and self-centered that now I ask for something he could not do it.
basil67 Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 I'd say he checked out of the relationship when he moved away and neglected to tell you. 1
Author duckycat Posted December 18, 2015 Author Posted December 18, 2015 I do understand. He is insensitive. I just hope he understands how difficult he is. No other woman will deal with all the headache he gave me. I set a very high bar I don't think it can easily be replaced. Knowing him he would give the next lady a hard time too.
marky00 Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 I was 9 years.... and I can tell you that its not always about the distance. We had a a couple of breakups along the way... but the third that killed the deal was because she meet someone else. I would bet my house that your Ex met someone else. People don't walk away from a 9 yr relationship so easy unless they met someone else. Its just that simple.
Author duckycat Posted December 18, 2015 Author Posted December 18, 2015 (edited) I think he was lured by all the women there that were single. He told me 20 women were looking for his attention. I think it is the grass greener on the other side. But knowing him if none of those ladies are close to as warm and accepting I was with him he might come crawling back. He also said he did not date before the time he told me he will be dating two of them and choose. I think his ego got the better of him. I don't know this women but if the are any decent they will love him fully. If they are not they might use him to get to North America. Edited December 18, 2015 by duckycat
marky00 Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 (edited) If you feel like he has moved on way fast and seems very unresponsive... he as met someone else.... i'm sure of it. A 9 yr LTR... if no1 else was in the picture.... the break would feel different. Like you would sense he wants out but you also sense if u pushed the right buttons, you may get a reconciliation. 99.9 % sure he met someone significant. That's the only thing that explains his behaviour. By saying he wants to date other people, it covers up the fact he has already met someone. Edited December 18, 2015 by marky00
Author duckycat Posted December 18, 2015 Author Posted December 18, 2015 He told me he will be dating 2 ladies. He did respond to me in the beginning but lost it when I heard that. He told me he wants to be friends but I think he is just putting me on the back burn if those ladies do not work. I refused to be a friend. I cut off all contact with him. Last I talk to him he was angry. So i am not sure if that was me just bugging him that day or just what his emotions are really. I don't want him back but just trying to make sense of it all.
erklat Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 There is no such thing as a break, break = breakup. It's easy enough to get over ltr because he checked out months prior. NC means also no indirect communicatio through friends.
Author duckycat Posted December 18, 2015 Author Posted December 18, 2015 Yeah I stopped all that. I am not bothering him now. Thanks guys. I think he really did check out that long ago.
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