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My Uber driver wants a date


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Posted (edited)

Hey gang,

 

So I've not actively been pursuing dates or dating since my ex and I broke up in September. Recently I said I wasn't ready to go looking for it (doing OLD, for instance), but that I'd be open to going on a date if someone interesting came along.

 

Well, Tuesday evening I was taking an Uber across town to my friend's place—she was going to take me to the airport early Wednesday morning.

 

I take Uber very often, by the way, because I don't have a car, and I'm used to making small talk with drivers.

 

Anyway, the ride was what they call an "Uber pool," like a rideshare, so for the first portion of the trip there was another passenger in the car. She sat in the front seat and was talking to the driver about cars and financing, 'cos he also does that for work. I was in the backseat sort of half-listening, texting friends, whatever. The other passenger got dropped off first, and towards the end of her trip, our driver said something about having seen his ex-wife recently and that she has thyroid cancer.

 

Once the other passenger left, I asked him more about his ex wife 'cos it seemed like something he wanted to talk about, and the conversation just went on from there, got a bit personal, I told him about my ex, etc. By the end of the trip, he said that he'd like to take me out on a date, to "get a couple of drinks," when I got back from Oregon (where I am now for Xmas). He gave me his card and asked me to text him.

 

So that's where we are now. I have not texted him yet and am wondering if I'm going to. I love a good "meet cute" story, and was quite tickled when he said he'd like to take me out. However, the more I think about it the more nervous I get to actually make contact.

 

My problem is that I'm having trouble discerning between "back in the saddle" jitters and a legitimate "gut feeling."

 

There are no "red flags," per se. What I know about him is that: He's 45-years old, divorced for about a year to a woman who has thyroid cancer (FTR, I'm 35 and never been married); he's Jordanian, but his citizenship is Austrian (he grew up there); he lives in Fullerton (which is in Orange County and very far from me) and in addition to driving Uber, he sells/finances cars. He said that he could very easily go to Jordan to find a wife, but he claims to want a modern romance with a woman who is a more equal partner, knows American culture, works, etc.

 

I don't find anything objectionable about any of that, per se, I just don't know if we share enough in common (age, lifestyle, distance) for there to be much of a foundation for anything. I also think I'm a bit apprehensive about possible cultural differences—not because he's Middle Eastern, but my ex is Indian and those differences did make our relationship harder in some part and I don't know if I want to do that again so soon.

 

The only "pink flag" would be that he seemed a bit pushy. Not with me, but when the other passenger asked about his car and how much it was and how she and her husband were thinking of getting a new one, right away, the driver was like, "you should buy it from me, I sell cars, etc etc," like really hustling. I always feel a bit on edge around someone trying to make a hard sell like that because I feel like sometimes they can be a bit disrespectful of boundaries, and I wonder (even though he was respectful towards me) how that might translate in a dating situation.

 

However, there's another part of me though that's like, "just text him and go out with him; it's just a date, it's just a couple of drinks and if you don't like it you don't have to see him again." I thought he was interesting and easy to talk and handsome, but again, ugh, I don't know. Part of me just wants to get the dating ball rolling again, but I feel ambivalent about this guy.

 

Thoughts, anyone?

Edited by losangelena
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Posted

Sounds like a typical car salesman to me! Whats one date going to hurt? ;)

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Posted
Sounds like a typical car salesman to me! Whats one date going to hurt? ;)

 

 

Haha, right?!

 

I don't know! I just feel nervous to reach out to him. My "what if" brain kicks in—What if he doesn't stop texting me? What if he doesn't take no for an answer? Etc. All unfounded, perhaps, but yet those thoughts are there.

Posted

I don't know, I was excited to see the title of the thread but the attitudes toward women in the middle east are so porous that I can't reccommend any woman date a middle eastern guy. Especially one who is already showing signs of having poor boundaries right off the bat. I know he grew up in Austria but I have a hard time believing some of that culture didn't rub off on him.

 

Yes to putting yourself back out there, no to this guy.

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Posted

Haha.. This story hits a bit close to home b/c my GF and I just had a BAD Uber experience recently. The guy could barely speak English, and couldn't drive to save his life. We were actually wondering if we'd make it to our destination in one piece. Makes you wonder about their hiring policies..

 

But in the end, it all depends on you LA.

 

1) Are you ready to date after your ex?

2) Are you attracted enough to where you'd want more than one date if it went well?

 

If it's yes to both, what's the harm? If anything, you should probably be flattered because it's not like he asks out every single female passenger. There was something about you personally he liked.

Posted

Always go w/your intuition. If you're not sure quite what it's telling you, sleep on it and make a point of thinking of it fresh first thing in the morning and making a decision right then based on what pops into your head. Usually a thumbs up/down feeling is easy enough to pinpoint then. :)

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Posted
If anything, you should probably be flattered because it's not like he asks out every single female passenger. There was something about you personally he liked.

 

See, that's the attitude I don't want to go in with. I don't want to give him a date just because he asked me. Should I be flattered by getting asked out by my Uber driver? I actually don't know how often he asks his passengers out; this may be nothing new for him. He did say he thought I was nice to talk to and that he was drawn to it, but that is feedback that I get very often. I'm a good listener, and I find that men are often drawn to that initially.

 

Anyway, thanks for chiming in, as always!! :bunny:

Posted
See, that's the attitude I don't want to go in with. I don't want to give him a date just because he asked me. Should I be flattered by getting asked out by my Uber driver? I actually don't know how often he asks his passengers out; this may be nothing new for him. He did say he thought I was nice to talk to and that he was drawn to it, but that is feedback that I get very often. I'm a good listener, and I find that men are often drawn to that initially.

 

Anyway, thanks for chiming in, as always!! :bunny:

 

I meant it more in terms of his interest level in you. I agree that shouldn't be your motivation for going out with him. As I said, you should ask yourself more if you're attracted enough to want more than one date potentially and if you're ready after your ex. Those are a few factors that should make you decide whether to reach out. The fact that he asked you out over other women in his orbit is simply a compliment.

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Posted
My "what if" brain kicks in—What if he doesn't stop texting me? What if he doesn't take no for an answer? Etc. All unfounded, perhaps, but yet those thoughts are there.

 

I don't know your backstory but dating is a joyous occasion that is supposed to create excitement within you. If your brain still defaults to negative 'what if' scenarios I'd take that as a sign that you aren't ready to date.

Posted

Since he gave you his number, and it sounds like you find him somewhat interesting (otherwise you wouldn't even be considering it), why not text him when you get back?

 

I say this not be insulting, but as a single woman in the market for a man, at what point do you accept a date?

 

Maybe I'm wrong, but I suspect a lot of women get cold feet about being the first to text a guy. If that's the case, toss that thinking out the window. If this leads to a relationship, no one will remember or care who texted first.

Posted

Not necessarily, I'm among these people that have always had the "what if" though, regardless of the person.

 

LA, I think it is:

1) a good occasion to build memories (even if the date is bad)

2) an occasion in which you have nothing to lose (give him only your phone, and block him if he gets annoying)

 

Also, you're not signing a contract to start a relationship or get married, so I think too deep thoughts about cultural differences etc are not relevant (yet).

 

The best part: after a date with him, you'd probably feel more ready to date, him or others. It's time to put your ex in the past, where he belongs.

 

I don't know your backstory but dating is a joyous occasion that is supposed to create excitement within you. If your brain still defaults to negative 'what if' scenarios I'd take that as a sign that you aren't ready to date.
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Posted
I don't know your backstory but dating is a joyous occasion that is supposed to create excitement within you. If your brain still defaults to negative 'what if' scenarios I'd take that as a sign that you aren't ready to date.

 

Mmm ... I don't quite agree with this, either. I am not someone for whom many things are "joyous," lol. I don't think it's such a bad thing to ask questions or pay attention to a gut feeling. I'm naturally a bit skeptical of someone at the beginning, but that doesn't mean excitement won't manifest later.

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Posted
The best part: after a date with him, you'd probably feel more ready to date, him or others. It's time to put your ex in the past, where he belongs.

 

I agree with your post and I especially agree with this. I am sort of dread to get back out there, but I know it would probably be good for me to grit my teeth through the discomfort while I reacclimatize. Still feel ambivalent about whether this is the one to do it with.

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Posted
I actually don't know how often he asks his passengers out; this may be nothing new for him.

 

I didn't want to discourage you but I was thinking this too, kinda like bartenders. If he drives ppl around all day he'll have plenty of opportunity to practice his game on attractive women.

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Posted
I didn't want to discourage you but I was thinking this too, kinda like bartenders. If he drives ppl around all day he'll have plenty of opportunity to practice his game on attractive women.

 

Oh yeah. I think yes there was a little bit of a connection but I'm not under the impression that I'm some kind of novelty to him. During our convo, before he asked me out, he was not shy about saying he wanted to get married again and wanted kids, and how he started driving for Uber because he was bored staying at home by himself. He was lamenting the fact that he was 45 and felt "behind" in the marriage/family department. He said he found it easy to meet women to take out, but much harder to find one he wanted to marry.

 

To me, it definitely sounds like he's on the hunt for wife #2.

Posted

Yeah, it is kind of like interviewing - the first one is scary, after that it gets almost routine.

 

Also you sound like a person who warm up to dates a bit slower than usual, so the discomfort is inevitable.

 

I'm similar - when my BF first asked me for my phone I didn't give it to him:D Contemplated about a week to delete my OLD profile because he and others continued asking me out... Then before our 1st date I was so nervous that I arrived earlier and hid in a nearby bookstore in case he's early too (I needed my time to get ready for the "torture" haha). Shockingly he kissed me in the middle of the date and .. This was over 9 months ago ;)

 

So I'd say go for it! Even if just for "training" purposes, like building conversational skills, confidence etc.. Keep us posted how it goes!

 

Oh, and just one tip: try to keep it short (e.g. lunch break, book an event to go afterwards)- so if you don't like it, you'd have a legit excuse to leave.

 

I agree with your post and I especially agree with this. I am sort of dread to get back out there, but I know it would probably be good for me to grit my teeth through the discomfort while I reacclimatize. Still feel ambivalent about whether this is the one to do it with.
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Posted

Los Angelina,

 

I drive for Uber myself on weekends in New England

 

That being said, I sure as hell don't ask anyone out on dates. I could but I don't. No way...I just would not do it. More often than not on weekends I am driving drunk guys back and forth between the bars and Stripjoints. Strippers use Uber alot after work to get home. Most guys would think that would be an easy mark. I don't even think about it.

 

Again it would be easy to ask one of them out but I don't crap where I eat. Just not worth it. I drive to make some extra money, not make overtures on a captive audience.

 

Just remember he already has your contact information, and , including, if he ever dropped you off at your residence, where you live.

 

Of course it is a great racket if he can get away with it. Some drivers use it to Network with potential employers doing airport runs, which is understandable. Some other expose themselves to riders of which i know of more than one Uber driver that has pulled that on a female before.

 

Just make sure if you do accept a date to be very careful. Not all of us are as Customer friendly as I am. lol

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Posted
Los Angelina,

 

I drive for Uber myself on weekends in New England

 

That being said, I sure as hell don't ask anyone out on dates. I could but I don't. No way...I just would not do it. More often than not on weekends I am driving drunk guys back and forth between the bars and Stripjoints. Strippers use Uber alot after work to get home. Most guys would think that would be an easy mark. I don't even think about it.

 

Again it would be easy to ask one of them out but I don't crap where I eat. Just not worth it. I drive to make some extra money, not make overtures on a captive audience.

 

Just remember he already has your contact information, and , including, if he ever dropped you off at your residence, where you live.

 

Of course it is a great racket if he can get away with it. Some drivers use it to Network with potential employers doing airport runs, which is understandable. Some other expose themselves to riders of which i know of more than one Uber driver that has pulled that on a female before.

 

Just make sure if you do accept a date to be very careful. Not all of us are as Customer friendly as I am. lol

 

He definitely seemed like a networker, that's for sure.

 

I don't have a car, so I uber very, very often, sometimes up to twice a day, and I've never been asked out before, either.

 

I ordered the pick up from my house, so yeah he already knows where I live, which is a fact that's swimming around in the back of my mind. As in, if things don't go well, will this become a problem? I can't just sort of recede into privacy.

 

Thanks for your perspective!

Posted
To me, it definitely sounds like he's on the hunt for wife #2.

 

That's optimistic! He's on the hunt for a date. The lonely and looking for a wife spiel is his hard sell, just like buy a car and finance with me. He's a hustler.

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Posted
That's optimistic! He's on the hunt for a date. The lonely and looking for a wife spiel is his hard sell, just like buy a car and finance with me. He's a hustler.

 

Haha, yes, I realize. It's quite obvious!

 

Hence, my question—to go on a date with or not.

Posted

Personally, I wouldn't. He knows where you live and doesn't have the best boundaries.

 

But everyone is different. You'll have to decide for yourself.

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Posted

Generally it is not a problem as Uber drivers are vetted differently in each state. But you never know.

 

Something Uber riders should always keep in mind however is that just like Riders rate us, we also rate riders. Some drivers get very hung up on it because although the whole Tip thing is a bone of contention among drivers, some drivers will hold that against a rider if they don't offer. Some drivers are just jerks like that and what happens if a rider rubs them the wrong way or if they don't offer a tip they will give a rider a poor rating and then the downside is it is sent out to all the drivers in the area so some people will be less inclined to pick up a rider that someone else has a problem with. So again, if you accept a date with this guy be forewarned that if the date does not go well he may be inclined to rate you low on an arbitrary basis and it will affect future pickups, just because some drivers are jerks.

  • Author
Posted
Generally it is not a problem as Uber drivers are vetted differently in each state. But you never know.

 

Something Uber riders should always keep in mind however is that just like Riders rate us, we also rate riders. Some drivers get very hung up on it because although the whole Tip thing is a bone of contention among drivers, some drivers will hold that against a rider if they don't offer. Some drivers are just jerks like that and what happens if a rider rubs them the wrong way or if they don't offer a tip they will give a rider a poor rating and then the downside is it is sent out to all the drivers in the area so some people will be less inclined to pick up a rider that someone else has a problem with. So again, if you accept a date with this guy be forewarned that if the date does not go well he may be inclined to rate you low on an arbitrary basis and it will affect future pickups, just because some drivers are jerks.

 

Can you retroactively change a rating? He rated me five stars while were talking, I saw him do it (I have been told by other drivers that I have a high rating; I feel like I've ridden so often that one bad star rating will not tank my average too much).

 

Also, I never tip an Uber driver. I didn't realize drivers were expecting them.

 

You are a fount of Uber knowledge, thanks!

Posted

What about a mid-ground solution? Why don't you get in touch and see how that goes? If you feel more sure of it after that, then go. I like no_go's advice that it will just get you back into things, even if he doesn't specifically pan out. It's just a date--so go have fun, have some practice. It will be a story at the very least. I don't think you have much to lose and a lot to gain.

 

And of course you get high uber ratings! you are losangelena. A lot of us here in the virtual world, see your charm every day. It's not unbelievable that he rated you 5 stars. And definitely not unbelievable that he asked you out. :)

 

congratulations, even if you don't act on it, it's good to get asked and that can be first mini-step back into the game if you want to break it down into smaller steps. But it's all in a positive direction. Yay

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Posted

Hey LA .... look at this way. Even if you're not all that into him right now... or don't quite trust his motives or whatevs.... it seems like you enjoyed chatting and felt comfy enough to open up about a few things, so based on that, it might be a good way to get your feet wet after a LTR and you get to have a night out hopefully doing something fun.

 

I personally would not worry he knows where you live, do you live in a secure building, does he know your unit number, does he even know your last name?

 

Plus any guy you date is gonna know your address after a few dates anyway unless you plan to meet him everywhere until you're exclusive or in a RL.

 

Not to mention, if he tries any "funny business" you could report him to Uber and he could lose his job.... so I highly doubt he's gonna go psycho on you or anything.

 

So based on all that.... I say go and have a blast. You just never know.... :)

 

Keep us posted!

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