Freshasadaisy89 Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 I'm a 26 year old female who is interested in a childhood friend. I've been crushing on him hard for as long as I can remember! He was my first kiss. It was quite obvious (or at least I thought so) that I liked him growing up. However, he was always so hard to read. Our mothers were close friends, so we spent quite a bit of time together growing up. Nothing really happened between the two of us and eventually we just stopped talking altogether (life got in the way). A few years back, I receive a message from him on Facebook. Since then, we've been staying in touch.. Nothing constant but every so many months he would call me just to talk and occasionally send a text my way. I didn't think much of it. Over the past year, our phone calls and text messages have increased, from every couple of months to pretty much weekly now.. He's usually the one initiating contact. We have talked on the phone for hours a few times. It seems like he really enjoys talking to me. He lives a little over 30 minutes away from me, has family that lives close by and surprised me with a visit over the summer. When we talk he is always talking about wanting to see me, even said he missed me. He broke his leg a couple of weeks ago and has been cooped up in his house. I recently made a trip over to see him and we spent time together. We cuddled, which was nice. He was very sweet and affectionate. He was hugging me, kissing my cheek and forehead, playing with my hair, noticing the scars on my face and asking about them. He kept telling me he didn't want me to leave. After I left, I didn't hear anything from him the rest of the day, I wanted to give him his space and figured he would talk to me when he was ready. He texted me the next day, it was a short conversation and we didn't talk the rest of the day. Then he sent me a "good morning" text yesterday, had another short text conversation. A few hours later I decided to call him, left him a voicemail and he called back about an hour or so later. He said he had a headache, that he needed to use the restroom and would call me back, he didn't call back. Ever since I came over that day, he has been a little distant. Sorry if this post is a little long but I'm having a difficult time figuring out how he feels. He's been very hot and cold with me, showing me interest for a few days and then disappearing for days. I have been giving him his space, letting him come to me but I feel I might be scaring him away? Maybe? I do have some feelings for this guy and just need to know if this is his way of playing games with me and he's stringing me along? Is he really interested or did he just want to get in my pants? What is this guy thinking?
Standard-Fare Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 It sounds like you've been very conscious about giving him his space and not being clingy, so why do you fear that you're "scaring him away"? It sounds like he just doesn't know what he wants. You'll have to figure out if that's in a good way (i.e. he's confused and excited in the same way you are), or in a more indifferent way. I'd keep on doing exactly what you're doing (showing clear interest, but in a cautious and reserved way) and see if he raises his game.
Author Freshasadaisy89 Posted December 18, 2015 Author Posted December 18, 2015 (edited) I'll add that he is aware that I have feelings for him. I admitted that to him months ago, he didn't give me a response at the time. I told him that I felt it was necessary that he knew and there would be no hard feelings if the feelings weren't mutual. We continued about our business and remained in touch. When we talk, he doesn't shy away from flirting. He also says things that make me question whether he's trying to tell me something or he's just being friendly. While I was over visiting him and we were cuddling he said something along the lines of, "I already know that I feel some type of way about you." Initially, I assumed it was a good thing.. but thinking about it now, I'm not exactly sure what he meant by that. It does sound like maybe he is confused. Later I mentioned that he didn't respond when I initially told him how I felt and he said, "I didn't know what to say" and something like he wasn't expecting it. Edited December 18, 2015 by Freshasadaisy89
Standard-Fare Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 I'll add that he is aware that I have feelings for him. I admitted that to him months ago, he didn't give me a response at the time. I told him that I felt it was necessary that he knew and there would be no hard feelings if the feelings weren't mutual. We continued about our business and remained in touch. When we talk, he doesn't shy away from flirting. He also says things that make me question whether he's trying to tell me something or he's just being friendly. While I was over visiting him and we were cuddling he said something along the lines of, "I already know that I feel some type of way about you." Initially, I assumed it was a good thing.. but thinking about it now, I'm not exactly sure what he meant by that. It does sound like maybe he is confused. Later I mentioned that he didn't respond when I initially told him how I felt and he said, "I didn't know what to say" and something like he wasn't expecting it. Oh, that does change things a little. I think you need to keep your cool about this, hang back a little. The ball is in his court to put in more effort and show you more clear signs that he's interested. It's really come time for him to make a move, or ask you out on an official "date," or tell you he has feelings for you. And if he doesn't do those things, I'm afraid you'll have you answer.
preraph Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 Well, I would say he likes you but he also likes other girls and isn't looking to just pair up with you. Fact remains he hasn't asked you on a real date, at least by what you wrote. If I were you, I wouldn't concentrate on him because it doesn't sound like he's ready for a real girlfriend -- or if he is, it's not you because he hasn't asked you out or been reliable. So if I were you, I'd just date and be social with other people and do interesting things to make myself more interesting and like a desirable social companion, and over time, maybe he will start to think that way as well. Don't just sit stuck in the mud over this guy and waste precious years. It is what it is: He is nice when you're around him or talk to him, but he's not going to any trouble to escalate the relationship or demonstrate his interest by being responsive all the time. So that's where he is.
privategal Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 He is taking it slow and may have fond feelings but not strong...maybe processing if he wants to progress or stay friends. How did the cuddling come about? His move? Yours? Why no real kiss? He doesn't sound like he's playing games...just sounds like he isn't really super serious. Keep patience and don't make him the center of your world.
Author Freshasadaisy89 Posted December 21, 2015 Author Posted December 21, 2015 The cuddling was initiated by him and there was kissing involved. I've been keeping myself busy with things that I enjoy doing. He sent me another 'good morning' text today but I didn't see it until a couple of hours later. I texted him back and didn't get a response.
Author Freshasadaisy89 Posted December 22, 2015 Author Posted December 22, 2015 Well, he tried to call me yesterday and again I was busy. I called him back, left a voicemail and did not hear back from him. He texted me this morning saying that he was sorry for not getting back with me, that his cousin came to pick him up and without a wifi connection he can't call or text on his phone. Then he asked me what I was doing. I responded as soon as I saw the text, which was about a half hour later and I haven't heard from him since. What in the world? Why would he keep initiating contact with me if he has no intention on continuing a conversation? I am starting to think he's stringing me along and keeping his options open. If that's the case, then I'm out. It'd be different if I was initiating contact and not getting a reply, but the past several times it has been him calling/texting me and then blowing me off. Not to mention, he hasn't even brought up anything about wanting to see me again. I guess he wasn't as interested as I thought. Oh well, what can you do, right? lol
Standard-Fare Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 I do think people overanalyze texts way too much. It could be that he's just not the best communicator, not much of a texter, doesn't keep up with it as regularly as you'd like. But he's at least showing some kind of interest in catching up with you. Like you said, he initiated. I'm guessing most people would advise you to continue to hang back and see what type of further actions he takes, if any. But I have to admit that if I was in your shoes, I'd probably be tempted to pull the trigger and be like, "Hey, what are you up to [whatever day/weekend]? Wanna get together?" - like propose a concrete plan and see if/how he responds. Because a negative response, or a zero response, or bullsh*t excuses to avoid it, would pretty much seal the deal and confirm that no, he's not going to be putting in efforts to pursue anything serious with you. You seem to need that type of confirmation and closure, which I understand. If you can pull something like this off in a casual way that doesn't read as needy or demanding or stressful, it might be worth a try.
Tayla Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 yes, ask a fellow with a leg injury to pick up the pace!! ( exit sarcasm) Op, what would you tell your best friend if they came to you with this scenario? Is this chap shy? Or more cautionary in misleading someone? Sometimes its true that we read into "text" or presume things. Remain cordial and when his leg heals, then suggest a casual meeting. ( not cuddling). Be adults and find a public interest event... a movie? A concert? a sporting event?. Best to you, you seem rational and caring.
Author Freshasadaisy89 Posted December 23, 2015 Author Posted December 23, 2015 I went ahead and sent him a text this morning telling him to have a good day and he called me a few minutes after I sent it. He asked me what I was getting into today and we caught up a bit. Then he asked me if I was coming to see him tomorrow on Christmas Eve, I said, "I'm going to go with probably not." We both laughed. Then I mentioned how our communication has been hit and miss for the past week and he said, "I know, I've just been so busy and distracted, don't think I'm ignoring you." and I told him things happen, that I understood. I told him that I've been making sure to text him back when I get a moment and contacting him, just so he knows that I'm thinking about him. He said, "That's good." I'm going to give him some more time to show more interest. I feel like I've been doing pretty good at giving him his space and I'm hoping he will come around. The fact that he keeps contacting me shows that he may have some interest in me. Or maybe he is just being friendly? Who knows!
Author Freshasadaisy89 Posted December 23, 2015 Author Posted December 23, 2015 yes, ask a fellow with a leg injury to pick up the pace!! ( exit sarcasm) Op, what would you tell your best friend if they came to you with this scenario? Is this chap shy? Or more cautionary in misleading someone? Sometimes its true that we read into "text" or presume things. Remain cordial and when his leg heals, then suggest a casual meeting. ( not cuddling). Be adults and find a public interest event... a movie? A concert? a sporting event?. Best to you, you seem rational and caring. Thank you! It's not that he's shy, he's actually very social! It just appears to me that he may be more careful with his feelings. Generally, he's very hard to read even when we are speaking through the phone. Seeing him face to face, he was like a completely different guy! He seemed like he was really into me and now it feels like he has backed off a ton. I would assume if he lost interest, he would not be contacting me. So, I'm just going to go at whatever pace he is comfortable with and go from there!
preraph Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 Don't wait for him. Date around. He's more likely to act if you look busy and social. He's lukewarm.
GalWithNiceGuyFriend Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 I'll add that he is aware that I have feelings for him. I admitted that to him months ago, he didn't give me a response at the time. I told him that I felt it was necessary that he knew and there would be no hard feelings if the feelings weren't mutual. We continued about our business and remained in touch. When we talk, he doesn't shy away from flirting. He also says things that make me question whether he's trying to tell me something or he's just being friendly. While I was over visiting him and we were cuddling he said something along the lines of, "I already know that I feel some type of way about you.". I think he likes you but is careful or maybe eyeing someone else? I am only saying he's eyeing someone else because of my latest experience with a male friend. I have been told almost all of the things you have been told, except we have never kissed. I have rubbed his back when he is upset and he has put his arms around my shoulder when I am upset. We have looked into each other's eyes without saying much. I have been told things like 'I care too much to see you get hurt' (by someone else). I have been to his house and random comments about 'you can always crash here if you want to' have been uttered when showing me a spare room. And I have been shown a broken collar borne (also known as unbuttoned his shirt from top to bottom...I literally melted but kept my cool . That's pretty much it for us I have been confused as hell but yours is less confusing. The guy may just like you back. Lucky girl you are. Give it a bit of time.
Author Freshasadaisy89 Posted December 28, 2015 Author Posted December 28, 2015 I think he likes you but is careful or maybe eyeing someone else? I am only saying he's eyeing someone else because of my latest experience with a male friend. I have been told almost all of the things you have been told, except we have never kissed. I have rubbed his back when he is upset and he has put his arms around my shoulder when I am upset. We have looked into each other's eyes without saying much. I have been told things like 'I care too much to see you get hurt' (by someone else). I have been to his house and random comments about 'you can always crash here if you want to' have been uttered when showing me a spare room. And I have been shown a broken collar borne (also known as unbuttoned his shirt from top to bottom...I literally melted but kept my cool . That's pretty much it for us I have been confused as hell but yours is less confusing. The guy may just like you back. Lucky girl you are. Give it a bit of time. The whole situation has been very confusing. I think in my certain situation, it's best to just keep my guy friend at a safe distance right now. He once again sent me another good morning text yesterday and wished me a happy holidays. I feel like he MIGHT be interested, he MIGHT like me but there is definitely something going on that he isn't telling me. It would be nice if he would just be honest with me. Until he really shows that he's interested in pursuing anything further, I'm going to continue treating him in a friendly manner. I'm just going to do my own thing and learn from this experience. 1
Standard-Fare Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 The whole situation has been very confusing. I think in my certain situation, it's best to just keep my guy friend at a safe distance right now. He once again sent me another good morning text yesterday and wished me a happy holidays. I feel like he MIGHT be interested, he MIGHT like me but there is definitely something going on that he isn't telling me. It would be nice if he would just be honest with me. Until he really shows that he's interested in pursuing anything further, I'm going to continue treating him in a friendly manner. I'm just going to do my own thing and learn from this experience. That's exactly the right approach. I'm sorry you're in such a confusing gray zone with this guy, I hope he makes things more clear soon. If this continues into a long-term cycle where he's stringing you along, hopefully you'll be able to recognize the moment where you need to step aside and give up. (Meaning -- stop engaging with him even on this "friendly" basis, because your feelings are involved and you can't pretend otherwise.)
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